Joseph Mallozzi's Weblog

March 15, 2009: Queasy Canines, News of Note, and The Neverending Story (Scene)

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What the hell is going on here? So, to address a possible food allergy, I switched up my French bulldog’s diet by feeding her a positively delicious-sounding Herring and Sweet Potato kibble. Only to have Lulu vomit up her body weight (and more!) the night before last. Given that she has a sensitive stomach to begin with, I decided to cook for her (and the other dogs) for the next couple of days. I prepared some ground beef with rice, carrots, and peas and they all seemed to enjoy it. Even though Lulu’s appetite was off, she did eat. I thought that was the end of it and that Lulu was on the road to recovery. Then, last night, I was awakened by the familiar hacking prelude. I turned on the lights to find Lulu fast asleep beside me. This time, it was my pug Jelly being sick. Unlike the youthful and springy Lulu, however, Jelly’s bad hips ensured she didn’t make it off the bed before losing her dinner. While Lulu’s appetite seems to have returned, Jelly’s is non-existent. What gives?

Jelly isn’t the only one hurting today. Since upping my work-out routine to two-a-days, my entire body has been wracked by aches. Well, that’s not exactly true. Not my entire body. My eyes, the third joint on my right hand middle finger, and three inch stretch directly above my left inside ankle are relatively pain free.

What about all of you? Aches and pains got you feeling old? You know why? Because YOU ARE OLD! According to this article anyway (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1162052/Old-age-begins-27–scientists-claim-new-research.html) that claims old age begins at 27.

But fear not. Even if you’re a physical wreckage, you can still salvage your intellect by learning to play a musical instrument. This article (http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn16767-musical-training-provides-a-workout-for-the-brain.html) suggests there‘s still time to take up the oboe.

Hey, the next time somebody reprimands you for drinking bottled water or driving an SUV, ask them if they have kids. If they do, then point out that THEY’RE a big part of the problem: http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20126994.200-children-come-with-a-high-carbon-cost.html

Back to work on the short story today. Sort of. Still spinning my wheels on this scene. Seriously, I feel like I’m playing some videogame and my character is caught in one of those inescapable rooms. I know there’s got to be a way out of here but, for the life of me, I can’t find it. Somebody help me out here so that I can move on and fight the final boss.

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67 responses

  1. Trish (aka whovian) Avatar
    Trish (aka whovian)

    Hey Joe,

    I think the sick doggies is affecting your *happy* section of the brain. I hope Jelly gets better, then. If you think it’s horrible cleaning up after a pug or french bulldog just remember I have two Great Pyrenees that are about as big as an adult human. Trust me, that’s quite the mess.

    And, just like last year and the year before that and the year before that (etc., etc., ) I’m 29. So… only two years into *old*. Birth Certificate be DAMNED! The governement lies, anyway. So… 29 is what I am! 😛

    I’m learning to play the piano. It’s true. Even at 29, I’m doing quite well. Thank you. I’m considering formal lessons in the fall if the girls’ instructor isn’t afraid to *take me on* as a student.

    I don’t drink bottled water or drive an SVU. I do have two human children. But hey, they help me recycle. So, I figure me and mother earth are cool. B)

    Mostly.

    As depressing as this blog seems, I feel quite young, musically gifted, and pro-environment. Ok? The happy part of my brain is enjoying the pineapple pizza I ate for dinner.

    @Green: I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your 14 year old cat, Beauty. It’s always sucks big time to lose a life-long friend. ((((hugs))))

    Trish

    Reply
  2. Marsha_R Avatar
    Marsha_R

    For an inescapable room, I would want Sam or Rodney’s help to get out. 😉

    Barring that, to get out of any old sticky scene, I try taking the POV of another character who’s observing said scene. Whether the extra character demands to become part of the scene doesn’t matter, mostly he/she is there to generate new ideas for me.

    Reply
  3. Eternal Density Avatar
    Eternal Density

    Hi, I felt obliged to de-lurk and point out that I’m NOT old. ha! No musical instrument or kids either.
    I know what you mean about inescapable rooms… yesterday I had to watch a friend play a devilishly fun (or confusing, depending on who you are) 3d puzzle game called Portal, and it was quite torturous to watch without continually offering advice.

    While I’m here, I’d like to thank you for your reviewing of books – there’s a few I might look for once Amazon gets around to sending me the latest Stargate Fandemonium novels I ordered… I think it was in November, and now they’re finally in the mail!

    Reply
  4. wonderingbrit Avatar
    wonderingbrit

    time for some weird lightening like in the Vegas episode maybe….

    Reply
  5. Deni B. Avatar
    Deni B.

