While watching Shark Boy and Lava Girl, monster reminded of great children’s movies like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Toy Story, and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang – and how very crap Shark Boy and Lava Girl be in comparison.  In fakt, dis movie so bad it even compare unfavorably to Elmo’s arts and crafts macaroni plate.  It be an incoherent mess of half-ass ideas, terrible dialogue, and a plot dat go nowhere and everywhere all at de same time. Apparently, most of movie’s concepts conceived by director’s kids.  Me believe it.  Me also believe dey probably wrote skript as well.  Monster can’t wait for director Robert Rodriguez’s cat’s movie.  Me have no doubt it will be an improvement on dis dreck.

Movie’s semblance of a plot involve character of Max, a boy wit supposedly incredible imagination, whose lame ideas come to life: Planet Drool, a villain called Mr. Electric, and, of course, Shark Boy Lava Girl.  He embark on some confused quest wit SB and LG dat first take him on ride on de Train of Thought (get it?), den a trip down a river of milk on a giant chocolate chip cookie only to be interrupted by giant versions of his mom and dad who eats deir ride.  What makes Train of Thought different from other plain old trains, besides fakt dat it be called Train of Thought?  What de point of de giant versions of his parents?  Why villain have power over elektricity?  Mebbe his persona be commentary on modern society’s reliance on energy?  Like almost everyting in dis movie, dere be no answers – or much logik.   Our heroes travel down de Passage of Time and, later, de Stream of Consciousness.  But so what?  Just giving dem clever names doesn’t make de scenes clever.  Even for a kid’s flick, dis movie a disaster.

Movie originally presented in 3D but Monster not have 3D version. Instead, me have Big Bird hold t.v. at groin level and hip thrust every ninety seconds.  Sadly, dis not improve viewing experience. 🙁

The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl be one unwatchable giant piece of Snuffleupagus poop.

Verdikt: Dis movie make less sense den Oscar de Grouceh’s post-Jagermeister speech at Ernie and Bert’s wedding.

Rating: 1/2 a chocolate chippee cookie.  And dat half be for de title which be best part of movie.

27 thoughts on “October 15, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl!

  1. Yes, Cookie, that’s kind of what I thought you’d say. 🙂 I do agree with you, but, for some strange reason, my kids liked it. I don’t know why, but they did. Their viewing tastes though have improved over the last seven years. With them being 13 and 15 now, they wouldn’t be caught dead watching it.

    Have a great night!

  2. My first thought while watching this movie was, “What the fudgee-o?”

    My second thought was, “What was Robert Rodriguez smoking when he came up with this crap?” Now that I’ve just found out that Robert’s kids had something to do with it my question is, “What were Robert’s kids smoking when they came up with this crap?”

    This crap from the man that gave us From Dusk Till Dawn and Sin City? My mind is boggling. My flab is gasted.

    I don’t even see anything that would appeal to kids. You can’t just throw in lots of bright colours and flashing images and expect kids to be entertained. It may come as a surprise to some people in Hollywood but kids actually enjoy a bit of plot as well!

    This could very well be the worst movie of the Superhero Movie of the Week Club. I wish I could erase the whole experience from my mind.

  3. Cookie, as usual I’m in complete agreement. What a mess. I can accept this movie’s premise for what it is, that it’s a manifestation of the kid’s dreams and imagination, but the writing, pacing, and acting within it is just so terrible. It just a flaccid, incomprehensible mess. And yes, it’s meant for kids, but I’ve never believed that kids should be SERVED anything just because they’ll ACCEPT anything. What passes for dialogue are lines like “watch the power lines” and “this may come as a shock to you” from Mr. Electric. I figure rather than actually writing for this movie, the writers were just treading water in the “Stream of Consciousness”.

    I actually kind of thought that this movie was all something the kid was hallucinating while he had been injured in the tornado – kind of a really crappy version of “The Wizard of Oz”. No such luck. It made profound stupidity even stupider by mixing it up with actual “reality” at the end and completely blowing even that idea.

    You know, like many of these movies there’s a germ of an interesting idea in there, about the power of dreams and imagination. The movie “Bridge to Terabithia” comes to mind to how something like that should come out. The end result here was a featureless lump of dreck.

    I did laugh when Max’s father says that he had yet to convince his wife that “writing IS a real job”. The writers of this movie would have done well to take their own advice.

    Of course, I have a bunch of comments about individual parts of the film:

    Why would Sharkboy’s father get in a DIFFERENT raft from him when abandoning the ocean lab? Dumbass. Both the dad and Max for imagining something so dumb. Speaking of the dad, it would have been much more interesting if he had been EATEN by the same sharks that saved Sharkboy, who of course would only find out about it much later. Talk about some Sharkboy angst!

    When going to school, his mom offhandedly tells Max that “your father and I are not compatible.” Then it’s basically “have a good day at school! We’ll talk about it later!” W.T.F.?

    It was interesting to see Taylor Lautner in a role before he settled for even worse role in that other movie, um, what was it called? “Dusk” or something?

    If throwing Lavagirl into the volcano (itself some pretty bizarre and dark imagery) was going to solve all their problems, why did Sharkboy just do the super power walk there and do it right off the bat? She knew she had to get to the volcano and it was apparently some kind of priority. And right after that, how did Max suddenly realize that he was the “Daydreamer”? That came out of nowhere, just because Lavagirl was showering them all with “light”.

    During the Daydream competition between Max and Minus, Max comes up with “Brain Fart”. Now there’s a self-referential line if I ever heard one.

    During the Ice Princess scene, I couldn’t help but remember Peter Deluise’s comments in one of the SG1 commentaries that “it’s a scene about a hat.”

