For a while now, I’ve been following a fairly rigorous diet and exercise regimen (cardio on even days, circuit training on odd days, five daily mini meals made up of lean proteins, fruit, veggies, and grains), all in a bid to get into the best shape possible prior to my annual Tokyo Culinary Extravaganza – during which it will no doubt take all of two weeks to undo what it has taken me months to achieve. So why do I am I doing it? Is it to look better? Get healthier? Test my resolve? No, actually, I’m doing it because I want to make sure I fit into my suits before I board that Japan-bound flight. I figure I’ll be good for that first week after which I can just invest in a pair of stretchy pants and spend the remainder of my stay strolling through Tokyo in loutishly touristic fashion.
Of course the secret to getting into shape isn’t simply a matter of eating right and working out. Diversity is the key in both diet and exercise. Especially exercise where, after the first few weeks of gains, your body grows accustomed to the routine you’ve set up. You need to mix things up, look for alternate ways of challenging yourself. I like to do this by checking out what seems to work well for others. I mean, sure, there are thousands of books and sites that will tell you what works, but can you really trust them? Did those models really get that ripped and toned following their advice? Maybe. And then again, maybe not. In the end, you can take a gamble and test the advice (after all, the only thing you have to lose is time) or you can look at building your own work-out and diet plan based on the success of an individual you know, someone who isn’t a model yet has realized that ripped, toned look you want to achieve, someone you know for a fact hasn’t cheated in order to attain their remarkable physique.
Well, there are several such individuals in my life, but one is the best by far, boasting the most incredible traps, killer delts, unbelievable glutes, vertical leaping ability easily twice her height, and an overall physical conditioning that would make even the best pro athletes envious. I refer, of course to THIS individual:
Her body fat count is low that it won’t even register. And she makes it look so easy.
So what is her secret? To what does she owe her exceptional physique. Well, unfortunately, I can’t ask her. But I can study her, analyze her daily routine, and extrapolate my own diet and work-out regimen based on these findings. Move over Crossfit. Stand aside Body For Life. I give you…The Lulu Plan –
1. Take your time getting out of bed in the morning. Rest, and lots of it, is one of the most important elements of this program.
2. Start the day off with a breath of fresh air and a few simple stretching exercises. Examples provided below.
3. Eat two meals a day, morning and night, but make sure they’re protein rich (beef, chicken, venison, turkey, rabbit, and salmon are great choices). Also, ensure you keep your metabolism primed by eating as quickly as humanly possible, wolfing down portions as large as your mouth will allow. Chewing is optional.
4. Keep well hydrated by drinking plenty of liquids throughout the day. Stick to water, either tap, bottled, or backyard puddle.
5. Nap constantly. Resting ensures proper muscle repair and leads to bigger and better gains.
6. Rather than pursuing long, sustained aerobic exercises, engage in quick but intense bursts of physical activity be it charging around the house at breakneck peed, jumping on and off the couch, chasing a ball, or playing keep-away with a colleague’s monkey.
7. Did you remember to rest? Again, I cannot do enough to emphasize the importance of the occasional siesta. Aim for 3-4. An hour.
8. Maintain that devil-may-care attitude. You’re only young once? Who says?! You’ll feel young if you act young, and what better way to act young than by maintaining a mischievous outlook. Hide one of your boss’s shoes! Gnaw on a piece of furniture! Take a dump in the laundry room! In short – embrace spontaneity. Be a kid again!
9. Don’t keep things bottled up inside. Express yourself. Unhappy with somebody? Someone taking too long serving dinner? Well, let them know!
10. Ensure yourself a comfortable and restful night’s sleep by staking a spot in the middle of the mattress, stretching out, and not moving, despite the protests of anyone you happen to be sharing the bed with. If they take it upon themselves to move you physically, then respond in kind by snoring loudly, walking around in the middle of the night, or using their head for a pillow.
Anyway, let me know how it works out. Please stick with it for at least three months, making sure to take Before and After snapshots to accompany your positive testimonials. I may use them for the forthcoming book and dedicated website.
Today’s blog entry is dedicated to birthday gal Susan the tartan turtle.
Mailbag:
Jeff writes: “Why was the decision made to release the the priemiere episodes exclusively to the press (prior to the actual priemiere date) with a really cool looking cover where the Chevrons actually light up?
Considering that the shows producers have credited the series success to the fan base don’t you this may make some fans mad?”
