Great news for fans of the 1987 movie Overboard.  Apparently, there’s a remake in the works.  The role of the wealthy socialite, portrayed by Goldie Hawn in the original, will purportedly go to the equally hilarious Jennifer Lopez.  Now if they can only sign the charming Eminem to step into Kurt Russell’s shoes, we’ve got ourselves a movie!  If the right decisions are made (and casting Lopez is a great start), I can’t help but foresee a repeat of the warm critical and audience received by another remake starring a singer-wanna-be-actress: Swept Away.

That one was originally a foreign film that got the Hollywood treatment.  In a similar vein, Tinseltown has come to the rescue of illiterate movie-goers (or those simply too lazy to read subtitles) by embarking on a remake of the terrific Swedish vampire film Let the Right One In.  And they’re also remaking one of my favorite movies, Park Chan-wook’s Oldboy.  I can’t wait to see the creative re-imagining of that one, especially the original shock ending which will no doubt prove far too unpalatable for North American audiences who typically prefer their movies as mundane and inoffensive as Justin Bieber.  For an example of this, one need look no further than the remake of the Dutch film Spoorloos (aka The Vanishing).  The original was harrowing, with an unflinching ending that stayed with you long after those final credits had rolled.  The remake substituted a insultingly lame happy ending that, coincidentally, also lingered – but more like a bad smell.

Of course it’s not always bad.  Just mostly bad.  For every John Carpenter’s The Thing (incidentally, also about to be remade), there are countless King Kongs, Planet of the Apes, Psychos, Godzillas, and Rollerballs.  Still, as much as one can debate the artistic merits of these remakes, there’s no denying that some have fared well at the box office.  Which is why we’ll no doubt why we’ll be seeing more of them in the near future.  Some already in the works or supposedly being considered include:

Tim Burton is eyeing The Addams Family (in 3D!) and Dark Shadows.

Warner Bros. is reportedly considering a remake of The Wizard of Oz (in 3D!).

Will Smith’s son will be starring in the Karate Kid remake.

Clash of the Titans – opening soon!

Hey, remember that 1980’s comedy Monster Squad?  Yeah, me neither.  They’re remaking it.

Chloe, which opens this Friday, is a remake of the French Thriller “Nathalie…”

Gilligan’s Island, Pet Sematary, Police Academy, Midnight Run, Honey I Shrunk the Kids, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Ghostbusters, Big, Excalibur, A Nightmare on Elm Street.

All well and good, but when are they going to remake the movies that really need a contemporary re-imagining?  The North by Northwests?  The Raging Bulls?  The Maltese Falcons?  What follows is my list of the top ten movies that desperately need an upgrade – and how I would improve upon the sorely lacking originals:

10) Chinatown: So depressing.  And confusing.  And who cares about water rights anyway?  Lose that angle and replace it with a mystery involving an attempt to spike the city’s water supply with a drug that addict people to a specific soft drink.  Our intrepid P.I., played by Taylor Lautner, investigates the manufacturer and discovers it is a subsidiary of a foreign conglomerate with terrorist ties.  He takes down the operation and, in a much more upbeat ending to the original, saves the kid, gets the girl, and KICKS SOME ASS!

9) The Sound of Music: Pretty much the same movie except all of those lame old songs have been replaced by far cooler tunes like Beyonce’s If I Were A Boy, Jeremih’s Birthday Sex, or anything by Brokencyde.  How is it possible for people living in pre-WWII Austria to be singing contemporary tunes?  Let me answer that question with a question: How was it possible for two fat guys in early 20th century Paris to be singing Like A Virgin in Moulin Rouge?  Or better yet, let me answer both questions with a “Shaddup!”.

8) Up: I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for them to remake this one.  Edward Asner would be perfect as the old guy.

7) The Wizard of Oz: Oh, Warner Bros. is already working on a remake?  Okay then.

6) Gone With The Wind: Okay, first of all nobody knows anything about the American civil war because it happened so damn long ago.  Outside of the fact that the west beat the east, I know very little about it myself.  In a bid to make it more topical, we’ll set the film during the Ugandan civil war.  Scarlett (played by Mariah Carey) is a wealthy heiress to a coffee plantation who crosses paths with Rhett, a dashing solider of fortune played by Taylor Lautner.  As the movie draws to a close, Rhett utters the soon-to-be-memorable parting: “Fuck you, bitch.  I don’t give a shit.” before making his exit, thereby setting up the sequel.

