That’s the working title.  For now.  It tells the viewers what they need to know about our main character AND, most importantly, enlightens them to the fact that they’re watching an actual television series as opposed to, say, a very short film or very long commercial.  Somewhere down the line, we’re going to have to come up with a proper title – something catchy but clever.  For instance, if we were doing a show about a couple of marijuana-smoking ghosts, we could call it High Spirits.  Alternately, we could be as brilliantly asinine and work a character’s ridiculous name into the title (ie. Poetic Justice.  Hey, she’s a poet!  AND her name happens to be Justice!).  Something along the lines of: John Pomp is a veteran no-nonsense cop who ends up being partnered with young, loose cannon Derek Circumstanza.  Together, they are Pomp and Circumstanza!  Or Sheltered Hugh Murray gets more than he bargained for when he moves in with outgoing party boy, Billy Cry.  Together, they are Hugh and Cry!  And so on.  My advice is to come up with the title first and then work backward.    

But before we do, let’s nail down the series overview.  Thank you for taking the time to post your thoughts.  As we all know, the job of a writer is to incorporate as many crappy suggestions as the script can sustain while still maintaining some semblance of artistic integrity.  As such, only the very worst ideas will not find their way into the mix. These can be safely ignored, partly because they make absolutely no sense, but mostly because they were composed in a drunken stupor and unlikely to be remembered by whoever wrote them.

So this is what we’ve got so far…

Our protagonist goes by the name of Hunter.  We don’t know if it’s his first or last name, but we DO know it’s apropos because the devilishly handsome, long-locked albino former model happens to be a wealthy freelance physician who uses his medical knowledge to solve crimes. Like those guys who work for the various CSI units, he is heartily welcomed to participate in ongoing investigations despite the fact that he really has no business doing so.  But his job doesn’t end when he catches the criminals because, in addition, he is also a District Attorney who prosecutes the guilty parties.  Unfortunately, Justice is not always blind [Although in some cases it is as we’ll learn when we are introduced to his blind girlfriend, Justice, but we’ll get to her later] and some evildoers with the proper pull can beat the system.  So what’s a guy to do?

Well, if he’s our hero a lot because, at night he unwittingly transforms into his alter ego: a shirtless, raven-haired vampire, who stalks the city in search of those who escaped justice.  And wears his hair in a ponytail to ensure nobody recognizes him.  Although his vampire self is aware of his human self, the reverse isn’t true, leading to innumerable ludicrous close calls.

Hunter is a quiet, introspective loaner – who also happens to be supported by a colorful cast of characters including…

His longtime sidekick by day is Lou, a grizzled veteran of the city’s overextended police department – who ends up getting killed in the pilot, only two days away from retirement and the promise of his golden years spent sailing the high seas with his loving wife June who, incidentally, also dies of a heart attack after receiving word of Lou’s sudden passing.  His new partner will be a dark-haired female rookie with a chip on her shoulder.

His sidekick by night is his handsome former college roommate, an incorrigible womanizing, wise-cracking wizard zombie that maintains his good looks via the magic blood that keeps his body alive even though he is…undead.  By day, he assumes the staid identity of a mysophobic local pawnbroker who provides leads in various investigations.  Bromance abounds!

Mentor to his vampire self is a wise, diminutive and crotchety – yet lovable! – mysterious older gentleman who we will come to discover is his uncle and actually eight hundred years old.

His girlfriend, Justice, is, blind.  But this doesn’t keep this sexy former model from doing what she does best: computer hacking and being sassy.  In the first season finale, we will learn that Justice is, in fact, a vampire hunter charged with ridding the city of Hunter’s alter ego. But she will eventually develop feelings for the brooding night stalker as well and eventually find herself torn by her love for both men – and her duty.

His rival is a defense attorney by day and bloodthirsty werewolf by night.  The two cross paths and clash on a daily and nightly basis, unaware of each other’s true identities.

Also making life difficult for his vampire self is the hit man the underworld has hired to deal with him, a cross-wielding Cardinal from the wrong side of the tracks who will eventually assume the mantle of arch rival.

Behind the various criminals and gangsters our hero will face on a daily and nightly basis is an elusive criminal mastermind, a mysterious wheelchair-bound individual who sits behind the scenes, pulling the strings, seeking to end the lives of both Hunter and vampire.  BUT in the show’s biggest twist, we reveal that this Big Bad is a third personality of Hunter’s, an evil entity who is unaware of his physical connection to the men he has sworn to kill.

