Yep, that’s about how I felt this morning following last night’s raucuous New Year’s Eve celebration. Our guests were prompt, arriving by 7:30 p.m., as requested (or we were eating without ’em). We had dinner, dessert, did the dishes and were done just in time for…10:00 p.m.! We still had TWO HOURS to kill! Now I’ve never run an Ironman Marathon but I’m pretty sure those two hours were akin to participating in one but with less swimming and biking and more meandering anecdotes and orange-flavored Grand Marnier.
Parents, please consult this handy guide to proper child care: http://funkypickens.com/how-to-be-a-parent/
It’s also a useful resource for non-parents as well. For instance, I found a few of these tips particularly informative:
“Worst suicide attempt: Maya Lewis, Scandal
Scandal took gore up a notch when Olivia Pope’s mother, played by Khandi Alexander, ate her own wrists to get transferred from her high-security cell to an infirmary, allowing for her easy escape.”
“4. Man Of Steel
One of the most hilariously pretentious scenes in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises was the football stadium apocalypse, which was scored to a boy soprano singing “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Zack Snyder’s Man Of Steel sustains that same level of pomposity over 143 interminable minutes.”
”Ride to Hell: Retribution is a spectacular monument to failure. If failure were Paris, Ride to Hell would be the Arc de Triomphe…”
“Harlem Shake: The backlash started in March. But the damage was already done. By early February, the Harlem Shake was a meme, a retina-singeing, eardrum-detonating series of copycat videos that proved talent was not a strict condition of popularity in 2013.”
“The bank held the mortgage on his Hermosa Beach, California condo. Unfortunately for Larry, Wells Fargo mistook him for another customer, who happened to owe thirteen grand in back taxes. Despite his protests, it doubled Larry’s mortgage to pay off the non-existent taxes. He quickly fell behind.
At some point, Wells Fargo discovered it had confused Larry with another resident of his complex. But the company foreclosed on him anyway.
Being a banker means never having to say you’re sorry. And you get to take people’s homes. It’s a win-win situation.
Larry lost his condo and was forced into assisted living.”
“Donald Trump is considering a run for…” No, he’s not. He just isn’t. And if you’d like to get him unearned publicity, you should at least get some stock options out of it.”
” ‘Results’ before the ‘election’
An election app released by the Central Asian nation of Azerbaijan had the incumbent president leading — a full day before the October vote. The partial “results,” blamed by the government on a errant test of the online app, showing hypothetical results from one district, had President Ilham Aliyev winning in a landslide. And he did.”