Ashleigh and I in "No Laughing Matter".
Ashleigh and I in “No Laughing Matter”.

Today being April 1st, I felt I would be remiss if I didn’t play some sort of practical joke. Specifically, some sort of practical joke on the new office Executive Producer’s Assistant, Ashleigh. So the first thing I did when I got in this morning was send Ashleigh a request from the studio:

Hello Ashleigh,

Janet Przyjaciół here from MGM. Someone in the production offices suggested I get in touch with you regarding this matter.

The studio is planning a retrospective of long-time stage actor Theodore Wilson who passed away last month. Apparently, he appeared in two Stargate episodes and we would like to include scenes from these episodes in the retrospective. Unfortunately, I don’t have the titles. I would appreciate your help on this matter.



Note the unpronounceable last name chosen to discourage any potential follow up phone calls to the studio (“Hi, yes, I’d like to speak to Janet Przzz…Pryzzzzz….Prrrzzzyeeehakkeeole?”). About an hour later, my phony email account received the following response:

Hi Janet,

I have checked IMDB and Gateworld and cannot find him on the site; I chatted with Lawren and he said that we don’t keep a database of past actors and their respective episodes. The only other thing I can suggest is getting in contact with his agent. Once you come across the episode titles, we would be more than happy to supply you with the DVD’s. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.



Hunh. The prospect of seeing her spend the entire afternoon in the writer’s room, going through every cast list of every script dissolved away. Disappointed, I had Janet write back:

Hi Ashleigh,

I appreciate the quick response. Unfortunately, we don’t have access to a database either.

Theodore was represented by his wife Elizabeth (xxx). Drop her an email and I’m sure she’ll be able to help.

Thanks again,


I waited. And waited. Had lunch. Waited some more. Deciding she needed a little prodding, I had the late Theodore’s wife contact her:

Hello Dear,

Someone from MGM Studios asked me to get in touch with you regarding my late husband, Theodore. It’s nice to hear he still has many fans out there. If you’re interested, he’ll be making his final convention appearance at the Collectormania Con in Burbank this weekend. I hope to see you there.



Success! Minutes later, Liz received the following response:

Hi Elizabeth,

Thank you for contacting me; I am the new Executive Producers’ Assistant for the new Stargate show, Universe. I was contacted by MGM regarding 2 episodes Theodore appeared in on one of our series for Stargate. We are unable to find the information anywhere and MGM would like to include his episode footage in a retrospective. Would you happen to know which episodes he was in? Once I have that information I can go from there and hand over the episodes to MGM.

Thank you,


Stargate? Really?! Liz was quick to respond:


You work for Stargate? Coincidentally, my late husband made several guest appearances on your show.

Small world.


Moments later, another emails from Ashleigh:

Hi Elizabeth,

Would you happen to know which episodes he appeared on?

Thank you


Which episodes….Which episodes…Let’s see…Liz wrote back:


I believe they were two episodes from the first series. He played the leader of an alien tribe called the Praktok(?). I recall that several years after the episode aired, we flew to Poland for a convention appearance only to be arrested as we were making our way through customs. It turned out the word, Praktok I believe it was, is a very offensive word in the Polish language. Would you happen to know who came up with the title and whether they were of Polish heritage?


And, seconds later, I followed up with:

P.S. Was that a yes to the Burbank convention?”

As I was about to hit “send”, Ashleigh walked into my office and asked me if I was familiar with an alien race from SG-1 called “the praktok”? “Pratok”? Hmmmm. I sat back, searching my mind. Praktok….Pratok… “Doesn’t really ring a bell,”I told her. “Are you sure it’s not tokra?” ”.

She threw me a suspicious look? Was I being serious?

“Of course,”I told her. “Why?”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you,”she said, “but – I don’t trust you.”

I told her I was hurt. Did she really think I would make up a name like tokra? No, the tokra were very real – but, unfortunately, they appeared in some fifty episodes. Ashleigh explained the situation: studio request, retrospective for deceased actor, 70 year old woman with faulty memory, her futile attempt to find any reference to the pratok or patrok on Gateworld or anywhere else online.

