An email titled simply “THANKS” found its way into my inbox last week. Short and sweet, the message within read: “I have a new email address!” and it was signed Miss Kate William. Kate William? Do I know a Kate William? I don’t think so, but my alter-ego Percival H. Lintmuffin might. Lintmuffin wrote back:

“Dearest Kate,

Profusest of apologies but I seem to have misremembered where it was we met. My instincts tell me that it was at the StillLivingAtHomeWithMyMomCon’s Furry Meet-and-Greet-and-Orgy. I was Fleegle from the Banana Splits. I spent most of the evening at the bar, drinking peach daquiris and doing it with H.R. Pufnstuf. How about you? My guess is that you were either a womble or the pink french poodle fellating the aptly named Big Bird? Am I right?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Percival H. Lintmuffin”

It’s been so long since someone actually responded to my response to their spam mail that I didn’t even bother checking Lintmuffin’s yahoo account until this morning. And, lo and behold, dearest Kate had answered back:

“Dear Lintmuffin,

It was through the grace of god that we meet and enter into a business transaction. I am by profession from burkina faso,it’s just my urgent need for foreign partner that made me to contact you for this transaction. I have the opportunity of transfering the left over funds ($10.8million) of one of my bank clients who died along with his entire family,Hence,i am inviting you for a business deal where this money can be shared between us in the ratio of 60/30,.further details of the transfer will be forward to you…”

And she goes on to request Lintmuffin’s personal information to help seal the deal. Score! Lintmuffin wrote back:

Dearest Kate,

No, no. Now that I think of it, we didn’t meet through the grace of God but by way of an introduction from a Magilla Gorilla in leather suspenders and matching undershorts. That said, I would be delighted to assist you in your business transaction. Would it be possible to meet up at this year’s Leave-All-Your-Money-At-The-Door-And-Maybe-You-Can-Walk-Out-Of-Here-With-An-Autograph-Or-A-Commemorative-Plate-With-A-Picture-Of-The-Guy-Who-Played-Duke-Depalma-In-Team-Knight-Rider Con? I will be attending as Darwin, that lovable Bottlenose Dolphin from Seaquest. Let’s meet at the Manimal panel. I’m very excited about this one as it will bring together all of the show’s cast including the panther, snake and horse but not the hawk who, sadly, took his own life last summer.

See you there!

Sincerely,

Percival H. Lintmuffin”

Well, you’ll be pleased to here that I was far more productive today, completing my outline for the first part of the Stargate: Universe mid-season two-parter AND picking up where Paul left off on the Stargate: Atlantis movie outline. Hope to have the latter finished by early next week.

Things I learned today…

1. Hey, whaddya know. No two snowflakes ARE alike:

http://www.newscientist.com/gallery/dn16170-snowflakes/

2. Some guy with A LOT of time on his hands builds his perfect woman. She speaks English, Japanese, and does chores. No word on whether she writes outlines:

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2008/12/11/2008-12-11_lil_miss_perfect_fembot_aiko_looks_like_.html

3. Now MY adventures as TinTin can be captured for posterity:

http://gizmodo.com/5107377/new-technology-could-display-your-dreams-on-screen

4. I always wondered what Santa did with his slower reindeer. Now I know:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/chi-absurd-advent-1211dec11,0,3689772.story

5. Why adopt a child when you can adopt a much cuter koala? I’m already transforming my home office into a playroom for the little guy. I shall call him Athelward:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081205/od_nm/us_koala_odd;_ylt=Agv4zAKKWmJfhzodFDYssAkSH9EA

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Jinx

Why, just the other day we were commenting on how boring it must be to be a koala & never eat anything but eucalyptus. Once you adopt Athelward, your office will smell like a cough drop!

At least you had a productive day!

I, on the other hand, had to bring tax forms in negative 4 font to proofread because no one would leave me alone at the office today!

smile

You’re fun, ya know that?!

Shawna
Shawna

It’s really disappointing to see how one-note these spammers are. It’s entertaining to see how you respond to them, of course, but it would be nice if they acted remotely as if they’ve read what you wrote. … Kinda reminds me of the other night when I was on one of those dating sites and some guy started a rather inappropriate chat with me, so I tried to annoy him by asking rhetorical questions, correcting his spelling, quoting Star Wars, and warning him of the dangers of sharks and jellyfish until I got bored and just blocked him.

pg15

You sure about that snow-flake thing? Because I’m seeing, right now, some pretty-similar-looking snow flakes. They all look like white dots.