    Hi Joe, I can totally relate to the dog-throwing-up-on-the-bed thing, and it does suck. You’re up in the middle of the night, changing linens/comforter/duvet/whatever. I keep telling myself that next time I get a dog or a puppy, it WILL sleep in the dog bed on the floor. Yeah, right. Please consider trying Science Diet i/d for a few days (they all love the canned and it’s easy on their tummies). I swear by the stuff. Elway lives on it and never has any problems (and boy, he used to). Here’s hoping you have a better week with them, and somehow find your way out of your inescapable room. Sounds like a nightmare to me, don’t know how you do it 🙂

    Reply
  6. Narelle from Aus Avatar
    Narelle from Aus

    Heya Joe,

    I was reading your article on Apex Books re the TV shows you watched. I was nodding along to each one of them, but there was an omission that I had to ask about, Greatest American Hero. Fan?
    Beeeelieve it or not, I’m walking on air… now that’s going to be stuck in my head all day. I haven’t watched it since it first aired. Would be funny to watch it through the eyes of not a 6 year old.

    Poor Lulu and Jelly. Seems you can’t win. Does Lulu have the same reaction to smaller meals?
    Our Ridgeback x Bullmastiff (Ralph) may be a big dog, but if he eats too fast or too much he brings up the day’s takings. After his corn cob incident, the vet increased the opening from his stomach to intestine as it was a known issue in their breed and causes them to bring up their food.

    Ralph showed me that he still gets affected on Saturday night. While I was relaxing on the couch, he skulked up and wanted to sit right next to me (which means on me). He had this odd expression on his face. His mouth was like a grimace, ears right back on his head and really, really wanted to snuggle up close. As he was leaning over, pinning me to the couch, trying to get comfortable he started the “Hurlmph. Hurlmph”. “Oh oh”. It’s very hard to move a dog that weighs more than you when all he has on his mind is throwing up. It could have been one of those defining moments in life when you develop a phobia – perhaps something such as CanineIntestinalProjectionphobia? Fortunately I summoned unknown strength and pushed him off me just in time.

    I’m betting 46kg dog vomit trumps French Bulldog and Pug vomit. But at least I didn’t have to catch it and it wasn’t where we sleep. Our decision to rip up the carpet for floorboards was wise.

    I realised on Saturday I was getting old when I saw a show called “B4 30”. It’s a travel show relating to what you must do before turning 30. And judging by the title, things to do before you also start using real words.

    But 30?! Doesn’t it seem a little premature to be writing off ever having fun again? **Looks at own life** Maybe there’s something to their claim.

    By the way, Oboe? Ever tried it? I almost burst a blood vessel in High School trying it. Our Oboe section in the orchestra really wasn’t pulling it’s weight. Wondering what could be so hard about it (I was a flutist), gave it a go. ANEURYSM! And that was just to get a squeak out.

    sulien – Other than a whammy of a migraine yesterday I’m ok thanks. Everything else is a long, long story. I’m considering just keeping my head permanently in the head/desk position. It’s just easier than summoning the energy to lift it, only to have it back on the desk again.

    This comment was written post migraine and with migraine meds still in my system so if this makes no sense at all, sorry about that.

    Reply
  7. dovil Avatar
    dovil

    What gives? Devil possession. Their heads spinning around while they vomitted and barked in Latin is one of those nuanced clues to look for. Throw some holy steaks at them and it should clear up in the morning.

    Still spinning my wheels on this scene.

    The perfect way to tie things off: Suddenly, everyone died. THE END!

    Reply
  8. artdogspot Avatar
    artdogspot

    Times like these come in cycles – and this will get better for you and the doggies. I hope you find out what the mysterious illness is and can share the info with us.

    I recently retired from directing an arts center this year and I actually feel younger now than I did while I was on the job. So, science be damned! Aging can sometimes simply depend on the quality of your life – and what is happening at the current moment.

    Walk away from the story for a bit. It will come to you in the end.

    Reply
  9. Reefrunner Avatar
    Reefrunner

    May I make a suggestion? When I get seriously stuck writing, it’s because I wrote what I wanted to happen instead of what needed to happen. Generally that means backing up a bit to where the story last flowed easily, and figuring out what I did wrong. Sometimes it means having to trash a page or three of writing, but once the block is cleared, the rest comes a lot easier.

    Whether it works for you or not, I hope you find a way around the block soon. It’s not fun getting stuck like that.

    Reply
  10. suziesbluefeather Avatar
    suziesbluefeather

    Awe you got me all psyched up and then let down. You need to read The Never Ending Story by Michael Ende. Another classic example of how the book is way better than the movies. Actually the movie really distorted the book. The book takes me about a day and half to read. Some of it can be hard as it was originally German and was rewritten into the English version we see now.

    Sorry to hear about Jelly. Maybe it’s stress or something. I got my cat her favorite food cause I was going to be gone for the weekend and she would only eat a couple bites and then chuck it up while I was gone. She started eating like a little piggy when I came back. Anytime anything changes she gets upset with her food. So maybe Jelly is upset because he has been worrying about Lulu.