Yep, I suggested she go with tokra but, given the ten seasons we did, it was very possible we did introduce an alien race with a similar name. I wished her luck as she headed out. “Good luck!” I said.

I then followed up with yet another email:


This seventy-eight year old brain isn’t what it used to be but occasionally it still impresses. The episode titles suddenly came to me out of the blue while I was draining my dog’s anal glands: Victorious Climax and Memories of Yesteryear.

Also, it would be lovely to have you at the Burbank con. The man who usually helps me pack and unpack the corpse himself passed away earlier this week.


I casually strolled by Ashleigh’s office on the way to set. She sat at her desk, brow furrowed in consternation. But, on my way back twenty minute later, she had a huge smile on her face.

“Hey, what’s up?”I asked innocently, finding it almost impossible to keep a straight face.

“Nothing,”she knowingly replied. “Just sending off an email.”

“Who to?”I asked.

“Oh, no one.”.

“About those titles,”I said. “Sometimes, what happens is they translate the episode names into another language like, say, German – “

“I see,”she said. “So maybe I should translate the titles to German, then retranslate them back to English.”

“Yeah,”I agreed before heading off. “You should try that.”

I left her, still smiling, and returned to my office where I found the following email sitting in Liz’s inbox:

Hi Elizabeth,

Thank you for sending the titles. My executive producer, Joe Mallozzi has offered to sponsor me, so I have grabbed his card already and have booked my flight down to Burbank.

He is my favourite producer J

See you this weekend.



A bunch of us have plans to go out for dinner tonight. Ashleigh has already informed me that I’ll be picking up the bill. And, by the way, she’s sworn revenge.

I think I might work from home for the rest of the season.

97 thoughts on “Theodore Wilson’s Last Ride

  1. Ashleigh seems to fit in well – I hope that she enjoys her job. It was nice of you to help her settle in like this. 🙂

    It is now tomorrow already here. On reading the newspapers yesterday morning I was looking out for all the April Fools articles. The sad thing is that the world has become so bizarre that it was hard to find one story that was exceptionally absurd amongst the pages and pages of absurd articles.

    “Stop the world – I wanna get off”

  2. And, by the way, she’s sworn revenge.

    And you certainly deserve it. Did you at least ask her how she twigged to your con?

  3. Hi Joe, I about peed my pants with this one 🙂 I hope she gets the most expensive item on the menu, times 2.

    @Ashleigh: Well done! Next time, book some tickets to Hawaii.

  4. Hilarious! You’re lucky Ashleigh hasn’t followed your blog in past years, or the jig would have been up a lot sooner. But she has a good head on her shoulders. I hope she orders a 9 course meal, with violinist and appropriate wines with each course. She might as well torture you properly. Are you the only person at Bridge who got into the spirit of the day? Or mayhap you were the victim of someone else’s doings? Anyways, today is my dad’s birthday; he’s a walking medical miracle and a big fan of the Stargate franchise. I’ve already told him he’s going to hang in another couple of dozen years while you folks keep putting out quality episodes. On that note, isn’t it time for you to get back to the real work? And thanks for the laugh I got out of todays post.

  5. Joe, you left out how she picked up on the joke! What typed her off? The dog reference?

  6. That is so much better than the practical joke we were thinking of playing on our boss’s boss. I now work at a bank and we were going to tell Gail that the vault was short $36,000.00 (USD) and that we couldn’t figure out what had happened but that we didn’t have time to search for it because the stretch humvee limo was waiting to take us to Vegas. Charlie had to ruin it yesterday because she told Gail what we were planning. It was the best thing we could come up with given the circumstances surrounding the banks in America right now. Charlie said that even after we would explain that is was a joke, we’d still be fired, even though Gail was laughing when Charlie was explaining it to her.

    Sounds like Ashleigh’s going to fit right in there at Stargate. And please let us know what she does to get you back.

  7. Joe, Joe, Joe…you are just so deliciously EVIL! 😆 But I can’t wait for Ashleigh to get her paybacks! 😈

    @ ytimynona – Yes – Gibbs just makes the show (although I must admit that Abby is my fav, then McGeek, then Gibbs…but they are all really close).

