December 12, 2009: The Return of The Weird Food Purchase of the Day, Stefan Checks In, and The Yuutai.

Let’s kick things off with a brand new Weird Food Purchase of the Day video installment…

That wasn’t so bad.  In retrospect, I also should’ve picked up that bottle of Aloe Vera juice.

Hey, I heard from my Tokyo travel buddy Stefan today.  He dropped me an email in which he related his late-night visit to an Izakaya.  Apparently, he had a wonderful meal, had way too much too drink, then caught a cab home – but the driver had no idea where he was going despite being given a map to a nearby hotel.  After driving around for who-knows-how long, the driver simply gave up and asked Stefan to get out.  And so, in a drunken stupor, in the pouring rain, with no idea where the hell he was, Stefan searched for home.  It took him two hours.  Along the way, I’m sure he must have grabbed many a stranger to ask for directions.  What does it say about me that, despite the evening’s nightmarish epilogue, I was actually jealous that I wasn’t there with him?

Hey, can a non-resident own property in Japan – like, say, a modest apartment?  maggiemayday, you’re the resident expert on Japanese culture, property law, and bodypainting.  What say you?  What I was thinking might be cool is that if 1000 of us chipped in $100 each, we could probably get a nice place that we could time share.  Everyone would get approximately a third of a day during the year.  Thoughts?

More progress on the script, albeit of the slow and painful variety.  Hit the 15 page mark today which means that, this weekend, I will no doubt fall well short of the 50ish pages needed for a full script.   Still, 25 pages five days off an exhausting trip to Asia would be pretty impressive.

Hey, remember when I used to do that thing where I’d take excerpts from your various comments and respond to them?  Whatchamacallit?  The yuutai, ne?  Okay, let’s do that…

Maggiemayday writes: “That was the beauty of a couple hours “rest” at a Love Hotel, no one had illusions what you were doing.”

Answer: Damn.  I missed out on the Love Hotels.  Perhaps they’re someplace to consider for my next trip.  How’s the concierge service?

Thornyrose writes: “You forgot the laundry service availabe, so that when you come back you also have the ol’ whitey tighties folded along with the appropriate suit for the evening dinner.”

Answer: And it was all delivered via the valet box (dumbwaiter) in the other room.  I suspect that if I’d wanted to spend all two weeks in my hotel room without setting eyes on a living soul, I could’ve done it.

Thornyrose also writes: “So, when do we start talking Stargate again?”

Answer: Whenever you want.  What’s on your mind?

Gina writes: “Were the doggies glad to see you or were they angry that you left them for so long?”

Answer: They seemed genuinely thrilled to have me back – but, then again, they’ve been brought as very polite dogs.

Fsmn36 writes: “You, as a regular guest, looking like a business man? Not at all noteworthy.”

Answer: I’m the nice, polite Westerner who always says hi to everyone and gets ice wine and macarons for the concierge staff.  It’s just as bad as being the church guy.

ZeroPointBatteries writes: “Any idea when we will find out about season two for sure, and while we are on that note when is the break over for this season?”

Answer: Not sure when we’ll receive the official pick-up.  Sometime before we start production on season two hopefully.  The writers head back into the office in early January, spin, prep, then we all go our separate ways for two weeks in February when the Olympics shut down the city.  After that, we’re back and it’s full steam ahead!

dasndanger writes: “Instead, this time Mr. Das decided to put a brand-spankin’ new blade in his utility knife…”

Answer: Hope he’s okay.  This is why I always get Exec. Producers’ Asisstant Ashleigh to cut up my lunch for me.

g.o.d. writes: “Hi Joe. Is there any chance we might see those aliens from “Space” before march? A picture, or a promo”

Answer: I’m not sure.  I would certainly hope so.  And, given past promos, I imagine we will.

Garion55 writes: “So I saw the latest ratings of SGU. Not good bud. Almost half the audience from the high is gone.”

Answer: I’d hold off in presuming “half the audience form the high is gone”.  In fact, prior to the mid-season finale, +7 time-shifted numbers have us holding almost our entire audience from the premiere – which is unheard of.  In fact, SGU made the list of The Top Ten Time-Shifted Prime Time TV Shows in 2009, coming in at the #5 spot (tying Tru Blood) and picking up, on average, a whopping 46.9% uptick in viewership.

DP writes: “I’m volunteering to coordinate US protest caravans heading to Michigan to protest the Peter Watts beating. Email to:

Answer: Scary stuff.

Wade writes: “I tripped upon your blog when reading some of those negative comments on some boards that concerened your rant.”

