Superman II is great movie for kidz!  Rotten, notty kidz who you want to punish but not allowed to spank, so dis torturus movie next best ting.  Superman II also perfekt for kidz becuz it mostly make no sense and kidz won’t care – just like people who make dis steaming pile of crap.

Superman II start wit flashback to sentence of tree bad guyz from Superman I to flippy prison.  Den go to opening creditz.  Den go to Clark Kent having trouble getting thru office door.  Nyuk nyuk nyuk!  Clark find out dat terroristz have bomb on Eiffel Tower.  It been newz for 12 hours but for some reason Clark not know.  12 hours?!! How possible?!  Mebbe was up all night drinking Grover Wallbangers (replace vodka with Nyquil, TM Grover).  At dis point, monster ask “But he superman!  Why so inept?  Make no sense!”  Den monster realize it becuz writer need Lois Lane to be in Paris alredy!  But – !  Shhhshhhshhh.

In Paris, Lois trick stoopidest policeman in de world (yep, he in France) and sneak up Eiffel Tower.  Get on elevator…wit bomb dat terroristz akcidentally set off wit countdown.  Akcidentally?  At dis point, monster ask: “What terroristz plan?  Don’t want to set off bomb?  Den why have?  Plan to escape?  How?”  Shhhshhhhshhh. Superman fly in, save annoying Lois (boo!  boo!) and fly elevator into space where it blow up.   BUT…

Nooklear blast wave free bad guyz from flippy prison fantom zone.  At dis point, monster ask” Whaaaat?!  What flippy prison doing so close to Earth?  If superman dad, Clorox, sending superman to Earth, why send bad guyz in same direktion? It make no sense!!!”  Shhhshhhshhh.  Bad guys free, kick some moon ass, play hackysack wit astronot, and wreck paper mache shuttle dat look like it made by grade 2 artz and craftz class.  Back at Mishun Control, Cliff Clavin don’t know whatz up.

In federal prison, meanwile, guard see Lex and dummy henchman playing chess in cell.  He say someting to dem and dey look at him and continue playing, den guard realize not really dem but hologram of dem!  Trick!  At dis point, monster say: “Waitaminute!  If only hologram, why dey turn and look at guard when he talk to dem?  NOT MAKE SENSE!”  Shhhshhhshhh.  Lex escape wit help of woman he try to kill in last movie (shhshhhshhh) and get away in slow-moving hot air balloon (shhhshhhshhh).

Sooooooooo funny! Monster wonder how much dey pay de kid who wrote dis movie.

Meanwile, Clark and Lois at Niagra Falls as undercover newlywedz.  Opportoonity for more hyuk hyuks.  Superman save annoying little boy and almost steal some hot dogz (but sound editor add sound effekt of him dropping change – on other hot dogz).  Lois tink Clark really Superman so jump into water to prove it.  She almost die but he save her witout turning into Superman.  Den, ten minute later in hotel room, he tell her anyway.

Yeah, me Superman. Mebbe me should have told you sooner instead of almost letting you drown. Oh well.

Meanwile, Lex Luthor fly hot air balloon all de way to North Pole and find fortress of saltitude.   How he find it?  Shhhshhhshhh.

Superman fly Lois to fortress of saltitude but Lex long gone.  Meanwile, bad guyz land in small town, beat up hillbilliez.  Where Superman?  Oh, he busy…

Bad guyz beat up army and qwestion flamboyunt general.  Where Superman?!!! Still, busy…

Bad guyz crash white house.  Where Superman?!!!  Getting busy!

Oooh. Satiny space sheets! Feel so good on monster's fur.

Superman find out from hologram of mother dat he can make himself human if he step into speshul chamber.  Process irreversable!  So he do it….for love!  Wha-wha-whhhat?  What about love for adopted planet and people depending on him?  Why have to give up being Superman to date skank Lois?  Monster not understand!   Shhhshhhshhh.

