Akemi is in Osaka, visiting family, until Wednesday which has given me the opportunity to do things I wouldn’t normally do when she’s around.  Clubbing? Boozing?  Gambling?  More like watching four movies in a single day, reading five books simultaneously, and doing a 1-day juice cleanse.  Life on the edge, right?

And, yes, you read that correctly: a 1-day juice cleanse.  What, pray tell, would lead me to do this?  Well, chalk it up to curiosity, a desire to test the purported health benefits, and a masochistic streak that had me testing the limits of my endurance.  Others might climb a mountain or run a marathon.  I chose to go without solid food for a day.

I went to my local juicery (and there are A LOT of them in Vancouver) and picked up a handy 1-day cleanse: 6 bottles of liquid nutrients to be imbibed over the course of the day – in my case, starting at 10 a.m., progressing at two hour intervals, and concluding with an 8 p.m. night cap.  I was good to go!

10 a.m.: Bottle #1 was a “green juice” containing apple, cucumber, celery, parsley, ginger and lemon.  Oh, and black kale.  You could really taste the kale!  I was actually starting to get hungry just reading the ingredients – and imagining how wonderful they would be as accompaniments to actual dishes: apple pie a la mode, a nice chicken salad, a parsley-rich chimmichurri topping a grilled ribeye.

August 9, 2015: My 1-day Juice Cleanse Diary!Notes: Still feeling pretty good – despite the taste in my mouth.

12 p.m..: Bottle #2 was a fruitier selection.  I was heartened by its bright orange coloring.  And disheartened by the inclusion of turmeric as an ingredient alongside orange, carrot, cantaloupe, and ginger.  I made sure to shake this one up good before opening.  After all, there’s nothing worse than knocking back a nice cold summer beverage only to discover all of the turmeric has settled on the bottom. Overall, however, this one was preferable to the initial green juice.  It was almost like being served an amateur mimosa – by a waiter who had inadvertently dipped his fingers into your drink after dropping off the next table’s aloo gobi.

August 9, 2015: My 1-day Juice Cleanse Diary!

Notes: While not hungry, I was beginning to feel a little peckish.  I could have eaten.  Specifically, I could have eaten a crispy pork belly sandwich.

2 p.m.: Bottle #3 and we doubled down on the black kale, this time serving it up with collards, watercress, cucumber, celery, cilantro, apple, dandelion green, lemon and ginger.  This one, not surprisingly, tasted like the first green juice.  But worse.

August 9, 2015: My 1-day Juice Cleanse Diary!

Notes: This one killed my appetite.  And not in a delightfully sated kind of way.  I was also starting to feel a little dizzy.  And tired.

4 p.m. Bottle #4 – carrot, apple, lemon, red and golden beets – was actually pretty good.  Normally, probably not, but that afternoon, in comparison to the others, not bad at all.  I think I preferred it because it came closest to reminding me of real honest-to-goodness food.  Such happy memories!

August 9, 2015: My 1-day Juice Cleanse Diary!

Notes: My hunger abated but I was downright exhausted.  Also, my stomach was feeling a tad…gurglesome.

6 p.m. Bottle #5 was dinner and comprised of brazil nuts, sea salt, vanilla beans, romaine, and spinach – a combination unseen since that time Popeye got food poisoning.  It actually wasn’t bad – relatively speaking – although the pudding-like lumps of coagulated nut milk were a bit of a turn-off.

August 9, 2015: My 1-day Juice Cleanse Diary!

Notes: I actually felt more energetic and mentally alert after finishing this one, perhaps because it was the only bottle to contain actual protein.  My stomach too was on high alert.

8 p.m. Bottle #6 was an acidic one-two punch of lemon, cayenne, ginger, alkaline water, and apple.  It was like sipping sweetened battery acid.

August 9, 2015: My 1-day Juice Cleanse Diary!

Notes: I was tired yet feeling satisfied, not with the juices but the sense of accomplishment that I’d survived the single day ordeal that had stripped me of all physical energy, my mental faculties, and all common sense.  Also, it turned out, some of the enamel on my teeth.  Apparently, some people even do 3-day juice cleanses – however I’ve heard these handy packs are usually reserved for cults looking to indoctrinate new recruits.