5) Casablanca: Can you imagine how much better this movie would be if a) it were in color instead of dreary black and white and, b) starred some actors with actual depth like, say, Carmen Electra and Taylor Lautner.  Bogart and Bergman?  What will they be remembered for outside of To Have and Have Not, The Big Sleep, Dark Passage, Key Largo, Angels With Dirty Faces, For Whom the Bell Tolls, Notorious High Sierra, The Maltese Falcon, The African Queen, The Caine Mutiny, Sabrina, and a few other movies, most of which were in black and white anyway.

4) Citizen Kane: Another classic that would benefit from the color treatment.  And Taylor Lautner.   And a car chase involving an experimental jet pack.  And at the end, we find out that Rosebud is actually the name of the murderer.

3) Star Wars: More epic space battles and visual effects sequences, dreamier young leads, lose the high adventure fun in favor of earnest dialogue, add romance and more annoying side-kicks.

2) 2001: A Space Odyssey: First, if I wanted to watch accurate depictions of space exploration, I’d watch old NASA documentaries.  Second, if your movie is going to include alien contact, the let’s see the alien.  And shoot lasers at it.  Finally, when you end your movie, leave nothing to the imagination because the audience doesn’t like to think for itself.  Keep the closing montage but add an extra scene that DISSOLVES from the embryo to a EXTREME CLOSE UP of our hero’s eye.  We hear him say: “What happened?” Then we PULL BACK TO REVEAL he is a baby.  He screams: “Nooooooooooooooo!” and we FADE OUT.

1) Dances With Wolves: Give it a SciFi spin by transposing the story to an futuristic setting.  Make it 3D.

81 thoughts on “March 21, 2010: What movies would you like to see remade? Well, I’m glad you asked.

  1. With the list of remakes looming on the horizon….eeeuuuwwww – will pass on them. I’ll stick to re-plays of the Stargate franchise episodes and movies thank you very much.

  2. “Gone With The Wind: Okay, first of all nobody knows anything about the American civil war because it happened so damn long ago. Outside of the fact that the west beat the east, I know very little about it myself”

    You might want to re-assess your fact checker 🙂

    It was the North fighting the South in the Civil War

    You might have been thinking of the Cold War, which West versus East

  3. I heard that Robocop was getting a reboot. Hey, I made a funny… 😉

    But seriously, has Hollywood run out of new Ideas since Avatar? (which was Dances with Wolves w/ a scifi twist come to think of it…) Gaaa!

    Great movie though. Oh well.

    Best wishes,


  4. Remember that time that dragon scissor kicked that hover jet? … in 3D!

    That blog must’ve been a lot of work. You don’t have deadline looming, do you?

  5. I think you should have used the term “reboot” insead of “remake”. Alot of those films are just trying to cash in on recycling the idea of the original film instead of coming up with something new and inventive. Most of the films you listed are either sequels or prequels to the original stories. Except Tim Burton who must be out of ideas (read: acid) and can only put his own spin on other works.

  6. RE – Stargate characters

    1. KEEP the man with the Dredlocks.

    2. But get rid of the Dredlocks

    3. and you will have another Captain Kirk.

    4. Make Him the Leader of Stargate

    5. Because He is a natural LEADER.

  7. I’m still waiting for Kevin Smith’s remake of Fletch. I loved the books, and really enjoyed Chevy Chase’s loose interpretation, but Smith is supposed to be making a more true to concept version of Gregory MacDonald’s novel.

    My fantasy remake would be Sophie’s Choice starring Mariah Carey. In 3D of course!

  8. Which by the way, Alice in Wonderland was horrible as was his Charlie and Chocolate Factory.

    Joe have you been watching The Pacific? It is on HBO Canada at 8pm tonight, you should check it out. I’m getting read to watch it now.

  9. More effects and battles in star wars!!!!! What Star Wars were you watching??? The animated clone war cartoon network series!!! Or were you just kidding??

  10. Oh and Mr. M,

    If SGU is shooting at the bridge tomorrow please please please post some pics of them on the blog. I miss those guys!!!!

    Thanks so much,
    Major D. Davis

  11. ROFLMAO, someone is going to take you seriously. Oh wait

    >> Dances With Wolves: Give it a SciFi spin by transposing the story to an futuristic setting. Make it 3D.<<

    Someone already did.

  12. Well I don’t know about the Canadian educational system, but in the US, we were pounded with the Civil War. I dreaded every day hearing a new documentary based on Mary Chesnut’s diary. You’d think that we would have studied the Revolutionary War, but no. We studied the Civil War until we were blue in the face including going to Gettysburg. By the time I went to college, I thought the French and Indian war was fought between the French and the Indians. lol.