So, Superman just normal guy now.  He have no more powerz.  Den realize dat now have no way to get back to civilizashun becuz can’t fly so he and Lois starve to death.

Da End!

Me wish!!!  Dey go to truck stop near station of saltitude (!).  Shhhhshhhshhh. Wimpy Clark get beat up by bully.  Den hear dat bad guyz taken over world! Superman Clark feel stoopid.  Soooo stooopid, in fakt, dat he decide to walk back to the fortress of saltitude in his suit and dress shoez.  Why he not die?!   Shhhshhhshhh.

Lois go back to Metropolis.  Bad guyz show up wit Lex Luthor (who serve no purpose in dis movie).  Dey treaten Lois.  Dey fight Superman and smash up city.  Oh, yeah. Did monster forget to mention?  Superman have power back.  How?  Process dat take away his power is irreversable!  His mom SAY it irreversable!  So how he got dem back?!!!  HOW?!!!!


Bad guys use superbreath to blow tings over: cars, people, toupee, ice cream cone, guy in phone booth who keep talking, guy on roller skates.  More nyuk nyuk nyuks.

Superman run away.  Bad guyz follow him back to fortress of saltitude.  Dey bring Lex and Lois wit dem.  Why?  Shhhshhhhshhhh!  Face off.  Den, stoopidest ting in Superman movies so far happen.  Stoopider den all tings dat don’t make sene in dis movie.  Stoopider den Superman fly around de planet to turn back time and undo everyting dat happen at end of first movie.  DIS happen…

Huh?  Since when Superman able to do dat wit S?  Shhhshhhshhh.

Fight!  Bad guyz suddenly have power of teleportashun.  Look like Superman too but only hologramz.  In one of movie many, MANY lame momentz, break in de aktion for Superman to tell Luthor about “lose power” chamber.  Luthor tell bad guyz and dey make Superman go in.  When he come out, he still superstrong but bad guyz power is lost.  He reverse process so dat only person in chamber safe!  At dis point, monster say: “Waaaaait a minute!  When he do process first time, big red light flash and look painful!  But when he do it to bad guyz, no red light and dey not feel a ting!”  Huh?!! Shhhshhhshhhh.  Superman beat dem up and dey fall.  Die?   He save dem?  Who knows?  Who cares?!

Back at Metropolis, Lois sad for some reason.  Clark kiss her and make her forget everyting.  MAKE HER FORGET?!!  Since when does Superman have power to make people forget?!!!  Shhhshhhshhhh!

Den, just to show he not lose all his petty humanity, Superman back to North Pole truck stop and beat up bully.

Dis movie stink worse den Grover gym bag after Jazzercise!  Director of first movie, Richard Donner, leave halfway through and replaced by Richard Lester who suppozedly to blame for stoopid nyuk nyuk humor.  Fans say “Get Richard Donner verzun!  Much better!”.  But monster don’t tink so.  For two reazons…

1. In Donner verzun, bad guyz escape from fantom zone not caused by terroristz bomb but by nooklear bomb at end of first movie.  BUT STILL DON’T MAKE SENSE! What flippy prison doing so close to Earth?  If superman dad, Clorox, sending Superman to Earth, why send bad guyz in same direktion? It make no sense!!!” Shhhshhhshhh.

2. At end of Donner verzun, Superman fix de problem = by using de old “fly around de planet backward and turn back time ” trick.  AGAIN!!!  If Richard Donner get his way, every Superman movie end wit Superman going back in time and undoing everyting!

After watch Superman II, monster so mad he trow movie out window and trash Bert and Ernie frozen yogurt stand.  Den get bill for movie from rental store so trash Mr. Hooper’s old store.  DEN find out dere’s a Superman III and IV and get REALLY mad! But naybors call cops and monster arrested before he do any real damage.

Verdikt: Me want to track down every online reviewer dat recommend dis movie and kick dem in de grapes.

Rating: 1.5 out of 10 chocolate chippee cookies.

Please diskuss.

40 thoughts on “February 20, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club convenes! Cookie Monster reviews Superman II!

