Today was the second day of the UF Writer’s Room and I’m pleased to report things are coming along nicely.  So far as the show’s creative is concerned anyways.  Lunches, on the other hand, are a work in progress.

While I appreciate the sentiment of catered lunches (“Ooooh, catered lunches!”), I am forced to point out that, for the most part, they range from mediocre to just downright disappointing.  It’s always: the sandwich tray, the salad, the other salad, the fruit and cheese plate.  Unfortunately, they’re usually the type of sandwiches one might find at a retirement home or in a hospital lobby’s vending machine.  The flavor profile is is always the same: ennui, malaise and processed cheese.

But today’s sad sandwich offering was truly the saddest of them all.  Feast your eyes on this culinary marvel –

The World’s Saddest Sandwich!

I mean, technically, yes, it is a sandwich in so far as it IS a couple of things sandwiched between some bread, but I feel it’s not really a sandwich in spirit.  I could almost imagine the caterer muttering: “Fuck these guys!” as he slapped it together this morning, an undeniable message of utter scorn and contempt to be delivered between noon and 1 p.m., pre-wrapped and cut in half for sharing.

I can’t help but see this sorrowful offering as a desperate cry for help from someone who has clearly hit rock-bottom, a perhaps once vibrant chef now wallowing in the monochrome misery of angst and utter hopelessness, their somber existence reduced to one paper thin slice of tomato, two sprigs of limpid greens, and soggy focaccia.

On the bright side, Akemi made brownies for the room – but kept all the end pieces for herself as she can’t fathom westerners them.

19 thoughts on “The World’s Saddest Sandwich!

  1. Well, I think this is a first. It’s the first food pic I can remember on your blog that didn’t make me hungry. That “sammich” looks like something you’d come across in a Walmart parking lot. All it’s missing are the tire tracks.

  2. That is indeed a sad, sad, sandwich. I’m still eating the frozen sandwiches my husband made for his work lunches before he became so ill. I guess mine are tragic sandwiches. Sliced ham, swiss cheese and mustard on a variety of bagels, microwaved gently. I think I have one or two more to go. I am more of an open faced PBJ girl, or egg salad.

  3. That is truly depressing! I hate pre-prepared sandwiches. I have particular tastes when it comes to my sandwich fillings (can’t stand butter, margarine, mayonnaise, etc) so I like to have them made fresh to my specifications.

    I guess showrunning doesn’t include organising the catering otherwise I’m sure you would have sorted it out by now! Different food truck at the bottom of the building each day?

  4. That truly is a sadwich. I was wondering if it in fact may not have been made this morning and in the flour of it’s youth it was actually quite a dish.

  5. I think you’ve been robbed! Maybe the chef is Ivon’s neighbor?

    @maggiemayday – you’re gonna make me cry. 😞

  6. Too bad about the lunches. Dare we imagine the presentation of breakfast and dinner?

    However, I’m glad to hear the creative process is moving along. I look forward to reading about it.

    And, as for brownies, they’re one of my favorite foods – especially when they’re warmed up and are served with a generous scoop of vanilla ice cream.

  7. Oh my. That is the most pathetic looking so called sandwich I’ve ever seen.

    I hope what they are spending on catering is not indicative of what they intend to spend on special effects for the show!!

    Seems to me, if the ‘powers that be’ want exceptional writing…they should treat the writers better from the get go……or at least include lots of booze. :hic:

  8. That’s not a sandwich…that’s a travesty posing as a sandwich. It looks like a crime scene fresh off an episode of CSI: Miami sans Horatio’s sunglasses where someone has absconded with most of it and left the skeletal remains of a bourgeoisie attempt at a sandwich. The meat and cheese ripped away, the remains of a razor-thin tomato and what I think may have been the vestiges of a piece of spinach spat out by a drunken Popeye posing as a once alive shred of romaine lettuce. The bread appears to have been a discarded and misshapen baguette from a previous season of Parts Unknown: Paris. The preparer deserves nothing less than to be blasted by a Zat’ni’katel twice by a Ba’al clone.

  9. That is indeed a desperate sandwich – that someone would let that loose at all says a great deal (you are absolute correct and right on) about their apparent livelihood and how they regard it, as no one should ever do whatever work they are involved in and just do it to get it out – as it represents them, whatever kind of work they happen to be doing. I don’t think I would even want to try a sandwich that looked as desperate as that one – because if someone would allow that sandwich to go out from their services, then I wouldn’t trust what might be in it, or how old whatever it’s made up of might be. However, it was very good to hear that at least Day #2 went well. 🙂

  10. Technically, schmechnically. That is NOT a sandwich.

    Or, on the other hand, in the words of Warren Zevon shortly before his passing – “Enjoy every sandwich.”

  11. I have not been disappointed at my stop at Zoe’s, across from Soma chocolates. For a lunch I thought the price reasonable, and I never left there wanting.

  12. Mm. Lucky Akemi, I’m hunting for brownies for lunch. Your caterer must have apprenticed under my mom, the queen of the wretched sandwich (cheese spread on dry bread was her specialty.) All of my siblings are rabid foodies thanks to my mom’s culinary amnesia.

  13. Yes, that’s sad. Does @Akemi have a word for sad sandwich? I thought Craft was supposed to have a sinfully delicious BLT’s?

    I’m still 403’ed😞.

    I love the brownie end pieces too!

  14. Wow, that is a sad sack excuse for a sandwich.
    Hey. I assume folks from this new production follow this blog so… why not introduce yourselves? We’d like to meet you. Most of us won’t bite. 😁

  15. Oh. I get it!
    That sad sandwich is a clue, eh?

    Soooo my 4th guess is
    the UF title stands for: “Unspeakably F’d”
    and the production company
    intentionally sent in the sad sandwiches
    to get the writers into the mindset of the story line
    via immersing them in the world the characters reside in.
    -Where food and water is a scarcity
    so locals must resort to
    fishing out pieces of soggy bread
    and long defunct lettuce leaf from the trash
    for most of their meals.

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