Awesome!  Fantastic!  Amazing!  All words monster use to describe The Mystery Men.  Soundtrack.  Some terrific tunes in dis movie.  Terrific!

On de other hand, words monster use to describe de aktual movie = Meh.  Okay.  And Didn’t-make-monster’s-eyeballs-bleed-so-dere’s-dat.

Movie offer promising premise of second tier superheroes who always being upstaged by top-tier hero, Captain Amazing.  But when Captain Amazing captured by his arch-nemesis, Cassanova Frankenstein, our second tier heroes have to step up and save de day.

Plot pretty linear but problem not so much predictability of story but fakt dat movie not all dat funny.  Dere be a few funny moments but, mostly, Mystery Men made up of lost opportunities and lame gags. Charakters, for de most part, are interesting – even tho deir superpowers aren’t.  But me tink dat de point.

Blue Raja. Hey. He not blue!

Blue Raja have power to trow cutlery wit more or less deadly precision. And also have power to talk like Stewie from Family Guy.  He live at home wit his mom and, in one of movie’s high points, he reveal his secret superhero identity to mom who give him de speshul silverware for his big mission.


Shoveler just hit people wit shovel.  Me like his superpower best as it someting us regular folks can aspire to.  He have a family who care about him and his superhero job cause lots of friktion wit his wife (note: not de good kind).  Me liked what we see of his home life and nice pay-off wit proud family at end of movie.

Mr. Furious. A.k.a. Mr. Annoying-Douchebag.

Mr. Furious superpower is explosive temper dat never really amount to much.  He played by aktor Ben Stiller who keep his streak alive of being Super Irritating in every movie he ever been in. Congratulashuns to Mr. Stiller.  Dat very hard to do.  On de one hand, he not funny, not a very good aktor, and incredibly annoying.  On de other hand…uh, on de other hand…hmmm, where de other hand?

The Bowler!

The Bowler trow bowling ball (containing skull of dead dad) wit deadly accuracy.

Rounding out de crew is Invisible Boy (who got his powerz becuz nobody notices him and can only turn invisible when no one looking – an idea “borrowed” by de show Misfits), and De Spleen who knock people out wit his fartz (in movie’s lamest running gag).

But dey face formidable opponents in –

– Cassanova Frankenstein and his lootentants, Tony P. and Tony C., leaders of De Disko Boyz!

Sorry Mystery Men.  You may be heroes of dis movie, but Tony P steal de show.  Check out his awesomeness…

Anyway, Mystery Men crash party Cassanova Frankenstein is hosting in bid to reskue Captain Amazing.  Dey get off to a rough start by accidentally killing Captain Amazing, but finish strong by stopping Cassanova Frankenstein from unleashing his ultimate weapon…De Psyko-Frakulator!

Verdikt: Great potenshul but weak exekution.  Less high points (“You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums.”) den low points (Every scene wit de Spleen, humpy skunk, surprizingly unfunny superhero try-out sekwence).  Ben Stiller consistently terruble. But Eddie Izzard as Mr. P be absolutely fabulous!

Still, like me said – monster’s eyeballs didn’t bleed.

Rating: 6 chocolate chippee cookies.

24 thoughts on “July 30, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Mystery Men!

  1. Thanks Cookie! I would probably agree with your 6 cookie rating or maybe 7 cookies if I was in a particularly giggly mood. Which does happen.

  2. Sorry Cookie, I can’t stand Ben Stiller so I don’t watch his movies. Glad your eyes didn’t bleed though.

    Have an awesome afternoon, everyone!

  3. Can’t really comment right now since I’m at work, but I LOVE this movie! Not a perfect film, but I’d give it at least 8 cookies. Some of the humor was a bit dry, but I like that sort of thing. Some was slapstick, but I like that, too. My absolute favorite bit was when they attempt to rescue Captain Assho…Amazing. I lol’d big time at that. And I loved the Sphinx…whom you seem to have overlooked (save for a quote). True, I didn’t find this to be a laugh out loud sort of film, instead it’s one of those that just puts a big silly grin on my face from start to finish.

    I will, however, agree with you on the skunk. Needless, ineffective gag. I’m a bit more fond of the Spleen than you are, but that’s probably because he reminds me of a particularly flatulent friend who simply loved the character and his…erm…superpower.

