Empire Magazine has put together their voter-generated list of the Top 10 Worst Movies of All Time.  Leading the pack by a wide margin was Batman and Robin, outdistancing runner up Battlefield Earth which, quite frankly, would have gotten my vote.  You can check out the entire rundown here: http://ca.movies.yahoo.com/news/movies.reuters.com/worst-movies-all-time-led-clooneys-batman-reuters.  Of course, whenever someone puts together one of these lists, the same questions always arise: Is it possible to generate a list of this nature using purely objective parameters?  What constitutes a “bad film”?  How come Showgirls didn’t make the list?  Check the Terrible Ten according to Empire, then come back here and give me your list.  Mine would certainly include Battlefield Earth and The Happening, but would also find room for the aforementioned Showgirls, Barb Wire, Color of Night, Boxing Helena, 88 Minutes, Meet the Fockers, Howard the Duck, and Caddyshack II.  In all fairness, I’m sure there are worse films out there but I’ve obviously limited my selections to movie’s I’ve actually seen – and those that have left the most recent/painful marks on my fragile psyche.

What’s worse than getting caught surfing the net for porn at work?  Getting caught surfing the net for porn at work – on live television: http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE6124J020100203?feedType=RSS&feedName=oddlyEnoughNews&rpc=22&sp=true (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Bj82KZPRvE).

Whew!  Looks like we dodged that whole Global Warming thing and the world can finally breathe a sigh of relief.  Wait.  Not so fast...http://www.cracked.com/article_18387_5-ways-world-could-end-youd-never-see-coming.html

Superbowl contenders hoping to avoid an 11th hour playoff: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/saints_colts_hoping_to_resolve

Too cool.  16 anti-theft gadgets and designs to deter thieves: http://www.walyou.com/blog/2009/12/29/anti-theft-gadgets/.  Put me down for a couple of anti-theft lunch bags.

I’m looking into a vacation home: http://oddee.com/item_96912.aspx

51 thoughts on “February 3, 2010: News of Note!

  1. The ‘Worst Movie List’ fails – simple as that. Fails…utterly and completely.

    Why?

    Because everyone who has a brain in their head knows – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that the worst movie of all time is… *drumroll*…

    Manos: The Hands of Fate.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%22Manos%22_The_Hands_of_Fate

    I have had the misfortune of watching this movie, and can testify first hand to its biblical proportioned suckitude. Even the indomitable wit of Tom Servo and Crow couldn’t save it…though it did force me to sit through the entire thing, even when I wanted to flail my arms and run, screaming into the street.

    Every human on the planet should be made to watch this movie, and then they will never, ever complain about another film ever again.

    das

  2. Cabin Fever has to be on the list. My skins falling off what should I do? I known I’ll shave my legs and have sex.

  3. crap. supervolcanos. We don’t even have a hyperdrive and shield capable Ancient ship to use to get off this rock

  4. Okie dokie – I’m wide awake. Hate when this happens. So, in an attempt to bore myself to sleep, I’ve compiled a list of the worst things to run out of when snowed in (excluding losing power, which is a given):

    1. Toilet paper

    2. Medication

    3. Alcohol

    4. Chocolate

    5. Batteries

    6. Cat food

    7. Cat litter

    8. Munchie foods

    9. Reading material

    10. Patience

    I think if I have all of those things, I can handle a power failure. I think…

    das

  5. Ha, I saw something very similar when watching the local news a few years back. I had just pulled an all-nighter so I thought I was imagining it, but my roommate who was up for work and had slept a decent eight confirmed the weatherman was very upset about a certain video playing on his monitor. The audio was out and the picture went black for a good thirty seconds before he came back on as if nothing had happened.

  6. Can’t comment about the other movies, but I did enjoy Batman and have absolutely nothing good to say about Battlefield Earth.

    Bet the Christmas bomber (blow up plane over US/Detroit) wished he had a “brief safe.” LOL…not that it would have helped cause no one could see the “filthy undies” to avoid touching it while they tried to get him under control and put out the fire.

