Avengers - posterDis movie have everyting you would expekt from a summer blockbuster.  Humor!  Fun!  Action!  Dazzling speshul effekts! Cracking dialogue!  Overlong running time!  And some developments dat not make sense – but be pretty cool anyway.

Not exactly low key
Low key he aint

Movie begin at top secret S.H.I.E.L.D. facility where scientists studying glowy box very similar to one we saw in Captain America: The First Avenger.  Dey call it a tesseract and it be a powerful energy source – dat, it turn out, able to open a portal to distant part of de universe, allowing mischievous Loki, brother of Thor, to reach Earth.  He attack facility, put scientist and superagent Clint Barton (aka Hawkeye) under his mind control, den leave wit tesseract.  Nick Fury respond by self-destructing facility wit hundreds of agents inside.  But plenty more where dey come from!

Loki plan to use tesseract to power another portal dat will allow aliens to invade Earth (Why never be really explained.  Because dey covet our resources?  Because dey spiteful?  Because dey pissed off wit Downton Abbey turd season finale?).  To do dis, he need to stabilize power source so, while Hawkeye steal iridium for him, he create distraktion in Stuttgart dat end up wit him giving himself up to Iron Man and Captain America – and, later, brother Thor who show up for classic “pre-Oh, we’re all good guys after all!” fight.

Loki imprisoned in ultra-cool flying aircraft carrier (de Helicarrier) while Earth’s Mightiest Heroes (and Black Widow and, mebbe, Captain America) try to figure out why he gave up so easily, where tesseract be located, and what be up wit his glowy space scepter.

Earth's Least Mightiest Mightiest Heroes
Earth’s Least Mightiest Mightiest Heroes

But it turn out dat scepter have power to make people irritable and, soon, all de heroes be arguing wit each other like de cast of Real Housewives of New Jersey.  At which point Hawkeye lead attack on helicarrier wit mind-controlled soldiers.  Good guys do deir best to kill dese innocent mind-controlled soldiers (Don’t worry.  Plenty more where dey came from!) but it too late.  Helicarrier badly damaged.  As Iron Man and Captain America work to get helicarrier back up and running and Black Widow fight Hawkeye and Thor fall thru sky, Loki eskape after injuring Dr. Bruce Banner who turn into…

Temper temper!

De Hulk.  It turn out DAT was Loki’s plan all along!  He wanted Bruce Banner to Hulk Out and cause damage!

But why?  He already have tesseract and working on impervious force shield to protect it.  Why bother wasting time wit superheroes? Because he be mischievous?  It feel like a giant stage weight – but a spectakular, action-packed, very cool stage weight anyway.

Heroes figure out where Loki set up tesseract = on top of Stark Tower! Dey head off to stop him – along wit Hawkeye who seem all better after getting konked on de head. Even though he lead attack on helicarrier and was working for Loki an hour earlier, he immediately accepted and trusted by everyone.  Dis movie have no time for second-guessing!  It have a climaktic to get to!

But bad news for heroes!  And New York!  Loki succeed in opening portal and alien army arrive!  No way to stop dem because portal protected by impervious force field!

Ah, dey not dat tough.

But great news for heroes!  And New York!  Alien army may look scary and tough, be almost seven feet tall and armor plated, but regular humans like Hawkeye and Black Widow have no problem kicking deir asses or punching deir lights out.  Also, turn out impervious force field NOT impervious after all because mind-controlled scientist who built it created fail safe in de system…despite de fakt he be mind-controlled.

While Black Widow work to turn off portal and heroes battle aliens, Iron Man fly nuke up through portal and straight to alien HQ special delivery.  He power down and plummet – just as nuke explode and portal closes.  Luckily, he saved by Hulk!

Speaking of which: What up wit Hulk?  In previous movies, it take him a while to Hulk Out but, in dis movie, he do it faster den a speeding bullet (Literally – Bruce Banner tell heroes he try to shoot himself in mouth but Hulk spat out bullet).  Up on helicarrier, Hulk a crazed beast dat can’t be reasoned wit and attack innocent people – which be someting he never do in previous movies, only attacking dose who attack him first.  But later, in movie, he seem to have control over when he can Hulk Out (“Oh, I’m always angry” be de excuse) and he not only can be reasoned wit, he aktually take orders from Captain America.  You can argue dat, back on helicarrier, he under influence of Loki’s space scepter – but den why only him and no one else?

