Joseph Mallozzi's Weblog

October 7, 2012: The kids

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I was awakened at about 4:00 a.m. by what sounded like a cat in heat, a low, sustained moan that that trailed off and rose up, trailed off and rose up.  Eeeewoooooooaaaaahrreeeeooooooaaaaaaa!  “Damn,” I thought, “it’s like that cat is sitting right outside my bedroom window.” And then I realized that the window was to my left while the caterwaul was to my right.  And very close.  I glanced over at Jelly who was sitting up on her pillow, staring back at me.  On cue, her tummy did a dead-on imitation of a cat in heat: Eeeewooooooaaaaaahrreeeeeeoooooooaaaaaaa!  And then she threw me the look.  You know what I’m talking about:

THE LOOK!

The look that says: “Look out!  I’ma gonna blow!”

I scrambled out of bed, threw on a t-shirt, a pair of jeans, scooped her up, and took her out to the backyard.  In the nick of time.

Jelly and I went back inside.  I propped her back up on the pillow, then crawled back into bed. I had just settled in comfortably when – scrtchscrtchscrtch.  Shakeshakeshake.  Scrtchscrtchscrtch. Shakeshakeshake.  Then, merciful silence.  For about a minute, at which point said silence was broken by: scrtchscrtchscrtch. Shakeshakeshake.  I looked down at Lulu, sitting up at the foot of the bed, head cocked as if deep in thought.  Beat.  Then, she scratched her right ear.  Scrtchscrtchscrtch.  And followed it up with her patented head shakeshakeshake.  Infection or just itchy?  A good dog dad doesn’t take any chances.

I sighed, crawled out of bed, found Lulu’s medication in the bathroom, returned to the room and cleaned her ears.

Ah. MUCH better.

I put the medication away, stepped back into the bedroom, and tried to crawl back into bed – only to discover Bubba had taken my spot. “Bubba,”I whispered reproachfully, not wanting to awaken Akemi.  No response.  He lay, sprawled out on my pillow, seemingly fast asleep. “Bubba.”  A little louder this time.  Still no response.  “Bubba!”  He twitched.  And then I realized – he was just pretending to be asleep! “Okay, I’m coming to bed,”I informed him.  The tone of my voice no doubt let him know I wasn’t in the mood to play around.  With a sniff, he crawled off my pillow and slunk down to the foot of the bed where he loosened a huff ‘n snarfle, then curled up and dozed off.

Oh. This is YOUR spot?

Once I was back in bed, I checked the clock.  It was a little after 5:00 a.m.  I pulled the covers up and pulled my second pillow over my head. I was just about to drift off when –

Eeeewooooooaaaaaahrreeeeeeoooooooaaaaaaa!

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31 responses

  1. melinda ward Avatar
    melinda ward

    Every pet parent knows “the signal” my dog is 15 & I instantly wake when I hear her tag hit the side of her water bowl during the night. I KNOW she will want to go out, eat, go out again, get her pain pill & then run madly around the house for the next hour till it takes effect & she goes back to sleep. This usually happens between 3 & 4 a.m. I get up @ 5 a.m. when my friends say I don’t know what it’s like to have children, I just roll my eyes. THEIR kids grow up & leave eventually. I pity them.

    Reply
  2. Deni Avatar
    Deni

    Sounds like most nights at my house. 🙂

    Reply
  3. Janet Avatar
    Janet

    G’day Joe

    Yes you are a good doggy Daddy.
    I have cats that disturb the night every night. Either playing or fighting on the bed. Jack, my ginger boy, the one who was bitten by a snake earlier this year (he is fine BTW), sits on top of the wardrobe staring outside and when he sees movement he gets all excited and jumps onto the bed and scares the living daylights out of me. He then races all around the house and jumping back onto the bed. Tried locking him out but he sits at the door howling and scratching. I do not have the heart to lock him out anyway.

    Reply
  4. msstargate Avatar
    msstargate

    Joe,
    I have had a rather bad last couple of days and this post gave me the best laugh I have had in a long time. 🙂

    Thanks!

    Reply
  5. JeffW Avatar
    JeffW

    @Joe:

    Our husky, Lucy, usually waits til about 2am to let us know that she ate something she wasn’t supposed to, starting with “huk…huk…huk” and then some followed by a heavy swallowing sound, and then faster, “huka..huka..huka”. The odds are about 50/50 for getting her into the master bath (where the cleanup is a least a little easier) before she lets loose.

    I have no hope at all for getting her down the stairs, through the family room and kitchen, through the sliding door, across the deck and into the dog run before “It” happens…no hope, so I don’t even try.

    And thanks to everyone who gave me safe travel wishes. I made it home a little over an hour ago, with my dog Lucy doing a pretty good Fred Flintstone/Dino impression as soon as I came in the door. She gets so excited when I come home (which I love), but with her tail wagging jumping tackles, I need to protect myself in the nether regions. Fortunately, I had my travel bags and they took the brunt of the blows.

    Speaking of Huskies, how is your sister’s dog Aspen doing?