Overall: I’m not sure about the science behind these cleanses.  I’ve read about the health benefits, heard from friends who found the experience revitalizing.  I felt no difference.  No, scratch that.  I felt slightly worse.  My stomach was in knots.  Also, my teeth and gums were alarmingly sensitive when it came time to brush my teeth, the citric acid from those juices no doubt doing a number on them.

One day later, and I feel much better.  Is it the detoxifying effects of the cleanse? Or the pork belly on rice topped with a soft boiled egg, crispy kimchee rice squares, fried veggie salad, and dark chocolate I had for lunch?  Who knows?  My energy’s back, my teeth are slightly less sensitive, and my stomach has settled.   Although, after a day of nothing but liquid, I’m wondering if I may have overdone it with my first meal.

On a completely unrelated note:


30 thoughts on “August 9, 2015: My 1-Day Juice Cleanse Diary!

  1. Oh boy…I don’t know which is funnier…your 1-day juice cleanse or your facial expressions after each drink. Typically, a cleanse is at least 3 days, but I guess a 1-day cleanse is for beginners. 🙂

    Recommend you get a Vitamix blender and make your own smoothies rather than buying expensive juices. You immediately get the nutrients and fiber after you blend the ingredients on the spot. A Vitamix blender is worth the investment and can save you money down the road.

    BTW – adding jalapeno peppers and ginger in your smoothies is a great way to boost your immune system.

    Although you did a 1-day cleanse, you could ease into a 2-day, then 3-day cleanse.

    Happy cleansing!

  2. Oh Joe! Not something I would do. Bethany used to make her own smoothies of sorts with fruits and veggies (spinach, etc). It was during her time when her IBS was at its worst. With all the Dark Matter excitement going on this summer, have you seen any movies?? We saw a few (Mission Impossible, Ant Man, Inside Out (2x), and Minions. The last 2 were seen at our local drive in with my oldest daughter’s nephews and niece.

    I got a full time teaching gig for this school year!!! I’ll be teaching 6th grade science and social studies. This will be the first time that I will teach from day one to day 180!! I paid my dues last year and it has paid off!

    The next week and a half is going to get busy. I’ll be getting my classroom ready and getting my son , Cj, ready to go off to college (4 hrs away!). Enjoy the rest of your summer! Dark Matter has been wonderful to watch. Very complex, very good! Take care!

  3. One day later, and I feel much better. Is it the detoxifying effects of the cleanse? Or the pork belly

    It was the pork. Did you really need to ask?

  4. That cleanse sounds a bit harsh. I like to go light on Mondays since Sunday is my ‘eat what you want’ day (in moderation). Monday’s fare includes fruit smoothies with yogurt and whey protein with lots of water and green tea throughout the day. Comes to about 1200 calories. The rest of the week is a balanced diet (a little higher on protein) at about 2200 calories a day. I do five days a week at the gym when I can. It’s helped my lose 80 pounds this past year. But all the citric acid in your cleanse would probably have had me gagging. People tell me great stories about how effective their store bought cleanses are are but they usually end up costing more than I spend on a normal day’s full diet. But whatever works for the individual. Thanks for detailing the experience but the crew of the Raza had better dining choices during their first days.

    I’m not much for dietary gimmicks but Radio Monte Carlo posted this daily gelato diet on their Facebook page:


    I just might break down and give it a whirl.

  5. Ohh dear god.. I’ve had to do this once for a few days because of a medical examination. But the drinks had all the same taste: absolute DISGUSTING! I’m glad some of yours seem to taste better..

    And related to the unrelated note: I just watched SGA Inferno today. 🙂

  6. My doctor puts me on a 1 day juice cleanse every 3-5 years. Only it’s not technically “juice” I’m drinking. But, boy, does it cleanse. So clean, in fact, that the medical staff take pictures for my doctor to later comment on. #OldAgeProblems

  7. @On a completely unrelated note

    When it comes to stuff like that, I would ignore like 80 percent of stuff published on there. Unfortunately some reporters love to sensationalize something that probably won’t happen for a very long time.

