Next to clowns, furry spiders, and old timey pictures of twins, there’s nothing quite as creepy as a porcelain doll.  I discovered this several years ago, on my first trip to San Diego, when I stayed at a turn-of-the-century hotel that thoroughly freaked out my ex.  I attribute her response to a few things: the mysterious rattling in the walls that would awaken us in the dead of night, the “haunted ghost tour” that strolled through the lobby while we were checking in, and, of course, the management’s decision to adorn each floor with a deeply disturbing selection of antique dolls.  Yep, it was mighty eerie, so I can imagine how parents in Orange County may have felt waking up one morning to discover THIS on their doorstep:

July 26, 2014: For The Kid Who Has Everything!  How About…terror?!!
Come and play with us. Forever…and ever…and ever…

These night time deliveries were made even more unsettling by the fact that, in some instances, the dolls actually resembled the little girls living in the recipient households.

I mean…WTF?!  What kind of a warped mind is at work here?!  It’s like something out of a horror movie or the deepest recesses of an asylum for the criminally insane or…a kindly church member clearing out an old toy collection.

Sorry?  What?

http://www.wjla.com/articles/2014/07/california-police-solve-porcelain-doll-mystery-say-woman-responsible-meant-them-as-a-kind-gesture–1.html

“The woman – who police haven’t named – told them that she was only trying to give away toys her own family had outgrown and had tried to match the girls in the neighborhood with dolls that looked like them.
“She tried to pick dolls that resembled girls who lived there,” Hallock said. “In her mind, her motivation was purely kindness. It was meant as

a good-will gesture. In retrospect, I think she wishes she would have left a note.””

Yeah, in retrospect, maybe a heads up would have been a good idea.

A powerful lesson learned.  Always accompany your gift with a note.

Or, in the case of the following toys, avoid the gift altogether and just leave the note…

July 26, 2014: For The Kid Who Has Everything!  How About…terror?!!

July 26, 2014: For The Kid Who Has Everything!  How About…terror?!!

July 26, 2014: For The Kid Who Has Everything!  How About…terror?!!

July 26, 2014: For The Kid Who Has Everything!  How About…terror?!!

July 26, 2014: For The Kid Who Has Everything!  How About…terror?!!

July 26, 2014: For The Kid Who Has Everything!  How About…terror?!!

17 thoughts on “July 26, 2014: For the kid who has everything! How about…terror?!!

  1. OMG!! Those “gifts” are disgusting! I want the Pee and Poo. When I heard the story of the church lady and the dolls, I wish she’d give me one.

  2. My memory just went back to that big old house in Ky. and the porcelain dolls that sat on top of that chiffarobe in that room with the shiny, deep red wallpaper. Because the room below it was greedy for south-ish facing windows, the room’s shape was a pentagon so that chiffarobe sat a bit away from one corner and helped the room seem more squared. And sometimes the electricity would go out and my mom would take a sconce off the wall and light candles and pass by the room and the dolls cast moving shadows on the high ceilings from below. It was all a sweet memory until you called porcelain dolls creepy.

    But maybe a pentagonal red room with porcelain dolls casting dancing shadows on the ceiling by a walking woman’s candlelight…no, it’s still sweet. You had to be there.

  3. Wall rattling in San Diego? – duh! That’s just Seismic!
    Or, just tunnelling drug-lords trying to get into COMIC CON…

    Hey @DAS! Would you settle for some ELVIS-in-Uniform-cameo-portraits FABRIC instead? 100% cotton. – [a clearance remnant from my local Soon-to-Close Fabric Store that I found today!]

  4. Unless you are a celebrity doing a panel, I have no idea why anyone would want to attend San Diego Comic Con. I have been twice, both times assisting a Producer friend (Hi Jenny!) and the crowds were the definition of sardines in a key rolled can. If you want to attend a popular panel, don’t hold your breath. People line up as soon as the main doors open and will occupy seats all day just to see the panel that interests them. So, if you want to attend an earlier panel, there will not be any seats available because of seat hogs that are not interested in your panel, but just don’t want to miss their own. Otherwise, hey, the event is a blast!

    Personally, I recommend attending Dragon Con in Atlanta. You see pretty much the same thing and it’s not as crowded.

  5. It’s thundering and lightning in Phoenix right now so after reading this I’m even more freaked out gonna have bad dreams for sure.

  6. WTF?! on those toys.
    why on God’s green earth would anyone make a baby that you can “shave”?! also a “pregnant” baby doll?! i don’t even know.

  7. to arcticgoddess:

    i’ve been to dragon-con twice (’09 & ’10) & it was great! although the crowds were bigger the second time to the point that the last day, that’s usually considered a nothing going on day, was nearly as busy as the first day. i hear the crowds are bigger every year & even though they added another hotel, it’s still crowded. there’s even rumors that they’ll limit tickets like SDCC

  8. I had a Chatty Cathy, she was enough. I used to have my international doll collection on shelves around my bedroom, but they all came down after an unfortunate episode of Night Gallery.

    I won a pass to the Salt Lake ComicCon (who is now being sued by the SD one). A day or two after I return from Burning Man, which other than the outfits, is like an anti-con with the no commerce. I will be fried, and in a different mindset, Should be trippy. I can go as Mrs. Santa, or quickly wash one of my B-Man outfits. Maybe just go dusty. Mrs. Santa will be too warm, but she gets a lot of love.

  9. @Ponytail and Das
    LOL…Yep…me three, want pee and poo

    Never been to ComicCon…been to DragonCon. At least at DragonCon they clear the room after each panel and that prevents people camping out in the seats. BUT…it makes for very long lines and lots of standing for hours – occasionally the line goes out the door and the heat/humidity will get you.

    Actually, the crowds frequently appear to exceed the fire max capacity limits.
    That is really scarey with wall-wall sea of people you can barely move. And, when the crowd mass starts moving – you do get swept away unless you are lucky to be against a wall or behind a column.

    The sight, sound, and after 2-3 days the smell (of wearing the same thing 3 days in a row) of sooooo many people are overwhelming.

  10. Hey Joe
    I agree with archersangel. Who would need a doll like that? And is ankle hair even a thing?

    Elminster

  11. Thank you for your post and for validating my feelings on porcelain dolls. I have a deep rooted animosity towards the little demons. I once had a friend who very kindly offered to let me use a spare room when out of town a few years back. The excitement of not having to pay for a hotel room was quickly dashed when walked into the room and found that it was filled with her porcelain doll collection. The little bundles of creepiness encompassed the free bed she’d so graciously offered me with 50 pairs of staring eyes that welcomed me to their house of terror. I lasted a ½ hour. Luckily the room was in the basement so I grabbed my blanket and slept on the couch, she was never the wiser.

    I think my fear steams from a porcelain type doll (looked just like a porcelain doll but was plastic) I had as a child. It was a talking doll that would randomly start talking in the middle of the night. It never happened during the day, or when others were around; only when I was alone in peaceful slumber.

    As an adult I try to not let porcelain dolls get to me but dang it if I don’t have automatic “AHHH” reaction whenever I see one.

    Also those toys; my boss walked in and saw me sitting with my head in hand and started laughing. I showed her the toys, she just shook her head and sat down. I love my boss.

    @maggiemayday – I’m going to the SLC Comic-Con. It’s my first time going. Have fun at buring man.

    Shana

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