X1 posterWatching X-Men: First Class like dating smart, beautiful she-monster who be fantastik company – until she drink too much, start rambling, talk about her ex, linger over espresso, and leave you wishing date could have ended sometime after dessert and before she vomit in your cabriolet.  Disappointing because movie start off VERY strong but, sadly, overstay it’s welcome like a visiting uncle Herb.

Guess what number me tinking.  Wrong.  Blue!

Movie open in WWII concentration camp where boy, Erik, demonstrate superpower of magnetism when he get angry – much to de delight of evil Nazi, Professor Footloose (second worst miscasting in recent supermovie memory), who kill his mother to reawaken his abilities.  For some reason, Erik destroy room, crush nazi soldier skulls, but leave mom-killer alive – even tho monster pretty sure professor’s glasses could have been pretty effektive/gruesome weapon.

Meanwhile, in England, another boy, Charles Xavier, who have mind-reading/control powers, walk into his kitchen and befriend shapeshifter-burglar, Mystique.  Awww.  You see?  Mebbe you can make friends wit a burglar too if you only make de effort.

Magneto, Master of Tai-Chi

Twenty years later, everyone grown up (Which, incidentally, make dem in deir 20’s in de 1960’s.  So, doing de math, Professor X and Magneto be around 75 years old in de X-Men movies.).  Erik trying to track down Professor Footloose who, for some reason, look twenty years younger den he did during WWII.  In addition to better looking, he also got hisself three mutant assistants and plan to start WWIII.  He really tinking BIG!

Smiles, everyone.  Smiles!

Wit help of Charles Xavier and Mystique, CIA go after Professor Footloose.  But he eskape in sekret submarine which, incidentally, be standard on most supervillain yachts.  On de bright side, Charles make new ally in de process = brooding Erik.  BFF, dey team up and recruit teen mutants.

While teen mutants settle in and play Big Brother, Charles and Erik go to Russia where dey capture Professor Footloose henchwoman, Emma Frost (WORST miscasting in recent supermovie history) who about as interesting as a fish ice sculpture – and learn of his plan.

While Charles and Erik be in Russia, Professor Footloose attack teen mutants.  He kill one, take another, and massakre many CIA agents.

Believe it or not (and you probably not believe it by dis picture) but she one of de worst tings about dis movie.

Lots of time wasted wit secondary charakters.  Mutants train.  Den put on new team uniforms and go after Professor Footloose and co. while trying to head off nuclear war.  Plenty of action!  Explosions!  Cool visual effekts!  Erik finally get his revenge on Professor Footloose and steal his hat.  Charles paralyzed.  Nuclear war averted.

In movie’s final scenes, wheelchair-bound Charles open up school for gifted mutants.  Erik (aka Magneto), meanwhile, wit support of mercenary mutants inkluding Mystique, break White Queen out of jail. Presumably so dat she can get de help she needs.  Me hoping acting lessons!

Verdikt: A good movie dat about a half hour too long to be a great movie.

Rating: 7.5 chocolate chippee cookies.

Past supermovie reviews here: http://cookiemonstermovereviews.wordpress.com/ (Thor, Megamind, Green Hornet, etc.).

18 thoughts on “May 20, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews X-Men: First Class!

  1. I liked the Wolverine cameo …and based upon the movie’s ending, he probably made the best decision of them all when he told them to ..er, um,.. “go away.”

  2. RUMOR ALERT!!!!

    …I just heard from a very good source that DAS won the $600 million and is going to use it to built a ship so she can find her own Wraith!!!! (but if you ask her she’ll deny it)

  3. I did not see this movie. To be honest, by the time it came out I was mutant-out…if you know what I mean.

    @ Kathode – About Lasik – I decided not to get it because they couldn’t guarantee perfect vision, and I was afraid of some of the end results which may be worse than what I have (like, not getting 100% correction and the possibility of not being able to wear contacts again to make the full correction). If you don’t mind me asking, what was your prescription before the surgery? Mine is -9.75 with -.75 for astigmatism in one eye, and -8.50 with -2.00 for astigmatism in the other – not the worst, but still not the easiest to correct, as I understand it.


  4. @ Lewis – Ha!! If I had won that money I would be setting up meetings right now to get that damn Atlantis movie made! 🙂


  5. First Class was a movie I enjoyed quite a bit (not hard given the two movies prior to it, X3 and Origins). I think it’s biggest problem though was how rushed the ending was.

