Hey, guess where I am! That’s right! NOT ONLINE!!! Apparently, a simple change to my billing information has proven a real challenge for my Internet provider, Telus. So much so that they felt it necessary to shut down my Internet access while they work on the problem. And what exactly IS the problem? Beats the he’ll out of me. I assume it’s just a matter of making the change to my billing info, just typing something into that little box. I don’t know. Maybe only unionized typists are permitted to enter information at Telus, and they only work on odd-numbered Tuesdays. Of course, that still doesn’t explain why they felt it necessary to pull the plug.

I was offline most of yesterday. The guy at tech support assured me that a dedicated Telus employee was working on it and that the problem would be solved in the morning. I was pissed to say the least – and even more so this morning when I woke up to discover the problem hadn’t been fixed. So I called back tech support and they assured me that they had one of their dedicated employees working on the problem and the problem would be solved by tomorrow morning. I politely called bullshit and pointed out that I could be paying another Internet provider for non-service. Or, even better, pay another provider for actual service! I was informed that it would take them just as long to hook me up so I might as well wait. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”asked the Telus rep.

“You mean beside the Internet service I’m paying you for? No.”

“Well then have a nice day.”

I then called customer service and explained the situation. She was appropriately outraged on my behalf and put me on hold while she addressed the issue. Moments later she was back with good news! First, I would be getting one month free for the inconvenience. And second, she had made arrangements to get me back online. Yes, she assured me that a dedicated Telus employee was working on the problem and I would be back online sometime today.

Or as late as tomorrow morning…

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LauraQ
LauraQ

Did you tell them who you were? I mean, you’re practically a star, they should show a little respect. Really. Sheesh.

Juralas
Juralas

Hey Joe,

Did you know…
For the internet speed you likely have (5Mps-10Mps), Canada’s internet rates are eighth highest in the world (out of 30 tested countries). 12Mps-32Mps internet rates are second highest in the world, behind Slovak Rep.

Also, Canada has the third highest cell phone rates in the world, behind U.S. and Spain.
“Canada now ranks last for cellphone users per capita in the OECD [Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development], having been surpassed by Mexico since the organization’s previous study.”

I’ve been with Bell Sympatico for many years and I haven’t changed to a new plan because I signed up for this account before the invention of download/upload caps. Though there are cap-free ISP’s out there, Bell is not one of them. If I were to upgrade, or for that matter CHANGE my internet plan in any way, they would slap a cap on my account right away.

Anytime there’s a problem with my internet connection that I can’t solve myself (and I’m fairly computer savvy), I give Bell a call. But it must be against their policy to assume the blame. Everytime I’ve called, they make me jump through many hoops before ultimately checking to see if the problem is on their end, and if I wasn’t able to fix it myself, 99% of the time it is a problem on their end.

The hoops they make me jump through are always the same, so I’m able to go through the motions before I even make the call… if I want to. But if they refuse to first make sure it’s not their fault, I just humor them and act like I’m following instructions to get to the end of the conversation: the point where the rep says “please hold while I check for outages in your area.”

Long story short, with the high rates, the spotty service (and non-existent customer service), download/upload caps, throttling, invasion of privacy and attempts to abolish net neutrality, Canadian ISPs fucking blow.

Jeff O'Connor

Weird. That’s really weird. Hopefully everything gets straightened out shortly.

Juralas
Juralas

Woops.

Source for info in my previous comment: http://www.cbc.ca/technology/story/2009/08/11/canada-cellphone-rates-expensive-oecd.html

Cheers,

-J

Thornyrose
Thornyrose

This is so not good. As hilarious as your rantings are, we still like all the other goodies you do, and that Telus is therefore depriving us of. An unahappy Joe M.= unhappy readers of the blog. Just let us know what we can do to assist you in extracting venge– justice for the suffering they are inflicting on you.

Angelus
Angelus

Well, Look on the bright side, At least you got a months worth of free internet now. Then again, Nothing in life truly comes for free. Expect a negative dose of karma heading your way.

La vie est une chienne.

JenniferJensen
JenniferJensen

ugggh, I hate talking to Telus. They are so dumb, right up there with Direct Energy.

dasndanger
dasndanger

Poor Joey… sad

I hate tech problems. Not the ‘technology’ – but the ‘technician’. Best is when you get one of those scripted foreign guys who don’t understand all the nuances of the English language and its idioms. Sometimes I only speak in idioms… razz …and they just don’t understand me, or my jokes. Of course, native English speakers don’t get my jokes, either. roll Anyway…I’m not a fan of ‘tech support’, not at all.

Anyway, I’ll share my dinner with you tonight, if that will make you feel better. First, I just diced up a little cucumber and mixed it with plain yogurt, a little salt, and coriander my sister brought back from Turkey. Very light and yummy (if you like plain yogurt – I can eat the stuff straight out of the tub…lol).