  1. I tried, Cookie, I really did. It was much easier reading your review than finishing this piece of shhhhhhhhhhh. 🙂

  2. 😆 😆 😆

    Most excellent review, Mr. Monster! I really don’t have anything to say or add since I don’t remember this movie even if I did see it. I don’t like Superman, so I’ve steered clear of the films. And with a review that is better than the movie, why would I ever watch this stuff now?

    Good stuff, Cookie Monster!


  3. Cookie! There was more entertainment in that review than in the entire 2+ hours of that movie. Bang up job, as usual. I thought of a lot of the same points while watching – there are plot holes in this thing big enough to fly a crappily constructed lunar module through.

    Some other thoughts on this dismal outing –

    – I could’ve saved watching the first movie by watching the first 10 minutes of this one. Who knew??

    – They’re protecting a terrorist infected Eiffel Tower with what, ONE lame police officer? Oh, and did the public know that there was an H-Bomb in there? If so, why weren’t they, you know, getting the HECK out of there, instead of peering over the barricades? (Sshhhshsh.)

    – In one of the earlier scenes in Lois’ office, where she is squeezing the OJ, was Margot Kidder totally drunk in that scene? Or was Lois supposed to be totally drunk? Because she was acting like she just rolled out of an all-night kegger. I’m wondering if that was around the time of the start of Kidder’s descent toward her illness. Or, she had just watched some early takes from the rest of the movie.

    – How were the evil superbaddies able to talk to the astronauts on the moon, through a VACUUM? Makes no sense!! (I know – “Sshhshshh”.)

    – Give up near-omnipotent superpowers for a roll in the metallic sheets with Lois Lane? Sorry, not happening. Oh, and said superpowers miraculously back? Double-U.Tee.Eff?

    – Did anyone else find Superman’s character suddenly (slightly) more interesting when he (briefly) lost his powers? That is, of course, if you consider being able to walk to the North Pole with no food, no water, and wearing street clothes within the powers of us normal folks.

    – I did however, rather like the ending with the red-neck ass-kicking.

    – I have figured out the purpose of the Superman Super Breath of Forgetfulness, though. It’s to make us forget how crappy the movie was!

  4. I believe I mentioned that this was a date movie in 1981, with my then-soon-to-be-husband. Besides the influence of young love, I was a tad ill that day, so that may account for rose-colored memories of this film.

    But I think Cookie’s got this right. I haven’t had the patience to sit through the 70’s–80’s supermovies in recent years, probably due to the cheesiness (Niagra Falls?) and the deviation from 60’s–70’s DC Comics canon (Superman /Clark /Kal-El has a sex life?). [Perhaps also because the edited-for-TV versions were lousy copies and special effects have come a long way since then.]

    But Cookie, don’t despair! If I remember correctly, the Smallville reunion scenes in SUPERMAN III, with the lovely & talented Annette O’Toole as Lana Lang, were quite nice. Sadly, or maybe fortunately, I don’t remember the rest of the film. 😉

    *passes virtual Glutino lemon wafer cookies to Cookie, as they are surprisingly good*

  5. Wow Cookie. Did you spend the entire movie hissing like a leaking air mattress? Also “Oooh. Satiny space sheets! Feel so good on monster’s fur.” <<best line ever.

    I wanted to share a bit of good news for once. The pupperbuttz tumor has mysteriously gone into remission. About 95% of the mass (based on volume calculations) disappeared in a matter of days. We are free of the e-collar and the hair that was shaved before New Years is finally growing back. I don't know how it happened and I'm a cancer researcher. I can't say how long it will last but I'm going to cherish this reprieve and chance to enjoy my happy energetic dog again.

  6. Thank you for the shushing. I know it wasn’t the “shut up” kind of shushing, but the white noise, echoes of the mother’s womb, calm down kind of shushing. It helped smooth things over.