The only one privy to everyone’s secrets is Hunter’s telepathic dog, Quince, who maintains his own high intelligence and ability to speak a secret – although he will occasionally use both, behind the scenes, to help Hunter out.  Quince also serves as the series narrator, opening and closing each episode in snarky fashion and bridging the narrative gaps for audience members who have trouble understanding English.

Once we’ve signed off on this overview, we can move on to the pilot which will have plenty of jeopardy, flashbacks to medieval times, and a ticking clock that will take the form of an actual ticking clock on the right hand upper corner of the screen, a suspenseful little addition to the show.

So far, so awesome, no?

59 thoughts on “March 13, 2013: Detective Vampire M.D., Attorney At Law: The Series

  1. You forgot the internal affairs officer who harrasses him – make her a brunette in a sharp suit with stilloettes and an affectation for cherry cigarellos. Of course he has to save her life at least three times a season at great risk to his secrets. And his 3rd persona has the hots for her and tips her off regularly….

  2. you had me until the werewolf nemesis. Sooooooooo overdone! Rather, I think you should go for a stranded alien entity who mimics other human forms. But who under stress is unable to hold his form, thus giving glimpses of his inhuman, hideous appearance. The alien has his own agenda, which explains him being on the side of the criminal element, an agenda you have plenty of time to sort out later.
    Otherwise, not bad. Though i still prefer my medieval story ide better, naturally. Then again, you are the pro with the proven track record. Looking forward to seeing more about this new story idea.

  3. I love Psych. Needless to say, I’d watch the hell out of this show! 😉


  4. Wait, what’s the zombie’s name? You can’t expect us to slash them without a portmanteau!

  5. You realize that there’s probably some studio hack somewhere taking notes, right? “This stuff is gold!” So far, I like it. Needs more peril.

    ” tips her off regularly….” I say, pardon?

  6. Brilliant!!!! or crap. I’m not quite sure yet. I’m a little confused. I’ll have to study it and get back with you…with recomendations, of course.

  7. Lol ur vampire/ doctor detective sounds like Mick St.John -Moonlight, except he wasnt doctor and he fell in love with a mortal. But vampires are all tge rage lately.

  8. I think in season 2 an evil magician (Dirk Maven) moves into town. He is bent on annihilating the entire city because his ex girlfriend, the sexy blind lady justice, once dumped him when she found out he was practicing dark magic. This can be a subplot running through the season(s).

    His plan is to collect the adequate number of virgin sacrifices (all very buxom with tastefully, artfully torn clothing) to complete his evil spell which will transform all the city’s microscopic tardigrades

    Into actual bear size creatures, which will run amuck with their huge claws and flesh sucking maws.

    The intrepid lawyer will spend the season looking for clues, hunting down the villainous magician, rescuing the scantily clad buxom virgins until he finally has a one on one show down with the magician. (I suppose if you sell it to cable the virgins can be half naked) The evil Dirk Maven finally manages to complete his spell just as Hunter shows up to kill him. Hunter is suddenly surrounded by twelve foot long eight legged water bears, which all promptly turn around, amble away and start eating the local vegetation. He kills the magician but is cut, the cut bleeds onto one of the tardigrades which becomes a blood sucking vampire tardigrade! It attacks another tardigrade, which also becomes a vampire tardigrade. Now vampire tardigrades are everywhere and the city panics.

    Enter season 3.


    Too crappy? Or just crappy enough?

  9. Why not make the ticking clock part of the entire season… where the hero is in a race against time to stop the villain. Each episode is a tension-filled, conflict-laden encounter with some plot twists ultimately leading to the hero saving the day in the season finale.

  10. Scene open…

    Quince (voice over): There are two sides to every man. Blah good vs. evil Blah Life is a balance between the two yada yada.

    CGI effect: Dark red screen pans out to reveal red blood cell. Pans out further to see hundreds of blood cell. Camera starts moving with the cells, speeding through the vessels into the heart, pauses momentarily in the chamber, push past a valve into another chamber before careening back out into the artery. Enters lung and turns bright red before leading back into the heart etc. etc.
    CGI shows scalpel edge bisecting vessel in blood’s path. Pan up the scalpel so a gloved hand, Hunter’s hand.

    Hunter is in standing in a surgical theater performing the opening cut on a surgery. We see the surgery progress in flashes, calling for clamps and nurses sponging sweat from his brow. Just as he hooks up the heart/lung machine…

    Lou (enters dramatically pushing in the doors): Hunter. We’ve caught a case.

    Hunter (removes gloves dramatically): Then what am I doing here? Nurse you’ve got this. (Strides dramatically out of the room shedding his surgical gown sexily with overtones of angst as he goes).

