With the news that the Washington football team is changing its name, I thought that this would be an opportune time to weigh in with some suggestions. Suggestions that stand apart. Of course, you’ll have your standards (Tigers, Bulldogs, Wildcats) and your regional go-to’s (Senators, Presidents, Lobbyists and Swamp Things), but I’d like to recommend something a lot more original. Like a nickname that’s never been used before. Syrup Makers? Battling Bathers? Nimrods? Banana Slugs? Alas, all taken at some point.
No, in order to find the perfect name, a name that strikes fear in the hearts of the enemy while simultaneously ensuring you don’t infringe on the copyright of a Midwest community college, I have dug deep into the archives of mythological history to unearth the following five gems.
If Washington’s NFL team uses one, all I ask for in return is some half-smokes, a bottle of Mumbo sauce, and seasons tickets.
To the New Orleans Saints.
#5. The Washington Slepnir
Odin’s trusty eight-legged mount was known for its blazing speed and immense strength, transporting the All-Father between Midgard and Asgard, with the odd stop-overs in Hel – and the opposition’s end zone (?).
#4. The Washington Bonnacons
This formidable creature of yore has the body of a bull, a horse-like mane, and horns that curl in on each other. But what makes it so dangerous is its ability to expel highly flammable shit on its pursuers. Also, its fearsome blitz packages.
#3. The Washington Nav
These demonic creatures of Eastern Europe are black birds with the heads of children who fly around at night, crying, greatly disturbing people and disrupting shotgun formations.
#2. The Washington Kongamato
Hailing from the swamps of South-Central Arica is this pterodactyl-like creature that targets corpses, unwary swimmers, and corner blitzes.
#1. The Washington Bunyip
These creatures of Australian Aboriginal legend lurk beneath the surfaces of swamps and other small bodies of water, feeding on crayfish, opposing quarterbacks, and the odd child.
So, which one is it going to be? And don’t say Generals.
‘A name that strikes fear in the hearts of the enemy’? Surely, here, I’m not going to be the only one to suggest The Raza?
I vote for The Raza or The Wraiths.
I’m more interested in edibles. Try Washington Durian … LOL
How about ‘Eskimos’?
Oh, sorry that’s taken.
It’s decades since Edmonton should have dumped that racist name.
Go Bunyips, yip yippy yip! I like Washington Wind though, the mascot would be a plastic grocery bag that blows about the field to bring attention to wasteful single use plastics. Since Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt brought so much attention to the name change maybe they should be the Washington Schmidts.
Washington…
…Memes
…Commies
…Hexagons
…Bloggers
Or play with more of the name
Pacific Northwests
Vancouver Almost Theres (but it gets weird when someone misspells there)
Ooh, @Shinuyla’s Washington WInds is good. If you want to tie it to the heavy tech presence in Washington, the Washington West Winds (WWW for short).
They should have never changed the name. Its a name. Everything can change now. Atlanta Braves, Cleveland Indians. Is not going to stop. Plus the owner did it ONLY for the $$$. He is one greedy……
I don’t do social media, but I do check to see what is treading on Twitter and one day I saw this name suggestion for the Redskins, The Washington Redtails: https://twitter.com/LWO4Life/status/1278812018422829056
This is a another version of the logo: https://twitter.com/darrenrovell/status/1282527594269876224/photo/1
An article I found about the Washington Redtails name idea: https://thespun.com/nfl/nfc-east/washington-redskins/tuskegee-airmen-washington-red-tails-name and apparently someone started a petition to try and make that happen: https://www.change.org/p/nfl-fans-redskins-to-redtails
I am partial to your suggestion of “The Washington Bonnacons”. Let’s face it, who doesn’t tremble at the prospect of being repeatedly bombarded by an inflammable expulsion of manure?
Or they could use “The Washington Fanfaronades” in honor of our current Administration and Congress. It has a nice ring as it rolls off the tongue and @Fanfaronades would make a great Twitter handle.
How about “The Washington Windbags”? Too similar to Bonnacons?
Sorry, I seem to be stuck on a singular theme.
A few years ago, they changed the mascot of one our local collage football teams. One of the candidates was “Landshark”. That made me laugh. I was surprised enough people remembered that old SNL skit.
If Akemi wanted a pepper that looked ornamental but wasn’t, those Carolina Reapers are pretty. With those really hot peppers, I would probably use gloves. I have itch eyes…..
Is AntiFa taken?
How about the Washington Eaglesfeed? Go iggles!
Wishie Washie, I like that one.
The Japanese Rugby team is called the CherryBlossoms (they’re awesome).Why not names after state flowers, animals or such like i.e. the Goldfinches? It’s the state bird. Or the Steelhead Trouts – Steelhead if you want to be all blokey blokey. Sounds like a Harley Davidson bike name.