From the corner of my eye, I saw Akemi shuffle up beside me and stand quietly by, waiting for me to acknowledge her. I looked over and she spoke up: “Sorry to interrupt, but I need your help. There is a spider in the dryer.”
I chuckled. My poor girlfriend, ever prone to scares. The beep of a car horn will make her jump; the presence of a house fly enough to send her into a full panic. I shook my head and followed her downstairs where I grabbed some toilet paper from the bathroom, then approached the washing machine.
“Not the washing machine,”she corrected me, standing several feet back, seemingly poised to take off at the first sign of trouble. “The dryer.”
I couldn’t help but smile. Another shake of my head. I opened the dryer door, peeked inside and – set eyes upon the biggest spider I’ve ever encountered. It was the size of my fist! I slammed the door shut. This would require more toilet paper. A lot more.
I wavered, glanced back uncertainly at Akemi, wide-eyed, hands bunched and to her mouth like a horror film victim about to loosen her final, bloodcurdling scream. Then, I set the dryer on high and headed back upstairs, electing to come back and deal with the issue later.
I resumed my scriptwriting and, twenty minutes later, went back downstairs to see how our furry little guest was doing. Somewhere between desiccated and crispy, I hoped. I opened the dryer door, peered inside – and was met with a sight even more horrifying than the first. The dryer was empty! I searched top and bottom. Nothing. The spider had pulled a Houdini. I imagined it, somewhere, in hiding, slightly toasted and annoyed, quietly plotting its revenge.
I turned the dryer back on, hoping it was still in there somewhere – then headed upstairs to break the news to Akemi.
“I need to tell you something,”I said when she walked into the room. Immediate concern flashed across her face. “You’d better sit down for this.” She took a seat. I lay a reassuring hand on her knee. “The spider…is gone. When I went to check the dryer, it wasn’t there.”
Akemi was horrified. “Joe!”she said. Then “JOE!”. And then “JOE!!!!”. Hands clapped to her cheeks, she scurried downstairs to make sure. I heard the dryer door open and then: “JOE!!!!!!!!!”.
I found her standing in hallway, pointing at the dryer. “On the left side,”she informed me.
I approached, swung open the door and looked. I spotted him – tucked away in a corner, looking significantly less imposing at now roughly one tenth his original size. His down-sizing drove home a powerful lesson. Stay hydrated!
I cautiously reached out and poked him with the toilet paper, prepared for a potential horror movie fake-out where the killer springs up for one final attack. But no. He was dry. And crumbled the instant I went to remove him.
Akemi took over from there.
Congratulations to Motownfilly on winning the SG-1 10th Anniversary framed photo and keychain! More giveaways to come!
Today’s entry is dedicated to my sis – and the memory of her beloved Roxy.