Ashleigh was at it again today.  I’m sure that once you hear the details, many of you will be horrified and will seriously reconsider your misguided support for my arch-nemesis.

So, yesterday, Ashleigh mentioned that those chocolate peanut butter chip cookies she brought in were actually her second batch.  The first attempt was so soft that the cookies ended up collapsing through the grill.  Despite the disastrous results, she hadn’t tossed the tasty remnants – which led me to suggest she bring ’em in.  No sense in letting them go to waste, after all.

She brought them in this morning.  I sampled one delicious – albeit malformed – lump and found it to be as good as yesterday’s offering.  Still, it was a mighty ugly selection and so, in a desire to spare her the inevitable social embarrassment that comes from serving misshapen cookies, I suggested she set them aside and allow me to attend to their disposal.  Three hours later, we’re sitting it the writers’ room, when Ashleigh suddenly sits up and loudly announces: “Hey, Joe, aren’t you going to share those cookies I brought in?”

Under everyone’s accusatory glares, I was forced to scramble, proclaiming my innocence and insisting I would love nothing better than to share Ashleigh’s failed baking experiment with everyone.  Honest.  “You look them in the eye and say that!”Ashleigh challenged.  So I did.  And I was pretty damn convincing if I do say so myself, probably delivering my best performance since that one week portrayal of Marcellus, Officer of Denmark in my high school production of Hamlet.

Ashleigh trotted off to her office and returned seconds later with the cookie bits, setting them down on the table and causing an enormously disappointed Carl to stare down at them and wail:  “I thought you said cookies!  These aren’t cookies!”

Dear readers, you be the judge.  Exhibit A –

I mean, come on!  That isn’t a cookie.  It’s Newfoundland!

Her failed attempt to throw me under the bus on this whole cookie-gate debacle is part of an alarming pattern of behavior.  Earlier today, while we were chatting in her office, I unconsciously rubbed the serrated edge of my plastic knife against the plastic fork I was holding.  Apparently, Ashleigh found the sound a tad unsettling.  How do I know?  Because she told me.  More or less.  What she actually said was: “Make that sound again and I’ll claw your eyes out!”.  When I informed her that quote would be making the blog, she insisted I tell my readers the whole story – namely how deeply unpleasant she found the noise of a serrated plastic knife rubbing against the inner groove of a plastic fork.  How unpleasant?  Unpleasant enough to CLAW MY EYES OUT if I ever did it again!

Hey, good news!  The early reviews of my first draft are in and I’m pleased to report I haven’t been asked to pack up my office (always a good sign).  Received some great early input and look forward to sitting down to the official notes session tomorrow.

Today and tomorrow are flamethrower days, the term “flamethrower”, in this case, being code for “flamethrower”.

A few goodies from the Atlantis vault…

Ext. Future Atlantis - Stargate: Atlantis, The Last Man. Initially Paul wanted to go with an ice age look but, after giving it some thought, decided to go the opposite way - which was great because it allowed us to do the sandstorm and visuals like...

Sand-blocked Corridor - Stargate: Atlantis, The Last Man. Compare to...

The real thing.

Under the orange-red illumination (that searing sun), a crew member (left) stands ready to fire away with a sandstorm blast.

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Bryan M. White
Bryan M. White

Hey Joe.

Thanks for the Atlantis pics. Last Man was my favorite episode. I love how the story is about what happened to everyone after Sheppard disappeared but in the end it comes down to the friendship between two people…

By the way, any news on the movie?

Also, you must seek revenge on Ashleigh. Ghost chili extract in something you bake… Or would that be too evil?

Best wishes, and best of luck… wink

Sincerely,
Bryan

sorrykb
sorrykb

I have to agree with you on the “cookies”, at least by appearance. But they still could be tasty.

And I’m with Ashleigh on the audio unpleasantness of colliding dinnerware. Although for me the far greater horror is metal forks scraped against plates — I cringe just thinking of it. (So of course my father always makes a concerted effort to torture me with this at family gatherings.) No torturing Ashleigh allowed, though — We wouldn’t want to risk you eyes. And we like Ashleigh.

Glad to hear the early reviews of your first draft are good. After all we’ve heard of the time and creative energy put towards this script, I expect the finished product will be nothing less than spectacular. smile

– KB

P.S. Will we get video of flamethrower??? oooooh
P.P.S. and totally unrelated — I’m working this week for the first time in almost a year. Hooray! It’s only temporary, but I have to say it feels great to actually be *earning* a paycheck instead of collecting unemployment. So, thanks Census 2010, from me and 700000 of my closest temporarily-employed friends! (Still waiting to hear back on results from interviews for more permanent work.)

Sean D.

Hey Joe!

I saw the recent video on MGM of the tour of Destiny with James Robbins and wanted to say I really enjoyed that video! I say thank you to James for that, and the back stage part was cool too. Let’s have more of those videos! grin Maybe one of the Space aliens’ space ship?

Sean D.

Gilder
Gilder

@Das: Received word of a new Meetup group in my area, thought you might be interested.
http://www.meetup.com/Wraith-Anomaly-Research-Society/?gj=wg2_ej1b

What’s that you say? It’s not about The Wraith, just about wraith in general?

Sorry about that, Chief.

Gilder
Gilder

Congrats to sorrykb!

Good news here. Biennial visit with orthopedist today. Back pain of last week resolved with careful self-treatment, no new problems shown on X-Ray. I can relax about air travel, hooray!

Debra
Debra

I don’t get your whining. I mean if she had just CLAWED YOUR EYES OUT, okay. But she was kind and considerate enough to warn you. WTH else do you want. Put on your big boy panties and move on already. Ashleigh rules. smile

Morjana

Hi, Joe.

Two videos of Ming Na online from today’s press junket in NYC.

