Joseph Mallozzi's Weblog

August 6, 2011: There’s nothing like a nice, homemade card!

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When we were kids, my mother used to emphasize the importance of a good, homemade card.  The way she saw it, it took hardly any effort to buy a card. Making one, on the other hand, was a demonstration of love, an achievement of time, toil, and determination.  Mom was right.  And so, with a former co-worker’s wedding fast-approaching, I thought it would be nice to put in that extra little effort, and take the time to show her how much I cared.  I dropped by my local gift shop, picked up some multi-colored construction paper, stickers, a glue stick and got to work…

…handing them off to my assistant, Trevor with instructions to make a nice, heartfelt card.  The results…

Trevor triumphantly shows off the fruits of his all-day labor.
Not bad. A minor quibble with the word "MARRIED" that looks a little front-heavy in the letters, suggesting he misjudged the amount of space he had to squeeze in the word. Other than that, pretty nice. Like the choice of the pink and blue.
A sweet sentiment expressed amid the matrimonial adornments: wedding cake, the bouquet, a gift, a heart, and a tyrannosaurus rex.
His own little touch in the back. I believe he's trademarked the company logo.

So, I sent off the card along with a check.  Beside the “RE” at the bottom left of the check, I wrote: “Payment for black market organ”.

Good luck trying to cash it!

Anyway, the following week, I received a response from the bride-to-be…

Hmmm. Qu'est-ce que c'est?
Oooh la la!
And the "thank you". I'll take it, although I'm still kind of upset she didn't take my advice and go with the Stargate-themed wedding.

It turned out Trevor had some leftover supplies and, with my sister’s birthday around the corner, I figured “Why not?”…

Note the liberal use of dinosaurs and kittens.

It took a little extra time and effort but it proved worthwhile because, in the end, everyone was very happy.

With the exception of Trevor who cut his finger, contracted a bacteria from the suspect glue stick, and spent the weekend at the hospital.  Unfortunate but, as mom is fond of saying: “No pain, no gain!”.

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38 responses

  1. sylvia Avatar
    sylvia

    Priceless! thanks for sharing…LOL.
    Ashleigh looks just delighted and Trevor just consumed with the joy of the task. Very good of you to think of them.
    Please do share your sister’s reception as well…please….

    Reply
  2. Ponytail Avatar
    Ponytail

    My first thought was, wow, early blog, what are you doing tonight. But then I remember you have dinner plans with Shanks, Carl, and Marty G. Have fun!!! Don’t get too drunk!

    Now I’ll go back and read about all the lovely cards here tonight!

    Reply
  3. Sg1efc Avatar
    Sg1efc

    Trevor does excellent work, hope you paid him time-and-a-half, if not double-time. If Transporter gets cancelled like Universe did, we know what Trevor’s new career can be. 🙂

    Dinosaurs on a Birthday Card…, is your sister going to slap you, or Trevor for that? 🙂

    Reply
  4. Ganymede Avatar
    Ganymede

    My elderly Mother has a birthday on the 15th…

    just saying…

    Reply
  5. Kymm Avatar
    Kymm

    Hey Ashleigh – Congratulations on the upcoming nuptials!! I hope you and your groom have a beautiful day and that you are very happy together!!

    …and also Happy Birthday to Andrea!!

    Kymm

    Reply
  6. Ponytail Avatar
    Ponytail

    Awesome and beautiful cards!! Well done Trevor! (You should get him to make a “Congratulations On The Birth Of Your First Baby” card while you’re at it.) I wish I had an executive assistant to make homemade cards for me. It almost makes me want to get all the supplies and start making my own cards. Almost.

    Congratulations Ashleigh! Can’t wait to see the wedding pictures when you go. That should be a riot. Literally. Or will you be sending Trevor in your place?

    Reply
  7. Ponytail Avatar
    Ponytail

    Oooops! Can’t forget…Happy Birthday Sis Andrea!

    Reply
  8. PBMom Avatar
    PBMom

    Congratulations to Ashleigh (and James). She looks really, really happy. I’m thinking it was the check, but who am I to say. The homemade card was just icing on the cake. Miss her on the blog, but you’ll groom Trevor, I’m sure. When you have time, of course, which appears to be never.

    Happy Birthday to your sister. Your heartfelt message choked me up.

    Dinosaurs always make everything better. There is this Terra Nova bus coming to Houston and they have this green screen that you can have a little film made of you. Jeff and I are planning on going. I’ll make sure I post the link when it’s available. I’m thinking of ducking out before the dinosaur eats him. It will be a great, surprise ending. I’d ask you if you are going to watch it, but the looks of your schedule, that is hardly likely.

