There were some pansies, some flox, and what I thought may have been buttercups but I couldn’t be sure. The assortment would have made for a lovely bouquet, but as far as salads went, this one left a lot to be desired. We were at Chow for lunch. My pretty little salad accompanied a pulled pork sandwich that failed to impress. The bread was too hard, the cheese too sharp, the pork itself a little too lean and dry. However, my second dish, a gnocchi with morel mushroom and leek in a cream sauce, proved a welcome distraction. For her part, Fondy was hardly enthused by the portion size of her good arugula salad, and while she did find her chorizo plate tasty enough, the fact the sausage fell somewhere between lukewarm and room temperature led her to suggest we give this place a skip next time out. Chow’s brings it’s A game at dinner but, alas, it’s lunch efforts are more a solid C+.
The frustrating lunch was par for the day. While Fondy was dealing with a dog spa issue (The guy hired to do the flooring threw a hissy fit when the building manager took him to task for leaving a bunch of garbage in the main hallway, quit and stomped off in a huff), I was dealing with Statistics Canada that was phoning to inquire about that survey they sent me three months ago. Survey. Survey. Doesn’t ring a bell. Could it be the survey I brought to work and ran by our lawyer (former legal beagle Alex Levine) for an opinion? Alex’s opinion at the time: “Toss it. It’s not mandatory.” Well, the woman who called me this morning would disagree. No harm done. She’ll be sending me another copy and checking in with me in a three weeks, bless her heart.
Well, finally, after two grueling weeks, I completed my first pass on Kindred Part I. Now, all I have to do is go over what I’ve done and make it good. Lately, I’ve actually done more work on my Nigerian pen pal than on my script. And guess who wrote back this morning?
“Dear Hazzencockle,
Thanks for your mail which really awaken me. I cannot appreciates Allah for keeping me untill i met you ,your prayers are giving me enough courage and strengths,thanks so much!
As regards the orghanage name conclusivelly, ALI IN THE FAMILY – HOME FOR ORPHANS AND ALOYSIUS P. HAZZENCOCKLE has finally caught my likes,and i settles for that .
I do fervantly pray for you on your jouney to london but please do be careful .
I know by the special grace of Allah i will not die but prays that i will be strong enough to stand fit to be able to sign all the necessary ducoments on the quick transfer of this money to you .
My hope is that this could be done this week as soon as your informations are ready.
I will be expecting your responds on this instance thanks .
Yours regards
Ali,”
To which I responded –
“Pip! Pip! Top of the mornin’ to you, guv! Fancy a shag?
Ali, my friend. Guess where I am? Yes – London! It is, without a doubt, the most exotic place I have ever visited with its commemorative plate shops and adorable wrong-way driving. I am enjoying myself immensely and, tomorrow, will be making the payment to free up the funds and collect my lottery winnings! Who knows? I may be so rich that I won’t need your money to build the orphanage after all. Ha! Ha! Seriously though, I still need that money.
Speaking of which – I don’t mean to rush you but how much longer do you think you have? Your last email got me a little concerned when you wrote “I know by the special grace of Allah i will not die”. Uh, I don’t mean to sound insensitive but I‘ve already started making plans for that money. If you can assure me that you are still dying, that would be great. Also, any sort of an inkling of a timeline would be much appreciated. When the doctor gave you three months to live, did he seem hopeful? Was it “at least three months” or “three months at best”? Does the five days we’ve corresponded count toward those three months? At approximately 90 days minus 5, that still leaves 85 days! The segway I put the down payment on can only be held for less than half that time!
Regarding the orphanage name. You just had to pick the one where your name appears first. You sly dog. So, okay. ALI IN THE FAMILY – HOME FOR ORPHANS AND ALOYSIUS P. HAZZENCOCKLE it is. We should start breaking ground as soon as possible as my landlord has informed me he will be raising my rent this September and I will need to move. I was thinking that we could build the orphanage on the vacant lot across the street from my old place as it would still allow me to be within walking distance of both my work and my mom and has the added bonus of all my former neighbors and landlord being envious of me because I will be living in the castle across the street from them. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention – I think the orphanage should be an actual castle with working drawbridge and moat and maybe one of those cauldrons with the hot oil on the top for when my landlord drops by to pretend like we‘re friends and that he wasn’t the one who stole my Royal Doulton Bunnykins collectible. Sort of like the castle Harry Potter lives in but hopefully not with as many kids. Let me know what you think.
Tally ho!
Aloysius P. Hazzencockle”
Pics: My salad highlights, the pulled pork sandwich, the gnocchi.
Time to make some people angry…
Neep writes: “Have you tried haggis?”
Answer: I haven’t. Were you planning to send me some?
Mackenziesmomma writes: “What is your favorite place to purchase chocolate?”
Answer: Chocosphere in Portland.
Anonymous #1 writes: “1. Will the SciFi channel air Season Four in one run or will there be a break in the middle? 2. Will Elizabeth Weir end up ascending?”
Answer: 1. That’s a question for SciFi. 2. No.
Someday Scientist writes: “Do you think if I hang around your blog for long enough, some of your evil villain-ness will rub off on me?”
Answer: If you’re willing to apply yourself, yes.
Arctic Goddess writes: “I had a telemarketer call me today…”
Answer: Fun fun. A telemarketer called up Martin Gero a couple of weeks ago and enthusiastically informed him that he had won something. Martin’s response was an equally enthusiastic shout “YEEAAAAH! WHOOOOHOOOOO! YESSSSSSSSSSS!” Perhaps a little too enthusiastic. His trailing euphoria was followed by an awkward pause. Then, the telemarketer: “Yeah, okay it’s a scam. Uh, do you know the score of the game?” Martin: “I think it’s 3-2.” Telemarketer: “Okay. Thanks.” And hangs up.
Seahen writes: “I’m going on a job interview tomorrow. Do you have any nice interview type answers I could use?”
Answer: Try “I’m an enthusiastic worker with boundless energy who will see a job through to the end regardless of the commitment demanded. Also, I am good at starting small fires.”
Jennifer writes: “My brother has started watching anime. Which ones would you recommend watching?”
Answer: Depends. How old is he?
Marline writes: “I was just curious do you like Gilmore Girls or was that just a funny bit you stuck in for kicks?”
Answer: I never watched it – but Marty G. was a big fan.
SueS writes: “Is there such a thing as Canadian cuisine?”
Answer: Hmmmm. Good question. There are some plates that are certainly typical of Quebec, but I can’t think of one that’s representative of Canada as a whole. I don’t know. Ever had a beaver tail?
Anonymous #2 writes: “ Can you tell us anything else about the ‘Midway’ ep?”
Answer: I’ll have more on this episode when we return from hiatus.
Smileyface06 writes: “What are the approximate lengths of Continuum and The Ark of Truth, are they closer to 90 or 120 minutes?”
Answer: Somewhere solidly in between for both.
Tony writes: “Is there any chance for us to seeing more of the other great alliance members popping up on Atlantis?”
Answer: At present, there are no plans to cross over any of the great alliance races
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