  7. Here is my list:

    1. Showgirls

    2. The Cat from Outer Space

    3. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

    4. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

    5. Star Trek IX: Insurrection

    6. The Ice Pirates

    7. Dune (1984 film, various versions)

    8. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

    9. Plan 9 from Outer Space

    10. Glen or Glenda

  8. I dunno – I loved “the Guru’ – a great film for when you just want mindless poo poo quips and sex jokes…

    Got me through my four hour flight..

    I reckon all the Police academy movies after #2 sequel would have made it to the list!

    hahah @ the banker who got busted checking out Miranda.. well what would you rather look at ? Numbers or a nice rack? Be honest…

  9. Thank god for that. Now I will know how to stop those pesky burglars from stealing my toothbrush each time they rob me. I’ll put it in my trusty electrical plug for safe keeping. So nice to know that the security people out there are thinking of these things =0)

  10. International times are confusing. I forget that America is on the wrong side of the world and one day behind.

    Since Stargate has made parodies of other sci-fi shows… I wonder, do they ever caricatured their own world (or their writers or producers or…)?

  11. Cheers for the links. I got so distracted then followed more links and now I’m two hours behind:) I have the attention span of a gnat LOL.

    BTW I pictured you in each of the tarted up homes and felt you’d be most comfortable in Batmans with the simpson house a close second.

    Now I’m outta here…

  12. Some questions for next mailbag:
    1) I was reading bonuses list for SGU 1.0 DVD on Amazon and I couldn´t find any deleted scenes. Does it mean, that there are no deleted scenes from episodes 4-10? (I expect, that the deleted scenes from pilot and Air III will be in extended version of Air)
    2) What´s the font used in SGU´s end credits?
    3) I remember, you talked about the first version of your Space´s script and it was too long. Where those scenes filmed for some possible extended version?
    4) Any new info about Brad Wright´s long script? Will it be divided into two episodes?

  13. I actually feel bad for that guy who was looking at the photos. I mean he’s probably uber embarassed and his wife is probably a little mad at him.

  14. Oops I pressed publish to soon.

    He probably would love to be stranded several billion lights years from home right now. Him and Rush. 🙂

  15. Objective parameters? There’s at least some factual ones:

    You fall asleep in the theater during the movie (w/o the “hard day’s night before” reason) or can’t resist zapping to other channels if it’s on TV. On DVD, you press “eject” before the end of chapter 4. And if your videoclub as a “satisfaction guaranteed” policy, you dare to make the effort of going back and ask for another movie free of charge.

    You feel robbed once outside the theater, this, even if you had a courtesy pass.

    You feel bad for professional movie critics, ethically forced to stay and watch the whole thing just in case the ending makes this total waste of time finally possibly whorted in the end while yourself ought to get out to make your point.

    More than 25% of the audience do the same once you left your own seat.

    You check your watch every hour to find out only 30 minutes or less have passed.

    Now, my subjective ones:

    The producers of a sci-fi movie felt the need to include a totally kitch love story.

    I spend more time searching for goofs than following the story.

    Every scenes switch you to a parralel story and the writer(s) needed or thought he needed more than 3 parralel stories to make his (their) point.

    The special effects were better than the story line.

    And generally speaking, you feel the need to commit a remake of a classic. Somehow, it became a classic for a good reason.

  16. My Top 10 Worst Movies of All Time (so far):

    10) Batman and Robin
    9) Highlander: The Source
    8) Robin Hood: Price of Thieves
    7) Crowley
    6) Gone in Sixty Seconds
    5) The Fog (2005)
    4) Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things (love to hate it)
    3) Highlander II: The Quickening
    2) The Happening
    1) Penny Dreadful

    I watch A LOT of low budget horror, and may of them would have made this list, but I tried to keep it mainstream.

  17. Hello.

    I’m probably going to get ripped apart for this but “Transformers” (the first one) ranks up there with “Escape from LA” as one of the worst movies ever. Personally, I liked the last Indy film. I liked the whole “Chariots of the Gods” story.

    Just out of curiousity, any new news on the SG1 and Atlantis films?

    Hope your mom s doing well in rehab.

    Sincerely,

    Bryan M. White

  18. Bad Timing, A Sensual Obsession. Art Garfunkel. Others liked it.. I’d rather be thrown in a pit with rats than watch again.
    LOL on the house.. batmans or the hobbits one Joe.. go for it. 🙂

  19. Hi Mr M!

    Re: The Oscars, was delighted that Up got a Best Pic nomination. I, like, Carl am a huge fan of this film.
    We here in Ireland are celebrating the nominations of Granny O Grim and The Secret of Kells amongst the 5 Irish people who got nominated.

