No, not MY wedding day.  Today, I attend the wedding of Lawrence, my oldest and most annoying friend.  I was thrilled to receive the official invite earlier this year and dropped him an email to let him know:


I’m in!  I had our office assistant send back the official response today.  I noticed there was hardly any room to add additional guests to the invitation but I managed to squeeze in about twelve extra names before I ran out of space.

A few requests:

Please seat me at the table with the single hot women (or, failing that, the taken hot women who are woefully unhappy in their present relationships).

Please change the venue to somewhere a little more accessible.  Your buddy no longer lives in Montreal and doesn’t know the area as well as he used to.

Please forward me the menu asap so I can make any necessary requests and/or changes.

Please ensure your wedding cake includes marzipan.  I know a lot of people don’t like it, but I LOVE IT!

Please make sure it’s an open bar.  I plan to get really drunk and cause a scene like you did at my wedding (or maybe John did.  I can’t remember.)


P.S. Where should I send copies of my airplane ticket so that I can be reimbursed for the trip?”

Lawrence wrote back to inform me that he was working on my requests, then proceeded to give me a rundown of what would be expected of me on the day.  Turns out I was scheduled to be a member of the wedding party!  Unfortunately, my own schedule would not get me into town in time for the rehearsal dinner, so I had to break the news:


I’m afraid I might have to limit my play-by-play commentary during the ceremony to the audience.  I’m going to be flying in Friday and won’t be able to make the rehearsal.”

To which Lawrence responded:


The guests will be disappointed.   Especially once they meet you.

Good thing you are highly skilled in dance, song and pantomime.  In addition, your extensive study of eating means you will not need the dinner rehearsal.   I will send you the study guide and homework to do at home.  I am confident you won’t embarrass us.”

Famous last words.  The prospect of not knowing all the dance steps or walking in the wrong door during the ceremony led me to fire off another missive:


The way my schedule is lining up, it’s going to be very difficult for me to be part of the wedding party.  I would suggest either: a) going on without me or, b) rescheduling your wedding to fall on Christmas week when I’ll have more time.

Let me know which works best for you.”

Lawrence wasted no time in responding:

“Buddy.  No problem. Your role is easy.  As long as you are there on the 10th we are good. Got you your tie and pocket scarf. And a gift  All you need is a black suit and White shirt. French cuff recommended.  No other duties than looking good.  Well, we can skip that too.”

I wrote back: “Buddy, I was hoping my presence would be my gift.”

He wrote back: “Buddy.  You made a typo.  It’s “presents” not “presence”.

I’d resigned myself to the fact that I was to be a member of the wedding party – with absolutely no preparation.  Lawrence insisted it wouldn’t be a problem, but I had to wonder: If it wasn’t going to be problem, why the need for a rehearsal dinner?  Anyway, about a week before the wedding, he sent me the following:

“Sunday – need to be at my folks by around 12:00 (noon).   There will be pictures then a limo to the club.  At the club I just need you to sample the food and ask people’s weight when they arrive.  Then, of course, you are giving away the groom.

I have a tie and cufflinks for you (something special for my buddy) and ask that you wear a dark navy blue or black suit, with a white French cuff shirt.

My buddy’s name is already printed on the program so you cannot miss it now.  Plus, you will have to be announced to walk in before the reception.  Don’t worry buddy, it will be nothing too embarrassing.  Not until John has a few drinks.  I have also put you at the family table, because after my sister, you are pretty much a second sister to me.”

I replied:


Yes, I’m in.  You think YOU’RE busy?  Just the other day, I had to make a special trip to the pharmacy to get you guys a wedding card!  I couldn’t find the right one so I just picked one at random, crossed out what was written, and wrote in my own heartfelt sentiments.”

Check it out –


I also wrote: “Good for noon on Sunday but request my own photographer and photo approval on any shots taken of me on the day.  If I have to sign any, they’ll be $25 a pop.

And thanks for telling me what the rest of the wedding party is wearing so I can avoid replicating their look.  I really want to stand out on the day.”

Will report back with a full review of the festivities in tomorrow’s blog.  In the meantime, please enjoy this picture of my frenchie Lulu looking mortified in her new doggy shirt.

