1“How long are you going to be?”asked Akemi as I parked the car.

“Ten, fifteen minutes,”I said.

“Okay,”she said.  “I’ll wait in the car.”

“No, you’d better come with me,”I said and then proceeded to tell her about the article I read this morning concerning a woman who was charged with animal cruelty for leaving her dog in a car while she went off to run some errands.  Despite the fact that she had left the window open, the internal temperature inside the vehicle climbed so high that the dog passed out.  Fortunately, a police officer happened by, broke into the car and saved the dog who made a full recovery.  Still, the owner was found negligent, fined, and prohibited from owning a pet for ten years.

“I don’t want to run the risk of something similar happening,”I explained.  “I run late, you’re left alone for an hour and then, the next thing I know, I get fined and I’m not allowed to date a Japanese girl for another ten years.”

“I think that’s a good rule,”she murmured as we headed into the building.

A couple of hours later, we were talking about a different set of rules – those unspoken rules we live our lives by.  I was on the phone, talking to a friend.  He was in a bit of a jam so I tried to help him out by offering him some of my airmiles.  After I hung up, Akemi noted: “You must really like him.”

“Well, of course,”I said.  “He’s my friend.”

She threw me one of her curious sideways glances, sizing me up, then concluded: “You’re like that.”

“Like what?”

“Good to people you like.  If you like someone, you treat them very well.  Loyalty is very important to you.  And not just with your friends. With stores, restaurants.  If you had a good experience, you always go back.  If not…”

True, true, and true.  Lately, I’ve been going out of my way to do my book shopping at The Book Warehouse and at second hand bookstores around town because Chapters (Indigo) pissed me off.  I will never own a BMW, Mercedes, or Blackberry product.  The fact is, I’m a huge grudge holder.  Nobody holds a grudge like me.  On the flipside, don’t piss me off and I can be downright delightful.  I’m steadfast in my support of those that do right by me.

It’sI have a long memory for these things.

36 thoughts on “July 26, 2013: It’s simple really. Just don’t get on my bad side…

  1. I have held a grudge against Kodak for 19 years. They overprocessed some film I’d taken of my newborn niece who lives in a different state. I can’t get those photos back. All they offered me was a replacement roll of film. Jerks! I’ve never bought another Kodak product since or used any of their services. I also share my story.

    I just left my kitty at the vet. She’s 17 years old and didn’t eat last night and seemed to be in pain. The vet gave her a sedative so he can run a geriatric profile and see what’s wrong. He suspects she’s partially blind. Although she did manage to scratch him. I warn him every time.

    Anyhow I pick her up this afternoon. Hope it’s nothing serious. I’ll keep y’all updated.

    Byeeeeeee Chev

  2. @Joe on loyalty:

    I’m a little more dispassionate about it, but I follow similar rules. Usually I just figure if “it’s happened once, it’ll happen again”.

    Of course, if it is an individual, forgiveness should be involved, but sometimes that means a loss of trust too.

  3. I am a very good grudge holder myself, however it usually takes some time before I get my grudge up.

    *Sticks note to computer: Do not annoy Mr. Mallozzi (pronounced with a short O, when commenting in blog.* 🙂

  4. I’m a forgive and forget type of person.
    Well…, forgive anyway.
    Maybe not forget with some things.
    Just remember a little bit.
    I forget more now that I am getting older.
    Lots of times I forget what I’m doing.
    What was the question?
    Was there a question?

  5. I never hold grudges against anyone if I’m being honest here, life’s too short to hate. No instead, I realize that in that situation, it’s better to choose my words wisely and act in such a manner that while is respectful, comes across as not caring much.

    I agree about loyalty, stay true to those that have been good to you and respect those that show the same respect to you.

    I’ve also never looked down on people, and believe that people are pretty much born as equals, some in society have done better than others, but at the end of the day, you are what you are.

  6. Oh and speaking of books, I still do all my shopping online in that regard and pre order everything months ahead, I do have to smile sometimes when, through sheer coincidence end up with a half dozen books delivered on the same day, I bet the postal people love me at times lol

  7. I am the same way, I will post/tell all about bad experiences…I won’t rent a movie from Redbox ever again because they double charged me ONCE, yes I know it is only $1 but if they double charge everyone even once, they can make millions! So for me, never again!

  8. I’ve been following the British show Case Histories, didn’t realize it was based on a book series.

    K

  9. @ Ponytail. LOL about forgetfulness. I know the feeling.

    @ Randomness: The postal people probably do love you as you are helping them keep their jobs. I have a book coming from Amazon next week. :p

  10. I tend to think the best of people, even when they’re being dicks. Which probably means that people take advantage of me and I don’t even notice. Damn this optimism!

    chevron7: Hope your kitty is OK! 17 is a damn good age for a cat! She must have been well looked after.