    We need another remake of The Last of the Mohicans and the Goonies 😀

  13. I’m surprised (and a little horrified) to see a mention of Justin Beiber in one of your blog postings.

  14. Don’t forget all the Huckleberry Finns(no longer politically correct to do however) and war of the World remakes. I am looking forward to one remake. When Worlds Collide. Ever since reading the original book, I’ve always wanted to see the movie done properly. IMDB says the movie is in active preproduction, and is due out in 2012.
    As far as the Civil War, maybe you folks to the north and west don’t remember anything about it, but those of us living here near the capitol of the Confederacy its a different matter. In fact, there are a fair number of folks who might not yet conceed the South actually lost. There is both good and bad to that attitude, but it makes for entertaining times. And there are few things that can evoke such somber feelings as to walk some of the battlefields and realize how so many on both side lived and died for what they believed in.
    I think you hit on the the remakes. Make em all sci fi. those that are sci fi, you already have the right idea on tweeking. But I do wonder. Am I the only person who looks on this avalanche of remakes as a sign of the decline and fall of western civilization? Just wondering.
    Anyways, thanks for the entertaining and early post. Now, more SG stuff, more doggie pics, more book stuff, and life will be good. (hey, it’s easier to start off demanding a lot and being happy with what we get)

  15. Hilarious, even if some folks don’t get you at all. Heh. It completely depresses me they’re re-making movies I well recall premiering in my lifetime. Overboard, already?

    On TV, we’ll be graced with re-booted Hawaii Five-0 and Rockford Files (featuring Beau Bridges as Rocky!). The original Five-0 was cheesy as hell, but I shudder at what they’re going to do to it.

  16. Uh,mmm,I don’t think they should redo oh so many of those classic movies, why ruin a sometimes pleasant memory..These guys are stuck in some kinda time loop, rehashing and oh man its keeps getting better and badder. If its a bad movie a do-over is not necessarily gonna make it any better. I am surprised just how quick anymore they are turning movies(seems like they were just in theaters) into dvd/blu-ray. That’s a fast turnaround, Does that mean they didn’t do well in theaters or they are just trying to grab more money as quickly as possible.
    btw, anyone heard from Anne Teldy lately?

  17. My thoughts on your top 10 remakes…

    10) Chinatown: Don’t embarrass yourself!

    9) The Sound of Music: That would be sacrilegious!

    Up: What?

    7) The Wizard of Oz: Don’t even think about it!

    6) Gone With The Wind: Don’t you dare remake this!

    5) Casablanca: Get out!

    4) Citizen Kane: Have you no shame!

    3) Star Wars: Don’t make me laugh!

    2) 2001: Dreamer!

    1) Dances With Wolves: Okay.

    And also don’t touch the classic Gilligan’s Island. I grew up watching that. Now THAT was good television!

  18. Funny, I was just thinking about Kurt Russell the other day. I’ve always thought “Captain Ron” should be remade. If only to make the universe right again.

    I loooove road trips. Togo’s and In and Out Burger. The only stops you’ll ever need.

  19. RebeccaH: Taylor Lautner is one of those teens in Twilight. That’s all I know. Btw, nice name. We Rebecca’s have to stick together.

    Just, don’t, crap, don’t redo any of these, Studios. They rarely work. Star Trek did. Maybe we should get JJ Abrams to redo all of these. I kind of looking forward to seeing if they mess up The A-Team. Chances are good they will.

    Maybe you could make one of these, Joe? Any of them? Your descriptions certainly did make me laugh.

  20. ‘Now imagining a remake of Jaws with full glorious cgi and current special effects … I walked out on the original. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight.


    The Sound of Music as a space opera has potential… :^p (Hey, ‘gotta get my mind off Jaws somehow!)

  21. RE: Tim Burton and Dark Shadows: Dark Shadows is the only vampire tale that I really liked because it was so campy and gothic. Would love to see Tim tackle this, with Depp as Barnabas, of course! 😀

    RE: Warner Bros. and a remake of The Wizard of Oz (in 3D!): Stupid, stupid, stupid. That is all.

    Joe – I can’t even laugh at your ideas for The Sound of Music, Gone With The Wind, Casablanca, and especially Citizen Kane; the very thought of remaking any of these – even in jest – makes me about wanna vomit. NOTHING benefits from the color treatment… *looks at extensive video library of B&W flicks* …NOTHING!!!