    Needless to say, we don’t hang around with that guy anymore. 😛


  4. Yes, I agree, my eyes did not bleed while watching this movie. And, thankfully, as a child of the ’70s, disco doesn’t make my ears bleed either.

    This movie could have been so much better. A great cast (OK, maybe not Ben Stiller (although I liked him in Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny mostly because he was only in it for 5 minutes 🙂 ) and Pee Wee Herman was very irritating) let down by a poor script. Note to Hollywood screenwriters: If you start writing jokes about farts, testicle injuries and animals humping legs it’s time to step back and assess your choice of career. I don’t care if your target audience is 14 years old . . . they deserve better!

    Where was I? Oh yes, great cast:

    William H. Macy – One of my favourites ever since I saw him in Pleasantville.
    Geoffrey Rush – Australian! Can you believe he did this movie 3 years after winning a Best Actor Oscar for Shine?
    Hank Azaria – You would have thought after doing so many Simpsons voices he’d do a bit more than a passable English accent but maybe he was deliberately doing it slightly bad.
    Janeane Garofalo – Always annoying in just about everything I’ve seen her in.
    Greg Kinnear – He’s been in . . . ummmm . . . stuff.
    Eddie Izzard – A national treasure here in the UK.

    OK, so maybe it’s not a GREAT cast but it’s certainly got recognisable names in it!

    Some highlights for me:

    No gangs of kids. OK, so we had the Invisible Boy (“Dad, I’m just going to my bedroom with these three strange men.”) but he was OK.
    No villain hell bent on corporate greed and power. Just plain lunacy and chaos.
    The production design was pretty cool. The city was very Blade Runneresque. It’s just a shame they didn’t have a climactic battle on an airship. Airships are cool!
    Casanova Frankenstein. What a fantastic name for a supervillain! He may be a sadistic, demented, evil genius but he makes the ladies swoon.
    Captain Amazing. Loved his costume with the sponsor’s logo. It’s exactly how it would be if there were really superheroes.
    The Skull Bowling Ball. Totally awesome! If I was a bowler I’d want a bowling ball like that!

    Things that were not so good:

    The Spleen. Just lame!
    Killing off Captain Amazing. He was supposed to be an arrogant asshole but I felt that kill him off was a bit unnecessary. I don’t think we were made to hate him enough to rejoice in his death.
    Some of the miniature shots were a little dodgy. The Directory of Photography for the miniatures was Alex Funke whose next project was shooting the miniatures for The Lord Of The Rings so it obviously wasn’t lack of talent. I assume it was lack of budget.
    Not enough (any?) laughs. I managed to raise the occasional chuckle but that was about it.

    So, on the whole a pretty average movie made slightly more watchable by a recognisable cast and the fact that we’ve had to sit through so many bad movies that even something like Mystery Men seems good.

    Still sad that we missed Blade, though. 🙁 But looking forward to X-Men.

  5. Why is it when we have a character who lives in his mom’s basement, they always name him “Jeff” or even worse “Jeffy”?

    Great review Cookie! Stiller was becoming annoying with the “anger building” stuff, but at least there were enough moments to make my 13 year old son laugh (you can probably guess at which scenes).

    Now waiting on gforce’s review to complete the package for me…

  6. Agreed that the movie wasn’t “bad” – just not that good either. There were too many jokes that just weren’t that funny. It was a strange combination of trying too hard while at the same time not quite trying hard enough. Then there was stuff like the Bowler talking to her dead father’s skull. Was that supposed to humourous? I just found it weird, and not a funny weird either.

    The recruitment sequence was indeed terribly lame, although I did find the Waffler a little entertaining. They even said on screen, “that was a complete waste of time.”

    I did note that they were mercifully quick in getting the obligatory “bad guys crash the party” sequence out of the way at the start.

    Anyway, like you say cookie, okay but a lot of wasted potential. I probably would have given it five cookies at best.