    Why did Mr. Electric turn to snow after he exploded? That just makes No. %^&%. Sense.

    So anyway, yeah. It sucked. But, believe in the power of your dreams, kids!

  4. I couldn’t bring myself to watch it. Sorry, Cookie. I’ll take that extra half a cookie, though. *swipes it*

  5. I didn’t exaggerate the suck factor of this movie. Poor Cookie. He needs a treat after this!

  6. Happy Birthday Joe!
    Hope you had a fabulous day and some fine dining and some home made sweets like cupcakes for dessert.

  7. I would like a minute for rebuttal.

    I thought the movie was cute! I was channel surfing one day and landed on The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl. I was mesmerized! Cookie how could you be so heartless? Apparently you have forgotten where you came from. Like you, this movie was made for children (not adults). It starred children and was based on ideas from children.

    It is about a little boy named Max with bickering parents and who is bullied at school. So he dreams of a big, splashy, imaginary world Plant Drool (so cool, it makes you drool), protected by Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Mr Electric provides the light for Planet Drool until he becomes corrupt and wants to put out the lights and terrorizes the children there.

    One of the scariest parts is the kids stuck on the roller coaster. As soon as it stops the kids desperately try to get off, only for the safety bar to slam closed again, and off they go on another endless ride. It is up to Sharkboy, Lavagirl, and Max to go to Planet Drool and stop Mr Electric’s evil plan.

    Did you know the 12 year old Taylor Lautner was hired because of his karate skills? He was asked to choreograph all his own fight scenes. Bam Bam would have been impressed!

    Cookie I actually thought you would enjoy the Land of Milk and Cookies. Look at the size of those cookies! The movie was crazy because dreams are crazy and nonsensical. Cookie you have become jaded in your old age. (Is it because parents want you to eat more fruit and less cookies?) You have been a big movie star too long. You are out of touch with kids. Open your big googly eyes and recognize a harmless children’s film when you see one…you big blue fur bag! 🙂

    @ gforce – I agree! It is a scene about a hat. Her outfit was the best part of that scene.

  8. Cookie, you left so much out of that review.

    What was the hero’s fatal flaw?
    What inspired him to dig down deep?
    What does he learn that leaves him changed forever?

    And I feel Monster should be able to handle such criticism given he’s off drunk somewhere, not at all concerned about my arrogance and lack of validation of his suffering given he watched the movie while I played Angry Birds and read The God of Cake for the twentieth time.

    @gforce – It has a tornado? My son would love it, then.

  9. You forgot to make some comment about Sharkboy being played by Taylor Lautner (a.k.a. Jacob Black). I’m not sure what sort of comment, but I’m sure one is warranted.

    I’m also very glad I’ve never subjected myself to this movie.

  10. Bwahahahaha… so I am reading your blog and daughter on bed. She looks over and sees yesterday’s Snow Monkey picture and said “OH MY G-D I HOPE HE”S NOT EATING IT!”
    I explained, but then I told her “don’t give him any ideas.”

  11. No, I didn’t watch it. Why do you subject poor Cookie to that sort of thing, Joe?

    Taylor Lautner! I thought I recognized that pouty face! Thanks, Shawna for pointing that out.

  12. @DP – Hyperbole and a Half reference! Cool! My favorites, though, are anything with the Simple Dog.

  13. Happy belated birthday to Rob, and Carl (it’s a week or two before yours if I remember correctly) and to you, today. Your birthday is on the same day as my sister, that is how I remember her birthday!

  14. I never watch the movies, does this mean my cookies have no calories?

    Yesterday was hubby’s birthday, we both forgot. Not that we could have done anything anyway, he was stuck in Primm NV for three days waiting for a permit from CA to take the steel beam into SanDog. Primm NV is basically a freeway exit on the CA/NV border which has a couple giant casinos and an outlet mall. He played a lot of solitaire on his laptop. His ancient laptop, bolted into a stand in the semi… so old a new one would be cheaper than tech support if anything happens to it. Tough little bugger though, subjected to constant jolts and vibration and temperature extremes.

  15. •*¨*•.¸¸.•*¨*• ★★ Happy Birthday Joe! ★★ •*¨*•.¸¸.•*¨*•

    Wishing you lots of good food and good times with
    family and friends. Hope the dogs spoil you today!

    Here’s a little pug humour for ya!

    •*¨*•.¸¸.•*¨*• ★★ *hugs* Chev/webgurl ★★ •*¨*•.¸¸.•*¨*•

  16. Happy Birthday Joe, make sure, that Akemi and the dogs take good care of you today.
    What are you having for dinner, dessert? Celebrating with the guy’s?

    @Carl just saw the LA Complex episode (Taking the Day), great job, so far the best episode this season.

  17. Good one, DP!
    Last week I sent “the god of Cake” to a co-worker on their last day. Thought he’d like it since he was leaving to hit the animation scene in LA. Warned him that he might laugh out loud. Hil-larious. Especially if you like cake. 😀

    Speaking of cake,


  18. Birthday Greetings, Joe!
    Hope your day is special, surrounded by good friends and good food. Actually, I hope the whole month is a celebration!
    My b-day was last Saturday, but it’s still going strong! We can share the month!

    Patty O

  19. Happy birthday Joseph! Enjoy your birth day, week, month or however long you can make it last.

  20. Happy Birthday, Joe!

    @God of Cake fans. I read it to my kids and channel that four year old with scary hyperfocus and no understanding of inhibition. I know just the rate to scroll those frames into view to draw out the suspense. The reading is over-the-top dramatic and the sound effects get out of hand. And I hope the mailman doesn’t walk up right then because no human being outside my family may ever, ever witness that spectacle.

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