    However, you hit the name right on the head with what would happen in a Star Wars remake. It’s why I never watched the last two movies – that one with Jar Jar nearly destroyed the entire franchise for me.

    Oh, and your ideas for Dances with Wolves? Really, Joe…REALLY??! Wasn’t that already done in Stargate Atlantis?? You know – people coming from another world, and – out of sheer ignorance and self-importance – disrupting an entire ecosystem and killing off the natives because they consider them to be nothing more than savage monsters?

    Oooooooh…yeah. You SO do not want to get me started on that one again!! 😉

    On a brighter note, we just finished watching Twilight: New Moon. Mr. Das is obsessed with these movies! I wanted to read comics, and he wanted to watch this film. It wasn’t horrible, but I hate the romantic crap and that’s the stuff Mr. Das loves. But I get really annoyed because someone needs to slap this biatch Bella upside the head for playing every guy she’s around. What a you-know-what tease! AAARRRGGHH!! I hate girls like her! Clingy teases, wanting to have their cake and eat it, too! You don’t tell someone, “I love you, but I love him more!” NO, NO, NO! Stop stringing these poor boys along! ARRRGGGHHH!! I hope once she’s turned, wolfboy bites her head off. 😀

    That said, it was great seeing Chris Heyerdahl, and especially hearing him in some of the commentary after the film. He looked absolutely yummy with the long locks, too! 😉 (Aaaah, Chris…he’s still got ‘it’! )

    Oh, and for the record, Mr. Das is totally in Team Edward’s corner, and I’m right there with Team Jacob. 😀

    God, I am such a loser. 😛


  22. Oh, no. Those old songs in The Sound of Music are not lame. I agree to make the arrangement more contemporer though. I would be able to watch if Maria starts to sing Beyonce’s If I Were a Boy.

    Nice list anyway! 😀

  23. Hollywood no longer has an imagination, that’s for sure. Redoing The Wizard of Oz? Who thought that up, seriously? Worse, who okayed it??!

  24. hey 😮 ! I thought you didn’t like Beyonce’s If I Were A Boy.
    Weren’t you running some king of experiment with this song a couple of weeks ago ?! :mrgreen:

  25. I want to see Clash of the Titans !
    don’t like remakes. I like the originals !! As soon as the actors are not the same, I lose interest.
    I hate it when I listen to the sequal of a movie and some of the character are portrayed by a different actor. It’s done often on soaps.

  26. Joe…? Do I sense a secret “***-crush”… Or were you just having a Matrix Moment? ;-D

    As for 2001… I vaguely remember seeing it when it first came out back in the Acid Ages when giant black slabs roamed the Solar System. 42 [insert TWILIGHT ZONE music] years later, and I’m still trying to figure out that whole stupid ending! – BTW, yours was much better. Hey, can you get Bill Gates to be the voice of HAL? [It and the slabs really were the best characters!]

    And while we’re on the subject, “2010” – I enjoyed more, but it’s doubtful that I’ll be seeing any dolphins in my backyard this summer messing with the squirrels!

    Can’t *wait* for 5-0!! O’Loughlin is going to be a treat! 😀 I soooo miss MOONLIGHT! Mind you, it would have been just as great as to see Flanigan in the role too…

  27. You want original, Joe? Have I got a multi-generational family war story for you! But I’m still researching.

  28. With all these great ideas, Joe, you could easily be snapped up by a major movie studio as their new head of development. You could really get the right projects in production! Wow!

    just finished watching Up in the Air and listened to the commentary. After viewing, I wasn’t so impressed, but I did enjoy me some Mr. George Cloney. Without him, the movie wouldn’t have been so enjoyable. I also enjoyed all the real life settings they used and all the extras. I think that made the movie. in addition to George.

  29. I was just talking to a friend of mine tonight about all the comic-book reboots they’re either doing or talking about doing (X-Men, Fantastic 4, Spider-Man, etc), and it bugs me that they keep fixing their franchises by rebooting them. His reason for it: money. Of course it’s for money, but can’t studios figure out a way to make money with new stories based on the old ideas? Or at least switch to a different comic book series to adapt to film?

    Since we know that won’t happen, let’s re-make Logan’s Run and Back to the Future as well, and cast Taylor Lautner as the lead in both.