    What I’m really liking is the whole Todd/Shep vibe between Kort and Gibbs. The deal-making, the shaky trust, the secrets…it’s a great relationship. I just don’t expect Kort to survive too long, though…mainly because I really like the slippery li’l bastard! Seems all the great characters don’t last too long…

    @ AMBER – If you’re reading this – yes, I saw your reply and replied back. Stinker. 😉


  8. Haha, nice. Though I’m a bit surprised she didn’t catch on at the mention of a dead guy attending a con.

  9. -laughs- Ah, Ashleigh…I like her already! And yeah, Joe, working from home for awhile is likely a very good idea, you’re safer there.

  10. Awesome! I’m glad to see she was a good sport about it. My favorite prank today was helping convince my coworkers in a callcenter that we were going to have to start wearing uniforms. Ah, the panic that ensued!! Too bad I wasn’t there for the reveal, but I’ll find out tomorrow.

  11. You are wicked. You better watch out Joe. Ashleigh seems pretty quick on her feet. I would have smelled a rat once you started talking dogs and anal glands.

  12. What the heck? Were those the episode titles for all of SGU season 1 on the board behind Carl? The most interesting one is “Death of T.C”. Hmmm.

  13. Nice. I wanted to prank my friends, but I suppose I’d have to have friends to prank first. Then again, I could always prank random people. That could be fun. I can see the headlines now: “April Fool’s Day Prank Gone Horribly Awry. Details at 11.” And then they’ll launch into an hour-long news story about how a college student thought it would be funny to prank her professor, maybe by finding his/her address and hanging a … well, never mind. Needless to say, I’d never do anything nearly that interesting.

  14. Practical Jokes = Recipe for disaster.

    Have I taught you nothing about Karma Joe?
    And messing with a woman? Are you insane?!
    You could die an early death just waiting for the payback!

    A friend thought it would be funny to log into his best mate’s FaceBook and post his status as Engaged. His mate’s girlfriend saw, got all excited, boyfriend had to explain. They’re taking a break for a while.

    My ex’s football team were 365 days a year, 24/7 practical jokers. I lived on edge. One of the final jokes before I departed involved one of their star players, a towel and the contents of some of the hottest chillies available from the local Vietnamese restaurant. The players thought he would just wipe his face, feel some heat and realise. Turned out his crotch was a little sweaty so he’d start with that…

    I gave the player the Indian name of “Man With Flaming Nuts”.

    Another time we woke up to find his car on bricks. He rang every player to see who was responsible and demanded his expensive wheels back. Turns out they’d really been stolen. Calling every player ensured there was a crowd pointing and laughing within no time at all.

    See, creates a bad work environment.

    Also For the Love of Beckett will be away for a while. She’s working like a crazy person and has some surgery scheduled for this month. She wanted to say “Hi” to everyone and will return at the start of your Summer.

  15. Are those titles on the whiteboard? Do they leave any true hint as to the nature of the episodes? (especially that last one :p )

  16. You know, Episode 20, “Reveal”, might just get you people killed. 😀

    Anne Teldy

  17. Hey Joe,

    It’s stories like these that make me glad I never had an older brother. One younger brother was plenty. 😛 You are pure EVIL! Hopefully Ashleigh is pure evil too! Mwahahahaaaa!


  18. I like the way Ashleigh thinks. Hopefully, she’ll execute the old adage well and keep you waiting, peering uncertainly around every corner, for the next few months while she plots her revenge. Please do let us know when it happens and describe it in great detail! 🙂

    Rumor has it Richard Dean Anderson is in Vancouver this week. Is he guest starring on SGU?

  19. Joe did you see the news? The soap opera “The Guiding Light” has been cancelled after 72 years! 72 years!!! Good Lord!!! Could you even imagine SGU going that long??

  20. I thought of something! Back in high school I managed to convince a friend that I slept with my eyes open and saw everything. It freaked her out. To be fair, she was pretty gullible to begin with. It was still really funny, especially the look on her face when I told her it was a joke. *sigh* Good times.

  21. Um, uh, Joe…? That pic of Brad has me concerned. He ‘s either annoyed with you taking his pic while eating or, could it be the reveal of those episode titles on the whiteboard behind Carl?
    The Destiny ride was all Virtual reality? Oh, COME ON!

