Ashleygh, our new offyce assystant started today and she’s off to a roaryng start, sytting through our entyre post-lunch story dyscussyon – and doing a fyne job of feygnyng ynterest throughout.  About twenty mynutes yn, she got up and Y immedyately put her on the spot by askyng: “Where do you thynk you’re goyng?”.  Not only dyd she assure me she’d be back, but she actually DYD return fyve mynutes later.    

“You don’t have to styck around,”Lawren ynformed her.

“No, Y don’t mynd,”she sayd as she retook her seat.  “Y fynd thys ynterestyng.”

“Also,”Y poynted out, “you forgot your sweater.”  Y could just ymagyne her halfway down the corrydor thynking she was home free untyl realyzing: “Aw, shyt!  My sweater’s styll back there!  Now Y HAVE to go back!”

Carl was quyck to explayn that, whyle she was free to joyn us, she shouldn’t feel oblygated.   Sytting there wyth us, sufferyng our endless prattle, wasn‘t part her job descryptyon.  Y was, of course, just as quyck to poynt out that MY job descryptyon, on the other hand, requyred me to call her out and make her feel as uncomfortable as possyble on a semy-regular basys.  Lyke poyntyng out she probably only came back because she feared we would go through her pockets.

Anyway, as lunch was wrappyng up, Rob started pytchyng the new endyng for hys epysode, Tyme, goyng over the story yn great detayl and workyng up to the byg pay-off.  “Yt’s pretty radycal,”he assured us yn the build-up. 

“Really,” Y asked.  “Wyll it blow my mynd?”

“Actually, yt wyll,”was hys response.

And, you know what?  Yt did!  Holy shyt!  Thys ys going to be a terryfyc epysode! 

Brad then pytched out hys revysed notion for an ydea he’s been battyng around for a whyle now.  A great premyse wyth an yntryguing mystery at yts core, a wonderful opportunyty for one of our characters, all wrapped up in a an ultymately touchyng theme. 

Much later, the topyc of conversation turned to the nature of language and, specyfycally alyen languages and our abylyty – or, as Paul argued, ynabylyty – to understand them.  He poynted out that, hystorycally, our success yn translatyng languages has stemmed from the fact that we’ve operated from a posytyon of symylaryty, drawyng on lyke elements to buyld and decypher.  Yn the case of an alyen language however, we’d be denyed any such connectyons and, as a result, the task would prove sygnyficantly more dauntyng  – agayn, Paul would argue, ympossyble.

Anyway, tomorrow, we’ll be shyftyng from the Destyny set over to Stage 4.  Fun wyth James, Wray, Tamara, Chloe, Franklyn, Tush, and Ely.  And, yf rumor ys to be belyeved, notes on my fyrst draft of the myd-season two-parter!        


Amac251 writes: “Joe, What do you think of SciFi’s name change for the network?”

Answer: Really?  Y wasn’t aware.

130 thoughts on “March 16, 2009: The New Offyce Assystant, Spynnyng Some Pytches, and Alyen Translatyons

  1. I’ve only seen two people think the syfy name is a good chance, but only for branding purposes, otherwise, it’s thumbs down across the board.

    Meanwhile, just watched the “Goodbye Atlantis” vid over at MGm and wondered, why no footage (or heck, even a mention) of the show’s lead, Joe Flanigan????

  2. Hylaryous! I bet that drove your spell checker crazy!

    But hey, don’t piss off the network that holds the purse strings on your show.

  3. try –

    fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

    Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

    i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it

  4. Oh, geez, Majorsal…what does it say about me that I can read both Joe’s post and yours easily?

  5. Nyce. Took me a mynute to fygure out that you were doyng yt on purpose. Yt’s harder than yt looks!

    @majorsal: I got that once. It’s so cool that the brain works like that. Most people I know can read it too..Most people can’t, however, read my writing when I write backwards. I can write backwards. It freaks a lot of people out..

    ScyFy has a name-change? To what?

    Y should emayl someone lyke thys and really freak them out. =D

    How’s your pack feeling? Is Lulu’s stomach still agreeing with her food?

  6. LOL majorsal.

    I cuold raed it! 🙂

    Yes, that is quite amazing 🙂

    Mr. mallozi: Y can just ymagyne you syttyng at your computer and typyng that post 🙂 How about startyng every word wyth the same letter? Like lhis lentence..?

    How were your dogs this morning, Mr. mallozi? I hope they are doing better.

  7. Majorsal – I thought it would be more than 55 out of 100 people.

    I grew up in a house where the Dad ruled the newspaper. Being able to read anything upside down was an unintentional side effect.

    So, I can read when the order of the letters are mixed up and read upside down. No wonder my writing when it’s left to right, with letters in the right order, the right way up is so crummy!

  8. I can’t believe you did that the long way, instead of using ‘find/replace’ (I can tell because you missed three!) Man, such dedication to the funny!

