“Excuse me!  Excuuuuuse me!”the guy in the bathrobe called out to the hospital staff.  “Can I have a yogurt?”  When it became clear he wasn’t getting one, he sighed, strolled into an examination room, turned off the lights and went to sleep. There he snoozed peacefully away – until he was chased out by a doctor about twenty minutes later.

As the elderly lady in the gurney started to regale a nurse with tales of her recurring bowel obstructions, I checked my phone.  I’d already been there three hours – but, in that time, I’d accomplished quite a bit: read three graphic novels, one novel novel, taken a blood test, an EKG, and a chest x-ray.  Seemingly out of tests, and reading materials, there was nothing left to do but wait.  And avoid eye contact with the bearded starer roaming the hall.

I’d been suffering from what I’d termed “a sore lung” for going on almost two weeks, a dull ache that manifested whenever I took a deep breath – or lay down for any extended period of time.  When the initial visits to my doctor yielded no definitive results, I decided to get a second opinion.  Dr. Google’s findings were more expansive and, potentially, more dire, running the gamut from strains and pleurisy to embolisms and cancer.  And so, suitably terrified, I decided to get a third expert’s opinion.

The blood work, EKG, and x-ray came back all clear.  I wasn’t suffering from any of the more tragic possibilities.  And it was unlikely I was suffering from a blood clot.

Hang on.  Unlikely?

Well, yes.  The doctor informed me that the only way to know for sure would be to do a ct scan, but he wasn’t convinced I needed one and it would mean being subjected to more radiation.  I gave it some thought and decided to what the hell. It had worked out for Peter Parker and Bruce Banner.  Besides, I had a few hours to kill before I had to wake up and put that turducken in the oven.

They hooked me up to an i.v., pumped the blue liquid through my veins, and ran me through the humming machine like a leftover dinner on sensor reheat.  And, when all was said and done – another all clear.  I was perfectly healthy!  Except for the whole sore lung thing.  I still don’t know what THAT is.

Anyway, having received the clean bill of heart health, I was able to enjoy THIS today…

October 11, 2015: Don’t Know What It Is, But I Can Tell You What It Isn’t!

October 11, 2015: Don’t Know What It Is, But I Can Tell You What It Isn’t!

October 11, 2015: Don’t Know What It Is, But I Can Tell You What It Isn’t!

October 11, 2015: Don’t Know What It Is, But I Can Tell You What It Isn’t!

October 11, 2015: Don’t Know What It Is, But I Can Tell You What It Isn’t!

[Thanks to Rob for the charcuterie platter, Ivon for the pie and ice cream, Tio for the laughs, and Akemi for EVERYTHING else including the turducken she popped in the oven at 5:30 a.m. to ensure it was cooked in time for lunch.]

After all is said and done, I’m glad I went and got checked out.  I can finally rest easy knowing it isn’t anything serious.

Instead, I’ll just worry about the alarming amount of radiation I was subjected to.

35 thoughts on “October 11, 2015: Don’t know what it is, but I can tell you what it isn’t!

  1. Left or right lung? Left, it could be gas. :).

    I’ve had something similar that I can only describe as a rib out of place. It only hurts with a deep breath and sometimes if I move the wrong way. I’ve actually felt whatever it is go back in place, so to speak. I call it a ‘catch’. Sort of feels like my rib is caught on something. However, if it is on the left side and around your lower lung it really could be intestinal because you have that bend in your intestine right there. When I’m having digestive issues it often affects the left side of my lower chest, like right under my boobie… Sooooo, at my age that means just above my left kneecap. 😛

    Not sure that helps you at all.


  2. Sorry to hear about your pain, Joe. I’m glad to hear it’s not something to worry about. If it means anything to you, I’ve had the same thing for years. It comes and goes within a few days, but never lingers.

    If you do suddenly develop super powers, let me know.

  3. Considering the amount of seafood and likely kelp that you eat on a regular basis, you ought to have enough iodine in your system to [geiger]-counter act any radiological affects… If not, then, look on on the bright-side, you’ll be able to read in the dark better! 😀
    Just go easy on combing your hair for a while…
    And keep away from insects…

  4. BTW, you should have opted for an ultrasound or MRI first before going for the CT. They’re way less glowy!

  5. So glad results OK.😊
    Thanks for yesterday’s entry! Most intriguing……

    PS How can you eat all that food?!!!