    The S is for Saran Wrap. They did that all the time on Krypton. That wasn’t an attack and defense. The S-wrap was the Krypton version of shaking hands. Watch it again with a less Earth-centric mindset and an eye for better manners and I think you’ll agree.

    I remember enjoying this movie as a kid, with less rage toward the stuff that didn’t make sense than I had with the first movie. Perhaps the first movie damaged the part of me that should feel those things.

    Thank you again, Cookie, for an entertaining review. I will miss your reviews when your contract with Joe is up. Please say you’ll visit again.

  7. I don’t think I ever saw this movie . . . thank God.

    But Cookie-Roger-Ebert-Monster you are the best!

  8. Will you be doing a trip doen memory lane with Stargate Atlantis like you did with SG-1. Ive been rewatching all the episodes and would like your opinion on them.

  9. from what little i recall of that movie there was a bit where lex & his dim-witted girlfriend first get into the fortress of solitude & she needs to pee, she goes looking for the bathroom & then yells; “i found it! i think.” (unless i’m thinking of something else) kind of makes you wonder what superman uses for TP (and other supplies. he has to eat, right?) up there.
    yeah, i know. shhhshhhshhh.

  10. Sometime back I happened to be switching channels and came across a rerun of the aforementioned film; after watching it for a few minutes, I thought to myself: “Hmmm, the female supervillian’s voice sounds awfully familiar”. So of course, I went to to check things out, and found that yes indeed, she should sound familiar, for that character was played by Sarah Douglas, better known in these circles as Garshon the Tok’Ra leader.

    Alas, that interesting bit of trivia was not enough to make me wish to continue inflicting Superman II on my brain, so I changed channels again.

  11. One of the best movie reviews I’ve read in a long time. Thanks, Cookie!

    I’m surprised that when I was 13 I didn’t pick up on all of this stuff. What the hockeysticks?!

    I also can’t believe that, for years, I thought Non was played by Richard Kiel when in fact it was Jack O’Halloran. I think I just wanted to believe every ginormous villain with strangely defined facial features was played by Richard Kiel.

  12. I still strongly feel next week should be the Richard Donner cut. If you’ve decided to watch every superhero film made, that includes the Donner cut. They are pretty different movies, and I would like your opinion of comparison as far as which one is better.

  13. I think I enjoyed this a million years ago, although some of the acting was a kinda hokey. Now, I have to admit….lame. Thanks Cookie for the perspective. I tried to watch it again….sigh. Turned it off to read your review, which is brilliant.
    Thanks for ruining your eyes and sparing us.
    Hope all prior recommenders are watching and protecting their grapes….LOL
    Ask Mr. M for Macarons instead of cookies…yummmmm.

  14. Dark Matter is increasing in value…already.
    Yesterday, on Amazon – through a 3rd party vendor, DM2 was $3.50 not including shipping. Tonight, DM2 via a different vendor is $10.00 not including shipping. Hmmmmmm.

  15. I cant believe there isnt anyone sticking up for Superman 2???
    Are you all just agreeing to be brown nosers or do you really feel this way?
    Superman 2 is one of my faverout movies of all time!! How can you go past the scene when Jimmy is bringing the Chief some coffee and Lex grabs it from him and Jimmy says “Hey! Thats for the Chief!!” and Lex replies “Chiefs got it!”. Then moments later Superman appears outside the window and says the best line of all time “General, care to step outside?”
    You all suck!

  16. Cookie Monster really needs to collect and publish his movie reviews. Maybe the money he makes could help, just a little, to pay for the mental anguish of watching these movies. Or at least help pay for the damages to the yogurt stand or Mr. Hooper’s store.

