Quick! Dust off those DVD’s! Our Stargate: Atlantis rewatch resumes tonight with the season 5 premiere: Search and Rescue!
Wait! What?! What happened to season 2 through 4?! Well, Akemi has expressed a desire to skip ahead to the season “with Bob [Picardo] and the Chairman [Mark Dacascos]!”. She admit there may be a few discrepancies between the last episode she watched (the season one finale) and tonight’s episode, but she feels confident that I can catch her up. If any of you are in Akemi’s position, allow me to offer you the following VERY SPOILERISH summary of what you missed:
Weir was kidnapped by these aliens called Asurans who are essentially human-form replicators (that are essentially sentient murderous self-forming Lego creatures),
Dr. Beckett was killed by an exploding tumour but was mysteriously rediscovered alive, a little over a year later, as a prisoner of Michael, a human-wraith hybrid who was the result of an experiment by the Atlantis gang and is now a sworn enemy of our heroes except for Teyla and her baby. And, oh yeah, Teyla had a baby but the father wasn’t Sheppard (as you’d probably assume) but Kanaan. Kanaan, I said. Teyla’s secret Athosian lover. Of course you never heard of him. He was a secret lover.
The new Chief Medical Officer that took over for Beckett, Jennifer Keller, has really hit it off with McKay.
As a result of getting partially fed-upon by a wraith, lieutenant Ford receives a dose of a strange enzyme that masw him super strong AND super crazy. He fles Atlantis, became a renegade wraith hunter, and got blown up (?) on a wraith hive ship.
The team encountered a super strong NOT crazy renegade hunter called Ronon and he joined the team.
Colonel Samantha Carter took over command of the Atlantis expedition after Weir’s disappearance.
Atlantis had to leave its original world, travel through space, and has now settled on a completely different planet that looks exactly the same as the old one.
Also, Earth built ships capable of reaching Atlantis in two weeks and have been making supply runs to the Pegasus Galaxy. For a while there, it was possible to travel back and forth between Stargate Command and Atlantis using something called a gate bridge (literally, a bridge made out of gates) but that was destroyed last season. Sorry. You just missed it. But trust me. It was really cool.
The following characters were introduced and died between the season 1 finale and the season 5 premiere: Dr Monroe, Dr. Lindstrom, Dr. Collins, Ronon’s former commander Kell, Ella a female wraith and her human step-father Zaddik, Walker, Stevens, some tardy Aurorans (Ancients), some of Ford’s equally strong and crazy friends, a guy called Kanayo, an old Athosian called Charin taking with her her recipe for turtleroot soup, Griffin, Otho, the Lord Protector, Phoebus, Thalan, innumerable wraith, miscellaneous Atlantis personnel, Genii, and sundry off-worlders.
Wait! That’s just season 2! Well, just take that number, triple it, and you should have a rough estimate of the interim body count.
Anything else? Let’s see. Oh yeah, Sheppard has an ex-wife, McKay a sister, and Atlantis a new (and not so trustworthy) BFF who happens to be a wraith named Todd.
Did I miss anything? If so, feel free to post it in the comments section of this blog.