  9. Cleverly put, majorsal, but not hard to read….old news.

    Many people already have called the channel a name very near to that but one supposes that ‘syfy’ can’t be worse. (My goal here was to answer and not use that letter.)

  10. i actually didn’t make that up; it was sent to me. i love stuff like that! 😛

  11. Seems like Joe is getting his moneys worth out of the arse end of the alphabet for a change! I too can read upside down, sideways and amazingly blindfolded ….only kidding about the blindfolded bit , anyways it was a skill that came in handy when sitting at the front of the class in maths, my grades went up considerably, teach thought it was her amazing teaching technique and I didn’t want to shatter the poor deluded womans illusions.

  12. bldy hll. ths s nsne. ngh s ngh. Plz rst th dl ff th twght zn nd bck t th rl wrld. Thank you.

  13. Hi Joe,

    OMG! That was just so hilarious! Thank you for the laugh!

    You know I am embrassed to say that at first I thought that your new office assistant had perhaps sent out a letter or memo or something with a typo and you were teasing her, but then….the light bulb went off and I just could not stop laughing! 🙂

    I saw the MGM farwell video that you narrated…Thanks for that, it was fun to see a little behind the scenes on the last day of shoting. But I am wondering, did I miss Joe F. on a previous video? Or is there one coming out with just Joe F by himself? Just wondering because I did not see him on this one and found that kinda strange.


  14. Hello Mr. Mallozzy,
    Very funny, Y obvyously skypped to the maylbag lyke Y always do and thought you were seryous untyl Y read you whole post.

    Anyways, Mr. Questyons strikes again

    1. What is the budget for Air (all three parts)?

    2. What will the budget for a normal one part Universe part be?

    3. Will the Atlantis movie budget be 7 million dollars?

    Merci Beaucoup,
    Major D. Davys

  15. Joseph Mallozzy…sounds Polysh.

    @ Deni B. – I’m afraid you have me mixed up with someone else…

    This is my big boy (Cowboy):

    He’s waiting for his camel, AND his harem. 😛 (The little cat peeking around the saddle it China, who is my version of Lulu. A real pistol, that one!)

    @ Belouchi – Recipes would be great! Someone to come and cook for me would be even better! 😀 But yeah…if you know a good recipe, please share! If you know some good music…please, share that, too!


  16. Happy St Patricks Day from the Emerald Isle!!

    Craic agus Ceoil agus Slainte to all!!

  17. Nyce prose/text. Actually understood yt…uh oh, we are alyens after all!

    And a cool note from Mr. Bynder, too!

    Perhaps the SciFi channel really wanted to rename itself as:

    SIL LY – cause they sure are!

  18. You missed one “in”. That kinda hurt my brain to read that without some caffeine. How long did it take to type that up or did you use find and replace?

    A friend of mine said we should just call it Skiffy, not SyFy.

    How’s Lulu and the others? Any change in diet again? Poor doggies.

  19. @ Perragrin – I know yer lurking! Now why would I have liked that France v England match?? That was a mess. France played as bad as Wales! 😈 Of course, there were all those yummy Chabal close-ups. 😉 And then there’s Dimitri Szarzewski. Boy…don’t google image him…and NEVER, EVER click on the sites that host those underwear photos… 😯



  20. @das: Yeah, I’m an idiot. Posted it at the last second on yesterday’s blog, but probably too late. It was meant for Narelle – her dog looks exactly like mine. For some reason, I get the two of you mixed up. Don’t ask me why, no idea.

    Joe, really enjoyed the Goodbye to Atlantis stuff, but got a little sad all over again, especially over McKay. Damn, he was good!

  21. C00l. L0v3d th1s m0st r3c3nt c0l%mn.

    (Yeah, I tried to be funny by replacing vowels with numbers to make it look more “alien” but the “U” threw me off).

  22. Ah, well played, Mr. Mallozzi. Well played. Looks like a lost Chaucer manuscript, actually.

    Here’s a question based on a Mailbag a few days ago, regarding middle names – now we know you never gave Keller one, but did any of the other characters, SG-1 or SGA, ever receive middle names? For that matter, any made-up family histories or relatives’ names? Birthplaces, favourite foods? Do you guys think up backstories and info you know is never going to go into an episode anyway, just because you want to?

  23. That… ys just rydyculous. Seryously.

    Maybe they got tyred of people calling them Skiffy. Of course, now yt looks lyke Siffy.

    On the other hand, doesn’t the brayn work yn ynterestyng ways? Y don’t thynk any of us had any trouble readyng that post (except maybe non-natyve Englysh speakers).

  24. Oh, darn it, I missed one.

    Also… I can’t imagine anyone not wanting to sit in on Stargate story meetings, given the option.