Still, Hulk’s “mopping de floor wit Loki” sekwence one of movie’s high points!

Day saved!  Time for celebration!  Even though probably thousands of New Yorkers killed.  World loves Avengers!

Verdikt: And so does Cookie Monster!

Rating: 8 chocolate chippee cookies.

22 thoughts on “June 24, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Avengers!

  1. I hate to be “that guy”, but I really dislike mistakes in reviews. So…

    “Nick Fury respond by self-destructing facility wit hundreds of agents inside.”

    Fury didn’t do anything. The power of the cube did that.

    “Loki plan to use tesseract to power another portal dat will allow aliens to invade Earth (Why never be really explained. Because dey covet our resources? Because dey spiteful? Because dey pissed off wit Downton Abbey turd season finale?).”

    It is explained. Loki wants to rule Earth (’cause he wants to rule something, and his Dad ain’t gonna let him rule Asgard now is he?) and other bad guys (Thanos, as it turns out) wants the Cube. Therefore Loki gets them the Cube, and Loki gets to use their army to take over Earth as payment.

    “Also, turn out impervious force field NOT impervious after all because mind-controlled scientist who built it created fail safe in de system…despite de fakt he be mind-controlled.”

    They explain that as well. Selvig was able to remain himself – even just a tiny bit – despite the mind control.

    Again, I hate to be the guy who does that, but I couldn’t help myself. No problems with the rest of what you said Joe… uhh… I mean Monster. 🙂

    1. “They explain that as well. Selvig was able to remain himself – even just a tiny bit – despite the mind control.”

      Monster say: So very convenient! And super lucky for de good guys!

  2. Yea!!! Avengers review!! Thanks Cookie!! I absolutely love this movie. Great score. Well paced and full of action. And shawarma!!!

    The first time we saw it everyone was laughing so hard when Hulk was tossing Loki like a ragdoll everyone was laughing so hard we missed the “Puny God” line. But we saw the movie every way possible. 3d, 2d, drivein, and IMAX so we heard it the next time. And boy the New York battle was really rockin at the IMAX.

    Just watched Spidy last week so I’m all ready for it!

  3. The “Hulk Loki smash” scene made it all worth it!

    And Barb and I made it home safely, albeit an hour and a half late due to mid-west thunder storms. No other travel issues, so all in all a good day.

  4. I liked the movie. Liked it a lot in the theater. It was okay on second and third tv viewings. I was super-pissed they killed Agent Coulson. Still pissed. Better if they had killed that Hawkeye dude, because he was like totally pointless. And fugly. Yup. I said it. Fugly.

    Loki on the other hand… mmmmmmm… yeah. As long as they keep casting the fugly actors as heroes, and the sexyhawt actors as villains, I’m gonna be rootin’ for the bad guys. 🙂


  5. Cookie – Yes, it was very lucky.

    And in my comment above, I meant /Thanos/ gets the cube, and Loki gets Earth (not Loki gets both). Oops! 🙂

  6. I’m flying to Dublin in a couple of hours so I’ll make this quick.

    I loved The Avengers when I first saw it. On second viewing I still loved it but not as much.

    I think Joss Wheedon did an amazing job coming up with a story that gave the ensemble all a decent amount of screen time. Even the lesser heroes like Black Widow and Hawkeye. To also have an exciting and semi-logical plot at the same time is just genius. Hence, I’m willing to forgive a few vagaries of logic.

    The banter among the heroes was fantastic. Classic Joss.

    Poor Bruce Banner! That gamma radiation is doing more than just hulking him out! Even as a human he looks completely different in every movie we see him in! 🙂

    I am getting a little bored of city destruction in these movies, though. With today’s CGI capabilities it’s relatively simple to destroy buildings. I saw Man Of Steel the other week and it was more of the same. Total building destruction with no regard to the people dying inside them.

    Anyway, top movie and top review.

