What if John Wick was a beekeeper?

What if you tie someone to a SUV and drive it off bridge?

What if Hilary had won?

Dese are de thought-provoking qwestions dis movie seek to answer!

Our hero is “beekeeper”.  Beekeeper, of course, be code word for super special secret CIA Agent.  Hero also aktual beekeeper, which mean he look after bees.  Coincidence?  (Spoiler: Yes)

One day, his friend commit suicide after losing life savings to online scam, so Beekeeper decide to get payback by visiting guilty call center, beating up security guards, and blowing place up.

Dey say revenge best served cold like summer udon, but Beekeeper like it piping hot like pre-1994 McDonalds coffee – and he feeling munchy!  Munchy for Crime Boss who it turn out, in surprizing twist (surprizing becuz it so ridikulous), be son of female President of de United States!  Crazy to imagine son of president taking advantage  to get rich, but dat beauty of Hollywood.  How dey come up wit dese crazy ideas?

CIA find out and send other “beekeeper” (dat not really beekeeper) to kill hero.  She show up at gas station dressed like Purple Rain-era Prince and get torched.

Beekeeper attack other call center.  Everyone know he coming, but he stroll in thru front door anyway, beating up bunch of FBI agents and killing CIA agents, some in pretty cool elevator sekwence.

Oh, Monster almost forgot.  In other coincidence, Beekeeper’s dead friend’s daughter be FBI agent.  She very conflikted.  One de one hand, Beekeeper killing people responsible for mom’s death.  On other hand, she an FBI agent and her job be to do what her bosses tell her – like arrest Beekeeper.  Her charakter pretty bland and serve no purpose but Monster suspect mebbe she won contest to be in movie so dey find way to squeeze her in.

Everybody worried beekeeper going to kill President!  Can he be stopped?  (Spoiler: No).  Dere be sense of inevitability to Beekeeper dat both extremely unsuspenseful and very comforting.  Beekeeper crash White House party for TikTok influencers.  President’s security detail consist of Secret Cervix agents and randos in Cowboy hats.  Beekeeper kill dem AND one-legged blond Aussie cowboy.  And… well, Monster not want to spoil ending for you but let’s just say some charakters not coming back for sekwel.

So what happens to President? What happens to Beekeeper?  Will FBI agent charakter finally do something to make a difference?  (Spoiler: No). Check out movie to find out!

Monster not hate dis one.  Pretty dumb and cliche and make no sense, it lack John Wick world-building, mythology and humor, but aktion scenes veeery satisfying.

Verdikt: 5 out of 5 for action sekwences/1 out of 5 for everyting else = 3 out of 5 chocolate chippee cookies.