Help me out here. I'm about to embark on a bunch of home repairs and - well, where to start? Seriously. Where to start? I'm the last person who should be doing home repairs. I mean, I wouldn't know the difference between a Philips Screw and, well, the other ones. On the rare visits to…
April 12, 2012: Garvige Day! Things Japanese! Mailbag!
"Garvige day?"I asked. "What's garvige day?" "Gar-vige,"Akemi enunciated for me. "Garvige day." "You mean garbage day,"I said. "Yes,"she confirmed as if that's what she'd been saying all along. "Garvige day. Why? How do you spell it?" "G-A-R-B-A-G-E". I said the letters aloud as I wrote them in big block letters on the piece of paper.…
April 2, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Punisher (1989)!
Monster really looking forward to not seeing dis movie. So looking forward, in fakt, dat me make planz to visit Wildwood New Jerzey for jellyfish mating seazon instead. Joe accuze monster of not trying hard enuf to find movie, but iz not true. Me look everywhere for it! Even check out speshulty video store dat…
March 26, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Batman (1989)!
Finally, a supermovie dat not completely suck. Only partz involving wet noodle main charakters, a butler who can't keep a sekret, and bad guyz dancing to Prince. Movie star wit family lost in big city. Dad say he know where dey going. Yeh. Me know too. Straight to Hell! He lead dem down desserted alley…
March 19, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Superman IV: The Quest for Peace!
Wow. Superman IV VERY impressive. It achieve someting not even General Zodd and Leks Luthor able to do = kill off Superman. After dis movie, Hollywood say: "Okay. Time for Superman V!" and audiencez everywhere say: "Aaah, don't bodder. We good. Tanks." And Superman go to sleep for twenty years until someone else get…
March 12, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Supergirl!
Blargh! Supergirl most nauzeating movie since Big Bird sex tape released online. It so bad it aktually make monster miss Condorman. It was so terruble dat aktor Christopher Reeve refuse to do cameo. And he do Superman II AND III! Movie start on Argos City where survivors of Kripton walk around in wishy washy dresses…
March 5, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Superman III!
Superman III so bad it make Superman II look like Superman I! It as if director Richard Lester read monster's reviews and den, out of spite, get Superman to spin world backward so he can go back in time and inklude everyting me hate so much about first two movies in first five minutes of…
February 27, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club! Cookie Monster reviews Condorman!
After terruble Superman films, Condorman a nice change of pace. Not so much terruble as trooly horruble. It be movie made for kidz - at a time when kidz not know any better (ie. dat kidz movies could aktually be good). Also, monster would like to file formal complaint becuz dis not superhero movie. Again!…
February 22, 2012: Yet another Supermovie of the Week dilemma! Potential foreign entries!
Wow. Not even 24 hours have passed since you all started casting your ballots for the next installment in our Supermovie of the Week Club and Condorman has already built a commanding lead. If this trend continues through Friday morning then that makes Cookie Monster double-screwed because he'll have to screen and review both Condorman…
February 20, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club convenes! Cookie Monster reviews Superman II!
Superman II is great movie for kidz! Rotten, notty kidz who you want to punish but not allowed to spank, so dis torturus movie next best ting. Superman II also perfekt for kidz becuz it mostly make no sense and kidz won't care - just like people who make dis steaming pile of crap. Superman…
February 16, 2012: Marty G. tries to continue his Road to a Dream! Tara’s long-awaited Dark Matter review! Top Ten Tokyo Pleasant Surprises!
Quelle surprise! The day after my Toronto nemesis, Tara Yelland, makes a bid to be cast in the potential Dark Matter television series (based on the comic book of the same name) by posing with a copy of the first issue, which came two days after Carl Binder did pretty much the same thing, which came a…
February 13, 2012: Well look at who else is angling for a part in the Dark Matter television series! The Supermovie of the Week Club! Cookie Monster Reviews Hero At Large (1980)!
Hmmmm. Coincidentally, the day after I discuss Alex Levine's transparent attempt to land a role/directing gig on a potential Dark Matter series (Based on the comic book series of the same name. Check it out!) which, coincidentally, came the day after I discussed Ivon Bartok's equally obvious attempt to get himself cast, I received an email…
January 23, 2012: The SuperMovie of the Week Club! Cookie Monster Reviews Superman: The Movie (1978)! Our continuing preview of Dark Matter #2!
When time for Monster to sit down and watch Superman movie, he select Speshul Edition because, letz face it, me very speshul. But monster not realize dat "speshul edition" over two and a half hours long! When Monster realize, he run back to video store to exchange. But too late. Already closed. And it only…
January 21, 2012: I can be counted upon in MOST situations… Dark Matter #2 preview! Identify my mystery guest!
I can be counted upon in most situations. If you need a letter of reference or require a lift or even, in some circumstances, someone to back you up in a fight. I cannot, however, be counted upon to lend anyone any sort of shopping support. I hate lingering whether it be over a post-meal…
January 17, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club! Guest Blogger Cookie Monster reviews the 1966 Batman!
Many not know dis but Monster on short list to replace Simon Cowl on Amerikan Idol. Deal almost closed (with jenerous chocolate chippee dressing room rider) when show hire Cookie's bitter enemy = Jennifer Lopez! Me and JLo be feuding since Monster walk off set of Gigli (me fired after complain JLo too rough during…