An email titled simply “THANKS” found its way into my inbox last week. Short and sweet, the message within read: “I have a new email address!” and it was signed Miss Kate William. Kate William? Do I know a Kate William? I don’t think so, but my alter-ego Percival H. Lintmuffin might. Lintmuffin wrote back:
Profusest of apologies but I seem to have misremembered where it was we met. My instincts tell me that it was at the StillLivingAtHomeWithMyMomCon’s Furry Meet-and-Greet-and-Orgy. I was Fleegle from the Banana Splits. I spent most of the evening at the bar, drinking peach daquiris and doing it with H.R. Pufnstuf. How about you? My guess is that you were either a womble or the pink french poodle fellating the aptly named Big Bird? Am I right?
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Percival H. Lintmuffin”
It’s been so long since someone actually responded to my response to their spam mail that I didn’t even bother checking Lintmuffin’s yahoo account until this morning. And, lo and behold, dearest Kate had answered back:
It was through the grace of god that we meet and enter into a business transaction. I am by profession from burkina faso,it’s just my urgent need for foreign partner that made me to contact you for this transaction. I have the opportunity of transfering the left over funds ($10.8million) of one of my bank clients who died along with his entire family,Hence,i am inviting you for a business deal where this money can be shared between us in the ratio of 60/30,.further details of the transfer will be forward to you…”
And she goes on to request Lintmuffin’s personal information to help seal the deal. Score! Lintmuffin wrote back:
No, no. Now that I think of it, we didn’t meet through the grace of God but by way of an introduction from a Magilla Gorilla in leather suspenders and matching undershorts. That said, I would be delighted to assist you in your business transaction. Would it be possible to meet up at this year’s Leave-All-Your-Money-At-The-Door-And-Maybe-You-Can-Walk-Out-Of-Here-With-An-Autograph-Or-A-Commemorative-Plate-With-A-Picture-Of-The-Guy-Who-Played-Duke-Depalma-In-Team-Knight-Rider Con? I will be attending as Darwin, that lovable Bottlenose Dolphin from Seaquest. Let’s meet at the Manimal panel. I’m very excited about this one as it will bring together all of the show’s cast including the panther, snake and horse but not the hawk who, sadly, took his own life last summer.
See you there!
Percival H. Lintmuffin”
Well, you’ll be pleased to here that I was far more productive today, completing my outline for the first part of the Stargate: Universe mid-season two-parter AND picking up where Paul left off on the Stargate: Atlantis movie outline. Hope to have the latter finished by early next week.
Things I learned today…
1. Hey, whaddya know. No two snowflakes ARE alike:
2. Some guy with A LOT of time on his hands builds his perfect woman. She speaks English, Japanese, and does chores. No word on whether she writes outlines:
3. Now MY adventures as TinTin can be captured for posterity:
4. I always wondered what Santa did with his slower reindeer. Now I know:
5. Why adopt a child when you can adopt a much cuter koala? I’m already transforming my home office into a playroom for the little guy. I shall call him Athelward: