This episode aired April 3, 1989.

Dr. Allenby’s home also served as the home of Madelyn Hayes in the Moonlighting pilot (1985).

Actor Peter Jurasik, who plays Dr. Simon Ward in this episode, is perhaps better known to sci-fi fans as Londo Mollari from Babylon 5.

My thoughts on this episode in chronological viewing order…

Ah, the sex-obsessed 80’s.

Joan has a very, uh, unique way of speaking. Visually, she reminds me of Barbara Bochco.

I’m betting the sound design team didn’t win any Emmys for this episode.

There is an undeniable cheapness to these 80’s productions.

The sultry music is pure cheeseball.

“Boy, have I got plans for you.” Oh, I bet she does.

Man, these 80’s hairdos are something else.

Cleverly keeping her face concealed from the concierge.

This sexy music is kinda ass.

What kind of dessert WOULD she be? Spiced banana fritters?

Great intro to Columbo smoking his cigar in the elevator and then abashedly dropping it into his coffee.

Columbo describes the suspect as “A very beautiful woman. Very desirable.” That’s some major deductive reasoning.

The office has a sex room?

Wouldn’t it have been smarter to book a hotel?

I do like our shy and awkward Columbo avoiding the topic of sex.

Long dark hairs at the crime scene. How often is that room cleaned? A lot I hope.

How did the victim get in without his keys? Why would she take his keys?

Columbo admiring her ankles?

Columbo scurries away under the spotlight of her sex-related questions. What is he trying to hide?

Is that tuba player playing the Murder She Wrote theme?

Why are we being subjected to this ridiculous tuba-themed musical sequence that cuts to the exterior fountains and then segues into this silly parade? Why’re these children laughing and delighted? Is this a class for “the slow” kids? WTF is going on here?

He asks her how much she paid for the handbag. Mrs. Columbo’’s birthday coming up. “You would’n’t happen to know where I could get something that looked like that for about half the money?” This is a great moment.

As is the all too brief moment of suspense when he asks to see the briefcase.

Ah, bartending school. That takes me back. I think I still have my bartender’s certificate somewhere, filed away with my recipe for a yellow bird. I fail to see the point in the shaking exercise though.

Columbo enjoys his Shirley Temple – although, technically, he’s a guy so it would be a Roy Rogers.

Aha! Mrs. Columbo loved The Courtesan Complex. Do you think she also read 50 Shades of Grey?

Columbo attempts to make off with her briefcase. Back to his old klepto ways.

“Just one more thing, ma’am”. Not so fast.

Come on. The fact that she didn’t ask the taxi to wait isn’t bizarre at all.

I did laugh at Columbo asking to join the group therapy session.

“We have to look for the lady in black. And when we find her, I promise you, you’ll be the first to know.” Classic Columbo.

“Sexi is my whole life.”
“Oh my goodness.”
Indeed.

“Yeah, right. Popular sex. That’s something we have to watch out for.” Great line.

Don’t love this absurd sequence of the staff asking Columbo for relationship advice. It’s funny in concept but woefully underwhelming in execution.

Columbo dragging himself along the floor of the public bathroom. I’d say that raincoat is due for a dry-cleaning.

He discovers a piece of tape underneath the sink. So what?

Why is the cleaning lady dressed like she’s just walked off the set of Dr. Zhivago?

WTF is this lunatic sequence with the cleaning lady? Am I still watching Columbo?

This creepy asshole followed a woman to the ladies room and waited for her to come out. What a loser.

Why is she out as Lisa? Why is this seemingly intelligent woman so sloppy? And why is she leaving all these calling cards for Columbo? I miss the days of the worthy adversaries.

She arrives at her office in the dead of night to find Columbo there. A classic Columbo move.

The Mystery of the Missing Ashes!

Look, I get that it’s dramatic and eerie, but why the hell would Columbo have someone dressed as the lady in black appear and then mysteriously disappear in the hallway? He has already gathered the evidence he needs.

The sales lady can identify her buying the suit and wig. Not exactly iron clad proof of her guilt.

Her ultimate fantasy was not sex but…revenge. More common than you’d think.

Nice final exchange where Columbo shows sympathy and understanding for Joan.

So…didn’t love this episode. It felt padded with too many inexplicably tonally discordant sequences like the tuba parade, the kooky interaction with the cleaning lady, and the doctors asking Columbo for advice about their respective love lives. Our murderer was annoyingly sloppy – yet still the evidence against her is hardly damning. And yet, I’d still rank this episode above the previous two. Boy, these 80’s episodes feel dated in a way that none of the previous episodes of Columbo ever did.

Will season 8 go out with a bang or will this season’s finale, “Grand Deceptions”, prove equally underwhelming? We reconvene Monday to discuss!