    That’s all I’ve got for now but I’m thinking Lou and Hunter do the crime scene thing. Hunter magically spots a clue. The trail leads them to the house of the suspect. Cornered the suspect grabs Lou and shivs him to cover his escape. Once night falls vampire Hunter is overcome with grief (because vampires all have the feels) and seeks out Uncle Crotchety. Some sage advice ensues and some unrelated comment triggers a realization. Still vampified Hunter seeks out Wizard Zombie who pulls some critical piece of the investigation out of his butt through his underworld contacts all while engaged in extensive homoerotic banter (for the shippers of course). I’ll leave the twists to the experts but the ending shot should definitely be the lap of the wheelchair bound mystery Bad stroking a cat al la Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget.

  11. Find a part for Alan Hale as The Skipper! He’s not alive, but if he was, he should have a part! I’m so tired. Maybe I should just go to bed. Joe, you know the time changed for Americans, didn’t you? It’s like 6-7 hours ahead of you now. It’s really late here in Texas.

  12. On a side note Stargate SG1 Unleashed was just released on the apple AppStore. I’m downloading it now so hopefully it’s good. I’m just glad for a chance to support anything Stargate. 🙂

  13. i think we’re missing some sort of obligatory love triangle, but overall it’s good. If Veronica Mars can get $3 million, then this could easily get 5 or 6.

    The real question now… who do we cast in this masterpiece?

  14. Not sure about the teaming up though. It didn’t work for Common Law on USA that was truly a great show–like Lethal Weapon–but their boss sent the,not couples’ counseling because of an “incident”. All star cast, all-star writers, humor mixed with drama, the one cop OCD the other cop a loose cannon.

  15. Hello Joe and blog peeps…Chev here using one of my many blog accounts. It looks like you almost have the series covered….it’s brimming with popularity.

    Quests and puzzles are always big… think Da Vinci Code. How about we add an arc where a mysterious death leads our main characters on a quest for a hidden ancient chamber said to hold the blood of the first vampire within a Diamond Chrysalis? Drinking this blood would give superpowers. There could be lots of twists and turns over multiple episodes.

    Cheers, Chev

  16. hmm.. I kinda like that evil 3rd personality angle… Although, if it doesn’t work, then give it to the Dog..? “Good” Dog narrates the beginning, “Bad” Dog does the Close.

    Definitely lose the werewolf. Too much wardrobe & CGI costs.

    And, up the “Bromance” – make the Zombie his “Boyfriend”! “Justice” can be a “cousin” [in you keep the Uncle in] and/or “half-sister”.

    BTW, the Old-Vampire-Mentor and Vamp-“Detective” bit really is too close to “MOONLIGHT”!

    *LOVE* the Opening “Visual”!!

  17. How about some Titles: “Blood Hunter” or “My Love, The Vampire” or “Diagnosis: Fangs and Fury” or “Fangs and Felonies” or “Illicit, Explicit, Whodunnit” …yeah, I suck at this…(heh heh)

  18. Why not add a twist of humor? Due to mental illness, our detective THINKS he is a vampire and runs around trying to play the role of a vampire hiding that he is a vampire to those he works with during the day and at night runs around trying to fight this elusive criminal mastermind? A cross between Monk and America’s Greatest Hero?.

  19. I think I like the idea! But don’t worry if it doesn’t work you could always pull a Dallas and make an entire series a dream sequence. Maybe that can work for series 2?

  20. I don’t know about you folks, but I’d watch the shit out of our new show. Not a contrived plot device in the whole mix. (!)

  21. Hi Joe

    Jumping in with a variation on what is/isn’t wanted by those fun-loving, lunch-munching suits…just saw Kristine Katheryn Rusch’s latest blog, talking about the whizz-bang take-up of a movie project on KickStarter.

    Bottom line? Warner bros told the good folks behind the fundraising project – if there’s interest we’re in, otherwise… – and guess what, the total has been reached, knocked out the park. Project is for a movie of Veronica Mars.

    So…SG1, SG Atlantis, SGU, etc….might there be those who will listen if a similar Kickstarter was to be tried…?!

    Or, of course, detective vampire..

    Great fun watching you virtually spin-in-the-room. The initial challenge sparked off a new fiction concept (unrelated) for me, which I’ll have to suss and/or share.

    cheers! P

  22. I read your post last night and it seems my brain got stuck with the idea of genre mash up ’cause I dreamed I was in a NCIS/Stargate team, trying to resolve a heinous crime – I found the culprit, using my supernatural vision – then we got back to our spaceship to resolve other crimes made by aliens on other planets… yep, I watch way too much tv.

