C - posterWhen is a found footage film not a found footage film?  When de makers mysteriously bail on de concept two turds of de way thru de movie.  Chronicle has distinktion of being de first (mostly) found footage superhero movie.  And dat about all dat make it distinkt.  It otherwise pretty standard fare.

Hey, it be like Peter Parker x 3!

Our protagonist, Andrew, be a high school nerd.  His mother dying, his dad abusive, he bullied at school.  It a miserable life for him – but very entertaining for everyone else so he decide to start filming it.  He bring his camera everywhere, inkluding to a party he go to wit his cousin and jock friend.  After leaving party, trio find weird hole in de ground, investigate, and diskover strange glowy crystal holding squiggly black ting.  Having never watched a horror or science fiction movie in deir lives, dey trow caution to de wind and decide to touch it.  Crystal changes color and dey get nose bleeds!

Weeks later, dey are showing off deir new teliknetik powers, moving objects wit deir minds.  It all fun and games until someone gets hurt…

Someone gets hurt.

Andrew uses his power to trow tailgating truck into lake.  Others tink dis is NOT cool and, after swimming into water and rescuing driver (instead of just using deir telikentic power to pull him out), dey agree to not hurt other people.

I believe I can fly.  I believe I can touch de sky.  I believe I can make others die.

Dey also teach demselves to fly and go hang out in de clouds – until dey almost get run over by a plane (Mighty crowded up dere!).

Wit great power come great irresponsibility

Dey celebrate by going to house party where Andrew trow up on girl. He humiliated and, next day at skool, he perform instrument-free dental surgery on bully who be picking on him.

Upset, Andrew fly away so he can be alone and film himself crying.  But jock manage to find him – me not exaktly sure how.  Mebbe he go to his favorite special place in de sky?  Jock try to cheer him up.  Andrew tank him by killing him wit lightning blast (Oh, yeah, he also apparently have lightning blast power).

Andrew start tinking he all special and superior, like Grover’s cousin ShaLaunda dat time she got her nails done.  He put on fireman suit and rob bullies and gas station to get money for medicine for his dying mother.

It be at dis point in movie where direktor decide “Fudge it!” and drop de found footage look.  But den seem to want to hedge his bets and inklude unnecessary security cam footage as well.  And, finally, seem to realize he being inconsistent so he go back to found footage look for movie’s ending dat involve Andrew vs. cousins vs a lot of parked cars in high-flying aktion.

Stay down!  Don’t move!

For some reason, despite all de damage and havok dey cause, police not at all inclined to shoot de boys.  Every time dey toss around police cars and policemen, cops just keep yelling: “Stay down!  Down move!” And, of course, dey move and trow around more cars and cops, and fall down some more and de cops yell: “Stay down!  Don’t move!”

Dis process is repeated until cousin get as tired of dis movie as we do and simply impale Andrew wit a handy spear from a nearby statue.

Movie end wit cousin filming himself addressing Andrew as he arrive in Tibet.  Why?  Does he believe Andrew also have de superpower to watch movies from beyond de grave?

Verdikt: Dere come a point in every found footage movie where audience wonder “Seriously!  Why de hell dey filming dis?”.  It seem dat, late in film, direktor arrive at same conklusion and deeply regret de whole “found footage” ting.

Rating: 3 chocolate chippee cookies.

21 thoughts on “June 17, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Chronicle!

  1. Joe,
    Finally i got a hold of Dark Matter rebirth volume one……I sent my 3 Dark Matter comic issue’s to Shirt NTie….in Tippirary….

  2. @ gforce – I had to 😆 @ your Bubba comment. See…several years back Mr. Das took to calling ME Bubba. 😕 I finally broke him of the habit, but needless to say, I still answer to it. 😛


  3. Totally agree, cookie. This movie is yet another example of what could’ve been an interesting concept gone terribly wrong. When the movie started out, it looked like the movie would be about a teenager who in terrible personal circumstances suddenly comes to have incredible supernatural powers, how that would affect his circumstances, and his ongoing “chronicle” of those events. Instead, two thirds through the movie it was like they just said “screw it, we need more action”, and everything including the found footage premise fell by the wayside.

    The first thing I thought too, when the truck went into the water, was why didn’t they use their telekinetic powers to save him? Dumbasses.

    I particularly found the parts where at the party his cousin is talking to the girl and the camera setups switch from handheld to standard “over” shots, as well as the sudden jumping around of camera sources very jarring. Examples like that show how the found footage premise completely unraveled.

    Anyway, bleh. Good idea, horribly executed. I really do need a keyboard macro for that.

    In other news , I’m here in Inuvik! It’s almost 9pm, and it’s still almost as bright out as it was mid this afternoon. Freaky!

  4. I kind of like Chronicle. I liked it as a study of how high school boys would react to suddenly having superpowers rather than a typical superhero movie. I guess I wasn’t as bothered by the mixed filming style. Actually I was kind of relieved at the mix of found footage and normal film, since I find unrelieved found footage really hard to watch.

    Also, I didn’t think Andrew purposely struck the other kid with lightning, I got the impression that his emotionally distress made the storm worse and the lightning was just part of the storm and the jock was struck by accident.

    I agree that the police were sort of inept and ineffectual – but I thought they were trying to shoot them down and just weren’t able to manage it with the cars and buildings falling all over them.

    I’d give it 5 cookies.

    I hope all is going well, Joe!

  5. Sounds like Cookie had the rating right from the start…“When de makers mysteriously bail on de concept two turds…” Two turds, three chocolate chippee cookies, what’s the difference? (I’m not volunteering to do a taste test and find out.) 😉

    “Andrew uses his power to trow tailgating truck into lake.” Where can I get me one of those glowy crystals?

    Joe how’s it going? You got us a Dark Matter series yet?

  6. I have to agree with Cookie Monster on this movie… it wasn’t very good.

    Plus, I’m not a fan of “found footage” movies, The Blair Witch Project included.

  7. I forgot to mention that there was one “found footage” movie that I actually liked. It is called “Cloverfield” (2008). I thought it was well done.

  8. “someone gets hurt”. Awesome! =)

    I think this movie…or better…the premise had a lot of potential. I wasn’t totally displeased with Chronicle, but was not totally happy with it either.

    Enjoy yourself some L.A., and good luck out there.

  9. Urgh! Shakycam! Do not like!

    As has been said above . . . interesting premise ruined by the decision to film as “found footage.” But I hear all the cool kids are doing it these days.

    This movie actually did pretty well at the box office. That’s interesting because I’d never heard of it! It certainly didn’t get any publicity over here in the UK. They’re even talking about a sequel!

    Considering its $12 million budget the special effects were pretty decent. A little bit of dodgy compositing but the final fight through the city was done very well.

    I don’t think this is a bad movie per se. I just object to having to take seasickness pills before I start watching it!

    The Avengers next week! I guess I should go out and buy the Blu-Ray even though I’ve been holding off because the UK release doesn’t have the Joss Wheedon commentary on it!

  10. I saw Chronicle in the theaters. After the movie was over I felt like I had somehow watched a prequel. I felt as if the point of the film never really came out.
    As for the jock find the kid in the sky I thought it was because they could sense each others presence. Well that is what I remember, it’s been a while.


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