Yes, you’ve just won $600 million!  Now what?

Well, if you’re like 70% of other instant millionaires, you’ll demonstrate unsound judgement, make poor investment decisions, fritter your money away and, eventually find yourself destitute, friendless, and alone (What could happen to you: tales of big lottery winners – U.S. News).  Don’t believe me?  Check out the sad tales of these former lottery winners:  How the Lives of 10 Lottery Millionaires went Disastrously Wrong ….

What is it about huge monetary windfalls that transforms the average person into a compulsive spender?  One day, they’re just trying to make ends meet and, then next, they’re suddenly demonstrating the financial acumen of successful pro athletes (How Millionaire Athletes Spend Their Money and Go Bankrupt …15 Pro Athletes Who Lost Millions and Filed for BankruptcyTop 10 Bankrupt Athletes – Kidzworld).

According to this article – Riches to rags: Why most lottery winners end up broke – Yahoo … – it’s human nature to adjust our consumption based on what is available to us.

So now that we know what the problem is, how do YOU avoid inevitably finding yourself penniless and living in your parents’ basement?

Well, you can try following my helpful advice:

1. Take half of whatever you’ve won and put it in the bank or in a safe, very conservative investment.  The other half is your spending money.  THIS is your keeping money, only to be touched in cases of emergency (ie. mortgages, life-saving medical procedures, ransom payments, etc.).

2. Tigers and other exotic animals are poor investments.

3. As are flashy new cars.

4. Creative endeavors like scifi shows and low-budget horror movies on the other hand…

5. If you haven’t heard from a friend or family members in the three years prior to becoming rich, don’t rekindle those long-dead relationships once they come a-calling.  And they will come a-calling.  Limit your generosity to close friends, loved ones and, of course, the writers of blogs your frequent on a semi-regular basis.

6. Dude, you’re already rich.  Don’t try to become richer by investing in that sandwich franchise, state-of-the-art wig factory or Kanye West Cologne.

7. Try not to get bumped off by your next of kin.

8. Avoid doing anything that might get you sued like drinking and driving or being alone with anyone at anytime.

9. Drugs are VERY expensive.

10. So are good-looking women/men.

11. That entourage/helicopter pad/set of yellow diamond grillz – not as cool as you think.

23 thoughts on “May 18, 2013: So you’ve won $600 million! Now what?

  1. “…how do YOU avoid inevitably finding yourself penniless and living in your parents’ basement?”

    Yes but, since you probably bought your parents a nice big new house during your spending spree, it’ll be a beautiful hugh basement complete with bedroom, bath, kitchen, entertaining/living area, etc.

    I would invest enough for all my future needs, then give away a lot of the money. Joe instead of a new TV show, how about a nice restuarant I’ve always wanted you and Akemi to have?

  2. thank you, joe, for the lulu pics links! the first one is the one i was looking for! 😉

    (i tried searching for the pic myself, but… i gave up when it went on too long. :p )

  3. 11. That entourage/helicopter pad/set of yellow diamond grillz – not as cool as you think.

    I always thought that having my own grass airstrip runway would be cool, but then I’d need to buy an ultralight or STOL aircraft, so one cool thing leads to another. Perhaps that’s how it goes; step by step by into bankruptcy.

  4. if i won the lottery, i would make an sg1/atlantis combo movie. i’d also make it a pilot for a new stargate series…

    and i’m serious! :p

  5. I had the powerball number but not in the right place. 🙁 Someone in Florida is the lucky winner. First, I would get legal advice, then pay off bills, do some traveling, give to charities, leave the rest to my son.

  6. “6. Dude, you’re already rich. Don’t try to become richer by investing in that sandwich franchise, state-of-the-art wig factory or Kanye West Cologne.””

    or invest Sci Fi shows and films Written, produced, directed?, by frequent bloggers that you read.

    To be honest, I don’t think I could avoid not trying to become richer by investing in my own ideas and other people ideas and business opportunities. I would probably fund a few youth projects around my area as there nothing here at the moment and the council are useless at providing such facilities. I would share some money with the family, build my dream home.

    I do find it strange that we only ever hear the bad stories about lottery winners and never the good stories. It almost like we only want bad things to happen to lottery winners.

  7. Well, no need to worry here. I’ve never played the lottery, not even one of those scratch and sniff cards, or whatever they’re called. It’s just not my thing. HOWEVER, if I did suddenly find myself rolling in the dough, then I hope I would be smart about it. Firstly, if at all possible, I’d keep myself anonymous. As far as the lottery goes, some states do not require the winner to be publically identified. But no matter how the money comes to me, I’d keep as low a profile as possible. That’s one of the big mistakes a winner makes – boasting about the money, whether it be a lottery win, a casino win, an insurance payoff, or an inheritance – some people just have to tell EVERYone how rich they now are.

    I remember a guy who shot and killed several members of his extended family (and left one relative with Down’s Syndrome wounded), blaming it on an intruder, just because his uncle or something had a $10K insurance settlement. Dude. Ten thousand won’t get the average person through 5 or 6 months of living expenses (though it would buy a crapload of drugs, which I’m guessing was the idea here). It’s just not worth it.