  17. I should refrain from commenting, for the most part, about this movie for fear of banishment because I, for one, love it. Keep in mind that this film’s target audience was boys age 9-13. That’s what I was when I first saw it. So, for me, it was a home run. Think about it: powers every kid wishes they had, clearly defined bad guys and good guys, obvious love story, easy to follow internal struggles, and good guy wins in the end against 3:1 odds. I mean c’mon, we’re talking about a movie where the main character can fly, has heat vision AND X-ray vision, ice breath, super speed, can fly in outer space, all of which exist in the comic books and you’re nitpicking about plot holes and conveniences? Whatever happened to “suspending disbelief”? Just remember to have the mindset of a pre-teen next time you watch this movie, and the first one, too, and you’ll be fine. While everything cookie monster said was true, I don’t care, I love this movie, hokey acting, plot holes, WTF?’s and all.

    How many of you guys took a towel and tied it around your neck, ran as fast as you could and “flew” around your house? Or stayed aloft for what seemed like longer than you were normally able to jump because of your “cape”? I did it all the time, especially after watching Christopher Reeves do it.

    So much for refraining….

  18. Hubby just read the review (of one of his favorite movies as a kid, btw), and thought it was great (the review, not the movie)! Unfortunately, now he’s talking to me like Cookie Monster. 😛

    He says the third movie is even worse. Can’t wait! 😀


  19. Hi Joe and Cookie,

    I find I can NOT rewatch most movies I originally saw prior to 1985 without completely destroying the memory of my childhood joy – Superman seemed so romantic, so witty, albeit slightly unbelievable, when I was a teenager. My only excuse is that I was just a kid!! What did I know about plot and storyline and technological viability? I was willing to sit and be entertained for a time without any neural expectation on my part. I’ve certainly learned better since then and no longer enjoy such fluff entertainment, sci-fi changed everything for me, but I am unwilling to remove the rose-colored glasses with which I recall the past.

    Thanks to JeffW and Ponytail for b-day greetings

    @JeffW – so sorry about your friend, {{{{hugs}}}}

  20. @ Mike A. – No worries, Mr. Das loves this movie, and the first one, too. But, like you, he saw them as a kid, and to a kid they were just awesome. Now he can laugh about them, though he admitted to me today that he thought the flying S was the coolest thing, ever! Back in the day, that is…I think



  21. I was only 6 when this movie came out, and I suppose I’ve watched this film with kids eyes ever since. But now you mention the “stoopid” parts, I have to agree. The “S” throwing in particular really is stupid and inexplicable. Never seen it before or since either. Cookie Monster, you’ve been my hero longer than Supe’s too 🙂

  22. To give a counterargument to Mike A., I saw this movie when it came out — when I was 9 years old — and I thought it sucked then! I was sort of on board with it until Supe suddenly had his powers back after they took great pains to warn us that the power-sucking process was IRREVERSIBLE!!!! No going back! And then they don’t even bother to explain how he magically got the powers back!

    You’re going to say that the lone green crystal, saved from destruction by Lois’ absent-mindedness, had something to do with it. But that requires a huge leap in logic — or, “logic”. The scenario that makes the most sense is that Clark used the green crystal the way he did in the first movie, to remake the entire Fortress of Solitude from scratch – a clean reboot, if you will. But that scenario is impossible, because when we next see the Fortress (when the baddies show up there), the crystal control panel is still a crispy, burnt mess, exactly how it was after Supe lost his powers. Someone must’ve just conveniently left a Staples Easy Button (TM) lying around. Thank goodness for that!

    I have a friend, Joe Khan (whose name I love to say, cuz it’s awesome), who is a huge fan of this movie, and one of the reasons he likes it is the impossible choice Supe has to make between love and responsibility to the planet. Will he choose love and forsake the people who need him, or will he choose his duty to humanity and forever be alone? That choice, however, only plays itself out like that on paper and in Joe’s mind. Viewers never see any hint that the choice is a wrenching one for Supe. He blithely decides to give up his powers within hours of Lois confessing her love for him, as if he’s a Catholic racing to the altar in order to be able to have sex. There’s little to no internal struggle with the decision. In fact, judging by her expression as she eavesdrops on the conversation with his mother, Lois seems to have more misgivings about it than he does — perhaps because she realizes that she’s in love with Superman, not pathetically normal Clark.

