Great.  Just great.   [Note sarcastic font].  I went to bed last night figuring a good night’s sleep would cure my eye issue but, as it turned out, ignoring the problem did not make it go away.  If anything, it actually made it worse!  I woke up this morning to discover my bloodshot eye had graduated from Electric Crimson to Hobo Blood Red. Worse, it felt as though that imagined tiny grain of sand trapped under my eyelid had doubled in size.  And so, today, instead of going to the Farmer’s Market for fresh produce and chicken & waffles, I headed to a local walk-in clinic where, after having my eyelid flipped and checked (Yeah, it’s even more uncomfortable than it sounds), I was told it wasn’t pinkeye but conjunctivitis.  I was given a prescription for eye drops and told to apply a cold compress throughout the day.  If I don’t see improvement in a couple of days or if I begin to experience vision loss, headaches, or tears of blood, I should consider it a worsening of my condition and visit the emergency ward of my local hospital.  That or an exorcist.

The whole cold compress thing is a bit of pain in the ass but I’ve managed to incorporate it into my routine.  Here’s me working on today’s blog entry…

After a while, you barely notice it's there.
After a while, you barely notice it’s there.

Thanks for all the suggested home remedies.  I will definitely try the chamomile tea bag but may hold off on the breast milk.  As for the discomfort I’m experiencing, the doctor suggested Tylenol but I’ve decided to go holistic instead, relying on a tried and true Asian remedy –


Hey!  My sis is raising money for a good cause.  Next weekend (Sunday, June 9th) she’ll be taking part in the annual Dragon Boat Race in support of the Missing Children’s Network.  If you’d like to help out and donate to team One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, follow this link to securely donate on-line:


33 thoughts on “June 2, 2013: From Electric Crimson to Hobo Blood Red!

  1. Joe, I feel terrible about your conjunctivitis, but I have to admit to laughing at your post. I hope you’re feeling better soon, and not just in a whiskey way!

  2. Allow me to be the 100th person to say, “Wait, I thought pink eye WAS conjunctivitis.” ??
    Hope you feel better soon! The whiskey-compress solution should help. (And maybe the eye drops will be useful too.)

  3. Sorry about your eye! I hope you don’t cry tears of blood in front of any kids. You could scar them for life! Have fun with the Asian remedy.

  4. i hope your eye heal quickly. But i can see you pitching in L.A. with a eyepatch ala Nick Fury. 😆
    The true Asian remedy is a lot better than tylenol and has the same driving contraindications.

  5. Feel better soon, Joe! I have an appointment at the dentist tomorrow, and I noticed she blocked off 3 hours for me. Three. Shit.

  6. But pink eye IS conjunctivitis…at least, here in the States it is. Pink eye is just a general term for conjunctivitis, whether it be from a virus, bacterial infection, or allergic reaction. Mebbe pink eye in Canada has to do with drinking too much, or something. 😉


  7. Glad you went to the doctor. I think they wanted you to apply a cold compress to your eye, not to one whole side of your head. 😉 Breast milk? I wonder how DP discovered that remedy? Well, maybe I don’t want to know…

    @ Tam Dixon – How did the frozen cheesecake do? It sounds great to me.

  8. “…may hold off on the breast milk”

    But-but-but you said it was difficult to meet people in Vancouver and you’re willing to pass up on the perfect conversation starter?

    “Hey can you unlatch that kid from your ta-ta and spray some of your breast milk in my eye?”

    You really DON’T want to make any new friends, do you…


  9. I suspected that conjunctivitis might be the culprit (I had a cat who contracted it). I think I remember something about it being contagious, but maybe that’s just applicable to cats.

  10. Wow. Tears of blood, that sounds painful, I sincerely hope that does not happen to you. I once had a fishhook in my eye and even then, no tears of blood or even vision loss. I was lucky I guess, it was a vacation resort and there happened to be a doctor staying there too, he happened to be out on the dock where it happened and he told me to just let my eye heal itself.

  11. Tears of Blood…. think I caught them at Budokan in the 80s.

    Back from, Kauai (wowza), laptop dead, hate typing on phone. Lurk lurk lurk.