  30. I guess it was always only a matter of time before every story that could be told had been.

    Whaddya mean you don’t remember Monster Squad? My kids grew up on that movie, I had it on the same tape as Flight of the Navigator which I note you also seem to have forgotten (“COMPLIANCE!”) Sarah Jessica Parker had a small part pushing a high tech dinner wagon. I think it should be remade as a gothic horror musical….oh wait that was Rocky Horror…

  31. Hi, Joe.

    I’m sure you already know this, but John Carpenter’s ‘The Thing,’ IS a remake of ’51’s ‘The Thing from Another World’ directed by Christian Nyby and also based on the
    John W. Campbell Jr. story.

    Which I like MORE than Carpenter’s version (even though I <3 Kurt Russell!) … because it had more class, drama, humor, a little romance, and the wonderful Kenneth Tobey, the dreamy Dewey Martin (sigh… actually, Kavan Smith reminds me of Dewey), and old Matt Dillon himself (the character, not the actor) portrayed The Thing (aka James Arness).

    It's a shame Hollywood is so determined to keep remaking movies. There are so many wonderful books out there that would make terrific movies.

    And we still haven't a seen a movie made yet from that excellent idea that came out of SG1's Wormhole X-Treme! Poochinsky, the talking dog who solves crimes.

  32. Personally, I boycott all remakes. I would rather support originality and risk.

    It appears that tongue in cheek humour does not always translate.


  33. Everytime I see a pic of you I think, “you really do dress like an archvillain.” So the diner road trip would be a howl. Happy Monday.

  34. You know what’s even worse than stupid remakes of great movies? Stupid rewrites of kiddie lit. New Nancy Drew? Well, I suppose it’s a stretch to call it literature, but really, does the world need even MORE Nancy Drew?

    What does Ashleigh have to say about that?

    Also, my foodie road trip recommendation, for anyone who is traveling to Washington DC: Dr. Granville Moore’s on H Street NE for the mussels and beer and bison. Yum!

  35. RE: Tim Burton and Dark Shadows, as a lifelong fan of this series (RIP Dan), based on Tim’s already f-ed up movie catalog, I would approve his handling of it.
    However, Addams Family remake was already perfect. (RIP Raul)
    Burton’s is supposed to be 3D animated which I’m not interested in.

    I’m not a big fan of remakes in general, IMO more miss than hit.
    Three Musketeers, however… my fave Lester 1973 York, Reed, Chamberlain, Welch, Heston, Lee… can’t beat it.

  36. “2) 2001: A Space Odyssey: First, if I wanted to watch accurate depictions of space exploration, I’d watch old NASA documentaries. Second, if your movie is going to include alien contact, the let’s see the alien. And shoot lasers at it. Finally, when you end your movie, leave nothing to the imagination because the audience doesn’t like to think for itself. Keep the closing montage but add an extra scene that DISSOLVES from the embryo to a EXTREME CLOSE UP of our hero’s eye. We hear him say: “What happened?” Then we PULL BACK TO REVEAL he is a baby. He screams: “Nooooooooooooooo!” and we FADE OUT.”

    the writers of stargate, ladies and gentlemen!

  37. Someone just shouted “You’re talking about movie remakes, you’re on the blog of a guy who is long involved with the Stargate remake & not mentioning…”
    LMAO YES! I approved of this Stargate movie remake!!

  38. Joe,

    Re: Road Trip – If you’re coming this far east, I highly recommend Jim’s Steaks (not me Jim…another Jim) on South St. in Phila. Pat’s and Geno’s are both spoken of with reverence, but IMHO, Jim’s has them both beat. I’d be happy to accompany you if you include Philly.

  39. I would love a remake of “The Sound of Music”. I get tired of hearing the song “Sixteen” every time I tell people my full name. (Liesel)

    Seriously guys, I’ve heard it.

  40. lol….nice one Joe. Has Taylor Lautner taken over from Zac Efron? They could remake those Road movies (Bob Hope & Bing Crosby) with Zac Efron and Taylor Lautner then you’d be all set.

    Some you missed out on mentioning

    Singin’ in the Rain w/ Zac Efron, Miley Cyrus &Taylor Lautner
    The Great Escape w/ Robert Pattinson, Zac Efron, Taylor Lautner, Justin Bieber, Jake Gyllenhaal (he can play the older guy)….have I missed anyone, I’m sure we can come up with some….

    But seriously, how about the following Stargate alum in the these remakes:

    Joe Flanigan – Double Indemnity (with the roles flipped around)

    David Hewlett – Solaris – make it properly this time….great concept but I haven’t liked either movie.

    Rachel Luttrell – The Big Chill – in the Glenn Close role…but maybe go back in time when Alex was alive

    Jason Momoa – Cocktail but with a darker, sinister edge
    to it

    Anyhoo…..just a thought….