  6. Glad everything checked out okay Joe. Hopefully your chest discomfort will go away. Please continue to take of yourself and enjoy the rest of your holiday.

  7. Personally, I think that, while you were sleeping, at some point in the past, a very tiny alien was somehow launched into your open snoring mouth and lodged into your lung, where it grew and grew and is now getting ready to rip through your chest, then dash out into the world. Once there…well, you know the rest of the story. You’re just lucky there is no corporate guy around who wants to preserve you for scientific study that will net his company gazillions of dollars profit.

  8. woohoo! I’m glad you got a clean bill of health! Just take those anti-inflammatories, do some gentle stretches, maybe find someone who can give you a good massage on a regular basis to help with the stress, and it will be gone in no time. Or a couple of weeks…

  9. Mmmm, marvelous spread. Yum.

    You were subjected to about as much radiation as a couple sunny days provide. I have had all sorts of scans and x-rays and I’m not dead yet. I am far more concerned with the years I lived on a high desert weapons testing station in the early 60s when I was a little kid.

    I hope your lung pain resolves itself. Scary when the body does its own weird thing.

  10. Hi Joseph,

    I have really enjoyed the first season of Dark Matter.

    Sorry you’re a bit under the weather. I did a few web searches about your symptoms. It is a puzzler. But I did find a couple of links that might help:
    When you do a Google search:
    https://www.google.com/#q=deep+breath++differential+diagnosis , it has a variety of links. One which may be applicable is this one:
    http://www.aafp.org/afp/2007/0501/p1357.html which goes into some detail and possible causative factors and has an interesting flow chart.

    When I read other links regarding a dull pain that radiates locally, the articles start talking about blood flow problems. You might want to consult a cardiologist in such a case.

    Here is a link on Radiation exposure and patient safety:
    Airplane flight exposure is minimal:

    The food looks great.

    Best Regards

  11. Happy Thanksgiving eh!

    Good luck with the lung. I’m sure it’s just a pulled muscle. If it makes you feel any better, my thumb is still sore going on three weeks now.

    The charcuterie platter and turducken look amazing.

  12. The good news is you did get checked.

    Happy Thanksgiving to all…
    and everything looks wonderful and yummy.

  13. If the show doesn’t work out, Rob Cooper could open a restaurant! Along with Akemi, of course. You do surround yourself with good cooks.

    Enjoyed your story and I hope the pain goes away soon.

  14. I’m glad you went ahead and had the CT done. All those tests can be a trial in and of themselves, but peace of mind is priceless. Has anyone mentioned the possibility of Costochondritis? It’s a very painful inflammation of the cartilage that connects a rib to the sternum (breastbone.) I had it once, hurt when I took a deep breath, and a friend is going through a very painful bout with it right now. Costochondritis eventually goes away, but can take weeks or months. Just a thought. Hope whatever it is goes away and you feel better soon!

  15. I know why you are the writer and I am not, you do tell an interesting story, thanks for the chuckle, and I am glad you got a clean bill of health.
    Those desserts look so good, they would make a great screen saver! I could never lose weight looking at them.. yum. Let us know if you next start glowing or peeing green? Are you safe to go thru the detector at the airport? well by that time all the delicious food will have flushed all the bad stuff out of you. Ok now that you are cleared to fly, safe journey and hopefully better news on the other end about the apartment from hell. Hugs to Akemi and you and the pups.

  16. I expect it is just a sore or pulled muscle. I’m convinced that one of the trade-offs of being brilliant, creative, and imaginative like us (ahem) is that worrying is part of the package. The same (over)thinking that lets people analyze all parts of a scenario and come up with creative ideas is the same one that lets us think about all the possible problems that can crop up too. It’s the burden of genius, I suppose. 😉

    That food all looks great. Happy Thanksgiving Joe, and to all the blog readers!

  17. Congrats on the all clear and I hope the soreness leaves your lung. I however have at least one newly blocked artery from just looking at that charcuterie platter. Happy thanksgiving!

  18. Oh Joe sorry to hear you’re not well. Glad the results were negative. Is it possible it is stress, anxiety exacerbated by health anxiety? You’re working hard on the script, moving to Toronto, dealing with issues with the new condo etc. I hope it resolves itself or you find out what it is and can treat it. Meanwhile write down all the things you’re worried about and what you’re going to do about them and then throw away the list and clear them from your mind. Go out with Akemi and do something fun. Sending positive, healing vibes your way. The Thanksgiving meal looks awesome. Hope you won Fantasy Football. I’ve got my fingers crossed for my 5th win.