    As for the writing thing… you’re the professional. Can you just go to the next scene and then back track to fill the whole? The drafting process will smooth out the gap right?

    Speaking of you being a professional, would you be willing to advise once more? I’ve been selected to read some of my work at an upcoming art/writing showcase. I get all nervous and stuff in front of people. I can show my art pieces either way but they really want me to read. I’ve never shared like this before and I don’t know what to do.

    Reply
  11. green Avatar
    green

    Animals all around must be sharing simultaneous sufferings.

    My cat, Beauty, got the hell out of dodge. Dodge being the physical realm of existence and “the hell out of” being the whole passing away.

    I thought, for some selfish moment, that mom would be more upset than I would. I thought that me moving out meant mom would only have Beauty to have company. It turns out that mom is as wise and intelligent as I’ve always blamed her to be and found people to befriend. I, on the other hand, am an absolute wreck about Beauty’s death.

    I didn’t think I was but when you can remember something being in your life for so long that you can’t really recall when it wasn’t and when that thing is now nonexistent regardless of whether you see it regularly or not it’s, apparently, very hard to get over.

    And gosh darn it do I miss that cat.

    On muscles aching, I don’t quite ache but a few bruises do prove more than not that apparently I’ve been treating myself poorer than I thought at work lately.

    But, y’know, writing this all down for a stranger to read has really helped. Not even in the sarcastic way, either.

    I hope your dogs get their stomachs in order and you get thyself to a warm shower or bath to ease those aches you’ve developed. About your trapped room: prime numbers.

    Reply
  12. green Avatar
    green

    p.s.
    Thank you Trish. You got there before I did.

    I’m not old yet, by the way. But I am a couple years to it! I saw walkers on sale at Walgreens so I might want to invest.

    Check.

    Reply
  13. Shawna Avatar
    Shawna

    Simple. Just make one of your characters naked at all times. Or insert a kangaroo into the story. Or have someone declare their undying “I wanna have like five million of your babies” devotion to someone else. It may not lead you in the precisely the right direction, but at least it’ll make something happen, and like my mom used to tell me, you can’t be led in the right direction unless you’re moving in some direction to begin with.

    As for the dogs, the only advice I can think of is to try switching the pugs back to the food they were on before. If Lulu was the only one having trouble with the previous food, there’s really no need to switch them all to something new. It may be something in the new menu that’s upsetting the pugs.

    Reply
  14. pastrygirl Avatar
    pastrygirl

    Hi Joe!

    Been a reader/lurker for a while, was moved to write by
    poor Lulu’s intestinal woes. We have had the same trouble with one of our Siberian Huskies, very easily upset stomach and frequent barfing. The suggestion we received was to try Purina One Sensitive Systems dog food, available in both dry and canned. Main ingredients are salmon, rice and oat meal, and she has done very well on it in the last 8 months. As a bonus, the other husky has had many fewer bouts of gas – much appreciated!

    Hope this helps! Many thanks for all your work on the Stargate multiverses, and for keeping us posted on the tidbits you can….

    Reply
  15. edgarderby Avatar
    edgarderby

    The first time I went on a tirade about those damn teenagers being good for nothing I was 16.

    Joe, here’s what you do:

    1. Face the corner and crouch down.
    2. Hold this position until the time runs out.
    3. You should fall through the floor into the SECRET ROOM
    wherein you can stock on ammo with infinite time.

    I hope your dogs feel better.

    Reply
  16. edgarderby Avatar
    edgarderby

    Oh! And if anybody walks in and asks why you’re cowering in the corner don’t say anything or else you have to do the whole day over again.

    Reply
  17. Alexandria Avatar
    Alexandria

    I’m sorry to hear that your precious doggies are sick. I just spoke to my mother and her dog is also sick with diarrhea. They went out to watch my sister’s concert for 2 hours, and came home to find a mess. Poor Allie.

    Here’s my strategy at trying to get through to the final boss…run like hell! One would think that it’s McKay’s strategy, but I’ve mastered this art from practicing it for over a decade. It works. I’ve even had enemies throw their hands up and start running with me. 😀 hehe. Now that takes talent.

    Anyway, what helps me is to write. I put on some music that really helps me get into a creative mood and then I spend the next hour or so freely writing about whatever I’m stuck on. I just try to get all of my ideas down on paper. I put myself into the shoes of the character and see the world as they do. I’ll write down everything they see, and everything they feel.

    After the hour or two, I’ll read what I’ve written. Some of it I will use, and some of it, I won’t. The important thing though is it leaves me feeling refreshed and re-inspired on the topic.

    I hope this helps…it helps me on my poetry. Usually the material I get from this is truly amazing. I just finished writing a beautiful free verse poem that I am going to try to get published. Once that’s published, I’ll return to working on my mystery novel.

    Any suggestions or advice for getting works published?

