Zzzzzz. Snort. Hunh? Me awake! Sorry. Monster up all night trying to finish Rocketeer for todayz review. Movie is trowback to old cereals from de 30’s and 40’s your grandpa used to love. Of course dis be same guy who can watch construction AAAALL AFTERNOON so dat not saying much. At times, Rocketeer capture dat old timey spirit with beootiful updated costumez and special effekts – but same seventy year old musty script. De only interesting charakter in dis movie is de villain. Not de MOST interesting. De ONLY interesting one.
Movie start wit test flight of plane. All going superfantastik until bad guyz being chased by FBI shoot at plane out of spite. It crash. Bad guyz car coinsidentally end up in airplane hanger where bad guy hide sekret package everyone after. He trick FBI into tinking package destroyed, den he sent off to hospital. Turn out package is experimental jet pack dezigned by de guy from Lost! FBI want him to build one more. He say no because blah blah blah…zzzzz. Sorry. Sorry! Me awake now. Where was monster? Oh yah!
Evil aktor (how dat for a tautology?) after de jet pack wit help from gangsterz. He call up big goon to visit bad guy in hospital to find out where it at. Turn out, it “at” airplane hangar where handsum hero find it hidden in plane. Meanwhile, we introduced to girlfriend of hero who blander den plain yogurt. Mebbe even blander den skript for Rocketeer. Dey go on date. Dey talk and diskuss…zzzzz. Huh? What? Where is monster?! Oh. De blog. Right! Sorry. So sorry.
Anyway, girlfriend is also aktress. Coinsidentally, she is extra in movie starring evil aktor. When our hero show up on closed set and skrew up scene by knocking over set dec, she fired. Den unfired when evil aktor realize she be girlfriend of guy who have jet pack (Coinsidentally, he overhear dis information. Why waste time creating clever ways for villain to find out information when overhearing conversationz sooooo much easier?). He ask her on date.
Air show! Some clown in plane get into trouble. It Rocketeer to de reskue! Hero strap on jet pack, put on speshul helmet, and fly up. Crowd amazed. Old timey reporterz call in skoops. Rocketeer save clown. He wave at people in plane. Den crash. Sidekick drive over to help but car break down. Gangsterz closing in. So, in coolest scene of movie, Rocketeer give car a push – wit his jetpack. Car take off like Grover’s miata on a Saturday nite cruise for chicks!
Some guy die. FBI shootout wit big goon. Gangsterz show up at diner looking for hero. Dey find girlfriend name and phone number on bulletin board by phone for reazon only scriptwriter know for sure. Fight!
Evil aktor and wishywashy girlfriend at dinner. Hero show up disguized as waiter. He spill drink on her. Runs into big goon. Chased. Changez into Rocketeer. Fly around club den fly away. Ho hum.
Evil aktor take girlfriend home. He try to seduce her. She bonk him on de head, sneak around and diskover…he really nazi. Suddenly, he awake – but brain damage from head shot cause him to talk wit German aksent for rest of movie.
Agree to swap. Jet pack for de girl (If monster’s call, he keep de jet pack – but me not one to criticize). Gangsterz find out evil aktor a nazi and dey turn against him. Den more nazi’s show up. Den FBI show up! DEN BLIMP SHOW UP! EVERYBODY SHOOT! AND RUUUUN FOR IT!
Evil aktor and girlfriend get on blimp and fly away. Rocketeer chase. Fight big goon. Crash into gondola. Evil aktor take jet pack and fly away – but hero cause fuel leak so evil aktor blow up and burnt to crisp. But not before delivering best exchange in movie:
Girlfriend: “You’re a liar.”
Evil Aktor: “It wasn’t lying, Jenny. It was acting!”
Evil aktor blow up. Blimp blow up. Rocketeer save de day. Happy ending for everyone and couple finally resolve deir differences and…zzzz. Oh! Okay. Finished?
Verdikt: Dis movie try to fly high and recapture spirit of old timey cereals but grounded by boring skript and bland charakters (See what monster did dere? Fly high? Grounded? Movie was Rocketeer, remember?).
Rating: 6 sugarless chocolate chippee cookies.
Pleaze diskuss.
Hey, Cookie!
