GL - poster

What if Deadpool became Green Lantern?  Dis seem to be de qwestion dis movie try to answer.

Unlike it’s more ambitious predecessors, Green Lantern aspire to be little more den a quasi-entertaining kids movie.  And it aktually succeed, offering a uncomplikated story devoid of riveting drama or charakters but also free of de stoopid plot twists dat tipify de genre. GL may not be a great movie, but it certainly not as terrible as monster expekt!

Wit dis ring, I thee kick ass.

A short time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, a dangerous creature called Parallax eskape from space prison.  He attack a space station manned by alien named Abin Sur, member of intergalactic police force known as De Judoon Peacekeepers Rangers Green Lantern Corps!  Abin Sur eskape and, seriously injured, crash land on Earth.

Parallax have serious case of dragon breath!

Realizing he be dying, Abin Sur take off his power ring, de source of his power (dats why it be called a POWER ring) and send it off to find someone worthy.  It fly off and choose…brash, quippy mercenary test pilot Wade Wilson Hal Jordan, gifting him ability to fly, create giant green hard light constructs out of his imagination, and squeeeeze into tight green spandex outfit.  Why it choose Hal?  Because he be fearless!  Not “missing his amygdalae and literally can’t experience sensation of fear” fearless but “cocky and stoopid” fearless.  Er – close enough.

Egghead Eggplanthead scientist – Hector Hammond

Meanwhile, government diskover crashed alien ship and hire nerd scientist, Hector Hammond, to study dead alien.  Unfortunately for HH, he end up getting infekted by second alien life form (Parallax) and acquire abilities like mind reading, telekinesis, and literal “fat head”. Also emphysema.

Hal go for a space joyride, get into trouble, and wake up on OA, planet and HQ of De Green Lantern Corps where he meet other weird-looking Lanterns, train, and get showed up by Lantern leader who look like love child of Spock and Clark Gable.  But monster not trust dis guy at all. Why not?  Becuz his name be…SINESTRO!  Come on!


Hal return home after deciding being a Green Lantern not for him.  But he keep de ring anyway.  Just in case.  Back in space, we diskover Parallax on his way to OA for revenge.  Turn out he a former chairman of de board of OA who went all evil and transformed by de power of fear and de color yellow.  Yep.  Yellow!  Sinestro suggest only way to stop Parallax be to harness power of fear…and yellow…into a ring!  Yep! YELLOW!

Would you trust dis guy?

Back at sekret government lab, government agents chatting to Hector Hammond fail to notice his head be expanded to five times its usual size, so Hector able to get drop on dem wit his telekinetic powers.  BUT Hal, who changed his mind about de whole Green Lantern ting, show up in nick of time.  Why?  How he know where to show up?  Good qwestion!

Hal find out Parallax planning picnic stopover at Earth on way to OA so he can snack on human fear and power up.  Hal fly to OA and tell dem. For some reason, OA be dicks and not want to help.  But Hal say he not need help.  He just ask dem to let him fight for his world.  Hunh?  It not made clear why he need deir permission and, after not getting it, he fly back to Earth and do it anyway.

Hal showdown wit Hector.  Parallax show up and start feeding on people’s fear.  Hal battle him, creating all sorts of silly giant green weapons like catapult and rail gun.  It about at dis point in dat me realize Green Lantern be one helluva silly superhero and his powers just slightly less embarrassing den Elongated Man, Matter Eater Lad and Infectious Lass (who, incidentally, Grover dated for five months back in 2011).

Dey take battle to space.  Hal use sun’s gravitational pull to defeat Parallax and, before he can get swallowed too, he get reskued by Green Lantern Corps lead by Sinestro!  But monster still not trust him.  Why not?  Because his name be SINESTRO!

Ho hum.  LOVE!

Cue compulsory love scene between Hal and his girlfriend.  De End.

Except for last quick scene in which Sinestro, for some reason, decide to put on yellow power ring.  Oh, wait.  Me know reason why.

Because he be named SINESTRO!!!

Verdikt: Me expekting a lot worse.  It aktually NOT terrible!  But not great either.

Rating: 6.0 chocolate chippee cookies

P.S. Ryan “Stitch” Nixon – Monster want to hear from you!  What de inside skoop?  Was Parallax a diva?

23 thoughts on “May 27, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Green Lantern!

  1. Cookie, you had one of the nicest reviews of the movie …and I agree with you, it wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be.
    The movie totally mashes up different aspects of the Hal Jordan comic book storyline and makes it into a different storyline altogether ..but hey that’s what Hollywood does, right?