    Good luck!! 😀

    Reply
  18. Rose Avatar
    Rose

    Joe,

    Did you hear? The SciFi Channel is changing its name to the much more clever Sy Fy, because the original name couldn’t adequately encompass such stellar programming as Ghost Hunters and oh, yeah, wrestling.

    Wow.

    Amazedly,

    Rose

    Reply
  19. Tim Gaffney Avatar
    Tim Gaffney

    So the Sci-Fi Channel now wants to be known as Syfy Channel. I guess “We cancel all the really good sci-fi shows in favor of wrestling and ghost hunting shows” was already taken.

    Reply
  20. Narelle from Aus Avatar
    Narelle from Aus

    Sorry Green.

    Reply
  21. caitlyanna Avatar
    caitlyanna

    Well I guess my brother’s comment on me being an “old hag” after turning 27 two weeks ago is true. Oh well… he’s 29. I already have way too many food allergies for a normal person to have and I do have injuries that limit me from doing certain tasks that I should be able to do at 27. At least I already play the piano so not all hope is lost I guess. Where do you find these links for us to visit?

    I’m glad to hear that Lulu is doing better but I hope Jelly gets better. I can feel sympathy for her as tonight I’m not feeling very well. I have a feeling that I got the lovely flu that seems to be making its way through Bishop. I think it’s time for me to take some antacids and go lie down and will hopefully finish The Orphan’s Tales: In the Cities of Coin and Spice. It has been just as great as the first, although a little more confusing to me but it straighted out quickly. I hope you do add it this year to the BOTM.

    Have you read The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly? I’ve been meaning to go pick it up from our little bookstore (if they have it). I’ve read mixed reviews about it.

    Reply
  22. Montrealer Avatar
    Montrealer

    Talking about bottled water. They are bad for the environment, mostly from the lack of recycling programs for them.

    However it would be a disaster if there is a low stock level of bottled water. Imagine how you are going to get water to people after a hurricanes and similar disaster aftermaths. Frankly I don’t see the people in need (AKA the mob) waiting in line getting water from tanker trucks with their own containers. Also how do you transport water in tractor trailers in any other form than pallets of bottled water that is easy to distribute. I can just imagine the public outcry if they have to wait several days or longer for the government to round up bottled water scatter around the country after a summer hurricane in the Gulf region. Usually there is no usable drink water supply other than bottled water.

    All the talk about banning bottled water by local governments is dangerous. If there isn’t enough bottled water available locally. How do you get drinking water to the people if the local water works is disable for whatever reason. Is scary just for small rural towns. But for a major urban area, unthinkable.

    Reply
  23. paloosa Avatar
    paloosa

    “Youth is wasted on the young.” But remember the next time you see an old person, they still feel 18 at heart.

    Can the pups go on a liquid diet for awhile and let their tummy’s settle down?

    Maybe the final boss comes to your character?

    The SciFi Channel is now the Siffy Channel? Idiots.

    Reply
  24. green Avatar
    green

    Re: SyFy channel.

    If I were blind, I wouldn’t care.

    And I think it’s all a ploy from 1992 to avoid the inevitable nay sayers who insist on calling it the “Skiffy” channel.

    Though, let’s face it, the skiffy nickname is pretty hilarious.

    Honestly, though, I woulda gone with something more like “SighFie!”

    But I’m just bitter because I don’t get the channel anymore.

    Reply
  25. ytimynona Avatar
    ytimynona

    My back started falling apart (HNP, L4/L5) when I was 13. I think I’ve felt a little bit like an “old lady” ever since then!!!

    Re short story: Since you already know how you want it to end, maybe you should try doing what JKR did with Harry Potter. She knew how she wanted to finish the series, so she wrote the last chapter of the 7th book after she finished the first novel. That way, she knew where she was going, but could change it if she wanted (and she did, since the last word was reported to be “scar” in her original ending, and it definitely wasn’t in the finished 7th book).

    Hope you and the puppies feel better soon!!! (Two-a-days are intense! We only have them two weeks/year during preseason, and I never particularly enjoy them…)

    Reply
  26. dasNdanger Avatar
    dasNdanger

    Awww…sorry about the queasy pups. Cowboy puked every morning – took him to the vet and they gave him antibiotics (for another condition) – and he hasn’t puked since.

    And I still say animal puke isn’t nearly as gross as human puke.

    Hope the pups feel better soon!