    It’s almost as if they were expecting bad reviews and another mediocre result so figured they’d best put all the pieces in place for the other X-Men films in case this one didn’t get a sequel, so we have Mags/X breaking up, Mystique having a all-too-sudden change of outlook (which doesn’t explain just how murder-happy she is in the other films – she’s all sweetness and sugar in this one), and X’s crippling all in the space of about 3 seconds.

    And yeah, January Jones was awful. I hope they can get Emma Frost right in the future, but so far we’ve had two failures (Silver Fox’s ‘sister’ from Origins, and now this one). At least the sequel to this film appears to be on the right track.

    And the Wolverine cameo was fantastic!

  6. I gotta say, I was a little surprised at the 7.5 cookie rating when your review contains descriptions like:

    vomit in your cabriolet
    second worst miscasting in recent supermovie memory
    crush nazi soldier skulls (gross!)
    three mutant assistants
    WORST miscasting in recent supermovie history
    about as interesting as a fish ice sculpture
    Lots of time wasted
    half hour too long

    This must have saved it for you:

    Nuclear war averted

    Yeah! 😉

  7. See with this review I don’t know if I should see it or skip it….ugh…ah well guess if I haven’t seen it by now it’s a skip!

    Also wanted to let everyone know that I can now add published columnist to my resume! It’s not a paying gig but my column is called Journeys with Penny over at Positive Magazine http://www.positive-magazine.com/ It’s just so crazy!!

    Joe I’m hungry and I blame your blog….What should I snack on. What do you and Akemi eat when you just can’t ignore the rumbling in the tummy??

  8. @ pennlynn – I like to snack on baby swiss cheese… Congrats on your column. I’ll read it later, off to bed now. 🙂

  9. I had the opposite reaction to this movie. I thought the first half was quite dull and talky with too much switching between storylines and the second half was much better with a bit more action. However, the movie as a whole left me unimpressed. It felt like it was just a bunch of random “look at what this cool mutant can do” events interspersed with a lot of talking.

  10. Seriously would be amazing if someone started a kickstarter fund for stargate Atlantis movie, so many people have suggested it, why has no one done this? 🙂

  11. @pennlynn congratulations on your new journalistic side.

    Tornado, explosions, bombings, sunspots, elections in Iran ….. this gives of more catastrophes than a tv miniseries.
    If not for the surrealism and still do not see the replicants i would say that the script is made by Carl.

  12. Thinking about it on the drive into work this morning, X-Men: First Class really suffers from prequelitis. You know that nothing bad is going to happen to the characters that appear in later movies. And you don’t care about what happens to the characters that aren’t.

    The only real source of tension is wondering when and how Prof X will be paralysed.

    In fact, what happened to the characters that aren’t in the later movies? Did they all die in later adventures? Sure, it’s 40 years later so they’d all be old. What happens to old mutants? Do they retire? I would have expected some of them to still be teaching at Prof X’s school.

    Yes, I know, I’m not supposed to ask these sorts of questions but, damnit, prequels break my internal continuity processor!

    At least J.J. Abrams’s Star Trek had the decency to establish an alternate timeline!

  13. As we’re talking about movies, I went to see the latest Star Trek movie the other night. Abram’s didn’t disappoint and gave us a classy movie with some really nice touches. There was the homage to the millennium falcon from Star Wars, plus the slick reversal of an iconic scene from one of the old Star Trek films. Plus…it had one of the most complex bad guys I’ve watched in quite a while. If you haven’t seen it yet – you should.

  14. There are a lot of characters on that poster, yikes. I loved the Magneto/Xavier bromance, but they are also two terrific actors. Poor January, she really did drag the film to a stop in all of her scenes.

    My favorite character was Azazel; he seemed to be the only one having fun in the film. I loved Kick Ass but Cookie is right, Vaughn lost his way in the end. I wasn’t sure they needed to start the film with that moving scene from X-Men. The actor playing Erik wasn’t as effective in the role, and it doesn’t help when doesn’t save his mom but does spare the evil scientist.

    That was a very touching scene in the first film, but rehashing it with a maudlin actor cheapened the whole thing.

  15. You’re on to something Line Noise about prequels. You know that nothing bad is going to happen to the characters that appear in later movies I hate surprises, so prequels are right up my alley. 😆

    With all the negatives Cookie pointed out in this movie, 7.5 was a shocker. I liked it but Cookie is a more discerning viewer than myself. Seeing Professor’s and Magneto’s background was very interesting.

    Verdikt: A good movie dat about a half hour too long to be a great movie. A friend of mine calls that the watch test. He counts how many times he looks at his watch during a movie and he rates movies that way.

    gforce: Love those pictures you post!

    Prayers to anyone in Oklahoma!

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