Great review! I remember seeing the Rocketeer when it was released and liking it… but I was 15 (young & impetuous) then so who knows now. Hearing your review brought back funny memories. Thanks!
It’s amazing how all the stars in this film went on to big things:
Billy Campbell went on to be the big baddie in The 4400
Jennifer Connelly left a Beautiful Mind for the Hulk
Alan Arkin became a tour guide at the Muppet theater
Terry O’Quinn got stranded on a tropical island (Hawaii Five-o)
Paul Sorvino was Henry Kissinger to Hannibal Lecter’s Nixon
and Timothy Dalton got Chuck’d
Cookie, I could barely say it better myself. Your opinion of the script was just how I felt – I was pretty easily distracted a lot of times for the first half of the movie (which is how long it takes for anything to actually HAPPEN.) I have to say, the line about it not being lying, but acting made me crack up laughing (easily my favourite line of the movie), and I DID find the whole scene from where the blimp shows up fairly entertaining, if nothing else for the sheer noise and activity of it all.
I admit they I didn’t really dislike the movie though. I understand what they were shooting for, a take on the old 30’s Saturday afternoon serials that kids loved back in the day. My Dad used to tell me about them and how much he enjoyed them as a kid. So, I can somewhat forgive stuff like swashbuckling acting and the preposterous physics of the jet pack. (Just how efficiently did it use that fuel anyway! Not to mention it not completely burning the legs off the pilot.) The production values were good, and some of the acting was at least, um… earnest, but the script was indeed a real letdown. Just not enough interesting things happened. And the “romance” between Cliff and his girlfriend had about as much flame as the vacuum cleaner that got swapped in as the rocket pack substitute.
All that said, I suppose even sugarless chocolate chip cookies are better than none, and it certainly hasn’t been the worst entry so far, so there’s that.
“Rating: 6 sugarless chocolate chippee cookies.”
In other words…bland, doughy, empty calories, something I would never buy.
Mr. Cookie Monster, you are a hard muppet to please. Methinks maybe the puppeteer’s hand is a bit too far up your fuzzy blue butt. A long time ago I learned to enjoy things for what they were, not for what I wanted them to be. It makes life much more enjoyable that way. Really. I’m afraid that with watching all these ‘bad’ superhero movies you’ve become jaded, cynical, even. If you’re not careful you’ll soon find yourself living in a trash can, singing ‘I Love Trash’.
😉
das
Dear cookie I’m starting to think you may not actually like watching movies maybe your one of those reality TV monsters maybe you would like to watch wrestling in the syfy channel not to be confused with the old sci fi channel that actually aired science fiction programs like stargate.
For the first time, I must disagree with Cookie Monster! I really enjoyed The Rocketeer way back when. Probably mostly due to Billy Campbell being so perfectly handsome, yet sympathetic. Plus the awesome costumes and period setting. I had forgotten all the now-familiar faces in the cast. Very cool.
ah hated dat movee….
Hey Joe, do you know if there are any plans to release SG-1 on Blu-Ray?
I have to disagree here…I LOVE THIS MOVIE! ‘it does exactly what is says on the tin’ It is fun and very light hearted a great movie to sit and watch with pizza and wine!
Kriss 🙂
I must admit I usually read your blog for stargate related news, but also I am a movie fan so I also read your “superheromoviereviews”. I skip the food related stuff, but hey we can’t have the same hobbies (although I must also admit I also eat food).
I just read the big news that SG1 is coming back in some way, it was announced at the convention by someone from MGM. So it’s time you get involved back into the franchise! Or are you going to wait until they contact you? Would you still be interested in coming back? Please say yes!
G’day Joe
The only reason I ever watched this movie, long time ago, was because Timothy Dalton is in it. He is a yummy hunny bunny. However I did not enjoy the movie.
I remembered The Rocketeer fondly from years ago and, on seeing it this time, it did not disappoint THIS reviewer.
I agree that it was a little predictable and that the characters were a bit one dimensional, but – dang it! – it was fun!!! Okay, the physics of the jet pack aren’t realistic, but they are consistent within the framework of the film. They managed to work in a sword fight, aerial derring do and the bad guy getting blown up after delivering a great exit line!