And this pic of my three pugs squeezed into their giant doughnut bed.


Today’s blog entry is dedicated to the South Carolina Gamecocks.

44 thoughts on “October 10, 2010: Wedding Day!

  1. Dear Joe; I’ve come to the conclusion that you must be related to me somewhere since that’s almost exactly what my brothers did to my wedding card. Well that and photocopied a really awful school picture of me on the back so when it I opened it and read it out everyone… umm… yeah, they also photocopied several bank notes to make their incredibly stingy gift look a lot more impressive too. What? You didn’t think of that? Next time eh!

    At least one of them would express the same sentiments about unhappy women as you too. Hmm!

    Anyway, heartfelt congratulations to the bride and groom. I hope it all goes wonderfully well for them for today an ever after.

    P.S. Poor Lulu… poor, poor pooch.

  2. I know why I enjoy reading your blog so much now, Joe. You have the same sense of humor as my husband. Every wedding we’ve gone to over the years had his special brand of humor all over it. 🙂 Hope things go well today.

    Oh, and thanks for the blog dedication for my team. It made my day!!

    Have a good one!

  3. Interesting that Intervention and Aftermath were actually the best rated episodes A18-49 since Pain. I’m guessing that a few younger people that would otherwise have missed the show by going out on a Friday watched it live on Tuesday, but because of the increased competition other people went elsewhere.

  4. two posts on same day, we are so lucky! Joe, lets not mention SGU movies, show is not canceled yet. dont worry the ratings will increase and astonish everyone I know it. plus what is Syfy without stargate anyway? they know that well.

  5. ROFLMAO, omg… you and your friend truly amp up the annoying each other don’t you? I want pics of you there. Have fun. Do not be the most memorable part of the wedding or his wife will never forgive you.

  6. Sweeeet blog today. Poor Lulu, YES…she should be mortified! Cool donut bed, but needs to be bigger for all the babes – not just 3.

    Enjoy your trip home!
    Yes, I am enjoying SGU every Tuesday, SIR.
    Taping NCIS. It is annoying 4 of my favorite shows kinda overlaid over each other. It’s a plot…don’t know by whom, but it is threatening the very fabric of our lives – enjoyment of good TV shows.

    and now back to football.

  7. Um, Joe, what ever will the Destiny folks do without a shuttle? Didn’t last week’s eppy destroy the only working one they had left? And you replied recently that the new ship they run into doesn’t have shuttles they could scavenge because it doesn’t need them?
    This is a mystery, which is probably the point, eh?

    And something else that’s been bothering me. Why haven’t they run out of ammunition by now? There was a great deal of shoot-em-up’s with the Lucian Alliance, but where is all the ammo coming from? And, why does the Lucian Alliance use weapons with bullets anyway? Did I miss that explanation from sometime previous?

    And please do keep up your blog, it is such a joy to read! You lead an interesting life and have so many blog-worthy exploits to share. Then there’s the book club, your pups and vacations, work antics and insights… Just please don’t stop! 😮


  8. Hey Joe,

    Have you ever seen the movie “Event Horizon”? The character played by Sam Niell kinda reminds me of Rush a little bit, in that he is obsessed with the ship, won’t tell the crew what’s going on, and seems to have a darker side to him that we have not seen yet. Will Rush become the unlikely hero again or will he be hated by the crew again? It seems when Rush does something that is questionable he does something like saves Chloe from the aliens. I think it is a great balance of character, and really looking forward to the episode “The Greater Good” Will we see more headbutting? lol.



  9. @ KEK

    The 18 to 49 demo has been steady which is good. But you have to remember Atlantis was averaging a 0.7 HH A18 to 49 Demo. So they are down from the previous series.

    Also, one concern about SGU is the lack of Female viewership, it is mostly male. That could be an issue if Syfy is looking for a more broader demographic like W13 and Eureka get.

    The show has 8 more eps to uptick, so there is still hope for the show. Caprica however is likely done, imo.