    But wait! Carl’s expression also leads one to doubt they are “actual” episode titles. Carl’s grin is a bit devious, hm-m-m…? Perhaps someone jotted them down in hopes, we, the viewing public would comment? Eh?

    Man, you Canadians are a sneaky bunch… gotta love it!

    Good night from New Jersey,

  22. And teh white board behind Carl…that’s an April Fool’s joke too?

  23. Hilarious! That went on for quite a while…which means kudos to you…b/c our office’s April Fool’s day email was responded back in 2.2 seconds with HAHA April Fool’s, uh huh!

    Loved it – thanks for the laugh!

  24. Hi Joe!

    I suggest watching and having Carl taste any food or drink you have in the office for the next month or so. Ashleigh rocks revenge, it appears.

    Today is my mother-in-law’s birthday. She’s just recovering from surgery, so no jokes, eh? It’s too painful to laugh.



  25. Hi, Joe!

    Congratulations to Brad Wright and Robert C. Cooper for their ’09 Leo Awards Outstanding Achievement Award at:

    Congratulation to both Mr. Wright and Mr. Cooper – and Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis and Stargate: Universe!



  26. Choices, choices….Let’s see – Ashleigh at work or the white van looking for Stanley at home. hmmmmmm.
    You are a mischevious one. Ashleigh has your number and will take care of business. Check your six! Or, bring some pugs to work to charm her. lol….thanks for making my day!

  27. Looking at pic of Carl and “show titles” behind him.

    If you guys actually have eps named Forebearance, Nonplussed, and Sordid, I am really going to have to rethink my love of the SG ‘verse!! ;P\


  28. It’s been a while since I’ve read your blog, but here I am again. 🙂

    Ashleigh seems great!

  29. Brad has his “This is going on the blog, isn’t it?” face on! 😉

    Oh, I like Ashleigh. I like her a lot!!! She’s got a Stargate sense of humor indeed!

  30. @ Lisa S. – I partly agree with you about Bendis – but I also disagree very much with certain things you’ve said.

    When I first started reading comics, I didn’t pay attention to the creators at all…I didn’t know you were supposed to do that. 😛 I just read for the character. After a bit, I started to realize that this ‘Bendis’ guy appeared as writer on several stories I really enjoyed – especially his work on Ultimate X-Men, and then Secret War, House of M, and New Avengers.

    Now, granted, since I am relatively new to comics (just 3 years in) many of those I read after the fact in TPB, and maybe they do read better that way, I don’t know. But I read New Avengers (and now Dark Avengers) and I really love the character interaction and overall flow of the stories. He’s doing so much with Norman, and now…wow…FINALLY something with Sentry! That last DA ish was fantastic! They always leave me anticipating the next issue. I guess that’s how I see it – Bendis is good at slowly revealing the story over the long term, instead of giving everything in one issue, then running out of things to say (I’ve seen it happen!). Maybe the stories unfold slowly, but they’ve always left me eager for more.

    Still, I do sometimes have issues with smaller things – like some of the dialogue – or, more specifically, out-of-character dialogue. And then there’s the whole matter of Wolverine’s balls…or lack thereof (which, thankfully, Marvel as a whole has started to correct by bringing in writers like JASON AARON – now THERE’S a name for ya, Mallozzi! – to really re-define the guy).

    Of course, it’s all about personal tastes, and that’s always going to vary from person to person – there is no writer so perfect that he appeals to everyone, all the time. That said, I’d really like to touch on NA #35, and your comment about Bendis being misogynistic. Hell, I’m far more misogynistic than he is! Normally, I don’t care for female characters, and so when they take center stage, I really notice (because it usually annoys the crap out of me! 😆 ). But Bendis has managed to write his female characters in such a way that I actually can like some of them – respect them. They are not just bubbleheads for the male characters to play off of, but instead he has cast several female characters as his main players, and made them badass to boot! Jessica Jones and Jessica Drew have both out-shined the men on many an occasion, and his affection for Daisy Johnson in Secret War was quite evident. He has certainly portrayed many women as strong, powerful, likeable, and every bit as good as the boys.