    And speaking of pathetic Clark, when they stop in the diner on the drive down from Solitude (the drive! not the days-long walk through snow and ice! Apparently there was an Enterprise car rental franchise near the Fortress: “We’ll pick you up!”) why does Lois not find a table to sit at, once asshole trucker guy makes it clear he’s going to be an asshole? Clark was in the washroom; she hadn’t gotten her food yet; there were plenty of open tables. Are the two stools nearest the smelly bathrooms really the choicest real estate in that diner? Why is Clark willing to get in a fight over them? Couldn’t someone have written in a better reason to fight the asshole trucker?

    As for Clark’s decision to give up his one true love in order to fulfill his duty to humanity, we don’t even get to witness that moment, so how can anyone say how difficult it was to make that decision? Nor do we see any sign later that it has caused him emotional pain or engendered a sense of loss. There’s no shot of Clark after the “forgetfulness kiss” regretting that he had to do that, or allowing himself a moment of bereavement for what he can never again experience. No, it’s right back to nyuk nyuk, clumsy Clark Kent, as if this whole movie never happened.

    And the nyuk nyuk brings me to another thing I hated about this movie — both as a kid and now. Is it supposed to be light-hearted, or is it supposed to be about real jeopardy? The bad guys aren’t fucking around. They’re menacing. They murder 3 astronauts for no reason other than their own entertainment. They don’t even seem to enjoy each other’s company all that much. They hold absolutely zero audience appeal. Cookie said that Lex Luthor has no purpose in this film, but actually, he does. He’s there because they needed a bad guy with some semblance of personality and humor to keep the scenes with just the bad guys in them from dragging the whole movie down to a deep, dark place. Terence Stamp played a drag queen in Priscilla Queen of the Desert, for crying out loud! He could’ve been a great vamp-y villain in this. But instead, no imagination went into the creation of his character.

    So with bad guys who are just pure evil, it makes the nyuk nyuk attempts at cute humor all the more jarring. Oh, look, the U.S. government is no more, New York City is about to be destroyed by Evil Incarnate, and a bunch of people in cars just got burned alive. Isn’t it funny that a guy’s toupee is being blown off and a disco rollerskater just can’t get any traction against the gale? Ha ha ha!

    Which brings me to…. disco music. When the baddies land in “East Houston, Idaho,” there’s a hick diner where all the good ol’ boys in cowboy hats hang out. And what have they got playing on the radio in this haven of all things manly and rugged? That’s right, it’s “Pick Up the Pieces” by Average White Band. What?!? Apparently they couldn’t get the rights to anything at all in the entire country-western genre. That right there is all the proof you need that this movie is thoughtlessly ridiculous.

  23. Oh, correction: I was either 7 or 8 when I first saw Supe II — not 9. Even more egregious that it didn’t appeal to me then.

  24. @JullieAloha:

    @JeffW – so sorry about your friend, {{{{hugs}}}}

    Thanks for the condolences and hugs. We’ve gone beyond the shock now and are just trying to work through it. Tonight I have to go through old photo albums and try to put together a chronology in pictures. His brothers are putting together a remembrance service and we’ll likely be showing pictures from his life. Still have no idea of the timing but hopefully things will get settled here soon.

    And Joe/Cookie Monster, sorry, but for obvious reasons I did not get a chance to watch Superman II. Perhaps it was for the best. I’ll try and join the next one (unless Cookie Monster shoots his agent and flees to Mexico).