Facinating.

dasNdanger
dasNdanger

Just a call out to my fellow New Jerseyans… Jerseyites…hmm. unamused To the other people here from New Jersey… grin

You guys still have your heads above water? lol. I haven’t seen rain like this since…ohhh…I dunno…last time I hung out with Noah?

We just got power back, so gonna try to catch up before it goes out again…

Woo! I loves me some rain!

das

grapesofwraith

Thanks for the laugh, Joe, it’s been a long time since I’ve read anything from the Spambait front. I liked Darwin! – were you a fan of seaQuest? (I even remember that capital Q in the middle).
Hope you keep up the productive writing!

Kody
Kody

You are one funny man! Woe unto ALL who send spam mail unto you… or something like that. Anyway, I finally tried to watch your videos and they’re giving me problems. It’s probably either the dial-up connection or the five year old computer that is refusing to load the audio, or both. I do know this, it takes about 45 minutes to load a minute and a half video. Sorry, but I’m not gonna wait that long. Until the local providers decide to either extend the cable service, improve the lines to support DSL, or Hughes net drops about $100 off their monthly service, I’m stuck in the stone age. Anyway, have a great TGIF and a fantastic weekend.

Later

dasNdanger
dasNdanger

@ Shawna – I replied to your comment under yesterday’s entry…I probably should have just ‘forwarded’ here, but I didn’t.

@ pg15 – That’s not snow. That’s the tears of Sheylas and anti-McKellers. wink

@ Joe – Percival H. Lintmuffin’s message actually made me blush. Oy! My virgin eyes!!!

However, you…I mean, ‘he’…mentioned the Banana Splits. Now – I was a fan of Danger Island – a little live action series that was featured on that show. I absolutely loved Chongo – as in, ‘Uh-oh! CHONGO!’ Anyway, I asked Bam Bam if he knew Chongo – a.k.a. Kim Kahana, a fellow stuntman. He said he knew of him, and thought that Jason Momoa may be related to him, but wasn’t sure. Any way you can find out if this is true? And speaking of Jason, how’s he doing?? Tell him we’re still thinking about him!

Thankies. smile

das

Jadeski
Jadeski

Aw, Joe, look what you’ve gone and done…I used to love that dolphin! I’ll never think of him the same way again!

Georgia
Georgia

Did Bam Bam ever get on American Gladiators?

for the love of Beckett
for the love of Beckett

Oi! Cap’n Mallozzi, it was, um, interesting to see Percival Lintmuffin again. Had no idea he was so randy. To those who were wondering what “blue comedy” is, that would be it. Maybe it’s a good thing he didn’t stow away to Tokyo in your suitcase after all. Lord knows what district you would have ended up in…

Thornyrose
Thornyrose

Thank goodness for the educational benefits of CSI. Your post had me rolling at the mental images my mind was conjuring up with your passages. Unlike das, I haven’t the shame to blush. And the Banana Splits. Had to wrack my mind for that show. So, have they allowed you to outline a four hour movie so that you can satisfy all the fans, and bring in all of our favorite recurring or guest characters? Thanks for the laugh, and the progress reports.

Jean
Jean

There once was a fellow named Joe
Who produced a scifi TV show.
Very popular it was –
It caused quite a buzz –
And many shows was it preferred to.

Well Joe wrote sometime last December,
‘bout a year ago as I remember,
For the fans, a spoiler poem
‘though he has yet to show ‘em
Which episode each verse referred to.

So please Joe, don’t keep us waiting.
We have long been anticipating.
Were our guesses right?
Or way out of sight?
While some will no doubt
Have reason to pout,
Many others I’m sure
Made good conjecture.
Thus I make this appeal
For the big reveal…
Our curiosity you will be sating!

dasNdanger
dasNdanger

@ Thornyrose – Sad thing, I didn’t have to wrack my brain at all! We grew up on the Banana Splits – my sister always insisted that she ‘was’ Fleagle and Bingo – and she made me ‘be’ Drooper and/or Snork…mostly Snork because he wore glasses, and didn’t talk…like me. She was a bully. razz

She did the same thing with the Monkees – she wouldn’t let me like Davy Jones because she laid claims on him, and Micky – and made me ‘take’ Peter and Michael…but I didn’t like them…I wanted Davy! mad (I stole him while she wasn’t looking. Just like I stole George Harrison from her, too! grin )

Fortunately, Pufnstuf was too weird for her, so she let me have Jack Wild. And she let me have Speed Racer, too, because – according to her and my mom – *he* wasn’t real. roll When you’re only five, they’re ALL real!! I also got Fess Parker, and later…David Cassidy. grin

And then there was my thing for Tiny Tim unamused …but we won’t go into that… :rolleyes: (Hey! I was only like 5 or 6 – gimme a break!)