  11. You are *exactly* like my husband. Amazingly good and incredibly generous to his loyal, close friends who respond in kind. But, he has a long memory and can hold a grudge like you wouldn’t believe against people who haven’t treated him well, so it’s best not to get on his bad side.

  12. I’m very similar, except I don’t know that I call it a “grudge” so much as I refuse to get burned again, whether it’s a personal relationship (if you know what I mean) or a business one (don’t get me started on Rogers Communications).

    Likewise, treat me well and I can be a friend for life. However, it may take a LOT to get me to lose trust, but once I do it’s very hard to get it back. Again, once burnt…

  13. Sometimes I’m altogether too loyal to people. I have learned friends who owe me money aren’t friends anymore. They abandon me rather than disappoint me to my face.

  14. @ Alexis – It’s only spelled ‘Joseph Mallozzi’ – it’s actually pronounced ‘Throat Warbler Mangrove’.

    😉

    das

  15. chevron7: Good luck with your kitty!

    Ponytail: Thanks for the laugh this morning! It sounded like you were describing me though.

    The Spider: Why does she like you? 🙄 😆

    I try to forgive people but businesses are different story.

  16. @ Joey I am a bit like you when it comes to companies. I don’t have Comcast cable because they once told me to ‘watch SOCCER on ESPN’ when I complained that they dropped the only channel that aired rugby.

    I won’t go to a restaurant where I had a bad experience, like the time a friend and I went to one of my favorite watering holes and were sat at a two-top. It was wintertime and the place was unusually busy due to the Christmas parade (which we were unaware of). The table was dirty and obviously had not been used recently (it was in a corner). We were just getting drinks, so hadn’t planned on staying any length of time, and so the table suited us. Most people in the bar were just drinking and ordering snacks, no big meals. After we received our drinks, a different hostess (from the one that seated us) came up and said that if we were only having drinks we should go stand at the bar (which was like 3 people deep). Now, if I was in my 20s I wouldn’t have minded, but I was over 40 and my friend was nearly 60, so not only was the hostess extremely rude to make such a suggestion (though it was more like an order) after we were seated and had ordered, she was also ignorant to the fact that we were older women, and not college kids. It did not sit well with me at all, and I refused to go back to the place, even after it changed owners. This was a place I practically lived in when I was in my 20s, and went to quite often with Mr. Das after we were married. It was that ‘old shoe’ that just felt so good to slip into, especially in the wintertime. That experience soured me for life. (I did not know the second hostess, and so I probably judged the place unfairly, but I just went back there for the first time since then and tried to order a gluten-free meal (give me the chicken sandwich, just not the bread) and was told by the waitress that they couldn’t do that…sooooo…yeah. Not going back.)

    That said, I am not like you when it comes to friends – well, not as much, anyway. I am very loyal, I’m just not very ‘friendly’, unless I’m in a social situation. I’m just not the phone-chatting, text-messaging, house-hopping sort of friend. My mom is more like you – she’ll go help someone out at the drop of a hat. I will, but since I sometimes have trouble shifting mental gears, I’m not quite as ‘hat droppy’. I have many friends, but I just don’t work at keeping in touch with them, especially if they move away. I think that’s my loner side – I am VERY much an out of sight, out of mind sort. It’s not that I stop caring, it’s just that I’m not overly ‘needy’, and if I feel lonely or something I’m happy just going down to the grocery store and chatting with whoever I meet.

    In fact, my bestest friend in the whole world once analyzed me, and said I have a personality typical of someone who has one-night stands…which I’ve never, ever done (my OCD ‘he might have herpes/a wife/a chainsaw/the pox/AIDS/a manscaped crotch’ side – coupled with my God-fearing side – would never allow such a thing to happen! Even with Todd!!! But that’s probably because of my OCD ‘he might have a very hungry sucky palm’ side…). But she’s right, I am very much a one-night-stand sort when it comes to relationships (this sort of goes in line with the ‘do you talk to strangers’ entry you did several days ago). I love to talk to people but I don’t like commitment, and would be VERY happy as a drifter, just traveling the country and meeting folks and never getting too chummy or settled with anyone, anywhere. That’s probably why I love characters who are like that, because they get to do what I would love to do – just drift around, not caring about time or place or responsibility, meeting different folks and then moving on to the next place. So why didn’t I do it?! Because I’m acutely aware of my responsibilities to family, society, and faith, as well as being a big coward who needs to also have the security of a husband and a home! I’m an irresponsible sponging dfifter living in the body of a loyal, overly-responsible, debt-paying homebody! ! I’m an oxymoron!! 😮 Or just a moron!! 😛

    das

  17. I just read my post above (sorry for the lack of paragraphs!), and realized I just psychoanalyzed myself right down to the root of all my problems. I think I understand now why some people just walk away from their life and are never heard from again…

    Damn my responsible self for never letting that happen!!