    As a long time GL reader, I’ll admit that at first I was pretty miffed at the way they changed a lot of things ..but I’ve come to a realization about comic book movies ..they will never emulate the original source material (but always try to put their own spin on the stories) and the best way to watch it without getting miffed is to think of the story as a “parallel world” incarnation of the story/character.

      1. Awwwww Cookie it’s awesome… BamBam, JJ, Jon, Simon, Atlin, Stephen etc totally rock the screen each week in stunts… you’d swear they had the budget of a hollywood blockbuster.

        Can’t wait for you to get to the latest Batman film.

        Cheers, Chev

  2. I didn’t know what to expect before watching Green Lantern. I remember it getting some pretty bad reviews when it came out so I wasn’t expecting much. Then again, Ryan Reynolds is usually quite entertaining so even if the movie wasn’t that great at least I could look forward to plenty of sarcasm and muscles.

    Ultimately I think this was a missed opportunity. DC Comics have failed to capitalise on superhero movies in the way that Marvel has. As a non-reader of comic books I don’t know if that’s just that DC don’t have the same store of characters or whether their characters are just not as interesting or marketable. Apart from Batman and Superman there hasn’t been a great deal of other movies from DC. The Green Lantern could have been another franchise to rival them but instead we get this mishmash of a movie.

    Firstly, the movie takes too long to get to Earth. I had the same complaint about Thor. Why do I care what is happening to a bunch of aliens on some planet in some unspecified part of the universe? Am I supposed to worry that Parallax is in Sector 2814 when I don’t even know if that’s close to Earth or not? Fans of the comic might be nodding to each other knowledgeably but I was just thinking, “Couldn’t this story have been told as a flashback or as exposition when Hal becomes GL?” And what’s with this “Lost Sector” that everyone seems to know about? How can it be lost if there’s people exploring it and Green Lanterns imprisoning psychopathic immortals in there?

    Secondly, when the action does get to Earth I didn’t really feel any sort of threat. What was the point of the Hector Hammond character? He felt like a hastily written plot device in order to find a way to put the GL’s love interest into peril. Parallax wasn’t going to kidnap and threaten to kill GL’s girlfriend so the writers had to contrive an “infection” to make it more personal. But I just thought it was stupid.

    Thirdly, for a moment there I thought I was watching Hot Shots what with the hero being a pilot who has visions and blackouts every time his dad is mentioned. And it seemed the only reason they introduced his father issues was so they could repeat his dad’s “no fear” catchphrase over and over again.

    As I said, a missed opportunity. With a smart, grittier, more down to Earth script this could have been much better and we could have been looking forward to Green Lantern 2 this Summer.

  3. Arrow is a pretty good show Joe, with a decent story, likable heroes, and decent bad guys, and of course some high quality stunts(Certainly Bamford and co did a good job with the stunts).

    Well worth your time if you need a show to watch anyway lol

  4. It’s probably telling that even though I had seen this movie before, I remembered so little of it that this was like a first viewing. As you say Cookie, the movie promises little and delivers it in spades, so it hits its low mark. It’s not that it was a bad movie – it just wasn’t a very good one, either. It’s plot was straightforward and linear, so there weren’t really any mess ups in logic in that regard (other than the silliness of the general concept.)

    Cookie, your observation that the movie is aimed at pre-adolescents is brought home by the GL visualizng a Hot Wheels track and car in order to save the senator’s helicopter. Why wouldn’t he just do something simple, like make a bubble around it to stop it?

    It pushes reason that anyone would be violently transported to the site of a crashed alien vessel, and then is together enough to drag the alien to safety and then try to save him. Then to actually try wearing the ring (which he has no idea what it is or does) afterward. Hal never once expresses some concern about whether it’s the right, or even safe thing to do.

    Favourite line in the whole movie: “Gravity’s a bitch”. Yeah, it’s always bringing me down!

    When did Hal and Hector ever meet before the party? They seemed to know each other, but I don’t remember any time they met before that we saw. That preexisting relationship just seems suddenly foisted on the audience. There were other

    At least Hal’s girlfriend, can see past the skimpy mask and tell who he is. That said, isn’t that mask actually supposed to protect his identity, as stated by his fish-like GL trainer? Advanced as it’s supposed to be, it does a pretty crappy job of it.

    And yeah, how come no one seems to particurlarly surprised or horrified at how grotesquely malformed Hector has become? “I’ve never felt better in my life!” Yeah, well you look like sh*t.

    Wasn’t there another one of these movies where a giant space alien was coming to Earth to suck up all its energy? Which one was that? The Silver Surfer, I think?

    Anyway, yes it could have been worse, but as Line Noise noted, it’s another case where the concept could have delivered a better movie that what landed on film.