    Wow…we had an EXCELLENT evening tonight! Went to a tiny little restaurant in town called Louisa’s Cafe. Only ten tables in a little room, but the evening was a delight. The food was simple and delicious (mostly seafood, though I opted for the chicken), and the desserts were pure homemade heaven. It was just so nice to finally sit down and TALK, and enjoy good food, good wine, and good company. Afterwards we relaxed in the lounge at the hotel where hubby works – first taking time to sit by the fire (the real wood, not gas, type), and then to hang out at the bar. I was the only woman in a group of about 6 or 7 guys – it was like the male version of The View. 😆 We talked VWs, politics, economics, muscle cars, Mad Max, law enforcement (one guy was a cop), restaurants, and world travel. Eventually I went over to the quiet guy at the end of the bar and asked him where he was from. Ali was from Morocco, and Berber, which just made me perk right up since one of my favorite musical artists is Berber (albeit Algerian) – Idir.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HNQdm-QHMU

    That song just makes my shoulders dance! 😀

    This opened up quite a discussion about music, Algerian politics and its impact on Morocco, and – of course – food. When he mentioned living in Paris for many years, I asked him if he was familiar with another Algerian singer who is living in Paris and quite popular there in the North African community – Souad Massi – and his face just lit up! He loves her music, and her voice, as much as I do!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLBbD5k6Sa8

    Just a great evening, and so nice to be able to discuss music I love with someone familiar with the songs and artists, even though many of the ones we talked about were from neighboring Algeria. But the food we talked about was all Moroccan! I think I’m gonna invite him over to cook for me… 😀

    Good times, indeed!

    das

    Reply
  27. dasNdanger Avatar
    dasNdanger

    @ green – So sorry about your Beauty. 🙁 {{{hugs}}}

    das

    Reply
  28. vatazes Avatar
    vatazes

    So sorry to hear about the puppies. I hope LuLu stays on the road to recovery and that Jelly joins her. It’s never easy when they are sick. It’s just as bad as when one of the kids are sick! I’ve got two kids and six animals and it sucks when any of them get sick.

    I’m 30, can sing and don’t drink water from a bottle or own an SUV. I don’t feel old, and I really can’t blame my kids for the environment… Hmmm. Will have to ponder this one…

    Reply
  29. Kraut Avatar
    Kraut

    Get well soon! All of you. Poor things…

    I can commiserare just fine with feeling old and aching all over. Last week I moved to another house, and all that carrying around of boxes and furniture makes me feel twice my age – at least I think this is how I’ll feel when I’m 80.

    Did you really get any work done on the short story? I’m wondering, because I am not the most creative of writers on a day like you just had. I usually find it helpful to get out, do someting entirely different, and reboot my brain before going back to work on a sticky scene.

    Reply
  30. Jinx Avatar
    Jinx

    Sorry to hear about Jelly, but glad Lulu is better. (I woke to that sound under the bed this morning. Ah, ’tis the hairball season here. Uck!)

    I think old age set in at 19 for me…that’s when the aches & pains started. Thanks to pushing the workouts, I’m still able to move & feel pretty good for an old lady of 45.

    Which is good…because I have NO musical talent whatsoever. I saved that to pass on to my kids.

    Reply
  31. duneknight Avatar
    duneknight

    you need to take your mind off it for awhile. do something else and it will come to you naturally.

    Reply
  32. Sessy Avatar
    Sessy

    Seriously, if we could literally decimate the world’s population, take it from 6 000 million to 600 million, we’d could eliminate hunger, extreme poverty and the chunk of killer diseases like malaria within about a decade.

    The sea can support a large chunk of our dietary needs. Fish only need to be caught not farmed, and with a smaller population and some semi-farming techniques (like allowing baby fish to mature in a protected environment) the wild populations could sustain our dietary needs with very little environment impact and work from our side. The sea isn’t only there for our protein requirements either, many types of sea weed make for a very nutricious vegetable. With a smart use of crops and livestock to maximize the nutritional value output and minimize the work, we could eliminate hunger quickly. All those children will no longer need to be starving.

    On land, also, extensive rather than intensive farming styles will be more viable with a decimated population, and, rainforests and the like need no longer be exterminated to provide for land to grow food.

    With a decimated population, our fuel requirements decimate as well, as well as our carbon output – perhaps more so. Solar, wind and hydropower electricity would be sufficient to support most the needs of the smaller population. For home heating, chopped wood would be enough – with trees growing back, that’s a carbon-neutral way of heating homes.

    With a decimated population, disease-prone and disastrous areas can be vacated of large populations. Where as now all those people are dying of diseases and such, in the future, those areas could be used for farming only, and populations exposed to the diseases prominent there (such as malaria) can be given treatment, where as exposure to natural disasters is minimal and evacuation feasable.

    All we need to do to achieve this… Well….
    1. Epidemic or natural disaster, killing 9 out of 10. People will lose a lot of loved ones so this may not be the ideal method.
    2. Stop breeding! 1 child per family, for the next couple of generations should solve the problem in about 6 generations, which is only 150-200 years or so. In fact, the younger ones among us might live to see the positive effects of deminishing population already.