  25. @ Deni B. – You are NOT an idiot!! You’re an ydyot. 😀

    (Really…I get mistaken for beautiful Australians ALL the time! 😉 )

    @ majorsal – I’ve seen that before, and find it really easy to read. But then again, I can see those 3D/Magic Eye pictures, too. 😛


  26. Hey, Joe-

    Is there a third video to be released on SciFi Wire with goodbyes to Robert Picardo and Joe F.? Or are you not allowed to divulge that info…


  27. Deni B – We don’t meet too many people with a dog like Ralph – same breed or are the similarities in their appearance coincidence? So we could have saved close to $3,000 with some Hydrogen Peroxide? Daaaaaaamn. And so says our poor bank account.

    Das – Are we alike? Joe, are we alike? Is it the long, rambling posts that cause the confusion? 😐

  28. If kids just learned proper grammar and didn’t sit around and let civilization collapse and communications cease every thousand years or so we wouldn’t have to worry about languages changing.

    Stupid kids.

  29. Y thynk you made a mystake, Joe – ysn’t yt supposed to be the “maylbag?”
    Well, maybe yt’ll help reach out to an ynternatyonal audyence.

  30. Wow… I don’t remember what I read I was laughing so hard. Needed that. Cheers

  31. When Y saw the news the fyrst thyng Y dyd was check the calendar to see yf yt was Apryl 1st yet. Y wysh yt was.

  32. Okay. I’ve cobbled my mind together and can now intelligently comment on your entry.

    On the subject of language:
    It will be interesting to not have the aid of the Stargate’s amazing magical decipher any language device and a relief. I remember this great episode of Star Trek: TNG where Picard was on a planet with an alien who could be translated only to a point because the alien spoke in past experiences to communicate. The entire society was like that.

    So here Picard was trying to get through to this guy and he was spouting names and places and things that happened that Picard had no idea about and the good captain was getting gosh darn annoyed. The process of learning how to communicate was great and has made that one of my favorite episodes of the series.

    I can’t wait to see what happens when the crew has to decipher a language they’ve never heard and the process of communication there-of. It guarantees to be interesting and I hope I’m right. And the variety of communication they could encounter blows the mind!

    You’ve got gestures, facial twitches, noises, dancing, clapping, yelling, and of course the boring structured language with verbal words and phrases.

    It really excites my mynd…ugh…MIND.

  33. Dear Mr. Mallozzy,

    Thank you for answeryng my humble questyon. Tomorrow, Y wyll yntroduce the radycal new spellyng rule to my students. Y wonder yf theyr parents wyll apprecyate the ynnovatyve style?

    Do you thynk Syfy myght start substytutyng the letter X for S anytyme soon? (Everyone knows the letter X yn a tytle always attracts more vyewers!) Of course, that would make yet another name change for the network: Xyfy!

  34. That was hard to get through. My brain kept wanting to correct every mistake. Until the very end, I thought your assistant’s name was just spelled oddly and you were teasing her by using all the Y’s in the post.

    I think Sci Fi’s name change is kind of silly. Syfy looks like they are trying to go along with the American craze of changing baby names to completely unique spellings.

  35. *sy* Y really had no ydea about the reason y you dyd your blog yn such an ynterestyng way untyl Y got to the end. It was pretty cruel to make my brain work so hard on a Monday. I thought you might be joking until I read the TVWeek article. I’m generally the last to know things, but just in case anyone else hasn’t seen it (I hope this actually works as a link since I am HTML challenged) :

    “When we tested this new name, the thing that we got back from our 18-to-34 techno-savvy crowd, which is quite a lot of our audience, is actually this is how you’d text it,” Mr. Howe said. “It made us feel much cooler, much more cutting-edge, much more hip, which was kind of bang-on what we wanted to achieve communication-wise.”

    Hip and cutting edge? I just hope they’ll continue to air shows like “Stargate” and “Sanctuary”. I just had a scathingly brilliant idea: next time one of those Nielsen ratings people calls, I’ll just tell them that I am 33! Then someone will care about my opinions again.

    @Joe: I hope you are feeling better. I feel like a real jerk for teasing you about not helping with the move since you really were hurting. But why two-a-days? Are you trying out for the Stargate football team? If not, back off a bit on the exercise. Do strength training every other day and cardio every day like a sensible person.

    I hope that the doggy digestive systems are back to normal.

    @das: Great picture! Your big boy really is a BIG boy and I love the glowing eyes on China.

    @majorsal: Thanks, that was fun! And I could read it, too.

  36. Wow, that was painful to read. It’ll be annoying if sci fi changes the i’s with y’s. I wonder what 15 year old executive there thought that would be a good idea…

    I tried to look up about the change on google, and as I was typing sy fy into the search box, the usual recommended list of words I was typing showed up. The first one being, strangely enough, syphilis.

    No idea why google thought that while I was typing sy fy that I wanted syphilis instead. Classic. LOL.