  25. Cookie Monster was a bit too generous on his rating of this one, unless you count the score for Donner’s version. The original theatrical release barely rates a 1 cookie rating from me. Many of the reasons have already covered, but I’ll touch on a few points.
    Point number one. Where were the villians in this one, much less supervillians? “they shall kneel before me!” seemed to make up about 70% of Zod’s total word count. By the end of the rewatching I was wondering, why don’t all the characters kneel, then go about their business? Having gained the submission of the world leaders, our villians can’t even be bothered to leave a ruined White House until Lex gives them something to do? The other two Kryptonians were even more pathetic, lacking even Zod’s ambition. They simply settle for killing people.
    Lex could have been a great super villian here, but they castrated his character by making him the running joke of the movie. Escape by air balloon? Travel to the Fortress, and not take anything, or come away with some trophy or treatsure to use later? Willing to be a subordinate to three overmuscled imbiciles? Really. I remember when watching the movie originally expecting Lex to pull out some Kryptonite, or otherwise be the real solution to ridding the planet of these three. Instead he continually avoids death by fist only because of some luck, and the fact that the combined brain power of the three kryptonians couldn’t listen to him talk and punch him at the same time.
    Not that Supes was any better. Ok, he’s spent what, a few months or so as Superman, and he’s tired of the gig? Of course, I hardly blame him, given daddy Jor El insists on a level of service to mankind that would break the combined saints of every religion on earth. but why was it an either/or choice? Lois was obviously in love with the Supes side of Kent. And given the honeymoon scene, it seems possible for him to have his relationship and Lois too.
    His loss of power would have been the perfect time to have let Lex shine, having Luthor come up with the means to restore Superman’s power, demonstrating Luthor’s right to claim to be Superman’s nemesis, while setting up the Supe/bad Krytponians fight. Oh, that there’s another thing. Superman finally confronts three people he knows are really really bad, gets them out of the Daily Planet building only to use the rest of Metropolis as a battlefield, forcing Superman to defend helpless civilians. Got to admit, I did enjoy said civilians picking up things and preparing to try and beat up the bad guys. Stupid, but gutsy, and probably made more sense than anything in this movie.
    the Donner ending was as much of a copout as it was in the first movie( I had enjoyed most of that movie up until Superman did his little reverse time thing), but at least doing so avoided the deaths of a lot of humans, and avoided Superman having to tinker with Lois’ mind. Either Mikr or Benjamin mentioned suspension of disbelief. that’s something every sci fi does, but the writers/directors/scripts have to meet us halfway. They have to minimize the number of times we have to do so, they have to remain consistant in whatever universe they live in…no sudden adding of powers (teleportation), minimize the coincidences(mirror mirror coming to earth- though I wonder how much control Jor El had on that thing…it came from nowhere and headed out before the big kaboom). In this movie the lawy way out was the road most often taken, as if the writer(s) figured “hey, it’s a comic book figure so we can do whatever we want and they’ll buiy it”. something they would probably have not tried in another genre. Or maybe not. Anyone that lazy is the type to do a mystery and have the murderer be a character not introduced until the reveal.
    Anyways, it’s pretty amazing that the series managed to come up with a 3 or a 5(PLEASE do not make them picks of the week!). It’s a great thing to live at a time where the special effects can begin to do justice to comic artists, sci fi wrtiers, and other bings with imaginations out of this world.
    I hope this will be the last time I watch this movie, as there are still too many books to read, movies to watch, and life to live to waste another 2 hours or so
    Hmm, didn’t qite mean to rant so much, but I guess I’m angry that this movie could have been at least…watchable, had those involved in making it bothered to treat fans with some respect and invest some real energy and effort in producing a quality movie. As it is, the very few good moments in the film are washed away by the crud of the rest of it. Nuff said.

    1. I, too, was waiting for Lex Luthor to come up with the means to destroy the superbaddies. They twice threatened to off him rather than give him what they promised, so why wouldn’t he have decided to get rid of them, so that he’d “only” have Superman to deal with from now on? It would have been great if he had surprised everyone and dug up some kryptonite to destroy the Evil Three, somehow in cooperation with Superman. The operation could have used up the “last Earthly supply of kryptonite,” thus leaving the way open for Superman and Lex to continue battling each other in the future. But no. Lex stupidly continues to supply the kryptonians with information he thinks will be useful, even in the face of evidence that his efforts will only lead to his death at the end of his usefulness.