  7. Six seems like a reasonable amount of cookies for this. Yes, the movie failed in living up to its potential, but Stiller’s presence doomed it there. Had they cut out his character completely, the story would have worked a bit better. Macy carries the day as the everyman hero who could be quoting Captain America, or even Superman. The city was lovely, with shades of gotham, Metropolis, and Mad Max. Yes, the audition scene felt flat, but at the same time it made sense. These guys aretn’ multi-billionaires with sponcers. They’re part timers trying to balance their sense of duty to the city with their personal lives. And I loved the little nods towards the classic comments. The comments on the eyeglass disguises, the destruction of Arkham…I would have liked to have seen more.
    I did enjoy the death of Captain Amazing. Sure, he probably didnt deserve it, but given CA set the events of the movie in motion by helping to free a genocidal maniac, it seemed appropriate. If only they had writers with just a little more actual talent, this could have been a huge success, even with the dubious casting of Stiller. But it was a relief to be able to watch a move without cringing throughout. )sorry, but I thought the skunk scene was spleen was appropriate in a sick demented way. If only it had been Stiller..). well, off to bed and another day in the grind. I’ve booked one night at the con hotel, and I’m gambling on enough cancellations that I will be able to book through without the hassle of movie to another hotel.

  8. @ Airelle – Mom still isn’t sure she’s going to take him. She has to see how her other cat reacts to him. She’s torn because she doesn’t want a kitten, but knows it’s best to take him young so he can adapt better. And I work for my folks so I’d see him every day, anyway. My biggest concern is keeping him inside. Mr. Das and I are very strict about keeping our indoor kitties indoors.

    We do have a feral colony, but those are ‘wild’ cats and it would be difficult for them to adapt to indoor living, especially in our tiny house. We did have to put one of our cats outside because she started having major behavioral problems, but that was absolutely a last resort.

    Mom and dad, however, are a bit more lax. They’ve always let their cats in and out, and that’s why at least 4 have been killed by cars over the years, including her favorite black kitty two months ago. It’s sometimes hard to keep the cats inside because they know they can easily escape when the oblivious employees come in and out of the house. So, before I ever let my mom have Boo, we’d have to come to an understanding that he’s not to go outside, especially since he probably has feral origins.

    We’ll see. I still want to make sure he’s well over whatever made him sick. He’ll be on antibiotics another few days, then after that I’m going to keep a close eye on him to make sure there’s no relapse.

    He is a cute little bugger, though. I just wish I could have come up with a better name. I have all sorts of names picked out for white cats (Todd, Elric, Nuada, Aloysius, Zenith…lol…I’m obsessed. 😛 ), but none picked out for a black kitty. I love black cats and our first kitty after we were married was black (Shoobie! – she was a real character, too), but for some reason I just couldn’t think of anything other than ‘Boo’. It stuck maybe because he’s still a bit of a scaredy cat. 🙂

    And I didn’t want to call him Onyx, or Jetty, or any of those names. I actually considered naming him Max – that’s my favorite name for a cat – but I already had a Max back before I was married: Mad Max Rockatansky. He was a terrific cat! I also considered Wraith (of course), but it’s not a good cat name…I mean, no cat is going to answer to it because it’s a hard word to add emphasis to.

    Heh…maybe I should name him Joey! 😀 But it may be too late to change it – he already seems to be responding to Boo, and I don’t want to make too many changes since he’s already gone through an awful lot this past week.

    Oddly enough, when other people ask me for cat names, I can come up with a million! But when I have to name my own, I just draw a blank. 😛


  9. @ das – I have a black cat named Max. He’s actually named after Joe’s dog, Maximus. I love cats and dogs, but my kids won’t let me get a hunch of critters. My son thinks I’m going to be a crazy cat lady and points it out to me when ever he watches the Simpsons. “See mom, that’s gonna be you in a few years!”

    Well, I have it all planned for him. When I get old and crazy, I’m going to come and live with him and drive him crazy. I’ll walk around in the front yard in my ratty bathrobe yelling at non-existent kids to get off my lawn. Then, I’ll go pester the local cops telling them my son is an alien. If he tries to put me in a home, I’ll spend all of his inheritance.That’ll show him!