    Not to sound crude, but Hitler did spoil the whole “procreation control” thing for us. He put the stigma of evil on it, which is entirely out of place. The unlimited right to procreate, that’s what’s evil!
    We should be able to force people who are not good parents or breed excessively without having the means to suppoft their children to take anticonception drugs. And not just in our own countries, but in poverty-stricken zones too. What, you have four kids and you can’t feed them and you want us to help? Okay, but only if you come by every 3 months for an anticonception injection… And that’s not racism. That’s common sense. If an area already can’t support a population of X people (they’re starving, after all) then how will it in 25 years support a population two times later than X? Three times larger than X? Because that’s what having 4, respectively 6 children per family means!

    Reply
  33. Thornyrose Avatar
    Thornyrose

    I don’t suppose the doggie day care has been having an outbreak of sickness, have they? The timing suggests to me that it might be virus or bacteria related. If so, then you can look forward to a) Lulu and Jelly recovering and b) the other two coming down with the same thing. So, are you a glass half full or glass half empty kind of guy?
    With my 50th birthday approaching at supersonic speed now, I REALLY appreciate the notification of my official decrepitude. So far I’ve been able to act sufficiently under my age to fool people. Maybe I’ll just give up and go requisition a walker…
    Two time a day workouts=good. Especially when you reach the point where you do have that lingering stiffness. At least that’s what I tell myself to explain why my joints seem to be stiffer all the time.
    As for ideas on the writer’s block, I offer one rather drastic solution. Get a friend, maybe Carl (or Marty G. if he happens to fly in from the east coast) and give him/her a paint gun. Strip yourself down to your skivvies, and stand about 15 feet away, against a wall. Said friend fires a shot once every five minutes until you are able to verbalize the solution to the mental roadblock involving your character. I recommend making sure to use a single-shot paintgun though. That way whoever is shooting at you won’t be temnpted to empty an entire clip at you once you’ve solved the problem.
    Narelle, thanks for the laugh. The fact that I enjoy such stories as yours and Mr. M’s concerning doggie disasters is probably a reason to worry, but what the hey. It’s not like any real harm is done.

    Reply
  34. Hayloh Avatar
    Hayloh

    Feeling old huh? Gah I know what you mean, I am going to be 32 on Friday and I ache all the time. I went curling a few weeks back and could barely move for two days. CURLING for crying out loud! …it must have been the sweeping.

    Poor puppies, I feel your pain only mine comes in the form of a senile cat that pees on everything that doesn’t have a protective fleecy over it. Sigh, I love her to bits.

    Reply
  35. Shirt'n'Tie Avatar
    Shirt’n’Tie

    Hey there Mr M!

    Just a line to wish you and all here a very Happy St Patrick’s Day!! (tomorrow!) The Shamrock will be out in force. In fact, for the first time in its long history THE SIMPSONS will air an episode first outside the U.S. The story concerns Homer and his Dad visting Ireland to run a pub (shocker eh?) Any-hoo James L Brooks (Top Banana) and Nancy Cartright (voice of Bart) are here in Dublin for a Preview in the Lighthouse Cinema. So, there you go, world domination and a Simpsons Episode….. makes ya feel proud to be Irish.

    PS The pub Homer and his Dad run is called…..Flanagan’s!! (Note the Irish Spelling!)

    Best to all

    Shirt’n’Tie

    Reply
  36. Silversi Avatar
    Silversi

    Hey Joe–sorry about the story troubles!! Its too bad its not a game (like you mentioned) of Zelda–all you’d have to do is survey the room, and look around, to find that one little thing that you’re missing to keep moving! Though…I doubt the Gale Boomerang or Slingshot would help you out much in that aspect…it’d be cool if they did though! 😉

    Reply
  37. Trish (aka whovian) Avatar
    Trish (aka whovian)

    @Green: Ha ha ha! 😀 From here on out it’s the SighFie!Channel for me! That’s just pure genius right there. I was talking to my mom on the phone when I read that (yes, I multi-task) and I burst out laughing and had to read it to her. She’s cracking up, too.

    😆 SighFie! 😆

    Reply
  38. Hayloh Avatar
    Hayloh

    Huh. Who knew that using a wireless Lav wasn’t as scary or hard as it sounds. Bells and whistles…puhlease.

    Reply
  39. duneknight Avatar
    duneknight

    wait, did i just give writing advise to the screenwriter of my favorite tv show? how silly of me.

    Reply
  40. Amz Avatar
    Amz

    Oh dear, sorry to hear about Jelly. Do you think it could be a stomach bug that Lulu picked up and inadvertently passed on?

    Good luck with the story. I’ve been reading through the suggestions other readers have posted and many of them are really great, but ultimately you’re the writer and I think you’ll figure it out in your own time. We believe in you (yay)!

    Amz

    Reply
  41. atlantisjoefan Avatar
    atlantisjoefan

    I’m very sad about the end of Atlantis and am really glad that you felt able to praise the actors in the MGM vid, but was amazed that you omitted to mention your lead actor who has given so much to the show. Shame on you Joe.