    Reply
  9. Elminster Avatar
    Elminster

    @Andrea Happy Birthday!
    @Ashleigh Congratulations!!
    @Joe Say “Hi” to Shanks for me, and if Lexa is with him, give her a BIG KISS from me! 🙂

    @das I would strongly suggest going with the published order for you. Drizzt is very dark and in a bad place through the Homeland Series. Obviously he gets through it, but for a first time reader, and one that’s looking for a ‘hook’ into the books, I’d would go with The Crystal Shard and the rest of the Icewind Dale trilogy first, then go for the Homeland trilogy once you know the characters. There’s something like 30 books to the complete saga so far. And they just get better and better.

    Elminster

    Reply
  10. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    1. ASHLEIGH!!!!! I miss you so much! Congratulations!

    2. TREVOR!!!!!! If you know what’s good for you, you will go back and read all the stuff Evilozzi did to poor Ashleigh. You will also get tips on how to combat Evilozzi (hint: When he’s not looking, lick or sneeze on everything on his desk and take pictures of it to show him a few weeks later. Also, I suggest a strategically placed booger is in order).

    3. JOE!!!!!! Upon inspection of the above cards and the package you sent me, I have come to the conclusion that Trevor did, in fact, address it. I agree with Trevor’s trademarked logo. Your Roman blood is showing, Joe. First slavery, then – what? Communal bathing with Carl and Marty? Ashleigh and Trevor in a gladiatorial match to sate your bloodthirsty lusts? I swear you must wear a toga and laurel wreath around the house…maybe even when you’re out walking your lions dogs. 😉

    das

    das

    Reply
  11. Akemi Avatar
    Akemi

    I want to get card from Trevor-san. (・v・)

    Reply
  12. Deni Avatar
    Deni

    Happy birthday to your sis, Joe, and thanks for the laughs today. My son graduated from UF today! The weather was horrible – when we arrived, it was hotter than a three-peckered billygoat, and then a wicked storm came through and nearly caused a panic inside the Stephen C. O’Connell Center as everyone was trying to get out after the ceremony and couldn’t. Enjoy your dinner, and much love to Max. 🙂

    Reply
  13. sorrykb Avatar
    sorrykb

    Congratulations Ashleigh!
    – KB
    P.S. Trevor should get hazard pay for this.

    Reply
  14. Deni Avatar
    Deni

    @Ashleigh: Congratulations!

    Reply
  15. Airelle Avatar
    Airelle

    Very nice cards Trevor!
    Congratulations to Ashleigh! (cash the check,quick)
    Happy Birthday to SiS! (dinosaurs, how cool,,,)what a nice brother you have..

    @Deni, now u have me looking for goats. Is that indigenous to florida? We could use some of your rain on our side of the state.. Congrats to the new graduate.,

    Reply
  16. gracey Avatar
    gracey

    Have you heard of Sock Summit? They just had Sock Summit 2011…and they use Stargate as an inspiration…there are 2 teams ST-1 and ST-2…they help organize the summit…It is held in Portland…this year they has a giant Stargate to step through and take picture…the logo is also reminiscient of the Stargate…I hope to go in 2013 (it’s every 2 years)…
    Here is the official site, if interested: http://www.socksummit.com/
    and there are tons of pics on Flickr

    Reply
  17. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    @ Elminster – Now I’m torn. I LOVE characters that are in a bad place…that’s the sort I’m looking for. I’ll give your advice some thought. Thanks!

    das

    Reply
  18. Deni Avatar
    Deni

    @Airelle: LOL, and thanks!

    Reply
  19. for the love of Beckett Avatar
    for the love of Beckett

    Trevor, You are such a good sport, and nice work on the cards. Boy, will you have stories to tell some day.

    @ Ashleigh & James — Many blessings and happy years to come! 😀

    Is Joe coming to the wedding, or is the wedding cake already hidden in a basement bunker and surrounded by armed guards? Ya never know… He might hire someone to plant a Stargate on top of the cake… While he’s in Toronto dining with friends… Plausible deniability, etc…

    @ Andria Happy Birthday! You probably should get a birthday card and a medal! 🙂

    Joe…? Still sending up prayers for you and Maximus…

    Reply
  20. DP Avatar
    DP

    So, my aunt and uncle just let me and a couple dozen of us redneck breeders use their awesome lakehouse for a week. I was wondering what the correct etiquette is for such a generous gift. I’m thinking a thank you card at least, but I need to kick it up a notch.

    Reply
  21. sylvia Avatar
    sylvia

    OMG…where were my manners?
    Congratulations Ashleigh! Wishing you and James all the very best.
    Happy Birthday Andrea!

    Trevor, could you please make a card for Akemi?
    Will find a way to acknowledge your graciousness, via Joe..
    Or maybe better I send direct to you.
    You are a patient and gracious man.
    Thanks!

    Reply
  22. jojo Avatar
    jojo

    Dinosaurs? Really? On an adult female card? and on a wedding card? Was that the only thing left at the store? no flowers or doggies or kitty cats? Might I suggest using a stencil for the lettering or purchased letters. Just a suggestion.to spruce up the production value if you intend on making more of these things.