    Cheers, Chev

  41. @das

    Nooo. Mr. Das has been sucked into the twilight world!!! Those movies are meant for crazy teenage girls!!!! I mean I know one guy whose a friend of mine and he likes twilight, and IRS s little creepy. But a grown man being that passionate about twilight??? There must be some evil twilight vampire force at work somehow making mr das enjoy the twilight movies!! 😉

    Please Das, I beg of you, dont fall into the twilight world!!!

    Thanks so much,
    Major D. Davis

  42. How bout these Joe?

    10) The Man Who Fell to Earth
    9) The Last Starfighter
    8) The Keep
    7) A Clockwork Orange
    6) The Guns of Navarone
    5) Rosemary’s Baby
    4) Moby Dick
    3) Red Badge of Courage
    2) Das Boot
    1) Grand Prix

    They could be serious remakes too 🙂 But Justin Beiber in The Man Who Fell to Earth would certainly elicit a chuckle.

    You thinking of writing some scripts for movies now?

  43. Hi.

    Happy First week of SPRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    A while back the roomie and I were talking about movie that we thought should be remade and we both said at the exact same time “LOGAN’S RUN”. I always had thing for that movie. I thought Michael York was great as Logan. If it ever got remade they would have to have a british lead actor again.

    Here is an Atlantis question:

    When Teyla joined Sheppard’s team she wore, for the most part, all the Earth Military clothes and used our weapons but when Ronan joined he got to keep all his own clothes & weapons. I understand keeping the weapon because that is one cool gun but was there ever any discussion about whether or not he should do like Teyla did and wear the Earth Military gear?

  44. LOL! Loved the list, Joe! I do have to point out, however (in case someone else hasn’t) that Bacall wasn’t in Casablanca. That was Ingrid Bergman. Lauren Bacall didn’t make her movie debut until the wonderful “To Have and Have Not.”


    Is my geekiness showing?

  45. No one should ever remake Casablanca or Citizen Kane. They’re perfect the way they are.

    Also, as a fan of the original Monster Squad film, I’m curious as to how the new one will turn out. The original was campy fun, but it had some great lines (“I’m part of the god damned club, aren’t I?”) which really only make sense if you’ve seen the film.

    How about remaking the original Stargate feature film, this time using RDA and Michael Shanks?

    Oh, and there were plans for an “Evil Dead” remake under original director Sam Raimi (though using a new cast), but I think that fell through.

  46. On second thought, I think you are on to something casting Taylor Lautner in all your remakes. Don’t tell anyone, but The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl is one of my favorite movies. I am mesmerized by it.

  47. My brain is having problems processing all that sarcasm 🙄 .

    I agree with all the comments about risk in movies. There are so many great books out there, just waiting to be converted into film. The studios just want to rework old formulas. However, the studios must be getting some big profit from remakes or why bother with them?

    Some of the remakes, I’ve enjoyed (The Adam’s Family) but most films they add some kind of political agenda that is the current trend.

  48. LOL! I took a writing class years ago under the man who wrote the short story Rollerball was take from. He told the class he couldn’t figure out why everyone made such a big deal about the story–it didn’t seem to be one of his favorites, anyway. I understand the movie wasn’t all that close to the story.

    As for remaking classics…I really wish Hollywood would try for something original instead of remaking something that’s great the way it is.

  49. @ Major D. Davis – Mr. Das is a true romantic, he loves romantic movies and ‘chick flicks’…and…ya know, that soap opera of superhero shows… Smallville 🙄 . On the other hand, I prefer mystery/crime drama and action movies. Now, don’t get me wrong, Mr. Das also loves action movies, especially Rambo and anything with Arnold in it. Conan the Barbarian is just about his favorite movie, ever…he even has the soundtrack. 🙂 But where we differ is that he likes women in his movies, and I don’t. I prefer all-male casts, because female characters irritate the heck out of me. Well…most women. As a lot of people here know, I absolutely love both Ziva and Abby from NCIS – in fact, I have a girl-crush on Abby 😳 …just love her to pieces. I mean, how can’t you love Abby??!


    I think Abby is the only female character in the history of tv and film that I’ve been able to relate to.


  50. luvnjack,

    Egads! I WAS thinking of To Have and Have Not.

    Has anyone remade that one yet?