    That said, we still have that thing between Tigra and the Hood. Yes, she was beaten to within an inch of her life by a guy. But much of the violence was implied – out of frame – which suggested to me that Bendis didn’t want to rejoice in her suffering as much as he wanted to show the lengths the Hood would go to in order to make his point. It was about defining him, not about victimizing her. ANY hero could have been put in that place, but it worked much better putting a female character in that situation because she is a more sympathetic character than, say…Wolverine…and as such it really helped establish what kind of first-rate bastard The Hood was. If you recall, in the issue just previous he had The Hood blast Wolverine’s entire package off, and that just made people laugh…’cause, ya know…it’s Wolverine and everyone wants to do stuff like that to him, just to knock the cocky little sucker down a peg or two.

    But the thing with Tigra – that wasn’t funny, that was sobering. It showed The Hood up for what he is. It had to be done that way to get the right message across, to have a truly sympathetic victim contrasted against a truly brutal villain. I don’t see it as being misogynistic at all, but just knowing how to use characters to effectively get the story across, to move the audience to feel or think a certain way.

    I know people have accused Bendis of treating women poorly in his books, but I have yet to see it. Instead, most of the women I see are strong-minded, determined women who won’t – and don’t – put up with any crap from the guys. Sure, some might get beaten up, or even killed, but -in my humble opinion – that just comes with the superhero territory.


  31. April Fools! Hah. Heh. Hm.

    I guess that prank would have worked better if more than two people had CARED that I had no internet.

    Your prank was more rewarding.


  32. Joe,
    I was watching the episode Promethius in the very begining there is a bldg #3823 is that bldg outside the studio or inside??is that where the producers,writers and directors work from?

  33. Ashleigh’s definitely a keeper–she’ll keep you guys in line! Our April’s Fools pranks started with a mandatory unit meeting that went so badly we have a follow-up meeting scheduled for Friday night, along with a change in the state requirements for accident reports that no one has been trained on yet. Unfortunately neither were actually pranks. I’m pretty sure I still have some frozen margaritas at home. I’m sooooo ready for them! 90 minutes to go…

  34. Expect a white van in your parking space…

    Your next waiter with the name tag Stanley…

    I **really** would check that credit card account…
    There’s this nice shopping mall not too far from the hotel…

    Check your favourite coffee cup BEFORE pouring anything into it…

    Oh, and your favourite “stall” for any hidden cameras/microphones, etc….

    BTW, has she met Fondy yet…? If so, Burbank is really nice this time of year!

  35. Yay Ashleigh!!

    I look forward to many revenge stories over the next year.

    You may have met your match.


  36. In the spirit of the day, a friend of this girl I work with was struck with the brilliant notion of calling her mother to inform her that she is not only pregnant but hasn’t a clue who the father is. Still waiting for the second part on that one.

    Good Times…

  37. Great Joke Joe. Please let us know what she does to get you back.

    As a joke I convinced a customer today that the male enhancement pile he was buying and has been buying for the past month was for women only and increased estrogen levels. It was awesome!!! Got him really going until he looked at the registrar displaying the date.

  38. green – There’s more people than that!
    I was going to say “Hope to see you soon” but then thought, “She has no internet connection, that’s pretty pointless”.

    I’m so gullible when it comes to realistic practical jokes. Strange things always happen to me so I just shrug my shoulders and go about trying to fix or deal with it.

    Such is life.

  39. Green – you’re a goof! I cared! I deeply cared. I would have missed your “Check.”s.

  40. Hazing for the newbie. How funny! I’ve been at the same job now for 20 years. They can’t do those things to me anymore.

  41. Laughed when I saw the episode titles so strategically placed, even before I clicked to embiggen.

    My mother had an impressive rant over the newspaper article about Hugh Hefner buying a mansion here in New Zealand… she didn’t even read the article but she definitely had an opinion.

    Oh, and did you hear about the L Word?

  42. Hey Joe,

    Did you mean to capture what looks like an prospective episode listing and/or beat sheet behind Carl?

    Are you messing with us? Of course you are – that’s what you do – but I mean, with the aforementioned pic .