  37. Very funny Joe
    At fyrst Y thought your i key was broken.
    My sydes are sore now, thank-you very much.


  38. das wrote:

    Really…I get mistaken for beautiful Australians ALL the time!

    And you must be getting me mixed up with someone else 😉
    You like Wraith, I like Elves. As the Thai’s love to say, “Same, same, but diff-er-rent”

  39. Untyl the end Y just thought Ashleygh’s parents had just gotten creatyve wyth the spellyng of her name and you were gyvyng the poor woman a hard tyme about that. Now that Y know yt’s all the result of strategyc testyng wyth consultants and focus groups, Y feel so much better.


    – KB

  40. Y thynk Y need another Margaryta after that blog. My poor brayn wasn’t too thrylled wyth so many mysspelled words.

    You make an excellent poynt, there, Mr. Mallozzy. 😆

    Y hope Scyffy realyzes how lame they are. 😈

    Trysh 😀

  41. Please tell SciFi or SyFy or Sifty or whatever the hell they wanna call themselves to just not. We’ll buy tons of fine products from their sponsors, honest.

  42. Hahaha…. my head literally hurts and I think I may now be hypoxic! (It’s hard to breathe and laugh hysterically at the same time) 😀

    Is it weird that the first thing I thought wasn’t “What the heck is up with all the y’s?” but rather “How can I get a job as an office assistant? They get to be there for spinning sessions?!?”

  43. Time to come clean, Joe. Did you use the “find & replace” option in Word? 😉

  44. amac251 So yf SyFy changed theyr spellyng to ynclude “x” ynstead of “s”, we would be waytyng for the xeaxon premyer of Xtargate: Unyverxe, created by Brad Wryght and Robert C Cooper, yncludyng wryters Joxeph Mallozzy, Paul Mully and Carl Bynder, yex?

    Well at leaxt Robert Carlyle hax the spellyng ryght already.

    Thank you for the hyghly amusyng post today Joe, Y laughed the whole way through.


  45. Joe, I have to apologize to you. We’re over. I’ve dumped you for Facebook. It’s not you, it’s me. I need some space, some room and time to think about things.

    No, I have to be honest with you, because, as you know, I respect you. And so, actually, it is you. The problem is you. Facebook treats me better than you ever did. Facebook calls me; Facebook emails me. Facebook sends me regular updates. Facebook is fascinated with every little detail of my, according to you, ‘humdrum’ existence.

    I like that attention. And Facebook is so multi-talented. We play silly little games together and chat in the evenings and leave cute little notes for each other. We’re adorable, really. Oh, and Facebook and I have all the same friends, even friends from high school whom we don’t remember but say we do anyway so as not to hurt anyone’s feelings. Facebook and I are like this: ll.

    And so, Joe, I hope you understand. I mean, I’ll see you every week or so…ok, every couple of days….fine! I’ll check here every single day, because that’s how nice of a person I am.

    But just know that I’m dumping you, not the other way around. So, if you try to spin it any other way to our mutual friends, just know that I’ve already left them a message on Facebook telling them that I dumped YOU.

    So, yeah, um, I guess that’s all.
    We can still be friends, right?

  46. Smart arse.

    Y followed yt all but Y had to wryte out ‘ynabylyty’ before Y understood yt.

    Y have just one for SyFy:


  47. Why does SciFi want to change it to SyFy? What the heck is that about? Why not make it SicFic or SinFin or SFN or Scfinet or ScoobyFoo or TheReallyScaryChannel? Can’t get any dumber than SyFy.

  48. Hello Mr. Mallozzy,

    Very funny, I did not get it until read your one questyon maylbag! LOL!

    Great fun!

    BTW can I please get a blog dedycation for my 50th B-day, which just happens to be tomorrow, St. Patrick’s Day… YEP… that’s why Y am named PATRYCYA!

    Patrycya Lee 😛

  49. ROFLMOA!!! Oh, I’m glad I decided to check the blog before going to bed! XD

    @Fyere Not sure what you read in that other mailbag, but just in case you didn’t know/missed the ep where this was said, we at least know Rodney’s middle name — it’s is actually Rodney! His first name is really Meredith. 😀

  50. Joe, if you ever want to talk about Jenny Robin and your upset about her breaking up with you–y’know–don’t hesitate to call.

    And I suppose this isn’t the right time to tell you–but I’ve been having an affair with Twitter. I thought you should know. It’s just a fling, I’m sure.

  51. Ps… Mr. M,

    Just saw the new videos on MGM with your 2 SGA fairwell messages… very cool and well done. BRAVO! 😛

    BTW did you hear that Brad & Rob are going to the SG1 Convention on April 6th at the Hilton… will you please consider coming with them… I know all of us going would love to see you there! PLEASE!!!! 😛

    Patricia Lee

  52. Good lord, I thought I was having Chaucer flashbacks for a moment there! As for SciFi changing the spelling of the network’s name, it’s far more likely to gain them more derision than new viewers.