    Though this non story has some nice images of Ceres :).

  8. Maybe your body thrives on fat and cholesterol? You might’ve had a reaction to the vitamins and nutrients. Whew, that was a close call! 😉

    Safe travels @Akemi!

  9. I think that what those juice cleanses are most effective at cleaning out is your pocketbook. Bleh. I’m still convinced that you can’t go wrong with a normal, balanced day-to-day diet. It was worth it for those pictures, though!

    Your lunch sounds like it was good!

    I’m back from Prince Edward Island and I had a great time there visiting my friends. It’s such a relaxing spot.

  10. So a milkshake or moscow mule cleanse would not serve a similiar purpose or maybe taste better. Have to admit sounds better than licking an old couch…
    ~Hope Akemi is having a wonderful time and also that Lulu is feeling better.

  11. I’m surprised you didn’t spend the day in the bathroom. A little disappointed, even. 😉


  12. Happy for Akemi that she got to go home for a visit. Hope she has a wonderful time. I am just so impressed that you drank all those juices and don’t have any green spots or orange stains on that white T-shirt. Way to go! What other mischief and weird stuff are you going to get into while Akemi is gone?

  13. @ Das – Well, I kinda thought Joe was leaving a piece of his story out. The “cleansing” piece. I was wondering just how do those juices “cleanse” you exactly? Is it a bathroom day? Would a bottle of prune juice do the same thing?

  14. Joe, nutritionists I have talked to suggest, instead of juice, eat the fruit or vegetable itself. Then you get the pulp as well as the juice, which is far better for you. Natural, as God made it, is always better. But, since you can easily afford it, I guess it was a useful experiment.

  15. I am reminded of the M.A.S.H. Episode when Col. Potter’s horse became cowlicky. “Clean as a whistle.” “Inside and out.”

  16. In ’84 I TMJ surgery and was wired shut for 6 weeks. I pretty much LIVED on a CHOCOLATE-flavoured food supplement powder that contained an ingredient that helped the nutrients to stick to the digestive track long enough to be absorbed properly… It would stick to the inside of my glass too, making it a pain to wash… That “grit” pretty much saved me from going nuts listening to my stomach growl!

    Although in addition, fortunately, I also have a missing molar-space, allowing me the ability to squeeze in quarter-inch size bits of solid food during that time as well! – Raisins, 3 peanut-butter sandwiches! [had to be squished and cut into teeny pieces and took a while to eat…] – and anything else that could put into a blender and squeezed through a tube! But, the real secret to being on a “liquid”-diet and not feeling “hungry” – ingest SOMETHING every 2 hours!

    And, the chocolate REALLY helped!

  17. Oh…coagulated nut milk! Um…yummy?

    Funny you mentioned turmeric. I’ve been testing turmeric, ginger and honey tea. It’s supposed to help with among other things, overall aches and pains. I have lower back issues, and I’ve forgone commercial pain killers.

    After a week of on a day, off a day testing I’ve got to say I’m pretty impressed. One 8 oz tea in the morning seems to help until the early evening. I’m not completely sold, but I’m going to keep at it for a bit.

    I’ve considered trying a juice cleanse, but I just enjoy eating too much to do that. I know my limitations.

  18. Oh my, your expressions are priceless Joe. I made the error of reading this entry while at work and laughed aloud. I got a few odd glances my way.

    Like Betty mentioned, I also had to do the “cleanse” bit for a medical procedure a few years ago. It was uncomfortable and the liquids were atrocious, definitely triggered my gag reflexes. You’re a brave man Joe.
    @das, yes, I think Joe left out the bathroom part (which is okay by me).

    I just had a lovely 3-day weekend, spent dosing both cats with liquid medicine 2X daily, 12 hrs. apart. The 10 lb. female, Basil, was the most ferocious ball of struggling long hair cat I ever met. Until we decided to go a more gentle route and use a full bath towel to wrap up those claws. I have wounds up both arms. My male cat, Stash, 14 lbs.of muscle, did not struggle as much, but was prone to whining/crying — very loudly. We have 2 more days of this, then done. Somehow my indoor-only cats got giardia! The treatment is metronidazole specially formulated to taste good to cats. Yeah, right. My cats don’t think it tastes good at all. And it was pricey.