    @PG15 : Not only do you put an argument together, you take the time to snark it up. Nice! If the whole Caltech thing doesn’t work out….I say look no further than The Bridge for employment? (or the White House???)

    Best to all

    S’n’T

  20. as the leading marzipan and almond dessert expert in the pastry world, i recommend that you….oh wait…i meant leading consumer 🙂 anyways, i think you’re right in that it should be verrry thin to have a chance for crisping. but at the same time, i don’t think marzipan is something that crisps very well… you might want to try adding some flour to give it some substance? i’ll ask the real expert (dominique) tomorrow.

  21. Das: sorry to hear about your friends. Yes, I can understand why you would shy away from gas appliances. I hope the storm front misses you guys!

    Loved some of the anti-theft devices. I saw the video of the computer porn on the news this morning. Too funny!

    Hubby watches Discovery channel and we’ve seen a lot of the mega super volcano videos. I hope I never see one in real life!

    As for movies, it’s like you stated, I can only judge the ones I’ve seen. It’s so subjective, also. I would agree all those bad ones you stated but what about the space clown movie? “Clowns from Outer Space” or something.

  22. Did Joey forgetsies about us??

    🙂

    Snow forecast update – only 3-6″ for us, if we get the rain/snow mix they are predicting. Now worries for me, then…it’ll just be a slushy mess for a few days.

    Have a good one, Joe…and everyone!

    das

  23. Hi ! ça va ? Moi moyen, 3ème jours dans vraiment dormir…je suis exténué, je n’ai sais pas pourquoi je n’arrive plus à m’endormir….

    Merci pour tout ces liens!^^ j’adore celle des maison de vacances, certaines sont très ressemblante^^!

    Aller gros bisou!
    A plus!

  24. In no particular order:

    Battlefield Earth
    The Postman
    Van Helsing
    Speed 2
    Duplicity
    Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan…
    The Matrix – Reloaded & Revolutions

    Luckily, I’ve not seen many of the movies on the lists that I’ve seen. I try to find the fun or entertainment in movies that I do see and while I laugh at the rediculousness of a movie – I can still be entertained (sometimes).

    Thanks, that was fun!
    Nolalib

  25. Joe, I see the Spurs go up against the Pistons on Feb. 21 at Detroit. Seeing as that’s the last day of San Antonio’s three-week “Rodeo Road Trip”, are you up for a bet? I’ll put up a dapper, hand-crocheted winter scarf in Pistons colors.

    Why “Rodeo Road Trip”? Because the SA Stock Show & Rodeo opens today at the Spurs’ home venue.

  26. Dang. A few of those end of the world scenarios were new even to me. Though the gulf stream petering out isn’t quite so bad. Sure, most of mankind would die. But there would be survivors. Now, some of the other disasters, ouchies. That’s all right though. Plenty of other ways for the world to end. Check out Phil Plaitt’s “Death from the Skies” sometime for a look at such cataclysms from an astronomical perspective.
    As for worst movies, jeez, not including all the MST3K candidates…I nominate Matrix. Sure, it was visually compelling and revolutionary. But the bitch slap to my intellegence at the end of the flick was so hard I’ve yet to watch the sequels. I can forgive B movies such flagrant disregard of certain basic science, but not a big budget flick. For Melkor’s sake, how much more does it cost to get a science consultant to give you a semi plausible out? Certainly the Stargate franchise has always tried to avoid pushing our credulity over the limit.
    A couple of decades ago there was a movie called “Barbarians”. Saw it at the theater, and was convulsed with laughter throughout. Luckily not a lot of people in the theater, as I was wheezing, crying, and utterly incapbable of moving other than to gasp once again. Then there is “Gor”, allegedly adapted from John Norman’s series. The props and Fx are enough to make the original Dr. Who stuff look like 21st century state of the art effects in comparison. And so many other truly horrible flicks. I’d throw in Reefer Madness for another classic. A scare flick done so overboard that it is now high camp. Geez. The more I think on it the more I realize I couldn’t begin to come up with a top ten list. Though Battlefield Earth will be in there somewhere.
    Thanks for the entertaining sites. So many worthy places online, so little time.