  10. Looks like Lulu has joined Starfleet looks like shes wearing a Starfleet Blue Science Division shirt from Star Trek.

  11. Salut Joe !

    Une seule question: toi et ton équipe êtes confiant pour une saison 3?


  12. Are you trying to get me all “wonky” with this early post? Not to mention it’s October 9th – again. You’re too funny. Looking forward to the wedding post. Hope you didn’t upstage the bride.

  13. I love the communal bed; no wonder the pups are so happy! Hope the wedding went off without a hitch and there will be some cool pics of those fancy french cuffs to follow.

    I don’t recommend starting the K dramas until you have a good long vacation break; they are about 17 to 20 eps that wrap up in one season and they are very addictive! I’ve been enjoying them free on Hulu and DramaFever.

    Coffee Prince and Personal Taste are charming romcoms perfect for date night; Personal Taste is about art, design and architecture and features a gorgeous traditional Korean house. IRIS and Bad Boy are big revenge action dramas by the same writer with very cool cinematography.

    The Secret in Their Eyes was amazing, it was a smart moody thriller set in Argentina with great actors and very cool cinematography. It reminded me of Tell No One, which is a french Hitchockian thriller. I really loved Don’t Move, which is Italian and very, very (very) dark but its also beautiful.

    Both DVDs had twisty edge of your seat storylines that reminded me of Downfall.

    Next I’ll be checking out The Prophet on DVD, which is French and is touted as a French Godfather set in a prison.

  14. LOL Joe, don’t worry you don’t need to rehearse, you’ll do fine!!!!

    I finally got to read some email that needed to be read. I almost deleted one because I thought it was spam or something. It turns out that there is a pilot project that a sister company if GCU is doing. Out of over 4000 cards, and over 3900 artists, they selected TWO of my cards to be used in kiosks throughout the country beginning in November. I was floored!!!

    Oh and for those of you in the L.A. area Oct 25th my favorite band, Orange Avenue, will be playing at the Roxy. Check ’em out

  15. 😆 😆

    (Busy day, that’s about all I can muster. 😛 )

    Have a good one, Joe – hope you had fun!


  16. sounds like you could have a second career as a wedding crasher. or rather, have people pay you to crash the weddings as suprise entertainment. Hilarious recittion. glad you’re having lots of fun. And whle the mailbags of the last couple of days are appreciated, I would make the motion no more until you are back at work. too many downer posts and questions at a time you’re supposed to be having fun.
    off to scrub the walls again(long story involving boiling bones and coming home to a house with a heavy haze of smoke). Thanks for a good laugh or three.

  17. The pugs aren’t so much squeezed into the bed as two pugs are sitting on top of a third.

  18. Dear Joe

    Dare we hope for pics of you looking debonair in your wedding attire? Please? Pretty please?

    😀 LJ

  19. Be grateful DUDE! It could be worse. You could end up looking like TINKERBELL [minus the Wings] in Periwinkle!!

    GOD! I *HATED* The 80s!!!

  20. You are a riot. I hope your friend and his new wife have a wonderful life together. Lulu looks like she is ready to bite someone if they dare ridicule her in her new outfit. I know the pups must miss you madly. Thank you for always brightening up my day with your posts.

  21. Hey Joe,

    I so LOVE having a peek into your life. You make everything seem to be so inviting. Hope you have fun.

    I am so loving this season of SGU. Wonderful, fantastic…what can I say…all smiles here.

    Best to you Joe,
    Cheryl 🙂

  22. There’s a reason I got married in Vegas, without guests.

    My brother gave me an old bullwhip as a wedding gift for my first marriage. I sent him a blow up Soft Cream ice cream cone from Japan for his gift when he married. His bride was not amused.

  23. Ahhhh weddings… have fun!!! Dogs in shirts… poor poor dogs. In every pic I see of a dog in a shirt the pup looks embarrassed, sad, confused, upset, or some combination there of. Though it makes for general humorousness.


  24. Coucou! ça va bien Joseph!

    Vous avez passé un bon week end en famille apparament =)

    Cool un mariage, je n’y suis jamais allé, mais ça doit être sympa. J’aime bien la carte elle est originale, ça m’étonne que vous n êtes pas invité à plus d’évènements de ce type car vous devez avoir pleins d’amis =)

    Lulu a trop la class avec son t shirt 😉

    Aller, gros bisou!!