    Are you training for a trek up Kilimanjaro or some such, Joe? You might consider cutting back just a wee tad on the workouts. Exercise is healthy to a point, but you don’t want to push your body to the breaking point. Trust me, I’m one of those old and decrepit folks who did and regret it on a near daily basis. :-p I hope you feel better soon.

  53. Having not paid much attention to the name change of Scifi, I thought you were going insane, an insanity that increases your need to use the ‘Y’ button on anything with a keyboard…You never know there could be an actual insanity like that….


  54. LOL!!! To be honest, I can’t stand the new choice. I think it’s horrid. Yes, I get the branding bit, but really??

  55. @ Sparrow_hawk – Yup – Cowboy is a big fella. But we have another cat – a female – who is even bigger, but not fat. She’s just giant, like a bobcat, and as gentle as can be…which can’t always be said of Cowboy. 🙄

    @ Narelle – I think my rambling posts are far worse than your rambling posts…mainly ’cause in your rambling posts you sound sane and rational, whereas in my rambling posts I sound like a crazed fangirl obsessed with preserving alive a species that doesn’t even exist in the first place, mainly because I, too, believe all living things must eat. It has NOTHING to do with the fact that I find nippleless, tetra-nostrilled, eyebrow-challenged bugmen who can take your breath away with a single, ravenous touch kinda…ya know…sexy. 😳


    If only I took my energies and applied them to something more constructive…like Keller-bashing, or trying to figure out why Joe never mentions Joe…

    Nah. I could never be so cruel to Mr. M…


  56. 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Amazing that this is actually readable – even for a German.

    However – how much more time did you need to write it that way? 😉

    Like so many others I can’t understand Syfy. This change of name makes no sense at all IMO.

  57. Crap. Thanks, Joe. I woke up this morning and smacked the compy for speaking in tongues >.>

    Das: At least Wales won 😛

    And there’s no way – NO WAY – i’m having Chabal on the back seat of my car. You can beg all you want. Flowing locks or not, it looked as if he’d groomed himself with a combine harvester in preparation for that match. Think i’d rather give Todd a lift. Which reminds me.. As I was watching all the excitement, a bizzare thought struck me. Do the Wraith bathe? I can just imagine Todd sat in a hot tub full of fluffy bubbles 😛

    ‘SyFy’ – Pfft. Sounds like the brand name for a drive-through STD Clinic.

  58. @ Narelle Oy, I hear you on the migraines. I hope things start going much better for you, it sounds like you’re past due for a good break.

    @ Green I’m sorry to hear about your cat, Beauty. Pets fill so much of our hearts and we don’t realize it until they’ve passed on.

    *sends gentle hugs to you both*

    As for driving a large 4X4, Joe, I bought mine out of self preservation. I live in a tsunami hazard zone with only one road out of the area (yeah, I know, that was my stupid mistake in the first place :-p ). We’ve had severe wind storms that downed trees and power lines across that road for two out of the last three winters and in the 6 years I’ve lived in this area, we’ve had two tsunami warnings (which, thankfully, amounted to nothing). I want to be able to get the frell out of Dodge in the event that the Cascadia subduction zone decides to have a moving experience and not worry about a few downed trees while running from the resulting tsunami.

    On the bottled water issue, I have one of those gravity fed water filtration cannisters that uses Doulton ceramic filters. It does a really great job filtering the water here, which is absolutely abysmal. I use a stainless steel water bottle to take with me when I go out, so that I don’t have to worry about breaking a plastic water bottle and it is easily cleaned for reuse. As for recycling, I tend to recycle pretty much anything that the local waste company accepts for recycling (which is entirely too little, in my opinion).

  59. After a really tough long work day, I nearly fell off my chair tonight reading your blog. It’s hilarious!! So is the fact that evidently for some folks, text messaging SyFy has a whole other meaning. Hopefully, porn in space will finally bring in those big rating numbers the network has been trolling for.

  60. Joe I left my basset hound Forrest alone at home too long the other day and she chewed up my Stargate Atlantis season 4 DVDs sitting on the coffee table along with several magazines. I told her she owes me forty bucks but she just wagged her tail and smiled. Should I punish her? And how do I get her to like stargate?

  61. majorsal
    I could read it ^^ We’re all insane!! muahahaha

    Thanks for that ynterestyng post Joe.
    So Scifi is SyFy now? wtf?

  62. Hi Joe,
    was just wondering whether you may know, or if you could please find out from MGM (I have tried to contact them, but its very hard from Australia to get in touch with them) why Australia and the UK didnt get Stargate the Ark of Truth on blu-ray (still no coming soon release date either). And whether they intend to release the Atlantis fans choice blu-ray internationally also. I am reall looking forward to more 1080p stargate goodness!!

    thanks heaps and love your work!


  63. A telephone call to reception at the SyFy Channel

    Reception: Good afternoon, SyFy Channel, how may I help you?