  51. Joey – did you watch the second video…’cause at about 3:22 there’s a scene that may remind you of me… 😀


  52. @Craig

    Of course the evil dead remake fell through. Can you imagine anyone other than Bruce Campbell playing Ash? All those great oneliners won’t be he same coming from someone else. And modern technology would kill those films. What made them great is that they were so bad…

    Best wishes,

  53. @das

    Haha mr. das like Conan?? I’m sure he was happy to hear about Jason getting the part in the remake!!
    And it’s kinda funny how things are backwards between you two. He likes the girly stuff and you like the manily stuff. 😉

    As for the casts. I don’t know, I love having a diverse cast. Honestly I hear so much about all the women in movies and tv shows are lame and shallow and I can’t figure out why. Well it’s probably because my teenage hormones override my better judgement of a woman character. It’s like, oh wow! She’s kinda cute!!! And then no matter how bad she acts, I still think she’s a great character.

    I guess it’s just hormones. All the girls tell us guys how bad at acting megan fox is but us guys just worship her, meanwhile us guys are trying to tell girls how sad Zach Efron and Robert Pattinson but the girls can’t stop worshipping them. So I can see how girls can be a better judge of women characters then men can. 😉

    As for NCIS I actually really don’t like that show but the only thing I like about it is Abby. :). She really is cute.

    Oh and just a random question, what does mr das think of sgu??

    Thanks so much,
    Major D. Davis

  54. Coucou 🙂 ça va bien? Moi oui mes examens blanc approche^^, donc je serai un peu moins présente.

    éhéhé! trés intéressante cette question !!! Merci d’y avoir répondu en détaille :)!!!

    Moi il y’a un film que je voudrai faire tout court…c’est celui de sga lol XD..ça vous étonnes?

    Bonne journée!
    Gros bisou!

  55. Hey! Why no love for a remake of MY DINNER WITH ANDRE? You got something against films set in a restaurant? I mean really … *you* of all people …

    And one done in 3-D. How awesome would that be?

  56. Das: I’m a big fan of NCIS, too. I was leary of Kate’s replacement but Ziva is great!

  57. @ Major D. Davis – Mr. Das likes SGU, but like with most of his shows, he really doesn’t talk about it much. The only show he does talk about – a LOT – is Big Bang Theory…and then he impersonates all the characters… and then I really wanna Gibbs-slap him upside the head. 🙂

    Of course, you don’t know what I mean by that since you don’t like NCIS… 😉

    As far as female characters go, I think it’s normal for guys to like female characters, and women to be more critical of the ladies on the screen. I’m very critical because most female characters are nothing like me, and therefore I can’t relate to them at all. I think that’s why I like Abby – she’s a bit ‘weird’ and I can relate to that. I like weird. 🙂 It’s the gossip and the cattiness and the meddling I hate, and my inability to relate to the basic interests of most women; I want to talk comic books and science and bugs and medical abnormalities, and most women I know want to talk about clothes and shoes and those oozy stink-balls of bodily fluids also known as babies. Not my cuppa. I also find most female characters are stereotyped: Aggressive career woman, dumpy uneducated housewife, beautiful be-boobied bimbo, etc…and that’s not who I am. So it’s just easier for me to like male characters, or shows that feature guys, because I find I’m less critical of male characterizations and even if I can’t totally relate to them, at least I can enjoy the eye candy. 😀


  58. @ Tammy Dixon – Anyone who can keep Tony in his place is great. 😀 I’m usually not one who likes ‘ships’, but I wouldn’t mind seeing Ziva and Tony get together because they already act like an old married couple. The entire cast is great, and that makes the show!


  59. Doubt that anyone could improve on Hemingway, but I did come across this poster:

    Kinda reminds me of a certain Han Solo/Leia one, n’est pas? — Actually, come to think of it, there were bits of that movie that probably could be compared to TH&HN… C-3PO was a tad Walter-esque…

  60. Not only is Clash of the Titans going to be remade it is going to be remade in fake 3D. Apparently the film was shot in good ole 2D and then someone wanted to hop on the 3D bandwagon so they used some magical process to add the 3rd dimension after the fact.

    Now if it was shown in 4D then I would be interested, hey Joe perhaps SGU could be filmed in 4D or the previous Stargate series rejiggered to add another dimension or two?

  61. This is probably going to sound incredibly dumb but: Who the hell is Taylor Lautner?

    I’m guessing you’re being facetious in suggesting he (at least I assume it’s a he) star in so many remakes. Is he the Remake King or some such thing?