Now I’m having grape-leaf dolma, with a few olives and a little Humboldt Fog goat cheese –

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humboldt_Fog

Oh, and just a little wine to mellow it all out. smile This cheese is amazing! Simply delish. Best canned grape leaves I’ve had in a while, too. I’ve had fresh-made dolma, and I think these – though they don’t measure up to fresh-made – are pretty decent, though a little minty. Did you just gag, Joe?? wink

I’m also trying my hand at a VERY modified Moroccan chicken tagine – modified because, of course, I don’t have a tagine. razz I had all the spices, but didn’t have preserved lemon, so used just regular, and I left out the olives because Mr. Das doesn’t like olives (I can add them to mine). There’s ginger, saffron, cinnamon, garlic…some other stuff – it’s quite tasty, even if it’s not ‘authentic’. Serving it with a rice blend. It’ll be a snack tonight, and dinner tomorrow. I wasn’t planning to make this – I was just fortunate enough to have most of the ingredients on hand. Next time I’ll be prepared, and make sure I have all the stuff needed to make it properly.

And dessert? Probably dates, and figs. I’m in a Mediterranean kinda mood tonight. smile

Hope you get your tech problems straightened out, sir! Have a good evening!

das

annie from Fremantle
annie from Fremantle

Ok Telus are TOAST!

lordshake
lordshake

first of all, i’m sorry for the rude comments yesterday, i was very upset, very pissed, very angry with the trailer, my reaction was something like that guy from the youtube video “wow account canceled”

lol

welll…
please make me happy with some spoilers about “space”… (possibly the only episode that i gonna like..)

btw, about your isp… well, sometimes here when you call them they don’t know that its a general malfunction, and they charge me with a technical visit after the guys arrive and dont detect any problem, because they already fixed… lol since i’m always the first one to call them pissed and offending everybody, demanding my internet back right alway, (i’m very selfish and i can’t deal with things that aren’t how i want to be)

Gen
Gen

I think one of the most frustrating aspects of dealing with a company like this is that it’s nearly impossible to find someone to hold accountable. Every time you call, you get someone else on the phone. They take down the information, offer their sympathy, promise a quick fix. And if that quick fix doesn’t materialize, who cares? It’s not like you can call up John the Tech tomorrow morning and ask him why the hell he didn’t get things fixed like he promised.

(Insert a mix of hand waving and angry gestures with that speech. I have had more annoying experiences with a certain satellite internet company than I care to think about. Nearly all involved some customer service rep over in India speaking to me in heavily-accented English.)

Anyway. I wish you a quick fix, and I’m glad you got the free month of service at least. If you get really frustrated, sometimes calling up the CEOs office can be fun.

PBMom
PBMom

I share your misery. Here is my saga with Sears: Beginning of October, Sears came out to look at my dryer. They decided it needed 3 new parts. They placed the order and was to come back in 4 days to install parts. First week of November the parts finally came in. (The dryer is only 1 year old; how obscure could parts be, really). They scheduled an appointment for the next day without consulting me first (Nov 6). I had plans that day so scheduled for Nov 10. They called Nov 9 to confirm they were coming between 10 and 2. When they didn’t show by 5:30, I called them. I was told no technician would be out and there was a computer glitch and that is why he didn’t come out. But it was confirmed the night before, I say. I went into a half-lie/half-truth tirade about how it would have been nice to actually get a call from them to tell me there was a computer glitch and the technician didn’t get me on his schedule, or whatever the reason was because I had to take the day off from work to be there for them (not quite true; I telecommute, but I wanted to make them think there are consequences for people who actually DO stay home from work to accommodate them), I don’t have any vacation days (which is true) and so I would was out a good chunk of money for not working that day (not true, I was still able to work, but again, if I worked outside the home, not true). There was no EXCUSE for them not calling and to be a total no-show. The man I spoke with said he would send the communication to that department and they would be calling me. The next day, I get a call from them asking me how my SERVICE CALL went. I was livid. I went on another tirade: “WHAT service call? Not only did they not show up, I never received a call saying they wouldn’t show up and again went on to share the same story. I asked the woman how she would feel if she had to take off the entire day to wait for a service person who didn’t show up and didn’t call (nor did the company that confirmed the appointment the day before), be out that much money that affected their family’s income. She got very quiet on the phone and asked if they could come out Saturday, Nov 14 between 1 and 5. Sure I say. Comcast is going to be out between 2-5 to fix my lousy internet connection. The technician came out early in that time span (good thinking), and announced to me that he didn’t know what the previous technician did but he ordered the wrong parts. I’m thinking “Are you f-ing kidding me?” I did say, “Well how long is that going to take?” “Three to 4 days” I am assured.… Read more »

DP
DP

We should have a class action lawsuit against Telus for forcing Joe to truncate his entries and deprive us of our usual quota of snark.

