Dis would have been a great movie if it had been half an hour shorter. And made a lick of sense. Monster can imagine script notes session went someting like dis: Producer: Dis skript full of plot holes and not make much sense. Writer: Dats okay. Me fix it. Producer: By applying logic so it…
September 23, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Black Scorpion!
Boy, dere be nothing worse den doing someting really embarrassing like slipping on a banana peel and falling down a flight of stairs or making a really shitty movie. Fortunately, dere be convenient way to cover such faux-pas. Just adopt ye old "Me meant to do dat!" excuse. Ie - Rosita burn down Mr. Hooper's…
September 16, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Crow!
Full disklosure: Monster not a fan of mimes. It be a phobia me have (like heights, tight places, and Celine Dion) dat go all de way back to monster's childhood. Me often try to figure out why dis be, and always come up wit tree possible reasons: 1. Mimes be second-cousins of clowns who, everyone…
September 9, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Guyver!
Movie begin wit an opening scroll, just like Star Wars. Unlike Star Wars, however, opening scroll accompanied by voice-over because Guyver fans either illiterate or too damn lazy to read. As far as info dumps go, dis be as big a dump as a movie can take. We learn dat dere be creatures living among…
September 2, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Toxic Avenger!
Dis movie about as subtle as Grover at a stripper convention. It take a potentially funny premise, den beat it into de ground wit de most obvious and heavy-handed execution possible. It as if makers of dis film assume audience be so stoopid dey need to make absolutely certain dere be no doubt dis supposed…
August 26, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Dr. Strange (1978)!
Dr. Strange? More like Dr. Creep! Apparently, dis guy not familiar wit de Hypocritical Oath, but he all sorts of familiar wit "doctor-patient confidentiality"...if you know what me mean. No? Well, let monster put it dis way. When he around de ladies at work, he like Cookie Monster at a bake sale. Or Grover at…
August 12, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Despicable Me 2!
Original Despicable Me a fine movie. Fine like 7-11 wine, Dane Cook, or de Minnesota Vikings in dat none be particularly memorable but all deliver in perfektly adequate fashion. So, when sekwel, Despicable Me 2, released, monster torn. On de one hand, me not really tink first movie dat remarkable, find going to movies too…
June 17, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Chronicle!
When is a found footage film not a found footage film? When de makers mysteriously bail on de concept two turds of de way thru de movie. Chronicle has distinktion of being de first (mostly) found footage superhero movie. And dat about all dat make it distinkt. It otherwise pretty standard fare. Our protagonist, Andrew,…
June 10, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Captain America: The First Avenger!
No offense to Captain America but, technically, wasn't Thor de "First Avenger"? Dis de first qwestion dat cross monster's mind, followed by "Dis entire movie a period piece?" and "Did me forget to buy cake mix for Grover's potluck supper next Toosday?". Monster sit down to watch Captain America wit an open mind and, while…
June 3, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Vs: All Superheroes Must Die!
Dis less a movie den it be a student film project gone terribly wrong. Poor akting, lame dialogue, weak direktion, and cheap produktion values be de least of it's problems. No, biggest issue monster have wit Superheroes Must Die be it's unforgivable stoopidity and fakt dat it make about as much sense as Lost in…
May 13, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Thor!
Dis movie slower den Snuffleupagus backing up. It take longer to get going den Grover de morning after Furries Night at Ye Olde Sesame Street Pub. Movie begin in 965 AD when Odin, King of Asgard, defeat army of Frost Giants and save de nine realms (Earth, Middle Earth, Lower Earth, Ringworld, Narnia, Neverland, Westeros,…
May 6, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Megamind!
If you loved The Incredibles, den you won't mind Megamind! It like a diet version of de former - great-looking and still enjoyable, but wit half de charm, humor, and clever plotting. It won't fill you up wit needless terrifik memories. Movie get off to fantastik start wit opening sekwence/parody of Superman movie. Little alien…
April 29, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Green Hornet!
Do you have low expektations? Are you annoyed by tings like logic and quality? Are you a cretin? If you answered yes to any of dese questions, den you may enjoy The Green Hornet. Movie open on Russian gangster who visit club owned by rival. There, he make rival an offer he can't refuse. Rival…
April 22, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Super!
Dis movie remind monster of Christmas family dinner. It sound like a good idea and everybody expekt a good time but, instead, it end up being sad, depressing, and somebody always get hit in de head wit a big wrench. Movie begin wit lovable loser who happily married to woman way out of his league.…
April 15, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Iron Man 2!
Monster like to rate sekwels on what me call de Sliding Celebrity Sibling Scale. It start at Clint Howard and go all de way up to Mark Wahlberg. Given how much me enjoy first Iron Man, me expect Iron Man 2 to be a real Stephen Baldwin. But it surpass monster's expektations and, initially, me…