Hey, I’m turning into “that guy”. You know who I’m talking about. The guy who assumes that anyone under 18 out after nightfall is “up to something”. The guy who chases those kids out of that jello tree. The guy who (as our annual Stargate security memo urges) “challenges strangers”.
Hey! Hey, you! What’re you doing near my car?
Uh, filling the gas tank. You said unleaded, right?
Hey! Police! There’s a guy standing on my lawn waving a weapon! Shoot! Shooot!
No, please! I’m the gardener! These are my hedge clippers!
Hey! HEY! How’d you get inside my house?!
Er, your wife gave me the extra key. I’m your sister-in-law.
Yeah, THAT guy. You’re crazy uncle, his once supple outlook hardened by life’s calloused massage fingers (http://josephmallozzi.com/2009/03/21/march-20-2009-hi-i-was-just-in-the-neighborhood-and-thought-id-break-in/).
Take this morning for instance. I was out front, in the process of buckling the dogs into the back seat of the car, when a white van slowly rolled by. My spidey sense (aka paranoia) was tingling! I suspiciously eyed the driver. Mid-30’s. Darkhaired. And mustached! He had a freakin’ moustache! Hell, he may as well have been flashing a bumper sticker that read “LOSE WALLET. ASK ME HOW!”. After he took the next corner and motored off, I finished belting the dogs in, locked up the front gate, and did what any sane individual in my position would do: I spent the next twenty minutes driving aimlessly around the neighborhood, looking for him.
Well, it took about twenty minutes but I eventually did cross paths with the guy – three blocks down and four blocks over. I was heading one way, he was heading the other – back toward my house! Ho ho! Clever! But not clever enough! From my rearview mirror, I saw him turn left three blocks up. I took my next right and shadowed him for several blocks, saw him hang a right, then another right. I followed, briefly lost him, then eventually found him again, parked, three blocks down and one over. I rolled by, taking mental note of his license plate. We made eye contact. Yeah, I thought. You just try and use that ladder affixed to the roof of your van to crawl into someone’s second floor bedroom window. Go on.
He didn’t. Instead, he just sat there, no doubt stunned by my resolve. Or – mayhaps – waiting for back-up, some accomplice who’d be breaking into my home while he kept me busy, a witness to corroborate his alibi. Damn, this guy was good!
I briefly considered taking the day off so that I could stay home and lie in wait but ultimately decided to go to work and let the professionals handle it. As soon as I got into the office, I called the police and gave them a detailed account of the whole suspicious proceedings –
While presumably, on some other line, another cop was receiving a detailed account of similarly suspicious behavior in the same neighborhood: “I was on my way to fix some guy’s roof when I got lost. Suddenly, I realized this weirdo with a car full of small dogs was following me. I was really scared and tried to lose him but I couldn’t shake him so I pulled over and phoned for help…”
Hey, after hearing from Paul McGillion last week, then David Nykl and Sharon Taylor yesterday, I got a call from the big guy himself today, Jason Momoa. He’s in usual high spirits, enjoying life, and, looking forward to reprising his role as the terrifyingly lovable Ronon for the movie.
I was testing out my new SyFy camera today. Check out some of the pics I took around the office.
Oh, and thanks to Nadine and Andrew for the bottle of wine they dropped off for me yesterday. I polished it off at lunch then went down to Stage 4 and punched out an extra. Thanks again.
Don’t forget to head on over to my dogs’ twitter account (http://twitter.com/JellMaxBubLu). They’re looking to gather 1000 followers before month’s end so that they can start their own political party. So if you love dogs, updates, and the flat tax system, head on over and sign up.
Jedi Master writes: “In the real world WE ALL KNOW THAT SGA WAS AXED IN FAVOUR FOR SGU, you can deny that till the cows come home, I personally don’t care. The facts are as the facts are you don’t need to have the smarts like Mckay to figure that one out!!!!! ” ha ha” “
Answer: Actually, you don’t know. You can certainly surmise that – and you are free to do so – but I’m sorry to say that doesn’t make it fact. That makes it conjecture. Also, congratulations on breaking this blog’s record for use of the term “ha ha” in a post. The record to beat is now 9!
Major D. Davis writes: “Oh and can I buy you a gift. What do you want? Seriously. As long as it is not to expensive. I am actually being serious.”
Answer: Your continued support on this blog is all I need.
Pol writes: “Oh, and wasn’t Bob Picardo great on ABC’s Castle? He’s so good.”
Answer: Better than good. He’s great!
TwiceBorn writes: “So is sCIfI planning on letting you post any of the pictures you take with said camera they gave to you?”
Answer: Eventually, yes. That’s the plan.
Susiekew writes: “For your comic series – do you get to “audition” several artists to find one that comes closest to bringing to paper your concepts of the characters?”
Answer: We’re a long way from bringing an artist on board. The initial phone pitch went well. Now let’s see how things progress from there.
Montrealer writes: “Speaking of the wager. Have Kerry selected the musical yet?”
Answer: Yes, she has.
Susan the Tartan Turtle writes: “Do any of your dogs go for ‘real’ walks – walks of several miles either pounding the streets or in the countryside?”
Answer: They’re not built for long hauls.
Major D. Davis writes: “1. Has anyone ever recognized you on the streets of Vancover?
2. How much time is between the final draft to the prep of an episode?
3. Do you have to wait a week to prep time or is it ready to shoot?
4. Should i buy the complete series of SG-1? I already have seasons 9 and 7 but i am considering selling them and buying the complete series. Any advice?
5. Was the special project the upcoming episode of the Jace Hall show?( I believe he tours the sets of Stargate Universe)”
Answers: 1. As hard as it is to believe – no.
2. That’s entirely dependent on when the final comes out. A final may come out weeks before prep or sometimes days.
3. Every episode gets a week of prep.
4. Trust the force.
5. No, it wasn’t.
Cheekylildevil writes: “I hear reading is a good way to relax. Any recommendations? I like Dean Koontz types of books, something a little spooky is always a plus.”
Answer: The Church of Dead Girls by Stephen Dobyns, Children of the Night by Dan Simmons, Necroscope by Brian Lumley.
Farrah writes: “1) Will Stargate: Universe show in Australia? (It’s obvious I am Australian, and that’s why I’m asking.)
2) Do you have other projects coming up asides from your Stargate Franchise? Would you like to write something asides from Stargate?
3) Have you ever thought about playing an evil, saracstic character on any of the Stargate shows? ‘Cos I agree that Villains are awesome and some ought to live. Then maybe perish in like the very last finale.”
Answers: 1) Sorry. No idea.
2) Yep. I hope to have a (not so short) short story published as part of an upcoming anthology and Paul and I have set our sights on writing a comic book series.
3) Yes, but I’m holding out for the right part.
Annie from Freemantle writes: “Got a question for you which had been on my mind whilst enjoying SGA.. why didn’t McKay try to mass produce Ronon’s kick arse gun?”
Answer: McKay had his hands full with the seemingly endless Ancient tech at his disposal.