    😛

    I mean… 😉

    das

  18. @chev, hope kitty is ok also, my son took his 9 yr old baby kitty to vet, found fluid in abdomen, waiting on test results and if anything they can do to treat her. Fingers crossed and prayers for all the babies.
    ~grudges, my mom is good at remembering Everything someone ever did to her, ..me, I try to use my energy for something else, but what ever gets you thru the day. I agree with the loyalty stuff, friends, true friends are keepers.
    ~~and Akemi is looking like a model there in the picture..!

  19. @Joe:

    This post makes me think that, like Megamind, you’re missing the intellectual challenge of a nemesis. With Ashley and Tara out of the daily nemesis role, maybe we, your loyal readers, should be on the lookout for a new nemesis for you?

    Maybe a blog contest: Find Joe a new nemesis.

    @Alexis on 70’s fashions/colors:

    Yep. I noticed the correlation between appliance colors and the clothes my mother made/bought for me too! She also had the 70’s fixation on stripes (upholstery, curtains, bedsheets, wall-paper). One year, for Easter, she made me a suit out of a black and white striped material (with 1″ thick stripes). I looked like an upscale escaped convict! I mean, I appreciated everything my mother did for me, but on the fashion side (even while living through it in the 70’s) I thought everything was just so goofy.

    And don’t get me started on cordueroy, bell-bottoms, and wide lapels. 😉

    To this day, I can’t stand anything colored burnt-orange or avocado green, and I hate wearing anything with stripes; solid colors for me!

  20. In a restaurant with gilbert godfrey …. not as cool as in a restaurant with spider mallozzi. 🙂

    Das

  21. Oh, sorry…I had no idea the above comment (about the restaurant) went through – I was using hubby’s stupid phone. Sorry to have repeated myself under the next entry. 😛

    das

  22. You know, the Vancouver Public Library is also a book source that is not Chapters/Indigo. And you can just put a book on hold online, they email you when it’s ready, you go in, grab it, and you’re out in 30 seconds. For free! And the more you use it, the more you justify its existence — which I think is a worthwhile endeavour.

  23. I don’t think of them as grudges, per se, but places that I just no longer go. Places that have made it clear, they don’t want my business. It’s not as if they all only get one shot and that’s it(unless that one visit was a major disaster). Rather, I give them a mulligan and try it again. If they fail for the same reasons the second time, they’re out. For good.

    I’ve got a running list of national retailers, fast food chains, and websites(online stores) that will never see me darken their door ever again. I’ve got one place I haven’t been back to in 20 years! There’s no love loss on my end either, there are plenty of other options for obtaining those goods/services, and all with a clearer conscience. Going to a place that has wronged you over and over is akin to a dog returning to its vomit. It’s stupid and I see no point in it, they obviously don’t care about the customer. It’s my responsibility to show them the customer doesn’t care about them.

    The one thing I get out of these experiences where the store(or restaurant, or whatever) effectively cut themselves off from me is a great story. I love telling them to my friends when they ask about a certain place and if I’d “ever been there”.

    Oh man, I could spin a yarn……

    -Mike A.

  24. Grudges, loyalty…. hmmm… I am not quite sure the word to use in my situation. If someone does something hurtful (to me or to others), the only time I will forgive is if they make a public acknowledgement of being an ass and they will have to work hard to earn my trust again. Someone told me once forgiveness is not an act but a process. And she was right. There were two individuals in my lifetime who continued to use people and I sought legal avenues to shut them down so they could not hurt anyone else. One I did shut down; the other is a work in progress. It was more of a feeling of contempt. Even I was able to forgive the school district for what they did to Patrick. They expressed regret and worked to make things better. There is one individual in my life who made my experience in my foster home a nightmare. When I was contacted by someone from those years who said this person wanted to tell me “her side of the story” I told that person if that person did not plan to include an apology for making my life a living hell, then I really don’t want to open that door up again. I had boxed it away in my mind and moved on. I had heard “her side of the story” in my teens. There was no need to revisit it. That person did not contact me again about it so I assume there was going to be no apology forthcoming. Even my mother I was able to forgive before she died when she asked for it. As far as loyalty, yes, I would consider myself loyal to people, places, and things.

    @Chev: Hope this finds your kitty better.

    And now I have to go. I guess I didn’t get as far as in the blog as I would have liked but I’ll be back. I’ll have another hour when I get back before I have to go back out again.

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