    Reply
  42. maggiemayday Avatar
    maggiemayday

    Whippersnappers. It all hurts, even my toe joints. Feh. I hate it when my bad hips keep me from leaping off the bed when I need to puke. Sadly, that’s true at least once this past year and not just a witty remark. Bah.

    Reply
  43. wolfenm Avatar
    wolfenm

    *Hugs* to poor Jelly! Glad to hear Lulu seems recovered!

    Green, sorry to hear about your kitty! *hugs to you*

    Joe, saw the goodbye vid you did, and aside from wanting to thank you for the vid in general, especially all your kind words aboutthe Squirrel King, I want to thank whoever selected the clips for it (You? Ivon?) for including that lovely McSheppy hug (about 30 seconds in, for those curious). 😀 Seriously, I’m still squeeing!

    http://stargate.mgm.com/video.php?id=194

    An early Merry Ostrara to those who celebrate it, as it’ll prolly be another week (or two *whimper) before I make it back over here again. XD *Goes to tackle her personal mountain of work* My kingdom for a clone (or three)!!

    Reply
  44. GateFanSamJack Avatar
    GateFanSamJack

    What would Lara Croft do?

    Reply
  45. Quade1 Avatar
    Quade1

    Joe did you watch “Kings” last night??? I think it looks promising. I can’t wait to see where they go with this show.

    Reply
  46. lindagagne Avatar
    lindagagne

    I bet you the dogs have a virus that they are passing to each other. I hope they feel better soon.

    As for aches and pains, funny you should mention it. Saturday I hosted a baby shower for my daughter and between the running around the day before and the setting up and then the greeting everyone and standing all day in high heels, I woke Sunday to very stiff muscles and sore feet. Apparently the thigh muscles were doing work as I stood in the high heels all day because they let me know it the following day, go figure. I am not that old either. I am sorry early 40’s is not considered old no matter what anyone says. I am sticking to the old addage that says you are as young as you feel and well I have chosen to feel and live like I am in my early 30’s, lol.

    Reply
  47. Bailey Avatar
    Bailey

    SyFy ????? silly…
    Also was a bit saddened by the rather glaring omission in your MGM vid.
    Sorry things ended this way.
    I wish we were in an Alternate Reality where everyone could be friends…

    Reply
  48. Anais33 Avatar
    Anais33

    Coucou Joseph!

    Eh bien vos chien on de la chance de vous avoir comme maître vous vous en occupez bien 🙂

    Rohh, moi aussi je me sens veille, je suis tout le temp fatiguer, j’ai mal partout, mon corp est tordu de partout et et le pire dans tout cela c’est que je n’est que 18 ans!

    Passez une bonne journée, bisou

    Reply
  49. MaggieM Avatar
    MaggieM

    I’m sorry, Joe but I have to agree with atlantisjoefan. I find it incredible that you never mention anything about Joe Flanigan in any of the MGM videos. Even if you have a personal problem with Joe I think it would have been nice if you could have acknowledged his contribution to what made Atlantis such a great show.

    Reply
  50. danielfanforever Avatar
    danielfanforever

    Old age begins at 27???? *rofl* I’m from the generation that swore they’d never grow old. As far as I’m concerned, life really begins at the age of 50. That’s when it really starts getting fun. *g*

    Glad Lulu is feeling better. ((hugs)) for Jelly. Hope she’s feeling better real soon.

    dff

    Reply
  51. Ponytail Avatar
    Ponytail

    Joe, two-a-days? What, are you crazy? Are you going to try out for the Dallas Cowboys or something?

    Am I the only person who likes Ghost Hunters? I love that show! I would love to go “hunting” with them one night. I would have to be tied to Jason or Grant’s waist with a really stong cord. (Now that other show – Paranormal State or whatever. I think it is fake. The head guy looks like he is fixing to burst out laughing at any moment. I don’t believe a word of it.)

    Green – sorry about Beauty.

    Reply
  52. Lolli Avatar
    Lolli

    Hey Mr. M!

    You mentioned the loss of a favorite resturant the other day…

    Did you know Wingnuts has closed?

    One week before I could make it to sample the deep-fried chocolate bars… 🙁

    Reply
  53. Debra Avatar
    Debra

    Did your vet have you change her to the new food SLOWLY, as in about 1/5 of the new for 2 days, 1/4 for 2 day, 1/3 for 2 days, half, then change? Quick change can bother many dogs. As for poor Jelly, ahem, maybe the cooking? 🙂
    ……..
    Btw, lol, I love you: ::: My eyes, the third joint on my right hand middle finger, and three inch stretch directly above my left inside ankle are relatively pain free.::: Thanks for the needed smile.

    Reply
  54. Airelle Avatar
    Airelle

    Joe, not sure why you are 2-a-day workout man now, How do you get your motivation? I would like to get by with the one a day.and the painless kind also, I know wish in one hand and blah,blah…lol!
    =Acts in the show, I-II,III,etc, what determines length, is it commercial breaks?, thats an awful lot of commercials.
    -Feel better soon puppies!
    .Have a grand St Patricks Day!