    I’ve often wondered what I’d do with a large amount of money – not millions, but just a couple hundred thousand. Pay off the house, do some needed repairs, pay off all other debt – that’s the first thing, then save the rest for a rainy day. If I had more than that I know I’d do a lot of donating, but not the Red Cross or other large concerns where the money in the past has gone to administrators and not those in need. Instead I’d donate to museums and other ‘art’ organizations that rely on grant monies from states and governments that no longer have the funds to share.

    Probably buy a new car, but a Honda, since I love Hondas. Might get another cat or three. 🙂 And I’d eat out – a lot…more. In other words, I’d live as I do now, only with less penny-pinching. I would still nickle and dime pinch, however, since there’s one thing I have learned from the rich who stay rich – look for bargains and deals and don’t spend money on unnecessary things.

    Okay – gotta run!


  8. I’d like to pay off all my siblings mortgages and build my mom a new house. Pay for my nephews/nieces/son’s college. Then I would fund a massive spay/neuter charity. We’d try to give a chunk to the church but some of them are a bit disapproving of lotto winnings. (It doesn’t stop church people from taking the scholarships, mind you.) We’d build a new humane society because the one we have is crappy. We would live simply in a new house and have a couple of condo’s in sprinkled in prime vacation places. I’d let all of you guys take turns (free) in the condos, of course. There would probably be something left over for a TV series or a movie.

    Not that I’ve been thinking about this or anything. 😉

  9. Genuinely speaking, I would never need $600 million, nor would I know how to spend it all. For that reason I would donate $100 million to various charitys, give some to family and friends, perhaps invest in a few things, and likely buy myself a large plot of land and have a cool looking house built there.

    Money doesn’t always bring happyness, having people there to share the experience would no doubt be much better.

  10. By the way Joe, as a Ring fan, not sure if you know but the new Ring movie called Sadako 3D is out on DVD/Blu Ray, June 4th in America/Canada, the reviews aren’t amazing but ironically enough, they’re doing a Sadako 2 too.

    It’l be Japanese with English subtitles.

  11. Llittle things give happiness.A small fortune, a small mansion a small lot of diamonds, a small yacht… 😆

  12. My father already emailed me to say he wasn’t the winner. My parents moved to Zephyrhills several years ago so maybe they know the person who won.

  13. Oh I guess if I won, I would think of something I needed or wanted. after the shock wore off that is. Change my phone number or disconnect it altogether. Since the invention of the internet, you can find just about anyone or anything on it,, so maybe I would have to go into hiding. I would not like to have it made public for obvious reasons, but thats not always possible. Hire an attorney,maybe,, and get a bodyguard for me and my family.. oh what the heck I don’t have to worry about any of that troublesome stuff, I did not win…. so we live to take a chance another day.

  14. $600mil… First off, let’s get REAL, huh? AFTER the IRS gets THEIR “cut” – $250mil… maybe… whatever… Personally, I keep “LOTTERY”-LISTS of what to GET depending on “AMOUNTS”. There’s pretty much only ONE-WORD on the “LIST” for any 9-digit winnings and that’s: **EVERYTHING**!!

    However, I’ve always promised to get myself one of those “BOBCATS” to SHOVEL my SNOW!! — WHEN, I buy out my half Block of Neighbours that I’m not so fond of… And speaking of REAL ESTATE — cuz I like You Joe, I’d even buy Your House and sell it back to you for the SAME Price or Below should the “Market” drop!

    oh yeah, and finally get a few Shares of BERKSHIRE-HATHAWAY.
    Buy a Country…
    Get DAS a TODD for Xmas…

  15. It would immediately go into a trust to protect Patrick from inheriting assets and losing his benefits from the government after 10 years on the waiting list–heard it was now 10-15 years. You know, protect in case someone tried to kill me thinking they would inherit the money. Next would be to pay off all our debts. Then I would build a building for Patrick’s school since they are renting space in a shopping place. I found create several scholarships so that people who had lower incomes and/or ones fighting for their insurance to pay could tap into that money to give their kids the best possible opportunity in this city for a bright prognosis. And then I would comeup for air and just all that settle for awhile.

  16. Pay off the bills. Take care of my family. Donate to charity. Take full advantage of all the handsome male golddiggers who think they are going to charm me out of my money and then leave them crying on the curb LOL.

  17. This I’ve actually thought about.

    1. Give half to my wife. And make her sign something so that she can’t touch my half no matter how fast or how she spends her half.
    2. Buy an apartment.
    3. Buy a house on a different continent. In case the my apartment (and the rest of the continent where it’s located) is hit by a big meteor. Or anything similarly disastrous.
    4. Find out how much money I’d need to live worrylessly without having to work for the rest of my life, and calculate how much money I’d need to put in a bank to earn that money on interest alone. Then select several banks in several countries in several continents and distribute the money fairly between those banks.
    5. Make a new season[s]/movie[s] of SG1/A/U happen.
    6. Put more money in more banks so that I can live a bit better than “worrylessly.”
    7. Donate what’s left (if anything at all).

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