  10. @ Patricia Stewart-Bertrand – Firstly, great cat name! 🙂 Secondly…Oh, mygod. I am such an idiot!! *facepalm* I have always read your name as PATRICK Stewart-Bertrand, and thought you were a dude. 😛 I’m reading your post, and you say, ‘crazy cat LADY’, and I’m all like…’wait…WHAT?’ 😮 I am so sorry…blame it on too much Star Trek. 😛

    Speaking of Star Trek, I am so mad! My Facebook page just switched over to the visually confusing ‘Timeline’ format, and I HATE it. Needless to say, I sent off a feedback comment expressing my dislike for the layout, but I know they won’t listen to li’l ol’ me. But I will not be assimulated by the Faceborg! I’ll probably be deleting my account in a few days, that’s how much I hate the layout. Besides, I don’t need FB – they need ME, especially since going public. I never liked the place anyway. It’s a jumbled up mess.


  11. G’day Joe

    @ das
    My sister has a black kitty that looks just like Boo and his name is Zorro. He is gorgeous.
    Good luck with the cute little fella, hope is over whatever he had.

  12. Joe, just read where Maeve BInchy has passed away, I remember that was your mom favorite author, so sad.

  13. I think Boo is a good name for a black cat. But if you want to change it to Max, I think it is probably still early enough for the little guy to adapt. OR …

    you could call him Drizzt.

    Yeah, I hate Facebook’s Timeline, too. So far, my account is still Timeline-free.

    Once again I did not watch the movie. Too much going on. But I very much enjoyed the review.

  14. Ah, the wonders of a good night’s sleep!

    I have a name for the kitty! And best of all, I can incorporate ‘Boo’ into it, so we can still call him that. The name just popped into my head this morning as he was playing, and I just knew it was right.

    Sambooca (for the Italian liqueur, Sambuca). We can call him Sam or Boo, though I think the emphasis will always be on ‘boo’, as in SamBOOca! 😀


  15. I would love to have a cat again, but my husband is soooo allergic. Not anaphalactic-shock dangerous allergic, but reacts to the tiniest whiff of cat. The kids played with a kitten the other day, then I took them to my mom’s and bathed and changed them, then took them home and my husband still got an allergy headache.

  16. @ Janet – Zorro – I love it! 😀

    @ Sparrowhawk – I DID consider Drizzt…before I realized that I have no idea how to pronounce it. 😛 😛 😛


  17. If prometheus hadn’t been destroyed in Ethon, would it have been destroyed in Camelot?

    As cool as all those movies seem, I never got into those kinds of movies. For some reason, they never apealed to me…

  18. Bonjour Joe, je sais que vous parlez un peu le français, donc je vous pose ma question en français :
    Dans Stargate SG1, qui est Adria ? Est-ce un Ori ayant repris forme humaine ?
    Thank you for the answer !

  19. I liked Mystery Men. For the first time, I agreed with Cookie’s rating system. Six cookies is a fair score. My favorite character was “The Bowler” and my least was “The Spleen”. This was soon after PeeWee’s big scandal. I think somebody pulled strings to write him a part. (just my theory) Since the film could have easily gone without him. I’m in the minority here but I like Ben Stiller. He didn’t contribute much to this film and having anger management issues isn’t really a super power. We had fun watching this flick and hubby did laugh out loud (once) when the shoveler whipped out a small hand tool, after being “disshoveled” (sorry, couldn’t resist).

    Das: Glad Boo is feeling better. Sounds like you’re on to the next problem…what to do with him. I’ve been there plenty of times. Good luck!

  20. @ Tam Dixon – Yes, yes…I’ve moved onto my next problem already. I had to take my Big Girl Kitty to the vet for her thyroid check-up, and when I went to put her in the cat carrier, she peeeeeeeeeeeeed all over me! Ugh. Never, ever has that happened to me. Poor ascareded thing. 🙁 I didn’t have time to change, so I had to go to the vet smellin’ like kitty piddle, then afterwards I had to run right back to work, still a-smellin’ like piddle. Lovely. 😛 Now I smell like a tramp. 😉


  21. My cats are named Oide (oy day, come here in Japanese), and Harry Buttlicker, because he was found on Harrison Blvd. He was a big head, and tiny body of skin and bones. Looks like he got separated from momma very young. Now he’s 18.5 pounds of purr. I also have Dad’s girl cats, Punkin and Trixie. They are small, about 5 pounds each, and old, and were with dad when he died. So I had to take them in, none of the other family members would have taken proper care of them. The boys live upstairs with me, and the girls have the basement guest room. I go downstairs to watch TV daily, just so they can curl up on me ans sleep.
    Crazy cat lay, here I come.

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