    Trevor: Man up. Art is hard work. so a little cut here and there. you’ll heal up eventually. Keep your day job. the cards were nice, but not that nice.

    ashleigh: congrats on the upcoming nuptials. I suggest using Joe’s money and buying a chocolate fountain for the reception in his honor. or some Stargate stuff for decorations. just some thoughts for you to think about..

    might I also suggest that if you do get Trevor to make future cards, you not allow him to sign them. It might mean more to the receiver. They might be crazy enough to think you actually made the card for them.

    Reply
  23. PBMom Avatar
    PBMom

    @Deni Congratulations to your son!

    Reply
  24. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    Joey…

    Is your mailing addy:

    20 Butterick Road
    Toronto, Ontario
    M8W 328
    Canada

    ???

    And is that where we should start sending our homemade cards?

    das

    Reply
  25. Debra Avatar
    Debra

    First, OMG So happy to see Ashleigh! (Even if you do have the pics turning sideways when you click. Is that some hidden meaning?) CONGRATS on the wedding! And happy birthday to Andrea!

    I laughed so loud my spousal unit yelled at me to be quiet, I don’t care about his health, blah blah blah. I laughed more.

    Second. Please make Trevor make a card for Akemi and for my daughter who will be 20 in only a month. 🙁 WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

    Reply
  26. shane Avatar
    shane

    Poor trevor!

    Reply
  27. for the love of Beckett Avatar
    for the love of Beckett

    Das, that addy looks right. Shirt-n-Tie can vouch. SnT?

    Reply
  28. JoanieC Avatar
    JoanieC

    Ashleigh’s getting married!

    I wish her all the best for the future. As for the cards…If you ever finish with the writing, I can see a glowing career in the ‘making’. A little bit of this, and a little bit of that, is all you would need to get stuck in!

    Reply
  29. Birdy Avatar
    Birdy

    Hahahahahahahahahhahahaahahahahahah!
    You Sir, made my day with this entry!
    <8D

    Thank you!

    Reply
  30. TeesterX Avatar
    TeesterX

    Dammit, my birthday was a few weeks ago!!!! 🙂

    Reply
  31. Tam Dixon Avatar
    Tam Dixon

    Ashleigh is going to be a beautiful bride. Interesting card. 😉

    I’m in rainy Nashville, TN. My friends with the new house needed help with their Internet wiring. It looks like someone won the lotto and went way overboard with the wires. They have a 50,000 lighting system and video wires are everywhere. Lucky for my friends that I married a techno geek. Hubby got them Internet where they needed it. Good thing because I forgot my friend’s hubby is colorblind.

    How is Max feeling?

    Reply
  32. DP Avatar
    DP

    Trevor looks unfulfilled in that handmade card photo. Perhaps he’s not unwinding properly in the summer heat. I think his next paycheck should include a hand-written list of show times for local air-conditioned, weekend matinees.

    Reply
  33. Jon Avatar
    Jon

    Joe,

    If you do anymore SG related mailbag questions, I had one for you. I’m rewatching the entire series (all 3) again, one thing that has kind of stuck out to me is the re-use of some of the guest actors in different episodes playing completely different people. For example David McNally was used in three different episodes (2 SG1, and 1 SGA) playing different characters each time. When casting a guest star was this ever a factor in the decision making process? Also, one guest star I really wished we could have seen more of was Sam Jones’s Aris Boch, was there any ever discussion of doing a follow up episode with him?

    Thanks for the many years of SG, looking forward to the Transporter!

    Reply
  34. Jay Avatar
    Jay

    Joe, I know that posts like this are done when you’re very short on time but this is my 3rd ever favorite posting.

    The 2nd was describing the writing process where someone is made to get on the table and dance while the others laugh and throw things.

    My all-time favorite, though, has to be Carl eating the rancid cupcake and dying. An all-time classic. Wish I could find those but my search-fu is failing.

    And conrgats to arch-nemesis/good sport Ashleigh!

    Reply
  35. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    @ for the love of Beckett – If that’s the right addy, then I think we ALL need to start sending Joey our homemade cards. I will, as soon as I find some rubber cement and glitter. 😀

    Also, I got your message from the other night. Been way too busy to chat (I’m not a phone talker anyway). Drop me an e-mail when you get a chance. 🙂

    das

    Reply
  36. scigirl451 Avatar
    scigirl451

    Bless your heart, Joe…if I had known you were nurturing such a kind, artistic side I wouldn’t have consigned all my rubber-stamping and paper-craft supplies to the dumpster when I moved recently. I’m sure everyone was simply overwhelmed by your hard work and good wishes…especially Ashleigh. I’m sure her response will arrive via ninja quite soon…

    Reply
  37. archersangel Avatar
    archersangel

    to dasndanger (RE: #3)
    he might be looking to invade gaul next.

    congrats to ashleigh & happy birthday to your sister.

    Reply
  38. for the love of Beckett Avatar
    for the love of Beckett

    @ Das
    Finally able to double-check the addy. There’s just a tweak.

    Postal code is:

    M8W 3Z8

    Reply

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