  25. LOL…dude why isn’t Lawrence marrying you…you guys are clearly made for each other.

    When I was bridesmaid at my sister’s wedding it occurred to me partway through the ceremony, shouldn’t we have had a rehearsal? Could I get away with doing what everyone else does even though I was Maid of Honour? I managed to squeak through without a wedding blooper. Phew!

    Cheers, Chev

    p.s. Best wishes to Lawrence & his wife

  26. Hi Joe.In SGU we have seen a number of protype Ancient Technology.Im wondering and hoping that we will see a protype zpm of some sort like a mini-zpm that can provide some backup power but cant dial another galaxy.
    Destiny should have a backup as they dont have shuttles to defend themselves now if more aliens attack the ship they need more power for the weapons and shield systems I am thinking unless Earth can send them a puddle jumper or 2 if they find a power source.

  27. LOL at this entry. Can’t wait to hear about the wedding. Lulu looks pretty annoyed at you.

  28. :::Ponytail

    Are you trying to get me all “wonky” with this early post? Not to mention it’s October 9th – again. You’re too funny. Looking forward to the wedding post. Hope you didn’t upstage the bride.::: Okay so I saw the 9th yesterday, thought I had SOMEHOW not seen before, and was waiting last night and worried he was in jail or something (just kidding) when no post. LOL glad you mentioned the error.

  29. Joe, I hope things went well in the wedding party. You should be fine just don’t do what I did…right next to me was a wood column and the top of the column would slide away revealing a bowl of holy water i guess for baptisms…I’m not a church goer…anyways I got bored and started to slide the top away next thing I know everyone is looking at me. I zoned out and at that time the pastor had the party turn and face the audience..which I didn’t hear. So, there I am playing and my buddy next to me gave me a cough, I looked up and the pastor was giving me the worst look you can get from a holy man.


    Is there a reason for the bridge of the Destiny rising up when Rush discovered it? At first I thought it was blast doors lowering until I watched again and seen the whole bridge rise? Just curious…cause its very cool!

    Also, being the dog lover and foodie you are what do you feed your dogs? i think the Science Diet brand has been giving my dog food allergies and am looking for something new.

  30. Okay…I have a moment…

    1. Gamecocks. Sorry…I know what they are (fightin’ roosters), but it’s just one of those words that make me giggle. 🙂 😛

    2. Lulu. I sure hoped she pooped in yer shoes after that.

    3. Castle. I only started watching this show late last season. I really enjoy it. Castle has what NCIS, White Collar, and Psych have – engaging characters. It’s why I look forward to these shows and why I feel good after watching them, even after an intense episode. So, it’s more than just well-written characters, but a good balance between serious and humorous moments. By contrast, I had to stop watching The Mentalist because – imo – the show took a really dark turn, and it wasn’t leaving me with the warm and fuzzies anymore when the credits rolled. You should give Castle a try…if it’s not too beneath you. 😉

    4. “If it’s not too beneath you.” I say that with a wink and a smile, but I am curious about something, Joe…

    As a man, do you feel pressure to like a particular type of show? I know I’m not saying this right, so I’ll use an example from the Benbo. When The Dark Knight came out, the fanboys went wild over it. I, however, didn’t like the movie. When I said I didn’t like it, the guys just brushed me off in that, ‘oh, you’re just a woman, what do YOU know anyway!’ *eyeroll-eyeroll* sort of way. However, when one of the guys said they didn’t like the movie, their very sanity – even their manhood – was called into question. I find that there seems to be more pressure for guys to conform to liking – or disliking – certain shows/movies, as if their reputation was on the line. Here’s another example. A couple years ago the guys on the Benbo used to make fun of NCIS – they called it a show for old people and women. None would watch it, so puffed up they were with their BSG and Lost fanaticism. But then USA started airing NCIS re-runs, and some of the guys started catching the episodes, and now they’re hooked on this show that is for ‘old people and women’.