  43. @das Sorry, but I disagree. Bendis was completely out of line with Hood/Tigra. That fight scene played out like rape. Every panel was over-sexualized with her overabundant breasts falling out of her ripped shirt. Plus she never fought back; just begged for her life. This is Tigra… she would have put up a fight…some sort of fight. Plus having it filmed and replayed for the other goons to drool over was plain sick. I know the whole point was to show that Hood was the new badass in town but Bendis went too far.

    I personally believe that Bendis is stretched too thin. I think he’s involved in too many projects and the writing suffers for it (and if I never hear the word Skrull again it’ll be too soon.)

  44. Joe,

    Can you please post more Stargate Universe concept art like you did a couple months ago? You konw the concept arts of the interior of the Destiny and so forth. It would be kind of cool to see the whole ship in its inception design or sketches.


  45. @Das: OMG!!!!! Guess who I just met! He’s tall and usually very pale. Have I got your attention? I got to talk to Big Foot aka Jack the Ripper aka Todd aka one Christopher Heyerdahl!!! Patricia Lee and I were talking to him and he’s just wonderful. 😀 Patricia Lee told him about you. Then I started to tell him about you. I said I told you to go to Shore Leave but you weren’t sure. I told him you are his biggest fan and that you’ve threatened Joe to not kill off Todd. (That made him smile.) Chris is personally inviting you to go to Shore Leave and meet him. He says you need to introduce yourself. He said, “Tell her to stop being silly and just come and meet me already. Or, actually, keep BEING silly and come and meet me. I’d love to meet her.”

    And there ya have it! You have got to meet this great actor! He’s so sweet. He told me he liked my hat. (I was wearing a beret.) And he gave me a really nice hug. 😀

    I hope you aren’t mad at me. I’m kinda glad you don’t where I live and that I’m across the North American continent right now. 😈 So… won’t you go meet him?

    @Green: Arghhhh!!!!! I so believed you! I was actually freaking out. You are such a brat. And the next time I see you expect the unexpected! 😛 I guess this means I can count on my Monthly Mumblings, then? 😀

  46. Triple LOL with cream and a cherry on top.

    I didn’t hear of many April Fools yesterday. But the article about Obama feeling depressed since the end of Battlestar Galactica was highly suspect……

  47. You are sooo EVIL!!!
    Unfortunately Ashleigh has to wait anoither year before she can she can fool you back.

    I was fooled too. But just soemthing small from my flatmate. He came into my room were I was sitting on my couch relaxing and asked me if it was my shirt that was lying in the bath room. Now knowing my other flatmate, I was sure that it was his but I was coaxed out of my comfortable position anyway to have a glance at the shirt…. which of course wasn’t there at all *lol*

  48. Hey there Mr M!

    Wow…Ashleigh is certainly tuned into the Stargate way of thinking! Hats off!

    What is that gold carriage clock (?) in the centre of the table????

    Also, gotta give it up for the Writer’s Room. You know, I always think Mr W looks like the Head Teacher, with Rob Cooper as Best Boy and Carl Binder as Class Prankster…..

    Finally, has Ashleigh been to Fuel yet?

    Best to all at The Bridge!


  49. AHAHA!! As we say in Aussieland… sucked in!!

    I just hope that the jus accompanying your rib eye steak doesn’t smell suspiciously like drainage from dog’s anal gland.

    “Prime ribeye steak, served with patate fritte, seasonal vegetable julienne and jus dranage ala carne ”

    Don’t let her order it for ya.

  50. Ahhhh!!! destiny is virtual reality! why did you have to spoil it for us!?

  51. That was great! I’m glad you guys have Ashleigh working for you. Keep us posted on the ‘revenge’ :D.

  52. LOL, too funny! Thank God my work place is not into that kind of humor. No practical jokes. Since we are family, I kind of only expected anything from my brother who happens to own the company, but alas, nothing. We kept him too busy to remember what day it was.

  53. Man, I gotta respect the effort that you went to Joe. Creating fake email accounts? That’s a classic. Although I think you need to send Ashleigh to a con. There is the one in Vancouver this week I believe. Did she really think that they would trot out a dead guy for a con appearance?