    Oh and go Ravens! :-D. Now I’m hoping the O’s can pull it out against the Yankees…

    Reply
  6. sg1efc Avatar
    sg1efc

    So next time will be Akemi’s turn to take care of the kids and you stay asleep? 🙂

    Reply
  7. Ponytail Avatar
    Ponytail

    My dog pretends to be deaf all the time. They are such goofy things. Lots of human characteristics. Recently I too heard a long strange noise in the night that I thought was my dog’s stomach. Turned out it was mine. A little later I had to get up and run to the bathroom, only it was coming out the other end… 😯
    (yeah…I know…too much information…)

    Reply
  8. archersangel Avatar
    archersangel

    what did jelly eat that caused that kind of sound & the action that followed? they last time that happened to me it was a combo of things.

    Reply
  9. 2cats Avatar
    2cats

    My two cats are fond of sharing the bed too, especially on cooler nights. Sometimes they settle down nicely, other times it’s a battle over who has rights to the best spot. I don’t know how they decide the best spot but apparently it’s worth the growls, hissing, spitting and paw swipes that sometimes land on me.
    But we just love our fuzzies anyway, don’t we?

    Hope your kids are feeling better and you get some sleep…

    2cats
    Basil & Stash

    Reply
  10. Ponytail Avatar
    Ponytail

    The Dallas Cowboys did not play this week. (See Akemi, there is a God) They were probably told to stay home because they’re stinking up the NFL.

    How did your Snow Monkeys do?

    Reply
  11. DP Avatar
    DP

    I lose my mama suave when it comes to middle of the night throwing up. I’m not awake enough to figure out if I’m supposed to be cleaning up, getting a bowl, or comforting the kid and I halfway do each and fail at all for a bit. It didn’t occur to me to take them outside.

    Reply
  12. Alfredo De La Fe Avatar
    Alfredo De La Fe

    One of our cats goes through a bedtime routine. We tell her “Brandy, let’s go mimi” and she gets very happy and runs to the room, before we get there she is in bed between both of our pillows. As soon as my wife lays her head on the pillow her paws are stretched out touching her and she pushes me out of the way if I am too close for her comfort. She does not like to share my wife. 😉

    Alfred

    Reply
  13. Patricia Stewart-Bertrand Avatar
    Patricia Stewart-Bertrand

    Canadian Thanksgiving is Monday, but most Canadians seem to have the diner on Sunday. It’s a time of joy and feasting. For me, it’s work. Three people in my family have birthdays at the same time…so, I end up making, from scratch, pumpkin pies, birthday cake, turkey dinner, apple pies (from the tree in my yard) and chocolate chip cookies that one son insists be part of his birthday party. No wonder there are no baked goods for us at Christmas. I’m all baked out by then.

    Have a great Thanksgiving, Joe.

    Patricia

    Reply
  14. paloosa Avatar
    paloosa

    I hope Jelly is feeling better, and that her stem cell treatment is helpful, poor puppy. And hope you can catch up on some zzz’s tonight.

    Finally, I got some medical issues dealt with and it looks like I’ll be heading up to Vancouver for my annual vacation. I’m so looking forward to clouds, rain and some cold weather. We haven’t had any rain since May, the temps were up to 108 degrees last week, and I’m sick of all the traffic. So barring more health crap, new system meltdowns at work, earthquakes or an asteroid impact, I’ll be hitting the open road in a couple of weeks.

    And Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!

    Reply
  15. Line Noise Avatar
    Line Noise

    This is why I lock the cat in the kitchen with a litter tray and cat flap each night. She gets to sleep on the bed all day, why should she sleep on it all night too? Well, it would be fine if she stayed asleep all night but, no, she needs to scratch and clean and demand food at 5am and occasionally vomit. Sorry Bella, but my sleep is more important than your comfort. She has her own cushion with electric blanket next to the radiator in the kitchen. She has nothing to complain about!

    Reply
  16. Akemi Avatar
    Akemi

    @sg1efc

    I’m really bumbling so probably Joe is better for taking care of the dogs.
    I love the fact that Bubba slept right next me:)

    Reply
  17. cherluvya Avatar
    cherluvya

    *smiles* You are such a good Daddy!

    Reply
  18. JimFromJersey Avatar
    JimFromJersey

    I hope Jelly feels better today. Happy Thanksgiving!

    Reply
  19. Deborah Rose Avatar
    Deborah Rose

    Sorry to hear Jelly was sick, but I had to laugh at how the dogs managed to tag-team you so effectively. It shows what a good daddy you are though, that you at least woke up. Never mind carrying through what needed to be done. Well, maybe except for Bubba. He scored his improved sleeping spot fair and square, and after all, you did have to get back up… thanks for sharing and Happy thanksgiving day.