    Guy: Ah, I’m just calling to find out how to pronounce your new name. I notice you’re not using it.

    Reception: It’s Sy-Fy Channel.

    Guy: But that’s the old name.

    Reception: It sounds like the old name but it’s spelt differently. It’s now spelt S-Y-F-Y.

    Guy: Isn’t that going to cost a lot of money to change stationery?

    Reception: The new stationery arrived today. I must say the y’s look stunning. It’s a whole new era for the Syfy Channel. The channel acknowledges it’s science fiction heritage while embracing a broader range of content for the future.

    Guy: So……if I rang back and asked for the President of the SciFi Channel spelt S-C-I-F-I you’d put me through?

    Reception: There is no such channel.

    Guy: Hmmm……Let me put it this way, who is the head of the SciFi Channel?

    Reception: The President of the SyFy Channel is David Howe. Would you like to speak to him?

    Guy: Er, yes.

    Reception: Please hold, I’ll put you through to his office.

    David Howe’s Reception:Good afternoon, SyFy Channel, how may I help you?

    Guy: Is this the SciFi Channel?


    Cheers, Chev

  64. Alright, I’ve counted 346 times “Y” and 16 times “i”

    Do I win something? 😛

  65. Hey Joe,

    Y read your blog and laughed the whole tyme. Was yt that dyffycult to type yt up, or was yt one of those comedyc pyeces that just fell out of your head onto the keyboard?

    Hope your week ys good, and pass onto my best wishes to Ashleygh. Y’m sure she’ll fyt ryght yn.

    Tym the Technycyan

  66. p.s.—“Ashleygh, our new offyce assystant started today.”.
    ,, forgot to say Congrats to the new member of the team.
    -and sf can call themselves whatever, as long as they choose to show the new show== SGU!! (and continue with Sanctuary…
    -thanks.. 🙂

  67. Its amazing what a lousy nights sleep’ll do for you.
    @suzie’sbluefeather you are so talented! whilst I pull a pint left handed to the consternation of many customers, I’m also a better shot with my left hand when lobbing things in an argument! (amazingly I haven’tfelt the need to do this since burying the ex under the patio which I dug left handed out of respect.

    Oh look! its the men in white coats coming to take me away ha ha ho ho hee hee……….

  68. From Television Weekly:

    “The name Sci Fi has been associated with geeks and dysfunctional, antisocial boys in their basements with video games and stuff like that, as opposed to the general public and the female audience in particular,” said TV historian Tim Brooks, who helped launch Sci Fi Channel when he worked at USA Network.

    Mr. Brooks said that when people who say they don’t like science fiction enjoy a film like “Star Wars,” they don’t think it’s science fiction; they think it’s a good movie.

    “We spent a lot of time in the ’90s trying to distance the network from science fiction, which is largely why it’s called Sci Fi,” Mr. Brooks said. “It’s somewhat cooler and better than the name ‘Science Fiction.’ But even the name Sci Fi is limiting.”

    Mr. Howe said going to Syfy will make a difference…”

    Hoo boy.

  69. Y’m out of the loop agayn, or just not payying attentyon…name change? Now Y have to go look.

    Funny…thys remayned a challenge even though Y told my brayn how to translate. Not enough coffee Y guess!

  70. Y had real fun reading that. Especially if the I ys at the begynnyng of a word. Thank you for turnyng your journal ynto a mynd bendyng puzzle.

  71. Joe and everyone: Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Joe, you’re an honorary Irishman today. Now drink your Guinness like a good lad!

    I’m a little “meh” about the whole SyFy name change. I despise the channel to begin with, and have not watched a moment with the exception of an SG-1 or Atlantis rerun since the last Atlantis episode. Oh, and I DVR Ghost Hunters…and skip through the commercials…

    Too many commercials. Too many horrible movies (SciFi Originals! YAY! Puke…). And too much wrestling. While wrestling is definitely Fi, it most assuredly is not Sci. And their decision to change the moniker based on the need to “own” their brand? Yeah…more corporate suit bullshit. And yet, not unexpected from the network that has perma stained the genre known as Sci Fi.

  72. Personally I think the whole Syfy is just a gimmick, and a play on something already established. Perhaps they should focus on quality new programming instead of new names..

  73. Hy Joe,

    Y love your sens of humor and Y agree wyth you about the new logo of SyFy. How much dyd they payd the consultant for thys gynyus ydea ??

  74. What’s up with the Y’s replacing the i’s are you are something? lol. Definately a brain challenge to read when your mind is used to the i’s.

  75. oh wo Mr M anyway to everyone on the Blog Happy Saint Patricks day drink a few guiness and Mr M guiness goes well with hafggis.