    Wishing good thoughts for Lulu, feel better soon sweetheart.
    Also wishing everyone else a happy & healthful week.

    BTW, the last episode has me completely reassessing my thoughts on how some things will turn out. Good job! I like to be keep guessing!


  19. 2cats: My cat was on metronidazole for months. Have you tried the pill form? My cat was better with pills, than liquid. Especially, when I used one of these pillers: http://www.amazon.com/Butler-Sales-Bullseye-Pillgun/dp/B000A86YBQ/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1439218516&sr=8-3&keywords=cat+pill+gun Plus, the pills were cheap (generic). How in the world did they end up with giardia?! Were they outdoor cats when they were younger? Even in Mississippi, giardia is not common. Good luck with your kitties!!!

  20. So, DarkMatter finally showed up on UK iTunes!
    I’m not 100% sure when it showed up, but I have been checking about once a week or so.
    Current price is £17.99 for HD or £19.99 for SD (o_O!?)
    The episodes are about 2 weeks behind, so only episodes 1-7 are currently up, but it’s a season pass so I’m hopefully that the rest will eventually show up.. Unless they’ve split it into two… *shrugs*

    I expect the two week delay is so that SyFy UK gets the two-weeks worth of viewing figures, although since I have no way to do that, it’s not really helping them much.
    Anyway, that’s my £17.99 plopped into the “next season fund”, and hopefully we get one.

    Any ideas on what extras we’ll be getting on the DVD/BluRay releases?

  21. Episode 9 ratings are in. 0.98 million + 0.25 18-49. If there’s one word to describe this shows performance with regards to the ratings, it would be stable. The show also beat Dominion in the viewers total which got 0.94 mill.

    It’s hard not to be positive about your shows renewal chances Joe. You’re not doing too bad.

  22. @JenDraves Congratulations on the teaching job.

    @TimHendrix Congratulations on the weight loss.

    Sounds like Joe’s cleanse reaction took 24 hours to happen. Just about everything listed in those drinks I am not allowed to have. Our bodies are all so unique, aren’t they?

  23. @Akemi Have an excellent visit with family and friends in Osaka!

    @Joe The juice cleanse sounds like a pretty good idea, if not for the expressions on your face, especially the last two. lol

    I haven’t done a cleanse in years, but every morning my breakfast consists of frozen fruit (usually blueberries) enough to cover the bottom of the blender, a scoop of protein powder — currently using some made from peas, and some combination of spinach or, lately, swiss chard from my tiny garden, bok choy, kale, lettuce, zucchini, and cucumber. Add various powder supplements and a cup of almond milk. Afterwards I eat two soft boiled egg whites. I’m good to go until coffee break at work. I lost 23 pounds so far. So much better than the peanut butter and toast I lived on for years and years and years.

    Should add that before I do anything else in the morning (well, after I feed the cats) I drink a cup of warm water with a spoonful of raw honey, some turmeric and black pepper. My memory and energy levels have improved quite a bit since I started this regimen about a month ago. 🙂

  24. Re: Dark Matter — Don’t mess with FOUR!! That fight scene with him wielding the sword was brilliantly choreographed and I loved when the crew came to his rescue. I hope that if he regains his throne he won’t forget the crew of the Raza and will stay connected or maybe end up on the run with them. Yeah, I like that last idea. 😉

    Will the Android ever leave the ship? She gets left out of a lot of “fun”.

    THREE isn’t all Big Bad. Softy. 🙂

  25. Hey Joe, I got a “cleansing” today. Compliments of something in the salad I ate for lunch. I thought about you…

  26. I get to do Tom’s sort of cleansing later this week. 11 years out from colon cancer, here’s to finding nothing!

    I use ginger and tumeric as pain relief, they really work. Ginger tea is near miraculous some days.

    Overall, I find the juicing/cleansing thing to be Not My Thing. The occasional smoothie or power juice is fine, but I don’t do well with meal replacement. Small amounts of solid food make my gut happier.

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