Who knows what evil lurk in de hearts of men? De Shadow knows! How he know? Search monster. Me having hard enough time trying to make sense of dis movie. De Shadow remind monster of De Rocketeer. Both great-looking period movies with terrifik costumes and set dezign. But while Rocketeer skript flat and simple ,…
May 21, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Blankman!
Calling dis movie "a comedy" be like calling orange soda "juice". Blankman aktually offer less den 5% of de daily rekommended serving of laffs. It start promising enuf, den go downhill faster den a carob birtday cake delivery truck wit no brakes. Or a movie written by a ten year old - which me suspekt…
May 15, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Meteor Man!
Meteor Man written and directed by Robert Townsend. To be honest, me prefer his Chinatown. Still, monster surprized me not hate dis movie. Sure, it all sortz of stoopid and itz hero as interesting as a deli sandwitch named after David Caruso, but it not all bad. Only mostly bad. After opening theme muzik dat…
May 12, 2012: 2 Acts down, 14 to go! And why not join our Supermovie of the Week Club?
The miniseries I'm presently writing has required a fair amount of research. Over the past few weeks, my online investigations have covered cyber-terrorism, computer worms and viruses, online anonymity, the NSA (National Security Agency), the FBI, Missile Defense Systems, nuclear power schematics, and the White House administration. In short, every google search sure to set…
May 7, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Batman Returns!
Batman Returns remind monster of solid gold eggz Big Bird get by mail order. Nice to look at but empty and when send complaint, company stop taking your callz and it all end wit director filing restraning order against you. Dis movie also like Grover at prom nite. All style, no substance, some pleather, and…
May 1, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Rocketeer!
Zzzzzz. Snort. Hunh? Me awake! Sorry. Monster up all night trying to finish Rocketeer for todayz review. Movie is trowback to old cereals from de 30's and 40's your grandpa used to love. Of course dis be same guy who can watch construction AAAALL AFTERNOON so dat not saying much. At times, Rocketeer capture dat…
April 23, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Captain America (1990)!
From direktor of Kickboxer 4: De Aggressor and Nemesis III: Prey Harder and producer of Breakin' 2: Elektrik Boogaloo and Super IV: Quest for Peace (uh oh) come Captain America, de greatest American hero since Superman. Oh, and de Greatest American Hero. Movie start in pre-WWII Italy. Mussolini interrupt boy's piano lesson. Boy forced to…
April 16, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Darkman!
In his most understated performance since role of Rob Roy in movie me can't remember name of, Liam Neeson play part of brilliant doctor who invent sintetic skin (lucky :)) but not having much success perfekting formula (unlucky :() but have beautiful girlfriend (lucky :)) who about to blow whistle on her crooked boss (unlucky…
April 9, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
Hoo boy. Take one good idea wit promise, sell out and make it for kiddiez to cash in on merchandizing potenshul, den make movie about it but don't bother paying for decent script. Just trow together any old lazy ideas, some lame jokes and dubbing, and voila - you have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a…
April 2, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Punisher (1989)!
Monster really looking forward to not seeing dis movie. So looking forward, in fakt, dat me make planz to visit Wildwood New Jerzey for jellyfish mating seazon instead. Joe accuze monster of not trying hard enuf to find movie, but iz not true. Me look everywhere for it! Even check out speshulty video store dat…
March 26, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Batman (1989)!
Finally, a supermovie dat not completely suck. Only partz involving wet noodle main charakters, a butler who can't keep a sekret, and bad guyz dancing to Prince. Movie star wit family lost in big city. Dad say he know where dey going. Yeh. Me know too. Straight to Hell! He lead dem down desserted alley…
March 12, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Supergirl!
Blargh! Supergirl most nauzeating movie since Big Bird sex tape released online. It so bad it aktually make monster miss Condorman. It was so terruble dat aktor Christopher Reeve refuse to do cameo. And he do Superman II AND III! Movie start on Argos City where survivors of Kripton walk around in wishy washy dresses…
February 27, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club! Cookie Monster reviews Condorman!
After terruble Superman films, Condorman a nice change of pace. Not so much terruble as trooly horruble. It be movie made for kidz - at a time when kidz not know any better (ie. dat kidz movies could aktually be good). Also, monster would like to file formal complaint becuz dis not superhero movie. Again!…
February 25, 2012: Lunch with my former arch-nemesis! It’s broken so fix it already! A Supermovie of the Week reminder!
Why, it's Ashleigh - my former assistant/occasional vegetarian dinner companion/arch-nemesis. Notice something different about her? That's right. She's married! After trying to duck me for the past three months, my persistence (and phone calls at all hours of the night) finally paid off and she agreed to meet me for lunch at a neutral location:…
February 24, 2012: The boys reconvene for blood, battle, and Vietnamese sandwiches! Ivon and Lulu sitting in a tree…! It aint good news for Cookie Monster!
My french bulldog Lulu has a crush on my buddy Ivon Bartok. It's pretty damn obvious the way she throws herself at him whenever he comes visit, sitting on his lap, sneezing in his face, lying down beside him and lovingly passing gas. Yesterday morning, I told her that Ivon would be coming to visit,…