    I’m off to the US in November for a convention, meeting lots of Arrow guests, including BamBam. I’m staying in San Francisco and San Jose. I’m pretty excited. I miss Thanksgiving by a day which is annoying. Anyhoo, all the best everyone.

    Cheers, Chev

  19. Sometimes the culprit is something ergonomic like a heavy work bag that pulls your spine out of joint or the arm rests on office chairs that dig into your side. I made my lower back sore from swiveling my hips to get my office chair rolling. Glad your tests are clear, no news is good news. And I hope you get a cool power like superspeed of zapping from one place to another in the blink of an eye.Happy Thanksgiving, that Earnest Ice Cream looks good, the Rhubarb Oat Crumble has me entranced.

  20. Happy Thanksgiving. And who know, maybe all the extra radiation will mutate the bacteria causing the discomfort and you will end up with super powers.

  21. Oh have you seen the Attack on Titan Movies? I saw the first one last week and the next one is out on the 20th. They really like arterial spray and goo. The special effects were pretty good, and I like how they made the movie it’s own thing while sticking to the essence of the story. I picked the manga up around the time the anime ended so I am not sure if the movie followed the manga more closely. The only thing I did not like was how they portrayed two peoples relationship, they complete changed the dynamics, I was a bit annoyed by it.

  22. Happy Thanksgiving Joe and Akemi!

    I’m glad your tests came out clear. I’m voting for pulled muscle/strained ligament.

    And I have to ask about that pie…are those assorted nuts as a topping?

  23. Ugh, thanks for the unnecessarily-detailed medical explanation Joe…I think I’m going to be sick now… I hate anything that has to do with needles and I’d rather kick the bucket than be subjected to any amount of radiation, period.

    And after all that, they still don’t know what’s wrong with your lung. Shows that doctors in 2015 still don’t know everything relating to human anatomy…

  24. Looks like you had a wonderful and tasty Thanksgiving. Guess it is time to start thinking about the American Thanksgiving next month. Glad your hospital visit went well. It could just be poor posture causing all the soreness. You have been spending a lot of time sitting in front of your computer typing, right? I recommend you take more breaks, get up and stretch, go outside and walk for a little bit. Take a voice recorder with you in case you have a great idea while taking your break. Chef Rob is an awesome cook. He and Chef Akemi need to have a cook off of something. Happy Thanksgiving Canadians!

  25. I had a CT scan in January, followed up with an MRI in May, to see what was wrong with my head injuries (I had 2 within 8-10 weeks of each other last summer — and yes they are still affecting me). The verdict? “You have had MULTIPLE head injuries!” Nothing said about treatment, just the “discovery” of this information which I had told my doc about earlier. So no clue as to *how* the grey matter damage (which was found in the CT scan) can be treated, unless some of the articles that my friend and co-star Evan Wilson (in my webseries Preflight Launch) found from IFLS about the different experimental treatments are on par as possible cures for it….

    Anyhoot, I hope they find the cause for your sore lung, and a viable treatment that isn’t on the “guinea pig” list but rather is tried and true!

  26. Congrats on the clean bill of health. Just remember, better safe than sorry & there is no such thing as a stupid question when it comes to your health. Safe travels & good eating on your journey back to Toronto.

  27. Never underestimate the random symptoms of stress. It’s like a conscious entity trying to work out the best way to screw up your day.
    For example, I get migraines. Especially with high stress levels. So I go on anti-migraine medication. So now when I get stressed, the anti-migraine meds help to prevent the migraines, but instead I break out in hives. I woke up with them this morning. Which will be awesome for sitting on a plane for hours while I head to New Zealand for work next week and present for two days in front of a panel of people. Fighting back the urge to scratch my skin off is just the distraction I need. I need a sarcasm font.

    So, I’d say kick back and watch some good TV – except you don’t have any channels. Or a good movie in your theatre room – which you don’t have any more. Errr, um, go for a walk? Yeah, I’m going with stress. You may also just be pi**ed off. That also gives me hives.

  28. Glad everything turned out okay, and I’m leaning towards the costochondritis theory.

    @Narelle — so sorry to hear. I hope things have resolved by the time I’m writing this.

    The feast looks lovely.

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