    C’était vraiment cool par contre. J’ai des images qui me reviennent constamment en tête. hehehe…

  23. Awesome! It sounds like a vampire version of ‘Soap’! I’m definitely in for the ride!

  24. The choice of narrator is a stroke of genius. You can keep the words terse and simple and not worry about how to wrap up the wording because dogs are so distract-able.

    Rob Cooper said to establish the stakes. Wouldn’t that be a little cliche’d to threaten a vampire with stakes? I think we should determine what’s important to the main characters, then jeopardize that.

  25. Here are my catchy title suggestions: Vampire Anatomy SVUU (Special Vampire and Undead Unit) or Legal Bleedings MD. And here are my useless studio notes, because every show needs contradictory and useless notes:

    “Hunter” is a confusing name. Is he hunting for something? Has he lost a sock in the dryer? I think you should call him Dylan or Zane. My kid’s name is Zack, name him that.

    I like where you’re going with the “Justice” character, she sounds fascinating. Can we change her to a blonde wisecracking juvenile delinquint that our Zack can mentor? And he should have a catch phrase like “Vamp you, mothersucker!” Let’s call him Bobby, or Scotty. Something y-ish.

    Love the shirtless vamp walks in the city. But can you have him drive instead, preferably in a Kia Soul, while drinking Red Bull in a suit from Men’s Warehouse?

    Let’s change the wisecracking Bobby into a possible girlfriend, maybe named Justice, who’s blind. And let’s do a funny ep where they body swap with each other, and hilarity ensues. And another where Justice is stuck in a bottle and becomes a genie who gets Zack in trouble with his boss.

    And let’s change the hero’s name to Hunter. Zack is my kid’s name. I hate that kid.

  26. You need a bit of humor, something that will appeal to guys with the mentality of 12-year old boys, since that is always the target market. May I suggest any combination of the following: Projectile vomiting, masturbation, poop and/or pooping, farts, a humping dog, a potty-mouthed parrot, boob jokes. A potty-mouthed parrot telling boob jokes may actually get you an Emmy nod.


  27. @ imperialcoins, I feel bad that you’ve never experienced the glorious snappy stylings of the Veronica Mars crew. The show is terrific, much like Wonderfalls and Arrested D., so don’t dismiss it until you’ve watched it. It’s pretty kick ass.

  28. Didn’t see this covered but will need some reason why he doesn’t go poof during the day when he goes outside, maybe tie it to the memory loss. It could be the result of a failed attempt by the Cardinal (or a predecessor) to take him out of the picture that only partially succeeded. Or skip it and use it for more ludicrously close calls. Lots of what’s burning jokes and the like.

  29. 😆 Loved the post today! Whatever you produce Mr. M., let us know what channel and we will watch. Have a good relaxing day!

  30. Wow, I’ve been so busy at work lately, I haven’t had the chance to check the blog and we finally get to help create your next best series? CRAP!! 😉

    Well, you can’t forget to include some kind of fairytale aspect into the story. Perhaps all his paralegals are dwarves or something like that. You have to include some random number that keeps showing up every third episode or so that has absolutely NO meaning behind it that you can reveal at the end of the series was just his old high school locker combination(from a vision he keeps having about the last thing he remembers before he was bitten and turned into a vampire). Hunter’s last name can be Von Willenbrand, it’s a type of blood disorder, akin to hemophilia.

    Titles: Habeus Corpses? Cold Blood Law? LeStatus Quo? Oh, man, I could have a field day with this. That formula you described is so true of so many shows nowadays, it makes me sick. And most of them are on USA network. To their credit, most of those shows are quite enjoyable and thankfully, they saved a few of their great shows from that needless double entendre/”get it”-ness bullcrap of a title.

    -Mike A.

  31. I have another potential characterization point. Hunter should have his brain partially powered by vampiric photosynthetic receptors in his chest so he can only think while shirtless. For das.

  32. I think there needs to be a psychiatrist somewhere along the way who figures out this guy’s profoundly screwed-up psyche and seeks to merge them all into one consiousness. Oh the angst of a broken hero!

  33. Man I miss getting to read your blog daily. BUt when I am able to come back for a peak every now and then I always find a gem. Happy Happy thoughts.

    1. @Shana…the thing that I have found most useful is to “follow” Joe’s Blog…see lower right hand corner. This allows me to receive every post in my email. That way I never miss an entry.

  34. Although his vampire self is aware of his human self, the reverse isn’t true, leading to innumerable ludicrous close calls.

    Okay, this… I love this. ^

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