Watching dis movie be like getting together wit former girlfriend after several years. You tink it be a great idea but, when show up for date, you diskover she really let herself go, embittered wit life, and spend most of evening telling tasteless jokes and trying to sell you on Amway. At end of de…
September 23, 2014: Resident Film Critic Cookie Monster Returns and Reviews Man of Steel!
Monster spend last few months on vakation where me bone up on cursive writing, try all tree boardings - wake, paddle, and water for first time (Me MUCH prefer first two!), and generally healing from mental scars inflikted by 94 straight weeks of Supermovie reviews. Now me back after much-needed R&R (Rest and Remi Martin) and…
September 23, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Black Scorpion!
Boy, dere be nothing worse den doing someting really embarrassing like slipping on a banana peel and falling down a flight of stairs or making a really shitty movie. Fortunately, dere be convenient way to cover such faux-pas. Just adopt ye old "Me meant to do dat!" excuse. Ie - Rosita burn down Mr. Hooper's…
September 16, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Crow!
Full disklosure: Monster not a fan of mimes. It be a phobia me have (like heights, tight places, and Celine Dion) dat go all de way back to monster's childhood. Me often try to figure out why dis be, and always come up wit tree possible reasons: 1. Mimes be second-cousins of clowns who, everyone…
September 9, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Guyver!
Movie begin wit an opening scroll, just like Star Wars. Unlike Star Wars, however, opening scroll accompanied by voice-over because Guyver fans either illiterate or too damn lazy to read. As far as info dumps go, dis be as big a dump as a movie can take. We learn dat dere be creatures living among…
September 2, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Toxic Avenger!
Dis movie about as subtle as Grover at a stripper convention. It take a potentially funny premise, den beat it into de ground wit de most obvious and heavy-handed execution possible. It as if makers of dis film assume audience be so stoopid dey need to make absolutely certain dere be no doubt dis supposed…
August 26, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Dr. Strange (1978)!
Dr. Strange? More like Dr. Creep! Apparently, dis guy not familiar wit de Hypocritical Oath, but he all sorts of familiar wit "doctor-patient confidentiality"...if you know what me mean. No? Well, let monster put it dis way. When he around de ladies at work, he like Cookie Monster at a bake sale. Or Grover at…
August 19, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Galaxy Quest!
Dis movie remind Monster of time me, Big Bird, and Grover attend furry convention (Why not? We furry...AND fuzzy!) figuring it be great opportunity to network wit other muppets. But, sadly, no aktual muppets in attendance - just bunch of frisky imposters. At one point, horny wookie chase monster into utility closet and me have…
August 12, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Despicable Me 2!
Original Despicable Me a fine movie. Fine like 7-11 wine, Dane Cook, or de Minnesota Vikings in dat none be particularly memorable but all deliver in perfektly adequate fashion. So, when sekwel, Despicable Me 2, released, monster torn. On de one hand, me not really tink first movie dat remarkable, find going to movies too…
July 29, 2013: Our Movie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Stargate!
Monster not familiar wit Stargate series starring MacGyver and RuPaul so left somewhat confused by dis film dat be reminiscent of de old Crosby and Hope road movies - but wit more killing and androgyny. Movie open in distant past where revival of de musical Hair get awaken while sleeping on a giant soundstage. Wind…
July 8, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Abar, the First Black Superman!
Monster am drunk reviewing dis movie. Why not? After all, me felt positively sloshed watching it. It full of weird cuts, funky music, bizarre performances, interminable montage sekwences of people driving around, and a plot more ridikulous den Sam de Eagle's cruising toupee. Movie begin wit nice family moving into new home. But neighbors not…
June 24, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Avengers!
Dis movie have everyting you would expekt from a summer blockbuster. Humor! Fun! Action! Dazzling speshul effekts! Cracking dialogue! Overlong running time! And some developments dat not make sense - but be pretty cool anyway. Movie begin at top secret S.H.I.E.L.D. facility where scientists studying glowy box very similar to one we saw in Captain…
June 17, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Chronicle!
When is a found footage film not a found footage film? When de makers mysteriously bail on de concept two turds of de way thru de movie. Chronicle has distinktion of being de first (mostly) found footage superhero movie. And dat about all dat make it distinkt. It otherwise pretty standard fare. Our protagonist, Andrew,…
June 10, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Captain America: The First Avenger!
No offense to Captain America but, technically, wasn't Thor de "First Avenger"? Dis de first qwestion dat cross monster's mind, followed by "Dis entire movie a period piece?" and "Did me forget to buy cake mix for Grover's potluck supper next Toosday?". Monster sit down to watch Captain America wit an open mind and, while…
June 3, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Vs: All Superheroes Must Die!
Dis less a movie den it be a student film project gone terribly wrong. Poor akting, lame dialogue, weak direktion, and cheap produktion values be de least of it's problems. No, biggest issue monster have wit Superheroes Must Die be it's unforgivable stoopidity and fakt dat it make about as much sense as Lost in…