      As it was, the ultimate undoing of the Evil Three was about as anticlimactic as you could get. They have no more powers, so someone as ineffectual and idiotic as Lois Lane can just shove one of them to her death? That’s not very sporting or noble of Superman, to kill them once they are powerless to put up any kind of defense. And don’t tell me, “Oh, but the Donner version shows them being hauled off to prison in the end!” Nuh-uh. You can’t retroactively fix this crap by referencing a cut done by the fired director, 29 years after he was canned. The 1980 theatrical release is THE Superman II. Everything else is just DVD filler.

  26. Okay, now I remember why I never got past the first two movies in this series. I couldn’t take any more. (Actually, I was at an age when the first one came out that it was entertaining if somewhat silly, but this one was just painful.)

  27. @Kathode – I agree completely, especially about Superman’s “choice” between Lois and his responsibility to the planet. What should have been an epic internal struggle was… nothing. And on Lois’ part, I was expecting/hoping her to make at least a half hearted argument in favour of him keeping his powers on behalf of the planet. Still nothing. And to make matters worse, it was wound back completely in the end anyway, so even what little perceived struggle took place (if you really used your imagination) was pointless.

    Likewise, with the diner scene why couldn’t they have the redneck actually either harassing or hitting on Lois in order to give cause to the confrontation? Something like that would have made the whole scene make more sense. It would take no more time, money or writing skills to do something so simple.

    I know there’s an argument that the movie was never meant to be anything but simple entertainment, but even the simplest of entertainment should at least make basic sense. This movie didn’t most of the time.

    All that said, I do remember on seeing it the first time thinking it wasn’t that bad. I also remember the third installment as being distinctly horrible, so all things being relative that should be a real treat coming up!

  28. Dear, Cookie Monster.

    I’m sincrely sorry that you had such a rough time watching Superman II. If nothing else, if you watch me, it will help all that pain disappear.

    Sincerely, Superman III

  29. Dear, Cookie Monster.

    I understand the pain and overall just plain outright awful feeling you have from watching Superman: The Movie and Superman II. Same feelings washed over me as I sat there and tried to believe that a man could fly. And all that nuclear bruhahoohoo? Forget about it.

    I think that maybe you should try out this wonderful little film called Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. I may have a little bit of something to do with it, but hey, that’s just pride talking. And how much can pride hurt anyone in the end, right? Know what I mean?

    Well, check it out. I’m sure that you’ll enjoy it immensely.

    Love ‘n’ Respect, yo,

    Superman IV

    P.S. – By the way, if you hear from someone named Superman III, don’t believe them. Unless you want to check out one of the so-called best performances by that dude on NCIS’s old partner in U.N.C.L.E.

  30. Never saw the movie, no desire to see it. I think CM did a great job in painting a great review on a “crummy” movie, I got the highlights. I will give CM’s review 5 cookies!

  31. Hi M. Monster, I watched this movie when I was a kid, maybe 10 years old. At the time I liked this more than the first. I remember superman losing his powers creating great dramatic tension… well, I watched this recently with my 5 year old and 3 year old and wow was I surprised at how terrible it was. I loved your review because it hit just about every WTF moment that I had during my recent viewing. Perhaps your best review ever 😉

  32. G’day Joe

    My daughter found my cat in her bedroom and he cannot stand up and he does not want to drink or eat. Hubby has taken Jack Cat to the vet. Jack Cat was fine when I last him, three hours ago and now he his in trouble. So no idea on what has happened to him.

    Very worried.

  33. I have seen this movie (for reasons surpassing sanity) about 8-9 times! (I apparently have a death wish!) But the thing that absolutely kills me, that no one has mentioned, is the part in the hick Idaho town where the baddies use their “finger power” to lift up the guy with the shotgun, and his son comes over to them and in a wonderfully rich British accent says, “Please sir, put my daddy down!” YOUNG KID WITH A BRITISH ACCENT IN RURAL IDAHO!!!! That one was a stinker even to me as a young kid when I first saw this show.

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