Joseph Mallozzi's Weblog

June 23, 2013: My Top 10 Worst Comic Book Supervillain Costumes! And one for good luck!

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In no particular order…

CAPTAIN BOOMERANG

Captain Boomeran 1

Captain Boomerang 2He dresses like an Australian flight attendant.

FISHERMAN

Fisherman 1

Fisherman 2Okay, granted, he must do more than his fair share of wading, but those hip boots are NOT flattering.  Is that a bathing cap?

PASTE POT PETE (aka THE TRAPSTER)

P is for Paste Pot Pete

Nice chapeau.

TrapsterPresumably, the gang at Marvel got fed up of being ribbed by DC so they gave him a make-over and a new name.

CAPTAIN COLD

Captain Cold 1

Oh, he must be cold.  How can you tell?  Well, he’s wearing a freakin parka!

Captain Cold 2He looks like a demented elf.

KRAVEN THE HUNTER

Kraven

Kraven 2In the words of my buddy Martin: “Hey!  It’s Freddie Mercury!”

MOLE MAN

Mole Man 1

Mole Man 2His mommy made his costume.

CRAZY QUILT

Crazy_Quilt 1

Crazy_Quilt 2Powers include the ability to induce nausea via his absolutely fabulous costume.

TRICKSTER

Trickster

Damn, those slippers look mighty comfortable.

Trickster 2This is what I imagine my old high school drama teacher would run around wearing if he were a supervillain.

CODPIECE

Codpiece 1

The groin cannon aint exactly subtle.  Pictured above: I assume he has to work himself up by watching porn before he can shoot.

Codpiece 2He’s firing blanks.  Literally.

HYPNO HUSTLER

Hypno Hustler 1

Hypno Hustler 2Uh – groovy?

BARON ZEMO

Baron Zemo 1

Baron Zemo 2There’s nothing quite so fearsome as a Nazi in purple and pink with faux fur trim.

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30 responses

  1. archersangel Avatar
    archersangel

    well, quite frankly they seem like lame supervillians anyway. i guess bad costumes go along with that.

    Reply
  2. jcckeith Avatar
    jcckeith

    Captain Boomerang reminds me of Carrot Top

    Reply
  3. stargateatlantisseasonsix Avatar
    stargateatlantisseasonsix

    And, not so ironically enough, all the Top Ten Supervillains That Should Never Appear In A Superhero Movie! Wow.

    Reply
  4. gforce Avatar
    gforce

    Um, are these actually real?? Because they are like, unreal. And hilarious.

    Reply
  5. James Avatar
    James

    Hey Joe, about Captain Cold…would I be correct in assuming you’ve never read Geoff Johns’ Flash stories?

    If you haven’t, then I recommend them — especially Final Crisis: Rogues’ Revenge and The Flash (Vol 2) #182. Johns redefined the Flash villains during his 5 years on the Scarlet Speedster, making them unique villains and one of the most dangerous Rogues Galleries in the DC Universe.

    I guarantee the latter story (reprinted with Rogues’ Revenge) will make anyone stop viewing Cold as Mr. Freeze Lite.

    Reply
  6. Sparrow_hawk Avatar
    Sparrow_hawk

    I’m speechless.

    Reply
  7. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    When Codpiece was in high school he asked one of the most popular girls out on a date. The girl, not knowing what excuse to give him told him she couldn’t go out with him because he wasn’t “big enough.” This surprised him. He han no idea how she could know about his lack of endowment. It turns out she did, in fact mean that he wasn’t tall enough. Codpiece started becoming more sensitive to the issue of his “manhood’s” small size.

    In college, he finds himself in another failed relationship. When confronting his “girlfriend” asking if they were breaking up, she informed him that they were never together to begin with. They had only gone on three dates. Codpiece naturally assumed she was leaving him because he was too small even though she had no way of knowing.

    As an adult and still insecure about his size. He continued trying to thrust himself upon women who quickly turned him away. All the while, Codpiece simply assumed it was because of his body.