    See you all in four days!

  7. I didn’t get to rescreen this movie since I’m still away (heading home tomorrow!) I do remember enough though to agree with Cookie that there are a few major “huh?” moments that really stand out. And they REALLY stand out on subsequent viewings. And yes I did understand that the scientist had a shred of self awareness left and as Cookie says – how convenient.

    Still it was full of sound and fury, so there is that. I agree with Line Noise though – this CGI city destruction fad is getting out of hand. In Man of Steel it was downright ridiculous.

  8. Joss Whedon was just on The Colbert Report Thursday night. I probably need to watch this movie.

    Very exhausting day. We finally met with someone who is going to pull together all these things for Patrick that we need to do–things we have neglected to get done sooner. Better wills, special needs trust, applying for guardianship when he turns 18 in December, applying for Social Security for him in January. The company is highly regarded and most of my friends with special needs kids are already their clients. But wow! What a price tag. I estimated about $2000 less. On the plus side, the two partners live up here in my area and I have left many business cards with them. They know a lot of people. The next meeting will be a long one–about 4 hours. They will bring in a lawyer to get things going. The sad part is they are confirming what we have been hearing–there are not too many places that will take someone like Patrick. I have to go visit the 2-3 places that might but they may have waiting lists. My sister is willing to be guardian but the money does not follow–meaning if he left this state to be with her, he would go to the bottom of that states’ waiting list and that length of time varies from state to state. In Texas the wait is now 20 years. I am not joking or exaggerating. Even with as much life insurance as we have, we would need over $5 million to cover him for private pay placement not adjusting for the rate of inflation. It would be too traumatic for him if we were to die and he is forced to go live some place on an emergency basis where they did not know him and suddenly his parents just disappear. The most selfless thing we can do is to get him adjusted into a place when we are still alive. Once he turns 18 we have to become his foster parents so we will be parents, legal guardians and foster parents. It’s nuts. So many things I have 2 weeks to think about and come up with contingency plans for every possible case scenario. So that is what I have been up to.

  9. You would think that once they figured out that they could actually take on some of the bad guys with hand to hand combat that Nick Fury would’ve sent in S.H.I.E.L.D. agents to help fend off the attack on Earth ..surely they didn’t need the entire S.H.I.E.L.D. operative network to repair the damaged helicarrier. The first time I watched it, I kept thinking that they really needed SG-1’s zat guns, the whole 3 strikes you’re out rule would’ve come in handy against all those baddies. If only Ming-Na would have been an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. during that time, then maybe things would’ve been different.

    Oh well, at least CODPIECE (per yesterday’s post) never showed up in the Avengers movie …however if Robert Rodriguez ever reads your blog, then he just might end up having a starring role in the next Grindhouse movie!

    Hulk pummels Loki. Hulk punches Thor. There is just something about a gamma-radiated victim beating up Asgards that is funny.

    I still think they should have ended the movie with the DAMAGE CONTROL crew coming in to clean up the mess in NY City after the fight. It was a comic book in the 80’s/90’s by Marvel about the construction crew owned by Tony Stark that would clean up the messes and re-build the buildings that the superheroes destroyed during their epic battles.

  10. Ithought I posted yesterday, but with the storms and all I guess I never go around to hitting the send key. I love The Avengers.

    JeffW: I’m glad you made it home safely. More storms in line for today.

    @das: You’l be happy to know that Agent Coulson lives. At least on TV. He is in the spin-off series Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Gotta agree with you on the casting. I love Loki – even if he is a bit of a twerp.

    @Lee: Yes, Schwarma!

    Okay, how many here actually had eaten schwarma (or even knew what it was) before they saw that movie?

    Now: how many of you made a point to find a schwarma place after they saw the movie?

    There was apparently a huge rise in schwarma sales (especially in New York) after the movie was released.

  11. I agree with Das about killing Agent Coulson but I liked Hawkeye. It is strange that “suddenly” Hulk seemed to understand commands but like Line Noise said Hence, I’m willing to forgive a few vagaries of logic Loved Whedon’s one liners too! Eight cookies is not bad 😉 .