    The best prank played on me was a colleague who took a screen dump of my desktop, saved it as an image and then made it my desktop wallpaper. Then he removed some of the most used icons from the desktop. Drove me crazy wondering why some programs wouldn’t open. Ahh…. it’s a bit geeky but then so are we.

    If you haven’t already seen it, check out Prank Mike & the cardboard office. It’s hilarious. Inspired me to get my colleague back.

    Cheers, Chev

  54. That’s hilarious and yet mean all at once lol All we had was a fridge that kept playing the Hockey Night in Canada theme when opened.

    What I want to know is how the heck you were able to display the Polish w (L with a slash through it) on your blog.

  55. Best April Fool’s story ever! I wonder at what point she really knew it was you.

    So did anyone else play an April Fool’s on you, Joe?

  56. Sounds like April fools day was a good one for you Joe. Was the Ashleigh prank the only one you pulled? Paybacks will probably be hell. Don’t take a nap during the day there, fingernails could be a different color when you wake up, (thats mild).Enjoy the paranoia(*giggles*)…other wise please have a great day!! Loved the pictures also. Was the last one b4 or after the prank? 😀

  57. Oh, Joe, so unfair… I was reading this blog entry while at work and laughing loudly enough that my across-the-wall cube mate asked me if I was laughing at her.

    Don’t get me fired!!!

    But keep making me laugh.

    Your loyal, lurking reader,

  58. PMSL! Seems to me you my have bitten off more than you can chew with this one. Ashleigh’s going to be running the show before long so I’d mind how you go.

  59. Bonjour Joseph!

    Vous allez bien?
    Moi trés super! Bientot le week end!

    Moi on ne m’a pas vraiment fait de poisson d’avril^^…simplement sur un site de stargate il avait annoncer qu’un personnage de sga aller mourir de sgu et comme à chaque fois je suis tomber dans le panneau mais heureusement j’ai vite démasquer la supercherie^^!

    Bisou, a demain!♥

  60. So, you are picking on my sister….you better watch out, you don’t want 2 of us after ya. We tend to stick together…. 😉

    This made my morning…I was laughing so hard!!!

    The Older Sister, Courtney

  61. See the problem with your prank, Joe, is that you guys hired a SMART office assistant. And if she’s really smart, which I think she is, she’ll take a hint from Survivors and try to form an alliance — one with other staff that you many have pranked in the past – or who would just enjoy seeing you get pranked really good….Forget working at home, you may have to work from another country…. 🙂

    Way to go, Ashleigh.

  62. @ whovian –




    Oh, yeah…riiiiiight. NOW I’m too freakin’ embarrassed to meet Chris, EVER! 😛 LOL! At least he didn’t act as if he knew who I was, which means – hopefully – he’s never read a single word of anything I’ve ever said on-line. Hopefully. Especially during my ‘objectifying Todd’ stage… 😳 And the whole 10,000-year old virgin thing…and the green all over thing…and the thing I have about his hands…and the…ugh. I really must remember to watch what the ten little tongues lapping away at the keyboard say, eh?

    Ya know…sometimes I think it’s better if I remain a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma…

    That way, I don’t have to worry about going on a diet! 😀

    @ Lisa S. – We will just have to agree to disagree. I found the scene very effective, and yes – it was a ‘rape’ – a rape of her confidence and her security. I did not find if offensive at all, but that’s me. I would really like to give a more coherent reply…but right now – due to certain, unexpected circumstances – my brain’s a tad mushy right now. Squishy and mushy and kinda sorta oozing out of my ears into a gray little puddle here on the floor… 😛


  63. Joe, I just heard that Robert C. Cooper and Brad Wright have been selected to receive a LEO AWARDS 2009 Outstanding Achievement Award. SWEET! Congrats to both of them!

  64. OMG, that was great!! Way to go Asheigh!! @ Shawna – I saw that too about the dead guy,I kept waiting for something to be said. Well I guess she can be considered officially initiated into the office.