    Reply
  20. Maggiemayday Avatar
    Maggiemayday

    Mu big 19 pounder cat sleeps on my feet on a pink dog bed. He snores. The Siamese wants to sleep against my bum, behind my legs. If hubby is home, he gets the “ass-warmer-cat”. Siamese gets up at four and pats my face. Not to be fed, their dispenser is on a timer and they know the sound. No, Oide just wants attention and pettings. He also gets up and pokes around at random things in the bedroom. I have tried locking him out, but he cries and pulls at the door. He can open it unless I put on the intruder latch (it came with the house…). The latch, not the cat.
    The two little girl cats would be overjoyed to sleep with us, but they have their own room, my boys would beat them up. Poor little old ladies.
    All of them leave squishy wet surprises for me in the hall or in the front room.

    Reply
  21. Tam Dixon Avatar
    Tam Dixon

    melinda ward: I totally agree! Dogs are like kids.

    When my son was little, I could wake up anytime I heard him stirring. With kids, you never know what is going to happen. An explosive diarrhea incident or an all night vomiting session. I’m glad my son is older.

    With my cats, it’s the puking sound. I can wake up from the deepest sleep when I hear the hairball vomit noises. I wish you a good night’s rest!

    Reply
  22. Debra Avatar
    Debra

    Happy Thanksgiving. I wish we had ours earlier before the weather gets bad!

    Poor you, we were having similar bad nights Saturday btw. Mine had me up every hour til 4 am, then Larry woke me up leaving. Which may be why I didn’t see the blog last night.

    Traditions– gosh ours have changed so much since we don’t live near family. We sort of do whatever we want to. Well except Christmas, which being Jews always means we go out to Chinese or Japanese restaurants, lol.

    Reply
  23. cat4444 Avatar
    cat4444

    Ah, the joys of having a pet.

    Reply
  24. Sue Jackson Avatar
    Sue Jackson

    Awwww….poor babies! Joe…you certainly are a good papa to so those baby doggies. I have always said that taking care of a dog is like taking care of a child. Poor…Jelly sounds like she not feeling well. Hope she’s okay. May be she’s getting affects from the stem cell injections. And sound like Lulu and Bubba were feeling sensative to her agony. Such sweet girls to be concerned about their sis. Hope Jelly feels better soon. 🙂

    Reply
  25. Joanie Avatar
    Joanie

    That is so familiar! The scratch, scratch at the side of my bed wakes me up many a morning. My old man – the dog, not the husband, can’t jump on the bed any more, so what does this softy do? I get out of bed and lift him up. Whereupon he leans his full weight against the side of my legs, and instantly falls asleep, leaving me wide awake as they both snore…

    Reply
  26. Mike A. Avatar
    Mike A.

    The best is when you have a beagle laying in your spot on the bed, then after verbal attempts to get them to move fail, you have to motivate them physically. That’s when they growl at you. It’s not a mean growl, it’s just because they’re a grumpy bunch when they’re tired. It’s frustrating and adorable at the same time because you know they’re not mad at you, they just don’t want to move!

    Case in point:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIAD-EHHGdA

    This is ALL beagles! It’s hilarious!

    Reply
  27. Mike A. Avatar
    Mike A.

    Oh, and by the way, my fantasy football team scored 215 points this week. If I had put in all my top point-getters, it would’ve been 250(a normal winning score is about 125). I’m bragging about it now because I know next week, I’ll struggle to get 85 points. I’m now 4-1 in that league. This was the league I won last year. I can’t see my luck holding out too much longer, but it’s nice to be on top! Plus, this year we added a monetary bonus for the person who has the highest point total for the season. I’m also in the lead for that now, too!

    I also recently won a year’s supply of pistachios for guessing the number of pistachios in a 5ft tall cylinder. A little math got me within 39 of the actual number it contained. The high school formulas got me to 14,750 which was the closest guess. A couple days later and I got a huge 25lb box of pistachios on my porch!

    It’s good to be the king……(this week, anyway)

    Reply
  28. sg1efc Avatar
    sg1efc

    @Akemi
    ” I’m really bumbling so probably Joe is better for taking care of the dogs.
    I love the fact that Bubba slept right next me:) ”

    Bumbling? 😮 No way! I’m certain you are a perfect puppy parent. 🙂
    Sounds like you need a larger bed so that all the pups can sleep with you and Joe. 🙂

    Reply
  29. PBMom Avatar
    PBMom

    Belated Happy Thanksgiving. I wanted to post last night, but Patrick promptly shut me down and when I mean shut down, it’s all power off. Hope you had a good day. Sorry to the kids are unwell. “The Kids Will Be Alright” (cute movie by the way) is the only half-funny thing I can spurt out before I hurry to bed now that Patrick is at school. These 3-hour sleep nights are killing me, but he is back in school today, so I have a few hours to catch another 3-hour nap. On that note, I bid you adieu and I hope that the fur kids are doing much better today.

    Reply
  30. shinyhula Avatar
    shinyhula

    The pups may be a wretching, pooping, itchy mess but you’d never know it by those handsome pictures! They are like aging rockstars, still rocking that look we love while popping Mylanta instead of ‘ludes.

    Reply
    1. PBMom Avatar
      PBMom

      @Shinyjula LOL. The question is, who is Ringo, and who has the “Moves Like Jagger.?

      Reply

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