    So, do you ever feel pressure to be ‘cool’ by watching certain shows while avoiding others? My husband’s the kind of guy who will watch whatever the heck he wants to, regardless (I’ve caught him watching Lifetime movies!), but a lot of guys seem to fall into that ‘I can only watch the cool, macho shows’ category. Just wondering what sort of guy you are.


  31. Hi Joe, those pups are incredibly cute!

    On the Syfy (and GW) forums they are discussing how SGU skews heavily male in viewership and someone suggested the following episode:

    “OK, please let the producers of this show know that we need an episode taking place on a beach planet that is also a crossover with SG1/SGA – Jason Momoa, Michael Shanks, Joe Flanigan and Ben Browder are lifeguards and the Destiny crew gates in for a vacation. ”

    I know I’d watch! 😛

  32. Hi Joe!

    Hahaha!! I was in tears reading your blog today! Who knew I wasn’t the only one who wrote that in peoples cards!!

    Went back and read the previous blog…nice verbal beat-down of that felt guy! High five to you, my friend!!


    I definitely agree with you there…that would be an EPIC episode…would probably be my favourite ep…



    Please click once a day for as many days as you can (like the next 2 mos 🙂 ) … PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help and vote for BRAT in the Shelter
    Challenge. We have fallen out of the top ten–and out of the top spot in Texas. We risk getting shut out of prize money if this continues.
    To vote, go to:

    put in Garland, Texas and choose Basenji Rescue & Transport.

  34. Too funny… You must be a real trial to your friends sometimes….

    With the name Lulu, she’s a frou frou girl, and you’re dressin’ her like a boy. No wonder she’s pissed… now if it was pink with some tulle, she’d be a happy li’l gal. (geez men and their fashion sense!!!).

    Hope you had fun at the wedding yesterday!! Enjoy your turkey today!!

    Have a good one!!

  35. I think it’s just so heartwarming that Lawrence thinks of you as his second sister. So, so heartwarming. The bond of friendship transcending into the bond of family; gosh, it brings a tear to me eyes.

    Hope you had fun at the wedding! I fully expect a video of the scene you no doubt caused when you overdosed on wedding cake.

    Anyway, very busy these days which is why I haven’t checked in a while; rest assured though, I’m reading the blog everyday and am doing good.

    Can’t wait for Awakening tomorrow! I’m going to go on a retweeting spree on twitter just so everyone’s aware of it; gotta do something for the ratings!

  36. Joe, this probably has been asked and answered – but I have to ask it again. What the fudge was Scyfy thinking moving SGU to Tuesday and not really publicizing it very much? Are they trying to kill it? Do you think there are any thoughts of moving it back to Friday nights, where it belongs?

  37. I’ve been away from the blog for a few days (I’ve been under-the-weather and also really busy with the long holiday weekend), so I’ve just caught up. Just wanted to make a few quick (albeit late) comments:

    – I’m really enjoying SGU, and appreciate that the tone and style is different from its predecessors. As much as I love SG1, I think that it was a good idea to have a different format for the 3rd SG show. Otherwise, what’s the point? Going in a different direction is a good thing.

    – In the event that SGU is cancelled (and I really hope this doesn’t happen!), I do hope you continue with the blog. I appreciate the amount of work this requires on your part, and I thoroughly enjoy reading it.

    – Happy Thanksgiving!

  38. Hello Mr. M:

    Sorry to be leaving a comment which is unrelated to your wedding post, but I’m clearly none too techie as I can’t figure out how to leave a message for you on the blog unless it’s a comment. Call me stupid (no, don’t: I have kids for that). However, I do need your advice on a matter which I would only trust to you and your superior palate. I have trained my teenage son to love quality chocolate (at least I’ve done something right in my life) to the extend that anything less than 80% cocoa-whateveritis is anathema to him. I really wanted to get him a ‘chocolate of the month’ subscription for his upcoming 16th birthday but quickly looking on the world-wide interweb net is letting me down. Damn you, Google!! Have you any advice? Yours, clearly overwhelmed – Foots (yes, that’s my name and, yes, it explains a lot).

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