    We watched The Amazing Spiderman two nights ago. I like it better than the Tobey Maguire version. I can’t wait to see what Cookie thinks of it.

  12. Crap, crap, crappity-crap-crap-CRAP!

    Okay, so the AC isn’t working right. Dad has been busy, mechanics all tied up, so I certainly understand. Of course, I’ve been after him for over a year to replace it. Maybe I didn’t whine enough, but whatever. I can deal.

    I got my electric bill yesterday. I have an all electric house, so one full month without running heat OR AC should have brought my bill down below $100. Well below, based on previous years. So why the hell did I get a bill for $200??! I’ve got to make some calls, check with other electric providers, and really bite the electrical bullet (turn off the computer, tv, lights and everything else…maybe hang out the laundry…and take cold showers). Whatever, I can deal.

    I’ve been dealing with other things, too…pressures at work, dental and medical stuff, the putting off of a much-needed eye exam, the occasional ant, and my lady kitty missing the litter pan (there comes a time when you start to wonder if scrubbing the garage floor every couple days is really worth it…then she purrs). And there’s always the financial woes and everyday anxieties that just become part of life. Whatever, I can deal.

    But this?? THIS is maybe that proverbial straw. Today I opened a rarely opened window on our front porch, and found the bottom of it covered in termites and partly eaten away. Shite. The porch was added on by a previous owner, and they just put the frame right on the concrete slab (no block foundation). We’ve used it as living area even though it has a moisture problem, and have talked since the day we’ve bought the house about replacing or remodeling it…when we got the money. Well, THAT never happened. 😛 So now I have the pest control folks coming tomorrow, and just have my fingers crossed they don’t find a really big problem (our house was treated two years ago for termites, so I’m hoping this is a new problem and not something that was missed back then).

    Anybody wanna buy a house? I think I’m ready to move into a tent. 😛


  13. @ Sparrowhawk – Loki a twerp?! Sure! But when you really think about it, so was Steve. And Nuada. Even Elric. Seems we’re naturally attracted to spoiled rotten boys. I’m guessing it’s the pout that does it. 😉


  14. PBmom: You’ve put all my petty complaints into perspective. Hugs to you and Jeff on making these hug decisions.

  15. @Line Nose I agree with you here “I am getting a little bored of city destruction in these movies, though. With today’s CGI capabilities it’s relatively simple to destroy buildings. I saw Man Of Steel the other week and it was more of the same. Total building destruction with no regard to the people dying inside them.”

    This was actually the main reason I ended up not liking Man of Steel. For a Super hero who is so concerned for the safety of the people of earth; he seems to have forgotten about all the people he cannot see when throwing bad guys into buildings.

  16. @ Line Noise – I totally agree about the building destruction and disregard for the lives of the people inside of them. You never hear a body count, so there’s this sort of emotional disconnect that it creates as it feeds the audience’s insatiable appetite for action without any consideration of the consequences. I can only handle so much of that sort of thing.


  17. @TamDixon: It’s all relative. There are people with worse situations, some people I know, where I feel very blessed this is all I do have to deal with. But thank you for your compassion.

    @Das I am so sorry you are dealing with that big mess. Termites are nasty little things. I hope you get it fixed with a relatively low cost. And no A/C? You poor thing.

  18. Coulson isn’t dead. He’s in the trailer for the Agents of Shield series on ABC this fall. There’s a line about how they thought he was dead, the Coulson appears and welcomes them to the next layer of secrecy.

  19. Eh, I don’t think we can object to some normal powered (but in some ways all the more badass because they don’t have powers) humans fighting off seven foot tall aliens given we’ve all been united here by a TV show that did the same thing. 😉 And Hawkeye did have some pretty high tech arrows.

    As for the two versions of Hulk, according to Joss…there are two actual versions of the Hulk – on Banner does control, and another he doesn’t, that’s his more primal side. I’m still not sure I buy, but given the big metaphor for controlling your rage, I guess I get it. Originally on th DVD commentary, cited here: http://www.tor.com/blogs/2012/09/secrets-revealed-in-joss-whedons-avengers-dvd-commnetary#more

    I love this movie. Despite its many problems.

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