  62. The Star Wars remake – tongue was firmly in cheek while you described the prequels, yes? 🙂

    I am actually ok with the *idea* of the new Wizard of Oz. From what I’ve read, they’re eyeing it more as a franchise series hewing fairly closely to the books, not as a remake of the movie. Which, while absolutely fantastic, did take, uh, liberties with the story…So, could be good or could be crap. Just like everything else Hollywood does!

  63. Bonjour Joseph Mallozzi.
    C’est l’anniversaire de la maman demain. Elle est fan de Stargate Sg1 et je me suis dis que ce serait gentil de votre part de lui faire un petit clin d’oeil sur votre blog, ce serait une bonne surprise pour elle. C’ets mon frère qui connait votre blog qui a eut l’idée.
    Si vous acceptez, ma mère se nomme Sophie.

    Merci à vous et aurevoir.

  64. Das: they had a show in Paris (not too long ago) that hinted Tony “didn’t” sleep on the couch. 😳

  65. Joe, all that tongue in cheek sarcasm!! Love it when you talk sarcastic!

    Here’s a few remakes that could star the multi-talented Mr. Lautner:

    Forget Dances with Wolves — Water World in 3-D!
    American Graffiti
    Real Genius
    Top Gun
    Total Recall

    And wouldn’t it be great if they would remake that SGA movie? 😉

    Foodie Road trip! Sounds great! My suggestion would be that you could come to each area that many of us live in and you could take us out for dinner!

    Don’t think I can help with suggestions.. Don’t think any of the places we go are high falootin’ enough for you, Joe.
    (See,now you’ve learned a new phrase.)

    What do you mean the South didn’t win?? (Civil War)

  66. Personally, I would love to see Tim Burton do a Addam’s movie based upon the original cartoons rather than the tv show. He’s about the only one out there screwy enough and with the clout, to make it.

    As for some of the “remakes”, let them do it like Roger Corman, with fresh directors and budgets made out of stone. No more blank check movies, unless like Cameron, they pay a good portion of it out of their own resources.

    And to be honest, Stargate and SGA movies are not original ideas, i.e. the series so they could be considered as part of all of this. Not to say don’t make dozens of them for us however.

  67. Instead of a Star Wars remake, they should do a trilogy far into the future, so far ahead that none of the original ties to the other 6 films exist, other than the Jedi and the Sith, that would be if Lucas could imagine the same universe but far far into the future.

    Also, make the films more Adult, instead of appealing to the kids/teens, it would add more grit and realism to the series.

  68. Hi Mr M!

    Re: Pointless remakes….how about

    Stargate: The Movie….er…wait…hang-on…..ummm..

    *boom boom*

    On a separate but related topic:

    Movie that should NEVER have been made to begin with (also called how I wasted 2 and half hours of my life..)


    And of course, Movies that SHOULD be Made!!

    SGA: Extinction

    SG1: Third Movie


    Best to all


  69. Up is just one of my favorite movies of all time. My golden retriever, Maddie, is Dug through-and-through. SQUIRREL!

  70. @deeinsouthafrica, thanks for the link, I have been to Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba in Chicago, owned by Lettuce Entertain You Enterprises, excellent food and great service, specialize in tappas and paella, well number one son works there so a little bias…but it was great.
    -for star wars and tom selleck fans, no not a movie remake(not that i know of) but a neat link.if it works..|hp-desktop|dl8|link7|

  71. Hey, why not make a remake of SG-1, make it from the beginning, but in an alternative Universe where they make different decisions, int the first few eps, its the same, but then they make different choices, and by mid-time, season 1, it will be a totally different look, maybe they even meet the Furlings this time 😉

  72. I’m pretty excited to see Liam ‘Zeus’ Neeson say, “Release the Kraken!”

    I might be interested in the Dark Shadows remake, but the others that are really being remade don’t interest me.

    Love your descriptions about what’s “wrong” with the movies you want remade and including Taylor Lautner in just about every one of them. If only John Hughes were still with us, he could have made it happen!

    Remaking a remake of The Thing is just wrong.

    It’s impossible to remake Midnight Run because DeNiro and Grodin are the only actors who, with the guy who played Red, could pull off this scene:

    Jonathan Mardukas: What’s the name of this establishment?
    Red Wood: Red’s Corner Bar.
    Jonathan Mardukas: Are you Red?
    Red Wood: Yes.
    Jonathan Mardukas: Do you dye your hair?
    Red Wood: No.
    Jonathan Mardukas: Why do they call you Red?
    Red Wood: It’s short for Redwood. My last name’s Wood.
    Jonathan Mardukas: What’s your first name?
    Red Wood: Bill.

    Rock on, Joe. Rock on.


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