    Reply
  55. JK Carter Avatar
    JK Carter

    Hi Joe,

    My middle fur person has a delicate stomach and when we have the inevitable urching every few months or so…we give her what the vet calls “The Old Man’s Diet”. Boiled chicken breast and rice. It works like a charm every time. We give it to her for several days and then start to mix in her regular food little by little.

    Reply
  56. Major D. Davis Avatar
    Major D. Davis

    Hi Joe,
    Just got back from a trip and are enjoying catching up on your blog. Anyways, Mr. Questions strikes again

    1. What is the budget for Air (all three parts)?

    2. What will the budget for a normal one part Universe part be?

    3. Will the Atlantis movie budget be 7 million dollars?

    Merci Beaucoup,
    Major D. Davis

    Reply
  57. Belouchi Avatar
    Belouchi

    @Das: I’m Moroccan in case you need some recipes 🙂

    Reply
  58. amac251 Avatar
    amac251

    Joe,

    Your dogs have the flu. There is a very bad virus going around humans that leads to terrible vomitting and diarhea (sorry to be so graphic!). Lulu may have caught a version of this and then passed it on to the other dogs.

    If you are cooking for your dogs, ground beef and rice is very good. Don’t add peas and carrots as they are harder to digest.

    Where should I send my bill? 🙂

    Reply
  59. Deni B. Avatar
    Deni B.

    @green: So, so sorry 🙁

    @das: I saw the pics of your big boy, and I thought it was my dog, Elway. I kid you not, they could be twins. Gorgeous, both of them 🙂 Your story about the corn cobs reminded me of the time mine ate 4 rocks as a youngster. Yep. Luckily, I called my vet and he told me to give him 3 tbs of hydrogen peroxyde, and sure enough, up they came, clink, clink, clink, clink on the tile.

    Hi Joe!

    Reply
  60. amac251 Avatar
    amac251

    Joe,

    What do you think of SciFi’s name change for the network?

    If the politics of your job prevent you from answering this question, feel free to use emoticons instead.

    *wonders if there is a barfing emoticon*

    Reply
  61. sylvia Avatar
    sylvia

    The channel supposedly dedicated to Scienc Fiction is not and was only mildly so even at the beginning. I don’t argue the mix of fantasy and horror as they did; but how does one argue and justify wrestling and some of the other things?

    so…sigh fie works.

    Sorry to hear the babies have issues still. Wish I had some miracle words/advice to share, but..alas, I do not. Where is Hermine Granger when we need her?

    Re: age, aches and pains – I guess I accelerated at 27. A friend once gave me a plaque that says: How old would you be is you did not know your age? Well, it varies from 55 to 95 depending on the weather, aches, etc.

    And, 2 workouts a day???!!! Sheesh, I have trouble with one a year. You are a better person! And, AMAZING too!

    Reply
  62. Alfredo De La Fe Avatar
    Alfredo De La Fe

    Joe:

    Have you read the latest on NBC and SciFi? Apparently they are planning to change the name of SciFi to SyFy to pull a more mainstream audience. (As if wrestling and a show dedicated to finding nothing called Ghost Hunters were not enough) Really makes me wonder who sits on their board of directors and if they secretly want SciFi to die a quick death.

    http://entertainment.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=09/03/16/1852223&from=rss

    Reply
  63. Narelle from Aus Avatar
    Narelle from Aus

    Hey Joe,

    If you’re now cooking at home and doing two workouts a day, you may look at purchasing one of these. We’ve had ours for a year and love it.

    Means your food waste can go into the bin and then use the castings to grow some fresh vegetables and fruit to help out with your nutrition for the extra output of energy.

    Embrace your Italian roots and grow stuff!

    Reply
  64. Deni B. Avatar
    Deni B.

    @Narelle (and das): sorry about the mix-up with the names there, the message was meant for Narelle 🙂 Dumb me.

    Reply
  65. Colloquielle Avatar
    Colloquielle

    Yikes, poor Lulu and Jelly 🙁 We used to breed Cav King Charles spaniels, and my Mum (a vet) would whip up a meat and rice based concoction for them which they loved – we used kangaroo meat as it was cheaply and easily available to us, as well as being very lean (one of the Cavs was prone to pancreatitis). Mostly, though, Mum advocates the Raw Meaty Bones (RMB) diet.

    Reply
  66. trekkiegirlt Avatar
    trekkiegirlt

    Oh No!
    I’m over 27! I don’t play and instrument!
    I have 3 kids and drive and SUV!
    But I don’t dring bottled water :P.

    Reply
  67. trekkiegirlt Avatar
    trekkiegirlt

    AN instrument. duh

    Reply

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