  76. @Narelle: Same breed, it’s amazing how much they look alike. Re vet bills, last year we spend close to (gulp) $7,000 on this one with his epilepsy. Between emergencies in the middle of the night, regular vets, labs and meds, it adds up. Seizures on a dog this size are horrible and violent, and there’s no getting used to it. Anyway, yours is absolutely adorable, and when I figure out how to post a pic of mine on here, I will!

    @das & Narelle (sounds like a law firm): I think it’s only me with this confusion, really ydyotyc, so sorry!

  77. I… ow. That was a little rough this early in the day. For a second I thought you were mocking International Womyn’s Day (which is silly because the etymology of woman/women has nothing to do with man/men [/nerd]). And then I remembered the stupid that is the network.

    As I understand it, the change of name is because they can trademark the wonkily spelled “SyFy” but not the generic term “sci-fi”. Personally, I’m pretty sure the “broader scope” thing is just a red herring. They’ve been moving away from being strictly science fiction for years. And if they wanted to avoid the stigma of the term sci-fi, they wouldn’t have chosen something that sounds exactly the same.

  78. Joe – not sure if you’re an avid, or even occasional watcher, of 24 on FOX, but last night i was pleasantly surprised when 3/4 of the way through the episode Tim Guinee made an appearance as a member of the Washington media threatening to leak a story that would make the president’s chief of staff look bad. And, unless I was seeing things, i could swear i also saw Connor Trineer in a preview for next week’s episode

    Which makes me wonder…. I know Sci-Fi may not always be the springboard for some actors/actresses to stardom, but has anyone ever come back to you or anyone else affiliated with Stargate and reflected that appearing on Stargate helped them get noticed for other roles?

  79. I was going to say I am glad we have the SPACE channel here in Canada but then I remembered our station is sometimes not that smart either. They are only now airing the fourth season of ATLANTIS. It was the Eight season of SG1 before they decided to air it.

    In order to watch the current Seasons of Atlantis I paid extra for the Movie Network.

    It would not surprise me in the least if they didn’t pick up Universe. Why would they want to pick up the first run of a new series in a successful franchise? Makes me wonder who is running their programming department.

  80. @ Perragrin – Bah! Chabal smells like lavender and he gets his hair done at the same salon as Sheppard! 😉 And yes…Wales won…by a mere 5 points to Italy. I think I could hear Italy smacking Wales on their tight little bums with their wooden spoons all the way over on this side of the pond. 😈

    @ Deni B. – Just as long as you don’t confuse me with Mallozzi, we’re good. 😀

    @ Joe – Perragrin raises a good point – in your mind, do Wraith bathe? I imagine them using something like saunas to cleanse themselves, but I’m sure you can come up with something a bit more imaginative.

    Hope the pups are feeling better today, especially Jelly. Have a good one!


  81. I sure wish SyFy would have taken all the money it is spending on rebranding to buy goats for a million villages in the Third World.

  82. Hi Joe,

    Happy St. Patryck’s Day!

    Thanks for the fun read. Made my eyes crossed for the rest of the day from reading it!

    Best of luck on your first draft of the mid-season two-parter. Have a great green day!

    Patty O’Hara (for real!)

  83. Mouhahaha Trop fort cette article!!! oula c’est vrai qu’un moment tout ces y font mal à la tête XD

    j’adore la réponse à la question^^!

    Mais j’avou que leur nouveaux nom fait trés bizzard. Mais bon au moin les “y” c’est stiller si cela aurait une chaine française sa aurai été “SIFI” ^^

    Bonne journée! biss

  84. I have a question or Mr Mallozzi that I don’t want to post in public, someone told me there’s an email address I can use, can anyone point me in the right direction? Or… send a response to browncoat [at]

    Thanks muchly 🙂


  85. Well, the Y’s drove me a tad bit crazy till I figured it out. And, I have a question that you’ve probably been asked before

    On average, how many pages is a complete script for one episode?

  86. @ shiningwit sorry about the lousy night of sleep. How about this for the loony bin. I shoot my bow and throw knifes left handed but shoot the riffle and guns and throw axes right handed. I say this while typing with my nose… :- D

    @ Joe so sorry to hear about Jenny. I too facebook but am glad that your over here on wordpress cause I’ve never liked blogging on facebook. Don’t worry she will be back it’s not like she left you for myspace.

    @ Everyone HAPPY ST PATTIES DAY. Watch out I pinch.

  87. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
    Well shyte I can, guess I’m screwed. I would think the number would be bigger, evolution and all that…

    Oh and thanks NBC Universal! As soon as they’re done with it I can begin to run my own Sci Fi Channel free and clear. With actual honest to gd science fiction shows. No wrestling unless it’s done in zero-G and no fantasy unless the sword is the spaceship’s key.

  88. HAPPY St. Patty’s/Birthday to Patricia Lee!!! I hope it’s a good one!
    😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

    It’s also my mom’s b-day today! Her middle name is Patricia. And that’s why, too. Plus, we’re very Irish so today is doubley-special.

