Thor - posterDis movie slower den Snuffleupagus backing up.  It take longer to get going den Grover de morning after Furries Night at Ye Olde Sesame Street Pub.

Movie begin in 965 AD when Odin, King of Asgard, defeat army of Frost Giants and save de nine realms (Earth, Middle Earth, Lower Earth, Ringworld, Narnia, Neverland, Westeros, Oz, and De Mushroom Kingdom).  A truce be called but, years later, it broken by de Frost Giants who try to steal de source of deir power – let’s call it de frost box.  Dis not sit very well wit our dreamy hero, Thor, son of Odin, who enlist help of his fellow Norse Gods – de most un-Scandinavian looking bunch since de Muppet Show pit band, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem.


Thor and co. visit Frost Giants and kick ass.  Odin show up, reprimand Thor, and punish him by banishing him to Earth.

Odin have a temper.  And a golden eye patch.

On Earth, Thor, stripped of his godly powers but still holding onto his heavenly good looks, get reskued by team of scientists in New Mexico. Scientists not sure what to do wit him.  He a real fish out of water, claiming be a god, and seem downright crazy.  On de other hand, his abs be pretty spektacular – so scientists decide to let him hang around.

Meanwhile, it turn out Thor’s hammer, Mjolnir, banished to New Mexico too.  It get diskovered by locals, den government agents, but no one able to pick it up.  Thor hear about it, sneak in, try to pick it up – but can’t. He captured but eskape and develop fast-track romance with sexy scientist over course of one maudlin night-time conversation.

Meanwhile, we diskover dat Thor’s brother, Loki, behind all de Frost Giant trouble.


It turn out he helping de Frost Giants because he really a Frost Giant baby adopted by Odin after de war.  But why, you may ask, he not look anyting like a Frost giant?  Shut de F up, me may answer.

Meanwhile, Thor’s buddies travel to Earth to get him back.  But Loki find out and send de Destroyer, a automated Asgard sekurity system, after dem to kill Thor.  Great aktion sekwence ensue.  Thor’s buddies getting deir asses kicked.  Thor offer to sacrifice himself for his friends. Dis prove he be worthy and Mjolnir fly to him.  Finally, he be Thor again and fun can start!  Halfway through de movie 🙁

Hammer Time!
Hammer Time!

Thor defeat Destroyer.  He and his buddies return to Asgard to stop Loki from leading Frost Giants against Odin –

BUT it turn out Loki set up entire scenario to defeat Frost Giants once and for all and prove himself to Odin.  Turns out he just be misunderstood.  Awwwwwwww.

Thor destroys de rainbow bridge, cutting off Asgard from Earth and puppy heaven.  Loki allow himself to fall into dark abyss after his feelings hurt by Odin.

Back on Earth, pretty scientist pining away for Thor and his abs. Meanwhile, it revealed that Loki be still alive!  Dun-dun-DAAAAAH!

Verdikt: Great once it finally get going – halfway thru de movie.

Rating: 6.5 chocolate chippee cookies.

20 thoughts on “May 13, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Thor!

  1. I remember really disliking this movie. Mostly cuz of the slowness and the “I just don’t care about any of these characters”-ness, but also because there was something fundamentally wrong, logically, but now I can’t remember what that was. Probably I blocked it out as too traumatic to live through again.

    I think it had something to do with the Frost Giant scheme. If it was that easy to break in and steal the power thingy, why, once they got it, did they need Loki’s help anymore? Why not just go raid Odin’s kingdom and start busting heads immediately?

    And why did the stupid rainbow bridge exist in the first place? If you need a guy there to guard it all the time, to prevent Asgardians (Asgarders?) from going down to Earth and mucking about, then why have the bridge at all? It’s just an invitation to disaster (as shown by the events of this movie). And it wound up getting destroyed in the end anyway, so obviously it wasn’t essential to anything important. It just made no sense.

    And the cheezeball romance was just as ridiculous. Dude’s a raving lunatic, and scientist lady falls in love with him? Whatever.

  2. Great Rainbow Bridge/Puppy Heaven reference!

    They’ll have to rebuild the bridge or it’ll make the Thor comics from the past 40 some years pointless …not that Marvel’s movies have ever taken it upon themselves to make things from their comics pointless by completely re-writing them (ie- Mandarin in IM3).

    The Mushroom Kingdom?? I hear that place is full of fun guys!

  3. 😳Ha 🍪cookie🍪 needs to 💖LOVE💖 👽Sci-fi/Fantacy!👸 I totally disagree.😬

    TEN cookies! 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

  4. Thor destroys de rainbow bridge, cutting off Asgard from Earth and puppy heaven???? Jerk! His cute just wore off!

  5. You should review anime sometime Joe, perhaps every now and then you do 2 entries? One for an anime review, the next for your normal stuff?