    Codpiece goes to a plastic surgeon asking him if he can do anything about his situation. The doctor tells him that they could try implants or he could try some stretching exercises. When he suggests counseling before taking drastic measures, Codpiece thinks the doctor is making fun of him. He thinks he’s insinuating that he needs to get his head “shrunk” to match the rest of his body.

    He tries paying for some female companionship but even that goes wrong when he fails to perform. The woman tells him not to get hung up on it as it ruins his concentration. She suggests he get something to “pad the protection.” Codpiece doesn’t take this well.

    Angered more than ever, Codpiece, built a robotic suit, complete with a transforming weapon in jutting out from his groin area. The weapon (a self-made codpiece) included several gadgets such as a spring-loaded boxing glove, an intimidating drill, giant scissors, an ultra sound emitter and a rocket firing canon.

    After robbing a bank and causing chaos, a transsexual superhero named Coagula comes to the rescue and destroys his groin weaponry with her special dissolving powers.

    That right there? Makes me want to give up comics for good. Sure, I get the joke in it all…but really…I can only handle so much cheese before I become crude intolerant. Believe it or not.

    das

    Reply
    1. Joseph Mallozzi Avatar
      Joseph Mallozzi

      I bet you thought I’d made him up.

      Reply
  8. HBMC Avatar
    HBMC

    Ha! Crazy Quilt. They make fun of him in-universe.

    And Zemo would be ridiculous if he wasn’t so damn evil!

    Reply
  9. shinyhula Avatar
    shinyhula

    This is when you shake the family tree for cousins and grandkids to house sit. Or drive the pups to your mom or sis? You could drive to LA with the pugs;. The Standard Downton LA hotel is pet friendly with a two pet per room limit, with a charge of $100 extra per day for pets. If you get adjoining rooms you could bring the whole gang.
    http://standardhotels.com/downtown-la

    Reply
  10. Alexis Avatar
    Alexis

    LOL Joe. I was wondering if that one was real along with Crazy Quilt.

    Reply
  11. JeffW Avatar
    JeffW

    @Das:

    I do not want to know where you found that bio 😯 …seriously.

    @Joe:

    Please tell me these are late-60’s to early 70’s characters, when a large number of the writers were stoned or high. Otherwise, I just might lose some faith in comic book writers.

    But even that fashion show of bad costuming taste couldn’t ruin the dinner that Barb and I had at Vij’s tonight. Simply outstanding. Barb concurs: “It was awesome!” I wish he would branch out to Chicago, but it would probably be too much of a good thing. Better to have it rare and appreciated.

    Back to Chicago tomorrow.

    @Alexis:

    Thanks!

    @Sparrow_hawk:

    Barb says “Hi”, back!

    @Tam Dixon:

    Pressure cooker cheesecake? My first thought was wouldn’t it be a little soggy? I’m curious though, how was it and what was the technique? Or is he going to patent it like Colonel Saunders and make it a secret recipe?

    Reply
  12. fsmn36 Avatar
    fsmn36

    Codpiece? I really think some comic writers are high when they write. And the publishers must be drunk.lol

    Zemo has always been one of my favs though because he’s so ridiculous. And watching Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes (Disney) made him even more humorous to me.

    I’d also like to add the red/purple of Magneto’s costume never fails to make me shake my head. He’d fit right in at a Red Hat Ladies luncheon.

    Reply
  13. Ponytail Avatar
    Ponytail

    Codpiece is disgusting. Gives comic books a bad name.

    Reply
  14. paloosa Avatar
    paloosa

    Finding a pet sitter you can trust has got to be one of the toughest choices to make. I think asking your vet is a great idea. Hope you can find someone soon.

    And very happy to hear that your LA trip was successful. I can’t believe how many meetings you set up in such a short time. That’s insane! But I have to ask, what are the chances that when (not if) any of your projects get green lit, that you’d be shooting in Vancouver, or even Toronto? With all the incentives, it seems so much cheaper to shoot in Canada. And if so, why would you move to LA?