    I think your six cookie rating was spot on.

  5. GL just felt cheap. The effects were terrible, and the main bad guy was a face coming out of some smoke. It was just a poorly constructed film that spent too much time spinning its wheels.

  6. Gah! I’m on vacay on the Sunshine Coast and didn’t bring my laptop, which is where Green Lantern is waiting for me. So I can’t comment on it yet. But luckily, between Cookie’s, Line Noise’s, and gforce’s reviews, I still have no clue what the movie’s about, only that it seems not as awful as anticipated. Goody! Something to look forward to tomorrow when I get back to Van.

    We’ve had a lot of fun here, despite the shitty weather. (Rain. What else?) I’d never been to the Sunshine Coast before. Lots of great hiking and scenic driving. And amazingly well-priced Coast Salish wood carvings, which we bought because I thought our house, near the Tsleil-Waututh nation, needed some First Nations flavor. (And the artist is a Tsleil-Waututh band member.) Plus, I got a lesson on Canadian television history with a visit to Molly’s Reach in Gibsons (home of the longest running dramatic series in Canadian TV, “The Beachcombers”). As an American, I’d never seen the show growing up. We got CBC in Detroit, but the only things I watched on it were Hockey Night in Canada, Mr. Dress-up, and The Friendly Giant (<–best theme song ever, and the FIRST thing I taught myself to play when my mom bought me a tin whistle).

    But I'm missing my big furry orange monster (my dog Sadie) and our two newest family members, our 12-week-old kittens, Anna and Max.

  7. , ~~GL,,uh, I like the color green! The mask goes well with his eyes. Man that guys head got huge, ouch.. Nice ears on Sinestro, right Spockish. Yes once again Cookie nailed it, bravo, Will you share cookies? chocolate chippee are my favs?!?

  8. I thought the training on Oa stuff you glossed over was the best part of the movie. I really wanted to like the movie because the Green Lantern concept is one of the cooler superhero ideas, but it was poorly executed (merging 3 villains into 1), and the casting was mediocre at best.

  9. Joey, did you pick up the David Sedaris book because of the Daily Show link I posted back on the 9th? Just curious how much influence I have over you. 😉 😀 Anyhoo, how was the book? Worth the read?


  10. gforce: Hal, Carol and Hector knew each other as kids. There were scenes before his father’s accident with all three of them in Hector’s dad’s office.

    I liked Green Lantern and I thought Cookie’s judgment was fair. Other than the name, I didn’t think it made any sense for SINESTRO to try on the yellow ring.

  11. Ya I knew this would not be pretty… So I am going to do my best to defend this and answer some questions. Its hard to take comic from 10 different version and make one that works for everyone.

    There is nice bit info posted here on some the history of the Corp

    @ Lewis- yes I think just looking at it from stand alone but yet allowing it to tip its hat to the past details is the best approach.

    @ Line Noise- mishmash is one way to put it, overall we had it all there to explain all of this and I was REALLY hoping for directors cut or some SERIOUS deleted scenes but that didn’t happen either! The death of Hal’s dad played by Jon Tenney (very neat man btw) was excellent casting, but again the editing took it all away from your vantage point… When I got home from the preview my wife asked me WELL? I smiled and I then frowned and told her I had one word for it! “RUSHED” She told me she was afraid that! Ryan was amazing, was always a fan, but I acquired so much respect for him after working and seeing him work on this film! Guess that is why it was still so good for me! Ryan is an awesome guy and really takes every job very seriously, but has so much fun in process. His wit is just as quick off camera, will have to share one cool story about him later! Took me year to figure out what he had done as joke to me! =) I would see him just taking in everything Martin told him or asked him to do!

    You guys missed out on sooo much! There was a very touching scene of young Hal played by Gattlin Griffith (this kid was genius) getting tucked into bed by his father showing the bond they had, explaining he was scared too at times, but had to do his job as test pilot and not let fear control him. There was shot Hal cutting school to see dads new plane and how sharp he was noticing that Mr Ferris had changed the angles on the vertical stabilizers to show how much this kid loved flying and planes like his dad. The death of his father was his kryptonite and it should been more of focal point, the leather jacket that hung in the closet should been seen more! How hard the family had been affected. Only watching deleted scenes do we seen the tension with his brother and the toll its taken on the whole family. Mr. Tenney even commented to me that this kids performance was off the charts and it about ripped out his heart during the shots. He was so real and did this kid work his butt off, and all we got was blurry flashback and quick, ooo btw my dad died and we get MAVERICK freaking out in a flat spin.