Answer: Any fans who would be mad because they didn’t get press kits have no real sense of how the industry works. It’s the equivalent of fans being angry because, unlike the producers, they don’t get to watch the various directors’ cuts. Press kits are forwarded to various media outlets in order to engender (hopefully) positive buzz in advance of the premiere. Yes, they’re incredibly cool. Hats off to SyFy for producing them.
MaggieMayDay writes: “So, Joe, if you developed such a sensitivity, would it deter you from eating your favorite foods?”
Answer: I don’t know. It would depend on the food – and the reaction. If the food was strawberries, for instance, I could do without, but chocolate is entirely another matter. Furthermore, if it was simply a matter of the occasional itchy, watery eyes, I could brave it. On the other hand, if I turned lobster red from head to toe, that may give me pause.
2Cats writes: “Well, I’m off to start day 1 on my new job. Wish me luck?”
Answer: Good luck!
Ccdsah writes: “Hi Joe, someone who has seen “Air” said there are some pics in Jack’s office. Of Sara O’Neill? Seriously? Can you confirm or deny? If it’s really true I consider this just another frak you to the shippers.”
Answer: I can neither confirm nor deny. But if it is the case, then, yes, that was the intention all along. I know it seems like a lot of trouble to go to in order to sleight a specific section of fandom, but that’s just the type of guy our props master is (very anti-shipper!).
Ccdsah also writes: “BTW I thought (from the Trio cut scene) that Jack was supposed to retire? How come he gets promoted? Do you really think making Jack general and especially having him get a deskjob at Pentagon in season 9 was in-character for Jack?”
Answer: As you pointed out, the scene you’re referring to didn’t make the cut so there’s no point in using it as reference. As for a desk job being out of character for Jack – that’s what everyone thought when he assumed the command position at the SGC yet he availed himself quite nicely.
Chevron7 writes: “Re: Ashleigh – I’m still none the wiser. What was gonna happen if you didn’t apologise? Was she gonna superglue your desk drawer or something?”
Answer: See, that’s just it. I have no idea what she’s capable of. Just look at her crazy eyes and tell me I’m not overreacting…
DasNdanger writes: “Had I known you were doing a mailbag (you really should warn us), I would have asked you about your comic book project.
I’ll ask anyway…
If and when you get a definite go on it, will you be able to share what publisher will be handling it, and what the basic scenario will be? And how soon before you know what artist will be put on it?
And if it falls through, will you try to pitch it to another publisher?
Oh. And any angsty albinos in it???!”
Answer: I’ll be able to offer up specifics with regard to story and publisher once the deal has been finalized. We had our final pre-deal conference call on Thursday and it went very well. We talked long-range plans, creative, and, of course, art. Once everyone has signed on the dotted line, I have a feeling that things will happen very quickly.
Carl Binder writes: “I never said Rooter.”
Answer: Really? I’m pretty sure I heard “rooter” from someone. I guess I just assumed it was you because it sounded like something you’d say.
Kevin Roberts writes: “ya know, I have read and watched alot from all types of people in the filming industry and I’ve found that people in television etc, do not watch much of anything on tv and people in movies etc don’t watch movies that often. Is there any real answer to why this is or atleast seems that way?”
Answer: I guess I’d liken it to a magician not checking out the shows of fellow magicians. Ultimately, our magician knows how the tricks are done and, quite often, that can detract from the viewing experience. Trust me, there’s nothing more irritating than watching a t.v. show with a television writer or going to see a movie with a screenwriter as they’ll analyze and dissect every aspect of what they’re seeing. Occasionally, however, there are certain magicians who put on one heck of a show and you can’t help but check ‘em out. In my case, it’s Larry David, David Shore, and the gang who make The Office and 30 Rock happen.
Winst writes: “A certain music business rumor mill is saying that
the song linked to down below will somehow end up
being “attached” in some way to the SGU production.”
Answer: That’s news to me.
Elminster writes: “BTW how goes the computer problems?”
TEAL’C_PI writes: “It’s about something I spotted in your IMDb page. It says that you contributed ‘additional music’ to an episode of The Busy World of Richard Scarry; I of course know that you’re a writer-producer and not a musician, so…what exactly was it that you contributed?”
Answer: No idea what that’s in reference to. Interestingly enough, Paul and I have yet to be credited for the lyrics to the Stargate: SG-1 theme song. Go figure.
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