I agree with das, Cookie: all of those really bad superhero movies have warped your perspective. You’ve been watching too many with a reviewer’s eye and need to get back to watching for fun!
Sorry Cookie, this was actually a pretty decent movie for the genre and time. (Coming out of the way corny 80’s into the not so corny 90’s.)
Joe, I made my version of okonomiyaki last night with purple cabbage, pork, onion and nori. Fantastic! In lieu of the okonomiyaki sauce, I made one of mayo, Worcestershire and soy. Not bad! And a little bit goes a long way. I can’t believe I ate the whole thing.
I’m sorry Cookie, but you’re wrong. The Rocketeer is a fun and enjoyable movie. In fact, I think I enjoyed the weekend’s viewing even more than when I saw it in the cinema 21 years ago (Crikey! I feel old!).
The period setting suited the story so well. I don’t think a rocket powered hero would work as well in a modern setting. The Frank Lloyd Wright inspired décor of Timothy Dalton’s house was superb. The production designer and directory seem to luxuriate in 1930s Hollywood where there’s never a cloud in the sky and everything is orange groves and movie stars.
The period setting was very reminiscent of the Indiana Jones movies. While not as broad in scope and execution it definitely captured the same feel. I guess the “serial” roots of both movies has a lot to do with that.
While watching this movie I kept trying to find things to be critical about but I struggled. The relationship between the hero and heroine is pretty badly done. I see no reason why these two should end up together or even how they got together in the first place! Not to worry, though. I’m sure our hero would have ended up joining the Air Force during the war and was probably shot down over the South Pacific somewhere.
The other thing that I found jarring was Dalton’s horrible German accent. Why? Why did they decide to do that? Even if he was a German spy he probably wouldn’t actually come from Germany! It’s more likely that he would have been recruited in England while at university.
But those are small niggles. While I wouldn’t say that I love this movie I certainly enjoy it. It’s got a Zeppelin for crying out loud!!! I’ve never seen a bad movie that has a Zeppelin in it!
Oh, and Cookie? I think you should see a doctor about those blackouts you keep having. You might have Narcolepsy. 🙂
Dang it, I wasted all my time watching Highlander reruns.
Hey, Joe! Could you clarify the “Fantastic Four” selection on the list? You said 1994 and the only Fantastic Four I find from 1994 is the animated series. Is there a movie from that year? I found Batman Returns and The Meteor Man on Netflix and have both of them in my queue. I’m going to take a pass on Blankman. I’m not a Wayans brothers fan and the movie plot just doesn’t appeal to me. I’ll give Meteor Man a try, though, ’cause I like Marla Gibbs.
I saw this article today and it reminded me of your discussion on being a “NO” man. The article is covering the trial of John Edwards. They are expected to hear today from a former campaign aide who was fired after a yelling match about Edwards’ mistress Rielle Hunter. “Brumberger twice tried to diplomatically warn Edwards that people on the campaign were noticing the relationship and that it could damage his candidacy.” John Edward’s is a great example of a boss that doesn’t appreciate NO men AND look where it got him!
I’m sorry Cookie but I liked The Rocketeer. I’ve seen much worse! I do believe that 6 sugarless chocolate chippee cookies is a bit harsh.
Deni: So sorry you having a rough time with Riley. Have you looked into “Crate training”?
Oh, did you get your blood results back yet?
I’ve always enjoyed the Rocketeer, for its settings and the serial feel, the era, and the general giddy silliness of the whole thing, though I do have to admit to wanting to slap the heroine around a few times.
@Sparrow_Hawk:
I’m with you on the physics of the Jetpack, but overall it wasn’t too bad. I did enjoy the movie (anything with vintage airplanes is bound to get my attention 😉 ), and think this was one of those movies that you shouldn’t try to think too hard about…just sit down, eat the popcorn and enjoy. With Joe (sorry, Cookie Monster), I think maybe his showbiz background makes it hard for him to just sit and watch without delving deeper into the background details.