Answer: Welcome aboard, Wade.  Just send us your blog reader membership dues and we’ll be on our way…

January 4, 2009: A Guest Blogger Announcement and the Most Horrific Weird Food Purchase of the Day Yet!

Allow me to start off today’s entry with some exciting news – before, of course, seguing right back into the tedious offerings that typify this blog. Executive Producer/Writer/Co-Creator Robert Cooper has agreed to come by an field your questions about his piece de resistance, his chef d’oeuvre, his hors d’oeuvre and Atlantis swansong: Vegas. Yep, gather up all your queries regarding alternate universe theory and nippleless wraith and start posting because, very soon, ALL WILL BE REVEALED!

Well, after eleven straight days of sleeping on my mother’s guest bed and waking up with a sore back every morning, I’m finally back home, sleeping in my own bed, and waking up with an entirely different sort of sore back. I’m not exactly sure what the problem is. Yes, on the one hand it could be the fact that with four dogs on the bed, I’m relegated to a tiny sliver at the edge of the mattress. On the other hand, it could be the fact that, as predicted by that adorable Hong Kong masseuse with the Vulcan nerve pinch finesse, my many years of latent stress have finally caught up with me. On the other (third) hand, the hypochondriac in me imagines the worst (“One second he’s complaining about back pain and the next, he’s keeling over into his kielbasa!”). Okay, granted, it’s been two months of gastronomic excess and general idleness, but all that is about to change. Starting today, I am on the program! I’m working out, eating right and, craziest of all, will attempt to go an entire two weeks without sugar. “Impossible!”you say? Well, believe it or not, I did it once before. For two whole weeks, I went without. And was an emotionless automaton for the better part of that time, devoid of both the exhilarating highs or devastating lows that mark my daily existence. I was serene. And very, very dull. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Today, besides working out and eating right, I watched some playoff football, shoveled snow/ice, worked on my SGU script, and had a conversation with Paul about the new look writing department. With regard to the latter – bittersweet developments abound. More on this in the coming days.

As per her request, today’s entry is dedicated to my sister Andria who derived made these past few weird food purchases possible.

Check out today’s Weird Food Purchase of the Day video after the mailbag. This one still gives me nightmares.


DebraDownSth writes: “Joe, is your sister paying you back for some terrible brotherly pranks?”

Answer: Actually, we used to prank each other all the time growing up. Just recently, my sister was gloating about the time she hurried home after school, hid her shoes, then hid herself in an upstairs closet. I arrived home, oblivious, strolled upstairs – at which point she jumped out of hiding and scared the living crap out of me!

Specter177 writes: “This alternate reality was not one that we had seen before, correct?”

Answer: That is correct.

Sylvia writes: “Just out of curiosity, who was laughing almost cackling in the background of your WFPOD? Guessing one voice was Andrias and perhaps Fondy? Others?”

Answer: Just Andria and her friends. I think that when we started setting up, Fondy simply rolled her eyes and headed upstairs.

DasNDanger writes: “Joe, you must be great fun at parties! “Hey, Mallozzi’s here! Grab the deep fried clams with chocolate mint cocktail sauce and a video camera, quick!”

Answer: Ewww. Mint.

Wraith Cake writes: “BTW did you know that you too were once female. Yes Joe, you were once female…a long, long time ago. All feotuses are female for the first nine weeks of life–hence male boobage.”

Answer: How the hell did you find out – Oh. Uh, yeah. Feotus.

Mary writes: “Do you intend to use the travelers in Atlantis movie or the new series?”

Answer: Nope, no plans to.

NZNeep writes: “Drunk Mallozzis! What fun! Does that not drinking thing apply over the holidays too?”

Answer: Not drinking? You misunderstand. My New Year’s resolution is to drink more!

NZNeep also writes: “Oh, I just thought of a question… are Stargate scripts in American english, or do you leave the u’s in place and skip the z’s? Or does each writer write what they are used to?”

Answer: Depends on the writer.

Thornyrose writes: “Did you help Lawren dig out his car, or did you simply send Max with him, with a small keg of brandy attached to Max’s collar?”

Answer: Lawren eventually dug his car out and ended up parking it on one of the clear streets – three blocks over.

2cats writes: “1) Was this McKay the same as Alt-Mckay in McKay & Mrs, Miller? There is some chatter in the ether about this.”

Answer: Not sure why there would be. There was never any indication that, out of the myriad alternate universes out there, we landed in that particular one especially since this version of Rodney was nothing like Rod.

Josie writes: “I think another poster wondered if you could persuade Rob Cooper to do a Vegas Q&A, I know he’s a busy man, especially with SGU prep in full swing, and its a long shot but there’s no harm in asking right Joe?”

Answer: As it turns out, no. This time!