  27. Worst movies. Sure, movies like Plan 9, and Manos, are bad, but they were never really intended to be good. No reasonable person would really expect much. (Altho, the MST3K of Manos is my favorite MST of all!)

    I’ve limited my list to movies that should have been good – movies that had high expectation, had a budget, had real actors, real screenwriters, real directors, and like Joe said, left me scarred. I also limited my list to movies actually seen, so abominations like Norbit and Gigli and Battlefield Earth aren’t here.

    In order of my own suck-a-tude meter:

    All 3 recent Star Wars – Episodes I through III
    Eyes Wide Shut
    Crash
    Star Trek V – Final Frontier
    Miracle Mile
    Godfather, Part 3
    16 Candles
    Signs
    Dune
    Ishtar
    Volcano

  28. A bad film doesn’t hit all the right beats. What are the right beats? Look up the Blake Snyder beat sheet. Formulaic? All the way to the bank, Baby. There’s never been a film that made a boatload of money that didn’t hit those beats.

    After hitting the beats, there are specific mistakes that will cause a film to flop, but hitting the right beats limits the mistakes that can be made.

  29. Hi Joe!

    Making me relive the pain of terrible movies? AAAGH! How dare you!! You should turn this blog over to a writer with kinder intentions!!!

    Oh wait. I like it here. Never mind!

    Das is right about Manos: The Hand of Fate (translation Hands: The Hand of Fate). Truly awful, awful, awful.

    Here are some more in no particular order of pain.

    1. Batman and Robin

    2. Highlander 2: The Quickening

    3. Highlander 3: Whatever the Hell It Was Called

    4. Queen of the Damned (ruined a totally awesome book)

    5a. Ishtar

    5b. Ishtar (yup, so bad it had to be listed twice)

    6. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

    7. The Godfather, Part 3

    8. Robot Monster

    9. The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?

    10. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (2005)

    I want all of those hours back, you evil bastards!

    @ Tammy Dixon – Are you thinking of Killer Klowns from Outer Space?

    eddy

  30. The problem with the idea of “worst movies” is that there are so many to choose from. And, you also have to separate the “movies-that-are-so-bad-they’re-funny” ala Rifftrax from the ones that are really, undeniably stinky.

    I am like JimfromJersey – I watch all sorts of low budget scifi and horror movies (no Slasher films though). I get a kick out of things like that. Lots of baddies to choose from there.

    So, I don’t keep a “worst movies” list in my head anymore but I do remember my favorite scenes in certain movies that make me laugh every time I see them. The following is a link to my all time favorite scene from Deep Blue Sea where Samuel L. Jackson dies.

  31. Bonjour Joseph, comment allez-vous ? Je passe juste pour vous passer le bonjour de la France mais aussi pour autre chose.

    Deux question pour le Mailbag:
    1-La navette du Destiny va-t-elle être de nouveau utilisée dans la saison 1.

    2-Pourquoi manque-t-il une navette au Destiny ?

  32. AV eddy: That’s it! “Killer Klowns from Outer Space”.

    I’ve never seen “The Hand of Fate”. I can’t imagine having to run screaming after seeing the movie though. I ended up sleeping through that Clown flick. No screaming involved.
    What about that Jessica Rabbit film? “Who Shot Rodger Rabbit”

  33. This is a tough one because of the division between “worst movies” and “movies I hate”. My most hated movie is “First Knight” with Connery and Gere, but I wouldn’t include it in the worst category (barely) like I would with “Batman and Robin”.

    And thanks to MST3K there are what seems like hundreds of terrible movies brought to my attention that I never would’ve noticed, much less poked out my eyes at. To which “Manos: the Hands of Fate” would certainly rank up there with “Santa Claus” (which is way worse than “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians”).

    Of course the question of whether or not we include ones like the Syfy movie of the week is a tough one too.

  34. Oh, Mr. M. which house are you looking at? The Barbie house looks like what I would imagine a Bordello or maybe, Paris Hilton’s digs to be.
    Like a true nerd, I would chose the Hobbit house.