BTW, Joe, I’m jetting around Europe this week, and I found this place which I will be going to on Friday night:
http://www.cafedez.com/
They serve Duck Confit, and I’m looking forward to trying it out. According to a British Friend, Orlando Bloom also hangs out there, so it’s gotta be good, right? 😉
@Tam Dixon: I was totally going to crate train Riley, but Elway has a terrible time with it. I know this sounds stupid, but he’s super sensitive and doesn’t like anything out of place, so to speak. If he’s going to have seizures over it, we’ll do it the hard way! We’ll get through it, she’s just very stubborn and has plenty of attitude, but nothing I can’t handle in the long run. The way I see it, if he’s happy and seizure-free, I can handle anything! 🙂
Hello, Mr Mallozzi,
I know, it doesn’t fit into the topic, but I didn’t know where to post my little request (In fact, I didn’t know if you would read it in an older, but more fitting topic).
Well, I am a fan of Stargate since at least 10 Years (I’m 19 now) and in my opinion, SG°U was the best of it’s kind.
I was really sad to hear that SG°U was cancelled and since then, I thought about a possible continuation after season 2.
I wanted to ask for your permission to write a fanfiction of a possible continuation. I would like to use some of the “official” ideas that you presented earlier in your blog and of course I would be honored if you would like to read it.
Well, there is one problem. I am from Germany and therefor the story would be written in my language…
I’m looking forward to your response but of course only if you like.
Thank you!
How do you write these reviews Joe?
Anyways I’m possitively happy today, bought a new overpriced Laptop today. Dunno why I speant as much as I did, it was one of the most expensive, if not the most expensive in the store and looked so cool. Granted I think everyone now and then experiences a day where they don’t feel down at all and are pretty much happy with life.
@shaneac1
Might be worth noting that Syfy wants Stargate, if it rates well enough. I don’t think anyone expected SGU Season 2 to get those numbers, I didn’t. I was thinking it would improve some and the show would get a season 3. Seeing episode 1s numbers was pretty heartbreaking. I think anyone involved with the show, or anyone who loves the show was devastated that Season 2s numbers werent very good.
To me I remember looking at the numbers thinking hey SGU will do better, it has too. Then when I saw the numbers for Episodes 1 I was like :(.. Life sucks.
I will sure agree with JeffW about the vintage airplanes, I just loved seeing those. There was a lot to like in the movie, and with a better story, or at least a better script, it would have been really quite good.
Deni: Elway comes first, so working around him doesn’t sound stupid to me. Wishing you much luck with Riley.
@Sparrow_Hawk:
This is the “movie” that is planned (I presume):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fantastic_Four_%28film%29
Talk about some dirty dealing on the film makers part. It was probably just as well that it didn’t get released, except it’s going to be a bugger to find a copy.
Oh, here’s the trailer! Watch at your own risk:
The Rocketeer isn’t that bad a film considering it’s a Disney film that is suitable for family viewing.
The movie is a shadow of the comics series.
Have to disagree about the casting the lead actress (Jennifer Connelly). They were looking for someone resembling Bettie Page.
The Rocketeer? Ha! I preferred playing Rocket Ranger on the Commodore Amiga.
Oh Cookie you are so brave, I thought it was a funny happy movie, how many times has the Hollywood sign been damaged?!? I will send you cookies(choc chippee) for watching it, thanks for the review. Good guys win again!!
Aw, this was a good little movie. Poor Cookie. There, there…. It even got you confused about today’s blog date. More like May 1, 2012?
Chin up, Cookie. Maybe you’ll find some chocolate chippee ice cream in the freezer. We enjoyed the review, nevertheless. 🙂
@gforce: Thanks! That was pretty amazingly awful!
@Tam Dixon: You’re very sweet, kiddo, thank you for your kind words. 🙂 Starting her on a new food tomorrow (gradually) because the stuff she’s on isn’t working, bought her a bunch of new toys, new collar (she’s already outgrowing her baby one), and tomorrow’s another day. Her first trip to Petsmart and she’s out like a light. Heh. She’s coming along slowly, but naturally, learns all kinds of stupid stuff (like high five) and ignores “come”. Puppies…:)
Elway’s going off the KBr and starting on Zonisamide next week, just hoping the ataxia gets better (it’s pretty bad right now) and he can enjoy life a little more. I hate it when dogs get old, but Elway getting old breaks my heart. So yeah, whatever I can do to make his life better, I will. 🙂
What’s the best kind of chair to read in?
@ DP: A papasan chair, definitely. (The kind that looks like a satellite dish)