  12. Ouch Joe, hope you get better soon.

    Speaking of eye problems, I made the mistake of rubbing my eye recently when it felt itchy, had the unique experience of having a red bloodshot eyeball for a few hours. Ugh felt funky at the time(Not sure how to describe but I think everyone has been through it at least once in their life) lol

  13. Feel better soon Joe….Keep that eye closed.
    And, take some of the good old fashioned Japanese remedy – single malt. I’d hate to waste too much of it as a cold or even room temperature compress.

    And remember never hurts to have some chocolate or a macaron or two just in case.

  14. I hope the Clinic gave you an Eye-Guard [patch] to wear to bed..? – It might be awkward, but it’ll SAVE your eye!! And, use lots of tape! That stuff always fall off on faces..

  15. G’day

    Sorry your eye is not good.
    I can highly recommend breast milk for conjunctivitis. Tried on my babies and worked a treat. In one day it was all cleared up.

    Hope Mum get back on her feet soon.

  16. Oh!! I hope this is in sympathy for J and Bubba’s troubles!! Get well soon Joe ! Akemi and the dogs will look after you 🙂 xo

  17. Getting drunk enough to dry out your eye lids isn’t a remedy. It’s what we call “character building”.

  18. Ponytail: I popped the cake in the freezer last night. I’m taking it to Nashville Saturday and I’ll let you know how it tasted “post” freeze. Next time I make it, I think I’ll use your idea of using one batter and doubling it. After I spend the night in Nashville Sat, I’m taking the leftovers with us to Florida! On a girls weekend, that cheesecake won’t stand a chance.

    Mr. M.: How is the eye this morning? I looked up conjunctivitis and it keeps coming up with pink eye posts. Pets can get conjunctivitis without having pinkeye, so I’m confused. This article says there are three types: Conjunctivitis is observed in 3 types, which are, allergic conjunctivitis, irritant conjunctivitis and infective conjunctivitis. Allergic conjunctivitis is caused due to eye contact with a substance causing inflammation and irritation, or allergen.

  19. Joe, you should start wearing an eye patch during your illness. It’d make you look swashbuckling…

  20. Sunglasses inside and out should help with the pain. Cunjunctivitis means “Vampire Eye” in Latin. Actulaly it doesn’t but it sure feels like even the tiniest ray of light is searing the retinas like Moonraker’s laser.

    Are you sure all this pain wasn’t brought on by enduring the Rains of Castamere?

  21. Ouch! But I agree with your medication. You could even use this as a recycling opportunity. The water from your cold compress could go in the whisky…

  22. @ KG – Excellent idea!! Then we can call Joey Cheatin’ Isaac Slaughter. Hey, it’s what the pirate name generator came up with!

    (When I entered ‘carl binder’ in the name generator, I got Pirate Bernard the Well-Tanned. 😆 And me? Seems I’m now Doubloon Swallowin’ Lindsey. 😕 )

    I need to find a better name generator. Or I could just come up with one for Joey meself, like…Scribblin’ Joey Fancypants, or something.

    And Joe, as for resting that eye – it’s not easy, is it? Last time I had conjunctivitis the impulse to blink was overwhelming, even with my eye protected. Sleep was the best rest for it.


  23. Joe, your photo with cold compress at keyboard impelled me to de-lurk to express sincere sympathy! Eye problems=scary stuff. Two weeks ago, while deep in final revisions to 90k-word MS, somehow (???) developed vitreous tear in right eye, eek. Floaters/flashing lights/blurry vision make for new writing adventure. Retina specialist said should improve with time but beware potential detached retina, argh. I’m pitching at ThrillerFest in NYC mid-July, so fingers crossed eyes will behave. Eating chocolate helps but must try your whiskey therapy. Could make for interesting revisions.

  24. @Joe:

    I hope your eye gets better before your LA trip…if not, well then eye-patches make your look tough; kind of like Nick Fury (maybe a new eye-patch-wearing nom de plume is called for, ‘Joe Rage’ maybe?)

    @Tam Dixon:

    The roaming cheesecake? 😀

  25. @ mamasue9 – Based on that picture of Joe, forget pirates. I’m thinking more along the lines of The Mummy Rewrites. 😉


  26. You writing a blog with a cold compress on your face is much more difficult than me reading this blog with ice on my foot. I thought pink eye and conjunctivitis were the same thing too. Which reminds me, I need to order some antibiotic eye drops from a Canadian pharmacy so I can skip the doctor visit for this in the states. Patrick gets it from time to time.

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