My tastes in men have improved immensely! I mean – I’ve gone from Tiny Tim to Todd! There’s absolutely no comparison! (Except, maybe…the hair…aaannnnd, the teeth. razz )

das

ytimynona
ytimynona

I’m pleased to hear you had a productive day =)

I’m also quite happy that Percival Lintmuffin seems to enjoy conventions so much. Lol too bad “Kate” doesn’t seem to remember the con she met him at wink I’ve only ever gotten e-mails like “Yes I am a real person” or repeats of the spam sent in the first place when I e-mail the spammers back saying “You’re not who you say you are. Please stop spamming me thanks.”

Shiningwit
Shiningwit

@Das OMG I had TOTALLY forgotten about Danger Island-“Uh-oh Chongo” so cheers for the blast from the past! BTW I heard that Snork(?) from the Bananana splits was finally arrested for indecent exposure after it was discovered that actually his genitalia had been on view the whole time!
I’m now mopping up my morning coffee from my keyboard and monitor after reading todays blog.

Jo

Can’t beat that poem.
Btw, I think I’m glad I didn’t get a lot of the allusions made by Percival H. Lintmuffin… the general gist was enough.

I didn’t have a productive day. I think the most I managed was to have a shower, buy mum a birthday present I’m not sure she’ll like and pick my brother up from school camp. I still have a story to finish before the end of the year and I haven’t even begun reviewing it!

green
green

Jean rocks.

Check.

Rebecca T

I was only thinking yesterday (one day in the whole year, it’s special) that I hadn’t seen any new spam/snarkiness for a while. I love it when people persist. And I love your replies.

antisocialbutterflie
antisocialbutterflie

I bequeath two gold stars to Mr Lintmuffin for the Seaquest reference.

How would one go about making a Darwin costume? razz

drldeboer
drldeboer

That poem is worth a response.

@das where in NJ are you? I come from S Jersey as much as Phila, both sets of grandparents lived down there. (in FL now)
Re Todd well so far, he did go happily off into the “sunset”.

Identity, yet another body swap. DVR

Have you noticed the “snow” accumulates at the bottom of the browser? *looks for virtual shovel*
DD

Hayloh
Hayloh

OML someone else who has seen the tragedy that was Team Knight Rider! An elusive bunch rarely to be seen.

Linda Gagne
Linda Gagne

I see you are getting those wacky emails again Joseph. I wonder why you get so many?

Just got electricity back here in New Hampshire (USA). I am telling you I went stir crazy with the ice storm taking down transformers and power lines. Now that I have electricity, I find out my cable is out which wouldn’t be bad, but not only is it a SGA night, but they are supposed to be having an all day Stargate Atlantis marathon on. Just my luck I get the day off and can’t watch the marathon. My plan tonight, if it is not back on is to go visit a family member with cable still and watch it. Grant it, they may make me go to someone’s bedroom, but hey I gotta try something. I’ve already called neighbors to report the outage because apparently the more complaints the faster they work on the problem.

wolfenm

OMG, talk about a child-of-the-80s flashback!! I remember Banana Splits! XD

And Manimal!! I *loved* Manimal!! (Did you know they brought him back in Nightman, in the nineties? Of course, *that* show was cancelled not long after. XD) Yeah, a show about a shapeshifter? I am *so* there, if anyone wants to revisit that territory! Big Animorphs fan here, too, although I didn’t like the changes the TV show made ….

Margaret Clayton

Know why Koalas are always so cuddly and laid back? They get stoned off the eucalyptus. No, don’t try smoking it people, you do not have the physiology of a koala.

watcher652
watcher652

Since you’re still working on the Atlantis movie script, can I put in a request to include Sgt Chuck in the movie? Amelia seems to have taken over console duties, and while I appreciate adding another female to the cast, Sgt Chuck has been a reassuring presence for all these years and I hate to see him not make it into the movie. Maybe Woolsey will have learned his name by then. He doesn’t seem to have any problem remembering Amelia’s name. Why not include them both? Thanks.