    Haven’t a clue how many other people here watch anime, I know there was one or two. What’s her name, sorry I forgot who you were, we spoke on the comments area before lol

  6. Hmm… I just realied that this movie is the opposite of Captain America in that movie all the interesting stuff happens before he becomes Cap, and then it becomes slow and tedious once he starts hunting down Cliche Skull.

    To me this movie is a lot like X-Men 1. There’s nothing too bad about it (other than the super-speedy romance), but it’s a little slow and is really just there to set the board. The Thor/Loki stuff in The Avengers is far better. Hopefully the next Thor movie will be to Thor what X-Men 2 was to X-Men.

  7. Although I don’t know if I could say that I disliked the movie, it left me rather cold. One thing that I just couldn’t buy was Thor’s change of heart from an utterly arrogant douchebag to a gallant, pure of heart defender of Earth. There was nothing that seemed to happen to bring about such a major transition. So, he goes drinking with a guy one night and decides he has a liking for the hot scientist and that does it? It does not follow.

    Speaking of the hot scientist, I didn’t really buy the development of their relationship, either. Her attraction to him seems based on his dreamy eyes and his admittedly you-can-grate-cheese-on-them abs, and his attraction to her is based on… well, you get the picture.

    Other annoyances:

    Thor’s and Loki’s Dad says, “Only one of you may ascend to the throne, but both of you are born to be kings.” What a way to set up a sibling rivalry there, Dad! That some pretty bad parenting right there.

    Why does everyone in Asgaard have a vaguely British accent?

    When looking for Thor at the hospital, the scientist and her crew just HAPPENED to back into him at the hospital and knock him out? How convenient.

    Why does every bad guy have to wind up giving a big speech (the Frost Giant king, or whatever he was) which utlimately gives the good guys time to actually stop him? Such a cliche.

    Anyway, just like that other movie… Iron Man 2 was it? It just seems like a big lead in for “The Avengers” rather than a movie to itself.

    I’d give it five, at best.

  8. I’m with cherluvya on this one: I loved it at least 9 cookies worth! I think you (and Cookie) lack the proper genetic makeup to truly appreciate the nuances of this movie. I found the characters engaging, thought the pace was just fine and bought into the plot. I confess that I did not watch it again (busy seeing Iron Man 3 for Mother’s Day), so I can’t give you an actual review. But I saw it once on the big screen and a couple of times on DVD, so I stand by my cookies, Cookie.

  9. I think your Loki from Stargate was far superior than this weirdo. Much better use of the mythology as well. But then, it would be hard for others to match what Stargate achieved, in my mind anyway.

  10. I think you gave it a few too many cookies there, Cookie Monster! Also, you forgot to mention the one good part of the entire movie – Agent Coulson. 😉

  11. While watching the behind-the-scenes featurettes on the Blu-Ray the director was talking about casting. They wanted someone to play the role of the scientist that would be believable as an astrophysicist. And they chose Natalie Portman. Natalie Portman!

    It was a bold move by the movie’s producers to give the director’s chair to Kenneth Branagh. He wouldn’t be my first choice to direct a huge superhero blockbuster movie. But, actually, he does a pretty decent job.

    The Asgard scenes in the first 30 minutes of the movie were frustrating because I wanted the movie to get back to Earth but I understand that the Asgardian politics needed to be explained. I can’t think of any other way it could have been done apart from even more annoying flashbacks.

    Chris Hemsworth as Thor was great. And he’s Australian! He got his start in the Australian soap Home And Away and I think he showed great range in some of his scenes. He’s not just on-screen beefcake.

    Tom Hiddleston as Loki was also quite good as the jealous, power hungry brother.

    Thor is an enjoyable movie. It doesn’t stretch the limits of storytelling but if you switch your brain off for a couple of hours and let it wash over you it’s surprisingly fun.

  12. Cookie Monster, you are too generous with the cookies. This movie was a disappointment to me on all levels. As a woman, I do not find any of the Helmsworth brothers to be dreamy looking. Of course I don’t think Dr. McDreamy is either. As you pointed out, the movie plods along at a pace that would lose a race against a snail. As for Loki, at least he looks villianous. My biggest complaint? Where the heck was Balder the Brave?

  13. I had low expectations for Thor after all the terrible supermovies that had come out that year (Green this, Green that) so I liked it more than I thought I would but I agree, six cookies but the not the freshbaked ones, more like the dry prepacked Keebler kind.

  14. I found this movie confusing in may ways. The rainbow bridge, the silly romance thing (chick falling for sorry faux super hero who turned out to be the hero), and the Asgard. I though they were little grey bodies with big eyes about this tall. I remember seeing it on a long flight so I was falling in and out of sleep. Some of the story line was like the putting the finger in the story line dike, e.g. Loki being adopted.

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