TA posterDis movie about as subtle as Grover at a stripper convention.  It take a potentially funny premise, den beat it into de ground wit de most obvious and heavy-handed execution possible.  It as if makers of dis film assume audience be so stoopid dey need to make absolutely certain dere be no doubt dis supposed to be a parody.  Norbit be a nuanced masterpiece in comparison.


Movie open wit PSA on dangers of toxic waste dumping.  We cut to Tromaville, toxic waste dumping capital of de U.S., where a nerd janitor, Melvin work at a health club.  “Nerd” actually be too kind.  He be a borderline brain dead Urkle.

Melvin get picked on by bunch of health club members who humiliate him, den chase him thru a window.  Melvin end up landing in vat of toxic waste, get horribly disfigured and run home.

Dis be monster’s reaction when he realize dere still half hour left in dis movie.  Noooooo!

Once home, he transform – from idiot nerd to big brawny mutant. From dis point, movie just a collection of extended fight sekwences where new-look Melvin beat on thugs, most of who have basic knowledge of kung fu.  Along de way, Melvin reskue and fall in love wit a blind girl who move in wit him at toxic dump.  Me know, me know.  It sound sort of funny.  But trust monster.  It not.

You know I’m bad, I’m bad, you know it!

Movie obviously made at a time when bar for comedy set super low. How low?  Well, “hilarious highlights” include: racism, gore, attempted rape, shooting of seeing eye dog, gun pointed at baby, and innocent young boy getting head crushed by a car.

Incognito lover’s stroll

Dey sure not make dem like dey used to.  And dat because dey used to make dem real crap.

Verdikt: It have all de makings of a movie so bad it be good, but dis turkey so bad it aktually BE bad.

Rating: 1 chocolate chippee cookie.

10 thoughts on “September 2, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Toxic Avenger!

  1. The Toxic Avenger is regarded as a cult classic so I was keen to see it. This is a prime example of why you shouldn’t join cults!

    As you said, Cookie, there’s potential in a plot about a nerdy weakling who mutates into a muscle bound monster and uses his new found strength to fight for justice. Kinda like a superhero themed Beauty And The Beast. But this movie eschews any of that nuance and opts for graphic violence, stupid jokes and really, REALLY, REALLY bad acting.

    Don’t get me wrong. I’m an aficionado of bad acting. I’ve seen Manos: The Hands Of Fate and I regard Peter Jackson’s Bad Taste as one of my favourite movies and that’s got some awful acting. But The Toxic Avenger truly contains the worst acting I’ve ever seen.

    As for the gore, I’m also quite inured to that. Another Jackson movie, Braindead a.k.a. Dead Alive is probably the goriest movie ever made and I just lap it up (so to speak). But at least the gore in Braindead was funny and creative. The gore in The Toxic Avenger was exploitative and generally unnecessary.

    And bad jokes? Well, this was the decade that gave us Porky’s, Revenge Of The Nerds and the Police Academy series so I can’t really fault The Toxic Avenger on that account.

    I’m glad I can cross The Toxic Avenger off my list of movies to see before I die. I’m also glad I never have to watch it again!

    1. I love Jackson’s early stuff, especially Bad Taste that I remember seeing at a film festival years back!

  2. Dang. (Or maybe not.) I never got a chance to screen this one before this evening in time for Cookie’s review. Now, I still kind of want to, but I guess I won’t feel too bad if I’ve missed what sounds like a dreadful mess. If I can scrape up a copy somewhere (Netflix Canada doesn’t seem to have it) then I may still watch (a bit of) it.

    Some step-mom news – after a stressful yesterday, things were better today. She was quite coherent, but still very weak. Still, an improvement. Also, the doctor broke the news to her today about having to move to a nursing care facility, which she actually took quite well. She seems very accepting of it.

    Anyway, sorry for the missing review on my part, Cookie! I know misery loves company, so I’ll see what I can do.

  3. Wow! Glad I was too busy moving to watch this! I think I’ll go watch Castle reruns now…


  4. San Francisco needs your help.
    Some wish to name our new bridge after our former, but still living, Mayor Willie Brown. With all respects to Da Mayor, the bridge should be renamed after the nut job who came up with the idea of a bridge in the 1800s- Emperor Norton I (wiki him- the kind of San Francisco wacky we are proud of). Should any of your readers wish to lend a digital hand-
    Much appreciated.

  5. Aw, how dissapointing, but I think that mop on the poster was a bad omen. Does Coffy count as a superheroine? Or Foxy Brown? Pam was heroic in them, and her costumes were pretty out there.

    Night of The Comet could be a good supermovie for Cookie, it’s one of my faves.

    Oh, did we already do Machete Kills? I’m waiting for it to come out on DVD.

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