Today Show

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/36961466%2336961466#36961466

Associated Press

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NcoRYYcCgI

BOTH videos feature scenes from this week’s episode, ‘Sabotage.’

Thank YOU for the behind the scenes photos and videos from SGA’s ‘The Last Man.’ A marvelous episode.

smile

jojo
jojo

Joe, how kind of you to offer to help Ashleigh with her garbage problems. Offering to take those globs of chocolate/peanut butter stuff off her hands is just so thoughtful of you. And then when you seranade her with the only musical instruments you have, the fork and knife, which in many cultures are musical instruments, she got all huffy with you! How ungrateful can she be? Joe, the kind, thoughtful man, helping her with the garbage and then playing music for her and she gets all mad about it. Well, she has shown her true colors in this episode. (jk)

Kymm
Kymm

So just to clarify, you are telling Ashleigh, that if she doesn’t do/say what you want, you will tattle on her on your blog. Niiiiice!!

Mr. Joseph Mallozzi, I think someone needs to take a good look in the mirror and do a little soul searching (if you have one) and question oneself as to why one feels the need to pick on a poor, innocent, defenseless, fine, upstanding young woman. It must be hell for her to wake up in the morning to know that she will be subjected to your pranks ALL DAY LONG. I mean she does absolutely nothing to deserve such abuse. She even brings you in baked goods for goodness sakes, in a vain attempt to try and appease you. She just wants to make you happy and for the torment to stop, dear gawd, for the torment to stop. All you do is hoard them for yourself. I know you were taught how to share as a child? So what happened? You should be ashamed, very ashamed….. You’re gonna make her have to go into therapy or something. I’m thinkin’ lawsuit and luckily you have been kind enough to document your actions towards her on the blog. So prosecution should be relatively easy.

I think someone needs to bring Ashleigh in some of HIS own homemade baked goods, as a way of perhaps making amends (and avoid a long drawn out lawsuit)…. And they better be vegan…… Just sayin’

Have a good one!!
Kymm

*tee hee snort*

JulieAloha
JulieAloha

Goodness, I hardly think eye clawing is called for. Perhaps it’s a good thing Ashleigh isn’t a carnivore!

Thanks for the vids of Flanigan torture – did they really use polenta?

@kb: Way to go! Just hang in there – it’s gotta get better when it can’t get worse.

wink Julie

crayonbaby
crayonbaby

Flamethrower?

Just because the cookies don’t look that great doesn’t mean they don’t taste great. She did kinda throw you under the bus though. What, no pics of Carl’s sad face? Are they going to make you bake some cookies too?

You do have to admit that Ashleigh’s presence in the office has made it a tad bit more interesting. And funny for us.

Logan
Logan

Ashleigh’s the best. She bakes cookies and claws out eyes. A true renaissance woman. What a catch!

belouchi
belouchi

A repost my friend in case tonight is mailbag night:

1. Will it be revealed how fast Destiny travels ?
2.how many galaxies its traveled prior to the arrival of the icarus team?
3. You guys should start naming them galaxies at the rate Destiny is travellong through

thanks

Kymm
Kymm

Finally!

A cute picture of Lulu (Dog Twitter). Usually her photos make her look rather…. ‘unfortunate.’

She looks a little worried but is such a little sweetie!

Kymm

annie from Fremantle
annie from Fremantle

hmm that lump could have passed off for what my son stood in yesterday which stunk the car out…

Naughty Ashleigh.. we gotta come up with some (non blog posted) revenge.. it’s a dish best served cold.. and with big ouchy spikes.

Jovanna
Jovanna

At least the lumpy stuff still tastes good. Reminds me of when I try to make brownies and the centre never cooks through and ends up a sticky lot of mush. I’m still working on inventing something that looks yummy, but the insides are something else (even more yummy)… but I’d satisfy for something that looks ugly but tastes great. It’s still food.

Bailey
Bailey

Thanks for The Last Man photos and videos! Love seeing the behind the scenes stuff!

dave198421
dave198421

Joe,
you have made my day. that was brilliant.
thank you so much.
if you ever have time for more smile pls post.
thanks
dave

lexxye
lexxye

It’s a COOKIE! Bad Carl! Go Ashleigh and sorry I spelled your name wrong yesterday.

Jovanna
Jovanna

You know the blueberry aliens… do you think their staple food would be something similar to blueberries? There’s gotta be some reason why they be blue and kinda see through.

gforce
gforce

Sigh. The Pain of Being Ashleigh. Poor girl tries her best and get nothin’ but grief. wink To her credit, she didn’t actually threaten to stab your eyes out with the very knife you were making the noise with, although that would have a certain ironic “twist”, I suppose.

Great pics from Atlantis. I miss it so. But then, “Sabotage” is on tomorrow!!

chevron7

dasNdanger said:

@ Chev – When I hear ‘blueberry aliens’, all I can think of is Violet Beauregarde from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Oh, great. Now I have an Oompa Loompa song stuck in my head.

Hahaha…nice one….quick start singing “It’s a Small World”.

Cheers, Chev

chevron7

Thanks for the SGA love…..awesome pix and videos….that Joe Flanigan is something isn’t he? smile I loved the way the McKay & Sheppard friendship developed.

I hope to see a similar thing between Eli and Scott.

Now it may be a stupid question but how did they get the sand in the corridor..some sort of blower? Was wondering how they got no footprints on it…it looks undisturbed.

Cheers, Chev

chevron7

I remember the sadness when some scones I was baking for my aunt and uncle, who were visiting, didn’t rise sad

At least Ashleigh’s mess tasted better than my scones.

Cheers, Chev

chevron7

Congrats on the early reviews of your first draft…were you worried? Do you bake something nice to take into the notes session to put people in a good mood?

Cheers, Chev