  65. Who wrote No. 16, Sordid.
    You? Carl?
    None of us are No. 13….

    Oh, and HI ANNE! Nice to see you posting 🙂

    Greetings from Cape Town South Africa, home of six gazillion mosquitoes, 10% of which are hanging from my ceiling right now, just waiting for me to go to bed. 🙁

    Thank goodness we don’t have the Malaria mosquito – and bug spray is plentiful… 😉

  66. heh heh heh… I turned Das’s brain into an ooey-gooey mess. 😆

    I’m so glad you haven’t left your house in search of me. I was afraid you’d want to stomp on my head. LOL!!! Seriously, you don’t have to worry about Chris. He’s such a gentle giant. And one thing I do know, NOT meeting him would be a tragedy. Uh, I told him I’d be watching him. :blush: Then I pointed OUT that my comment sounded creepy. :blush: 😯 :blush: So I think we’ve established that I’m the crazy-stalker fan girl. And in his mind, you are the sane one. Don’t wear a beret and you’ll be good as gold. 😀 Mmm’kay?

    @DeniB: Ha ha ha! I am liable to tell Michael that you are insisting I pass on a kiss from Florida. Hmmm… how do you feel about Paul McGillion? 😀

  67. @whovian: Absolutely. I insist! (And do tell…) Paul McGillion comes in a close second, but Michael’s my boy. Really, just ignore his wife and plant one on him from me 🙂

  68. Hilarious!!! You still have to answer my question about work experience/volunteer work!!!

    Cant wait to see how she gets you back!


  69. Hey Ashleigh, if you want company, let me know!!

    Several companies here in NZ placed funny ads for Fool’s Day, and it had everyone laughing.

    I guess in this time of financial crap we hve been dropped into, the laughter was much needed.

  70. Dear Mr. Mallozzi:

    Stop torturing your executive assistant. I assure you, their revenge is usually epic.

    Former executive assistant

  71. Okay okay. I may have overlooked the logic of my April fools joke in the fact that no one could have really reacted because I “didn’t have internet” and, therefore, it would have been pointless.

    NoA: Thank you for pointing that out.
    Ponytail: I’m glad Zelenka isn’t the only Czech you’re fond of (if you are, a lot of assuming with this one)
    whovian: If I really was going to not have internet access I would definitely leave a notice on the MM thread. Note to future attempts at the same prank.

  72. Mr. Mallozzi,

    I’m a “hopeful, someday television writer.” I have been writing since I can remember, and have longed for a career writing for TV dramas.

    I’ve reached the point in my life, where I must look for colleges (more hopefully, film schools) and begin to enter “the real world.” Though there are many film schools out there, due to financial and academic reasons, most “quality” film schools aren’t for me.

    As a result, I begin to realize I will probably be attending a lesser-known, lesser-quality film school. And though I’ll be doing what I love, I can’t help but think this might hurt my future in this field. However, I can’t bring myself to apply to a, if you’ll allow, “real” school, where one learns science, math, or maybe even history, with a future in a cubicle.

    So, at last, I ask a question…

    In your years as a professional writer, have you seen one’s college affect his or her chances at a career? I’m aware many writers and many directors didn’t go to film school — but for those who did, how has “name” helped, if at all?

    This question may sound naive, and I apologize if it does. I would love to hold on to the thought that the only thing which truly matters is the quality of writing, but this is the real world, and I am cynical.

    I appreciate any time or thought or insight you give. Getting a career in writing is hard. I only hope someday, I may have a shot.

    Thank you. And, of course, I love the blog; the insight and revelations you give about SG, sci-fi, life, and, of course, writing, are truly unique and truly priceless!


  73. @ whovian – Oh…greeeaaat. Now I’d haveta maintain my sanity around him. Do you know just how hard that is for me to do on a daily basis, let alone at a con???! Ugh.

    At least it sounds like he doesn’t know who I am, so that’s in my favor…I wouldn’t have to tell him at all! That would take a lot of the pressure off…unless my blabbermouth husband decides to tell him. 😛 He’s been known to do that on other occasions when I’ve tried to be incognito. 🙄


  74. Oh wow Joe…someone managed to de-prank your prank and turn it around on you!

    Wow…she deserves a raise!!

    Thanks for that post, it was fun to read!


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