We only have so many days left before Joe’s trip and this has to be seriously cutting into the mailbag, too.

Anyone know how to start a Facebook group? I suggest PEEVED AT TELUS FOR NOT RESTORING JOE MALLOZZI’S INTERNET SERVICE FAST ENOUGH AND DEPRIVING US OF OUR USUAL QUOTA OF SNARK.

deeinsouthafrica

Tokyo ‘world’s best place to eat’
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8364051.stm
..but then, you knew this already, didn’t you? smile

Juralas
Juralas

Hey Joe,

Courtesy of Digg, more educational reading: http://www.billshrink.com/blog/9-ways-isps-screw-you/

9 Ways ISPs Screw You. Seems appropriate.

Cheers,

-J

Shawna Buchanan
Shawna Buchanan

Well, at least they’re giving you a free month (assuming that actually goes through). Otherwise, I’d think you should figure out what the cost for those days you didn’t have internet were and subtract that amount from your next payment. But yeah, maybe you should have told them who you were… and that you have a blog that’s read by quite a large number of people.

PoorOldEdgarDerby
PoorOldEdgarDerby

Well, you have to admire their candid response.

Sis
Sis

When I was in Orlando last May, I had trouble receiving all text messages through Telus. Several calls to tech support provided no solution. Of course they are aware of the problem… of course they are working on it… of course it will be fixed shortly. Nothing worked… “have you tried turning off your phone and then turning it back on? Yes, well let’s try it together… ready, go. Now turn it back on. Okay, is it working? Still no, hmmm.” To my delight, I finally began receiving text messages the following week when I moved out of Orlando and into Miami.

Fast forward to the end of August (yes, almost four months later). Imagine my confusion when I received a text from Telus telling me they had solved my recent problem. Recent problem? There must be some confusion, so I called Telus to check. Sure enough, they were happy to inform me that my problem from May had been solved!

What’s with das calling you Joey?

Ponytail
Ponytail

Joe, would it make you feel better if I told you I got a speeding ticket today? Yes?

I got a speeding ticket today.

conniepoint

That’s just not right! Might I suggest forming an angry mob with pitchforks and torches? I can provide the pitchforks if necessary!

Montrealer
Montrealer

Mr M

Just like like @Juralas I can’t change my internet plan with Bell either. It’s got unlimited downloading at DSL speed. Think faster downloading isn’t even possible with the available Bell infrastructure in the neighbourhood. Besides you use up a lot of bandwidth if any of web pages you visits is Flash intensive or got java scripts interlace.

In theory I can get much faster downloads with the local cable company (Videotron), but their basic high speed plan is capped at 10GB downloads.

Juralas Bell Sympatico is no more. It’s now re-branded as Bell Net. Mirco$oft retains the Sympatico name after their split with Bell Canada recently.

belouchi
belouchi

Well I guess Videotron is better than telus…. do you guys have it as a provider in Vancouver

Debra
Debra

Sigh. I think you have infected me with tech issues.
Cable modem and phone go out every day for a few days each week between 10 til 11:30 am. Then it happens in afternoon and morning. They tell me it is my modem. Right, my modem is going bad at the same time during the work week, not weekends, for 3 wks. They bring me a new box. They leave at noon… at 2:20 it goes out again. They come back. I explain neighbor has issues too. No.. it is MY equipment. They rewire under the house, new router and splitters and who knows what. Never mind it only happens at certain times… Anyway, stay tuned. At least when they fix the REAL problem all MY STUFF will be new.

dasndanger
dasndanger

@ Sis – RE: Joey.

It all started with tramps, and teamsters…

wink

das

Narelle from Aus

das – Your way of assembling the lamp shade was exactly the idea I suggested for the barrel!

ostros ojos – He swears he didn’t Google it. I have to believe him as his phone doesn’t have web at the moment and I blew up our wireless router a few weeks ago so he couldn’t get online without my laptop.

artdogspot – He’s a good cabinet maker/shop fitter so I’m pretty confident in what he does. It’s when I see him cutting or removing items that shouldn’t be that I get worried. He’s already lost his thumb and had it re-attached so at least he knows consequences of power tool actions. PS: Not sure how you fit 3 Ridgebacks in your place! Ours is crowded with 1.

Tammy – There’s nothing double-sided tape can’t achieve. And us women should know.

Barstool Babe – I did ask for a timeframe in which this would be completed in. Not that I wanted to rush him, but just so I knew how long I had until I could Google the answer. He’s very reluctant to have Google solve all of his problems. He’ll come around.

As for how he did it. Placed the smallest hoop on the ground with the base. Nailed the second hoop to the stair on the decking. Placed the planks around in order. Added the largest hoop. Removed the nail from the second hoop now there was enough support. Moved all the planks into place. Added the remaining hoops. Hammered the hoops into the correct place and knocked the planks into alignment.

Huzzah! \o/