    To everyone else: HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY! Remember, everyone’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day! 😆


  89. I am surprised at all the responses – here, and on the net in general – to the Sci Fi/SyFy name change. I’ve never really thought much about it, but if they are trying to shed their geeky image and appeal to that coveted young male audience everyone tries to attract, then perhaps they should have gone with something like:

    Pass on Reality Network (PoRN)

    World of Whimsy (WoW)

    Fantasy Unlimited (FU Channel)

    The Dark Knetwork (TDK)

    I actually kinda like that last one… 😛


  90. Hi Joe, I’m fairly new to this blog and the Stargate universe so I just thought I’d give you my thanks for a great show that was SGA. I think I managed to watch all 100 episodes within a month of being introduced to it…

    I’m looking forward to SGU and reading your blog with all the teasers makes me want to see it even more. It will be great watching it from the beginning =)

    And I also have to say that Whispers is one of my favourite episodes so thanks for that! But I do have a question and a request:

    Q: Shouldn’t Sheppard as CO know who’s in which team and who is serving under him? As both he and Beckett seemed surprised to see a “bunch of girls” as a team.

    And I have to say I really liked the character of Sgt Mehra and it would be fun to see her in the upcoming movie, if just for a short time.

  91. aaah! this spelling is causing some REALLY bad headache… Difficult to read if english isn’t your mothertounge too… But I gotta admit: I love the irony in it XD

    @ majorsal
    wow I’m one out of those 55 😀

  92. Why yes, the reason many folks don’t watch Sci Fi is because of the name. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the quality of a the programming. Sci Fi, the home to movies where at least one character gets a head bitten off or loses a limb in some graphic way.

    Joe, I was a little slow on the uptake but by the end, you had me. Very funny!

  93. Howya Joe

    Just watched your “Farewell Atlantis” video on MGM – no mention of Joe Flanigan!!!! That’s so weird seen as he was the lead – that’s like talking about SG-1 and completely ignoring RDA and Ben Browder, which I could hardly imagine would ever happen. Could you shed some light on this sir? 😀

    Thanks very much and happy Paddy’s day

  94. Narelle from Aus said:
    das wrote:

    Really…I get mistaken for beautiful Australians ALL the time!

    And you must be getting me mixed up with someone else

    HA! I’ve seen her in person, guys. She is beautiful, pay no attention to the modesty.

  95. (Medical update. Feel free to skip.)

    Today, St. Patrick’s Day, is my first anniversary in prison the nursing home. And, in celebration, my blood decided to surprise me with a good report:

    This morning’s blood tests came back with my red blood cells, white blood cells, hemoglobin, and hematocrit all in the normal range for the first time since all this started. Mind, they’re barely normal but they are normal.

    Anne Teldy

  96. Dear Joe,
    A great outcry has arisen throughout GW! How could this Jenny Robin person dump you so unceremoniously!? And how do the throngs of faithful fans express their desire to take her place!? Alas, we do not know! Therefore, I am sent as a representative to assure you of our undying devotion. From afar. Because we know the police are watching us. 🙂

    P.S. Happy St. Patrick’s

  97. das said:

    but if they are trying to shed their geeky image and appeal to that coveted young male audience everyone tries to attract, then perhaps they should have gone with something like:

    Pass on Reality Network (PoRN)

    World of Whimsy (WoW)

    Fantasy Unlimited (FU Channel)

    The Dark Knetwork (TDK)

    Now THOSE are great names! Thanks, das. I think they would grab a lot of that “key demographic” with either of the first two since those are two things that seem to occupy most of the waking thoughts of many within that group. 😉

    @Anne Teldy: Congratulations on the good results! Hang in there and hopefully they will spring you from the joint soon.

    @Propofol: Really? If that’s true then it looks like the channel formerly known as SciFi has made an really entertaining mistake.

    @chevron7: Excellent!

    @das and Narelle: I think you are both charming, clever and wonderfully entertaining people, but I think you both have distinctive writing styles and I don’t think I’ve ever mixed you up when reading your posts.

  98. Fantastic name change I say! I’m looking forward to scores of new shows about… synthetic fykes…

  99. I counted 4 “i” that you myssed, A for effort C+ for execution 🙂

    I think the language barrier between humans and aliens can only serve to better the plot. Think of how an easy task such as asking where the washroom is can become more exciting than nascar….ok bad example. But god forbid someone gets shot, the ramifications of not understanding each other could get fatal!

  100. @Anne Teldy: So happy for you 🙂

    Narelle & das: Holy shyt, who would have thunk a little confusion on my part would have caused such a “thing”. I will NEVER, EVER do that again, really. 🙂 Ok, so Das = big cat, Narelle = cool dog like mine. Check.

    All of you, have a great night (Joe too)!

  101. Hylaryous!
    SyFy should be ashamed. Y know Y am.
    Please don’t let them turn SGU ynto
    Stargate Unyverse!

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