    Reply
  15. gforce Avatar
    gforce

    Also, I would think they would use the term, “crotch cannon”. It’s more alliterative.

    Reply
  16. arcticgoddess Avatar
    arcticgoddess

    Honestly, those supper heroes look like they were made up after a ’70’s acid weekend. In other news, for those wondering about the origin of “codpiece”, this is from Wikipedia: “A codpiece (from Middle English: cod, meaning “scrotum”) is a covering flap or pouch that attaches to the front of the crotch of men’s trousers and usually accentuates the genital area. It was held closed by string ties, buttons, or other methods. It was an important item of European clothing in the 15th and 16th centuries, and is still worn in the modern era in performance costumes for rock music and metal musicians and in the leather subculture while an Athletic cup protects in a similar fashion”. If you look at some of the photo’s from the period on various sites, it becomes obvious that some men are still overly concerned that size is important. All I have to say about that is, “oy”.

    Reply
  17. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    @ Joey – Yes, I actually did think you made that one up…at least the name. Ergo the googling. Ya know, it’s just not everyday one googles a codpiece…only to discover that the most sacred of all old world accoutrements has just been sullied by new world vulgarity. It just may totally ruin Ren Faires for me from here on out.

    😉

    das

    Reply
  18. Ganymede Avatar
    Ganymede

    CODPIECE — I guess there’s no doubt about whether he wears “boxers” or “briefs”..? He definitely brings new meaning to going “commando”!

    KRAVEN – **In the words of my buddy Martin: “Hey! It’s Freddie Mercury!”**
    😀 [I almost peed myself over that one!]
    But, seriously. You can never go wrong with Leopard-print!

    BTW, I have to ask… HOW *DO* these Guys get those tight-ankled Boots “on”?

    Reply
  19. skua Avatar
    skua

    holly s…i need medical care now 😆

    Reply
  20. lspacediva3 Avatar
    lspacediva3

    Mind-boggling — like the list of rejects from a comic book version of “The Next Food Network Star”… lmao!

    Reply
  21. Maggiemayday Avatar
    Maggiemayday

    I’ve seen zentai rainbow suits which would make Crazy Quilt proud.

    Reply
  22. Tam Dixon Avatar
    Tam Dixon

    Are those Super Heroes common are did you have to dig for them? Junk food for the mind.

    JeffW: Michael says it turns out the same as oven cooked. He uses as trivet to keep the cheesecake out of the water. He says he turns it on a low temp for about 40 minutes. The closest thing to a pressure cooker that I’ve used is an autoclave. It has a rack to keep the equipment out of sitting water while it sterilizes them. I can imagine it working for cheesecake but then I can also imagine cheesecake exploding all over my kitchen. 😉

    Reply
  23. Tam Dixon Avatar
    Tam Dixon

    😳 I meant or instead of are. You probably cringe when you see grammatical errors, right?

    Reply
  24. Susan Bowden Avatar
    Susan Bowden

    Joe, those were hilarious! Codpiece is my FAVOURITE! 🙂 I can’t believe I just googled Codpiece!!!

    Just imagine him turning up in a DC film – his groin cannon in 3D!

    Reply
  25. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    Headline: Google Drops the Ball: Codpiece Crashes Internet Search Engine

    das

    Reply
  26. Kymm Avatar
    Kymm

    Those are quite the thigh highs Fisherman is wearing…

    K

    Reply
  27. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    Gonna call it an early ‘puter night. It’s hot, AC isn’t working right, and my computer fan sounds like it’s gonna ‘splode. 😛

    I might fire her up later, after the temps drop a bit. Or not.

    das

    Reply
  28. PBMom Avatar
    PBMom

    I have never EVER heard of these. But yes codpiece elicited such a belly laugh for me I almost woke up Jeff who is sleeping next to me.

    Reply
  29. Shawna Avatar
    Shawna

    Kraven’s the good one, right? He’s the only one I actually knew about, anyway.

    Reply

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