  35. @Das If you haven’t already, you should try looking into Cinematic Titanic. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

  36. @ Dave D. – There is a difference between movies we hate, and movies that are just beyond terrible. That’s exactly why I think Manos is the worst. It’s unbearable to watch – the music is grating, the actors are…comatose…and the plot? What plot?! It’s just BAD.

    However, there are ‘bad’ movies that I love – Ed Wood movies, for instance. They might be bad productions, but there is something entertaining about them in a cult classic kind of way. In fact, I have a few favorites from MST3K – movies I’ve really enjoyed for their sheer cheesiness, and not just because of the running commentary.

    For the record, Dances With Wolves would rank up there on the worst movie list for me. It was supposed to give this great insight into Native American culture, and all it basically did was show that they have sex, and that white people like to kill animals. Terrible movie – Little Big Man is a thousand times better!

    So, it is really all based on personal taste and what have you. Hubby LOVES The Postman, watches it whenever it’s on. He loves the first Dune movie, too. And I have thoroughly enjoyed every Star Trek movie ever made, though I see many have made ‘worst lists’ here.

    ACKACKACK!!!!

    Guess what I just heard – we’re not under a winter storm warning anymore – but a BLIZZARD warning, with 50+ mph winds! ACK!! I better get all the blankets out of storage, just in case! (The crappy thing is that Mr. Das has to work on Sunday – if he can get to work. The storm starts Friday afternoon, and they’ve offered him a room for Saturday night. I could go and get snowed in with him in the big, old hotel…

    😀

    🙂

    😐

    😕

    …and NOT try to think of The Shining, or I can stay home and take care of the cats. Our old lady kitty is on her last legs, I’m not sure I’d feel right just leaving her right now…not the way she is. So, either I stay home alone through the blizzard with the cats, or abandon the cats and stay in the hotel. I HATE these kinds of decisions! No fair!

    Better run – gotta stop at the store now… 😛

    das

  37. I can’t agree with all of those movies, a visit to netflix and you will find movies a million times worse then those. Snakes on a plane should be on the list if only for its title.

    Speaking of, any movie including Shia Labeouf should be on the list.

    In the end I suppose it is all in the eye of the beholder, not everyone will like the same thing, or even dislike the same thing.

    Any plans to cast Kelly Hu for a guest spot in season two?

  38. Okay – There are plenty of bad movies to choose from but I will keep it to main stream movies.

    1. Grease 2
    2. Son of Mask
    3. Planet of the Apes remake (special effects were good though)
    4. Catwoman (c’mon this was worse than battlefield 2)
    5. Howard the Duck (embarrassing!)
    6. The Love Guru
    7. Road House
    8. Ishtar
    9. The Beverly Hillbiliies (1993 version)
    10. Rhinestone (so bad so bad so bad)

  39. Every time you link to cracked.com, I stay on that site WAY too long and my children go hungry — at least I think they do. How would I know?

  40. G’day Joe

    Worst movies does get crossed with most hated movies. Some of the movies on some peoples list I love. Like das I enjoyed all the Trek movies. I even liked Batman and Robin.
    So here is my list
    1984
    Titanic
    Austin Powers – all of them
    The Love Guru
    Howard the Duck
    Tropic Thunder
    Terminator 3
    Matrix – all of them

  41. Movies on my personal yucky list:

    First Knight (REALLY bad)
    Moulin Rouge
    Rob Roy (the only movie I’ve ever walked out of)
    Joe vs the Volcano
    Showgirls (although it’s so bad it’s funny)
    The Lake House
    Star Wars I, II, and III

  42. There are two movies that immediately spring to mind when thinking about the worst movies of all time, and they are Alexander and Where The Wild Things Are. I saw both of these movies at the cinema. I gave my own running commentary of Alexander while at the cinema and no one minded it was that bad. Where The Wild Things Are seems to me to be about a young boy who definately needs professional help and isn’t getting it. I was disgusted and disturbed by what I saw there.

    While talking about movies, I just want to slip in my all time favourite movie experience. I went to see Lord of the Rings: Return of the King at the drive in movies with a car full of friends (we were about 17/18 at the time), and when it got to the part when Arwen starts making out with Aragon at the end I yelled out, “She’s attacking the King!” and made many strangers laugh. I love the anonymity of a dark, crowded public place!

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