    I worked with Ryan for 6 months helping him get his pilot on, I was more worried about Blake. @ Joe- Parallax wasn’t a diva, but Blake was at times, she became like my smartazz little sister and I would quote her movie lines while making her G-suit so tight she couldn’t breath! LOL My first day on set with her I was thinking… How in world do I turn this Gossip Girl diva into a pilot? Then we shot the first part for her, she nailed it! She was rolling, banking and slamming that cockpit all over… her hair was coming out her helmet and they almost cut the shot I yelled… “NO DON’T STOP! It was awesome, she almost broke her had when she punched the side cockpit as Hal got her shot down!

    For example how hard these two worked? The locker room scene was less than a min… ….. Ahhh ya we shot this from 3pm when I finished the final touches on the gear and the lockers and we shot till about 3am! Six different camera angles and it was HOT, no A/C in New Orleans in March and we all were dead tired that night.

    So all in all, wish you guys could seen how BIG Ferris Air was, they had everything from lear jets to F-4 parked on the runway. We had maintenance personnel and trucks and people everywhere… ALL CUT! If I could have done the edit it been 2.5hr movie you wouldn’t have walked out with more questions then when you sat down and we would been as excited for #2 as Iron Man.

    @ Starsaber- yes the training was VERY rushed ten mins he ready to fight the world… or quit? Original script had Hal kicked out of the Air Force, then we find out he quit, ok so he never finishes anything? Or lack of commitment? One has to over-examine it just to fill in the blanks!

    @ HBCM- have to disagree here, the effect were really pretty good. They spent a lot cash on them and some them looked amazing. Effect wise I was very happy with it! We just didn’t get to see everything!

    @ Randomness- the stunt guys were AWESOME! Had blast hanging out with those guys! We even had officer from New Orleans PD come in for a day of TASER training! One guys allowed him to hook him up to the TASER trainer leads and zap him while rest of about wet our pants from laughing!

    @Joe- how can I slip ya some cool pics to post?

    Who has questions about the movie and behind the scenes?

  12. Ryan Nixon “Stitch”: Was Hal’s suit computer generated? Well, however you did the suit, I was impressed. My family and I watched Green Lantern again last night. We all enjoyed it. Thank you for the impromptu Q & A and the movie.

  13. @ Tam- you 100% correct, Hal and Carol and Hector all knew each other as kids. Carol was there when his dad died… She saw whole accident with him…

    “I didn’t think it made any sense for SINESTRO to try on the yellow ring.” Sure it did he has always been hunger for power and more power, and we have to have the next bad guy! LOL

  14. @Ryan Nixon “Stitch”: Thanks for the insights! The scenes that you describe would have done a great deal to fill in some of the blanks and given the movie more emotional weight. I guess they don’t think that people can handle all the talky, thoughtful bits or something. Removing them is fine if they don’t add anything specifically to the movie, but when it removes some pretty significant character and plot points, it really messes things up.

    I’ve heard otherwise that Ryan Reynolds is quite pleasant to work with, and I kind of wish this movie had made even more use of his sense of humour.

  15. @ Ryan Nixon “Stitch”

    There have been rumors of a 2nd GL movie on the (far) horizon, pending on the success of Superman and/or Justice League movies and that a script was already in the works. Do you think it will still happen? The original certainly made enough money to warrant a sequel.

  16. @ Lewis- I know the film did ok as far as paying off debts. However, when a 200 million dollar budget only makes back little over half domestic sales and they see the second largest decline in sales of any superhero film for that year, there are issues and will be issues for sequel.

    As you can see the numbers are not that pretty. Again this was solid film and Martin Campbell and the entire crew worked their butts off. I have nothing but total admiration for the entire cast and crew. Even the Producers like Greg Berlanti and producer Donald De Line put their heart soul into this project as well. I sat next to Donald often and he was very involved with many aspects on a daily basis and was always on set! Very cool man to get to know!

    Also the rumors of script have been pretty much denied by everyone which i totally believe… I do know

    Personally, the editing was the biggest downfall, they spent so much money I do not understand the cutting it down to LESS than 2-hours when most superhero films now are pushing 2.5 to 3 hours. However, this was just before they started to phase out 35mm film and we did shoot this movie on blue screen and with film. Now, with 35mm film pretty much gone and theaters being forced to convert to full digital the cost of film is no longer a excuse…

    I am sure it was money decision that cost them in the long run, I am not here to point fingers at anyone, just defend the idea and that it was better than most think it was! As we all have discussed, personally feel if Martin had been given full control of editing and freedom of length we would seen a much different film entirely. The footage and the story was there, most just never got to see it! =(

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