KA posterDis film be filled wit violence, torture, and a little girl charakter more potty-mouthed den Grover dat time he developed “chemikal burns” on his blueberries after jacuzzi party wit Madonna.  It be a terruble, TERRUBLE movie for kids.

But a super, FANTASTIK movie for monster.  Me loved it!

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Say hello to my little friends.

Kick Ass ask de qwestion: What if?  What if a regular kid wit no super powers or fancy gadjets, armed only wit de human spirit and courage of his own conviktions, decided to be a superhero?  What would happen?

Well, he would get the crap beat out of him and nearly killed of course. Which be exaktly what happen to our hero, a lovable high school loser after he buy himself a mail-order costume and take on persona of…Kick-Ass!  On de one hand, he almost die.  On de other hand, he rushed to hospital and get bunch of metal plates inserted into his broken body so dat, in his words, he “look like freakin’ Wovlerine!”. Yep, metal plates be terruble for getting thru airport security, but pretty great for taking punches to de head.  Just avoid standing too close to microwave ovens.

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She could handle herself on de mean streets of Sesame

Kick-Ass hit de streets and test out his harder-to-hurt new body.  He still get de crap kicked out of him – but dis time, witnesses take cell phone videos of beatdown.  He become biggest internet sensation since square-dancing monkey.  Emboldened, he go have a talk wit ex-boyfriend of girl he like from skool.  Turn out he a drug dealer wit a short fuse for people who threaten and taze him.  Touchy!  He and his buddies about to kill Kick-Ass when – another superhero crash de party.  But, unlike Kick-Ass, dis superhero not playing pretend.  She de real deal.  And she be only eleven years old!  What an inspiration!

She demonstrate some pretty sweet moves, dispatching baddies in gruesome fashion to updated version of de Banana Splitz theme song.

Now monster not usually like kids in movies – but Hit Girl be an exception.  She like a cross between sword-wielding Kill Bill gal, dat Home Alone kid, and Paul Bettany after a few drinks.

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Batman dialed to 11

Hit Girl, of course, accompanied by her dad (Duh!  She only eleven!) a superhero called Big Daddy who remind monster of a brain-damaged Batman.  Turn out he former cop who be framed by mobster and kicked off de force.  His wife die, leaving him to raise his daughter de best way he know how – by shooting her and teaching her how to kill bad guys.  And you thought your dad was tuff!

It turn out dis same mobster now very pissed because drug dealer worked for him.  He tink Kick-Ass responsible and enlist help of his own so to trap him.  His son go undercover as superhero –

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Red Mist

Son (aka Red Mist) befriend Kick-Ass and use him to set up Big Daddy and Hit Girl.  Hit Girl shot and fall out window.  Big Daddy and Kick-Ass captured and tortured live on de internet.  But live events have way of going horribly wrong for Swedish quiz show hostesses, overenthusiastic sports reporters, and bad guys when Hit Girl show up and take dem out.

Sadly, too late for Big Daddy.  Which be bad news for mobster because dere’s nothing worse den an angry kid.  Who happens to be a costumed vigilante.

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Paybacks a bitch.  In a purple wig.

Hit Girl and Kick-Ass team up and go after mobster.  Blood!  Bullets! Blades! Bazooka!  And, in de end, we all learn valuable lesson about power, responsibility, and de correkt use of a jet pack shoulder-mounted machine guns.

Verdikt: Wild over-de-top fun!

Rating: 9.5 out of 10 chocolate chippee cookies!

Goa’uld-related news: http://www.netbase.com/press-release/netbase-announces-intergalactic-language-support/

16 thoughts on “April 1, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Kick-Ass! Goa’uld-related news!

  1. It’s funny, because although this movie got alot of praise, everyone I personally know w ho saw it hated it. Oh well, perhaps because they aren’t Cookie Monsters?

  2. I have to say this movie was sometimes disturbingly and gratuitously violent. I usually have discomfort with movies that play such violence for laughs. And yet… i really liked this movie! It was clever and well written with not too many WTF moments. What more can you ask for in a superhero movie? It’s interesting that these better ones are harder to comment on, because as the movie rolls along you actually get caught up in it and forget to write down your thoughts.

    Of course, I did wind up with a few questions/observations:

    Did you notice that the movie that the gangster father was taking his kid to see was “The Spirit”? Bad flashbacks there, for sure. *shudders*

    Did “Big Daddy” die from his burns or a gunshot? His burns weren’t really that severe at all, at least to warrant imminent death.

    At the ending, was there anyone in that building that got hit by the gangster/bazooka shot? Poor buggers probably never knew what hit them.

    Anyway, like I say there’s not as much to say about these ones that I like – I just wind up enjoying watching them.

    Not sure I would wind up giving it 9.5 cookies, but I’d say it’s a solid 8 for sure! (I’m taking a little off for the numerous messy body splatters…)

  3. Oh, and certainly intergalactic races deserve to have their voices heard, but I’m not sure that giving such an outlet to the Goa’uld is wise. One day they’re posting on Twitter and the next thing you know – global domination.

  4. I totally agree with Cookie Monster on this movie. A solid 9.5 out of 10.

    The Banana Splits song over the introduction of Hit Girl was perfect!

    Loved the scene where BD shoots HG. So wrong, but it works.

    And, the fact that she wanted a puppy?! Ha! Gold.

    Reloading in the hallway scene was awesome.

    I normally don’t like “comic book” movies, but I love this movie and can’t wait for the sequel. I just hope HG isn’t too old for the part now.

  5. She was 15 at time of filming, so that’s only a 4 year difference.

    Anyway, when the Kick-Ass 2 trailer came out I decided it was time I saw Kick-Ass just to see what the fuss was all about. I’m glad I did, because I thought it was great. Hit Girl was amazing (and adorable), and the movie jumps back and forth between comedy and brutal action (emphasis on brutal).

    I still like how after Big Daddy dies Kick-Ass and Hit Girl are driving away, and at no point does anyone thing it’s strange that an 11 year-old girl is driving a car!

    Looking forward to the next one.

  6. “Rating: 9.5 out of 10 chocolate chippee cookies!”

    😯 Good Lord, that’s a lot of cookies!!

  7. Cute April Fools joke. VP ANUS? That is seriously hysterical.

    Jaffa Kree!

    I’ll have to add this to the growing list of things I need to watch. Used to be that you could catch up on things in television’s off-season but now their off season has shows just as worthy of the fall collection.

  8. I really enjoy this movie. I should watch it more often!

    Anything with over-the-top violence and gore are big winners in my book. Foul mouthed children perpetrating said violence is even better!

    I know this movie caused a bit of controversy when it was released but I don’t see the problem. Kids won’t be watching this movie and the actress who played Hit-Girl had parental permission and supervision to do the things she did.

    Alas, if this movie was to be made in the UK there would be problems: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/bbc/9750530/BBC-breached-broadcasting-code-over-violent-child-actor-scenes.html

    If the sequel can be as fun and intelligent as the original then I will be eagerly heading to the cinema to watch it.

  9. Is this how Angelina Jolie might have gotten her start? Kick-Ass for sure. Nice job Cookie!

  10. “Todd agrees. ”It would be wonderful to have you for dinner sometime,”he says before heading through the gate.”

    SUBLIME ! très très drôle ! Quel dommages de ne pas avoir la scène en vrai pour éclater de rire!!

  11. Has Cookie ever given such a high score? The Incredibles maybe. I liked Kick Ass too. I do wonder about Kick Ass (I can’t remember her non-superhero name) after the bad guy is dead and she goes back to a regular life. What happens to the kid that tries to bully her on the playground or her first boyfriend that gets fresh?

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