Or, like me prefer to call it: Purple Unitardo and de Temple of Doom!

Stop Monster if you heard dis one before.  A boy’s parents are murdered.  He train hard and become a superhero to fight evil.  He very wealthy.  Have trusty servant.  He operate out of a cave.  His superhero persona a mysterious figure, de stuff of legend and whispered rumors.  Guess who?  Dats right!  Batman.  The Shadow. The Phantom!  Seriously.  How hard it be to come up wit an original origin?

So broody-moody.  And purpley.

Dis movie a mashup of Batman and de Indiana Jones movies wit a good villain and some fun aktion.  But it have one major flaw = a hero running around in a PURPLE UNITARD!  And monster sorry to say it never recover from dat.  A PURPLE UNITARD!

Movie begin wit our hero, The Phantom, skrewing up by letting a bad guy (Quill) get away wit a magik skull.  He very upset and return to his batcave skull cave to brood, walk around shirtless, and talk to ghost of his dead father.

Fortunately, he have Ghost Dad for company.

Back in New York, villainous businessman, Drax, take possession of magik skull.  He only need two more magik skulls to complete de set! Lovely!

Wit a name like Drax, he destined for a life in supervillainy.

Kit Walker, aka The Phantom, travel to New York where he reunited wit his ex-girlfriend, Diana, who he happen to save from sexy pirates earlier in de movie (in extraneous filler sewkwence involving female fisticuffs, a jump from a crop duster, and a dog telling a horse to go give Phantom a lift).  Dey visit a museum and – Hey, whaddya know! – diskover de sekond skull on display.  Kit go to take it but ambushed by Drax and his men who grab it for demselves and diskover location of turd magik skull…on Pirate Island!

For de villain dat has everyting: matching power skulls.

Drax take Kit and Diana back to his place.  Kit eskape and change into his ridikulous costume.  Bad guys get away wit magik skulls and Diana – while Phantom is chased around town by cops.  Why cops case him?  Becuz he running around in A PURPLE UNITARD!

Phantom give Diana a pearl necklace.  She toss him a nice salad and den dey both have dinner beneath de bridge.  So romantic!

Phantom catch up wit Drax and co. on Pirate Island where Drax get his hands on turd magik skull.  But dis make pirates angry.  Big fight! Pirate captain swim wit de sharks. Quill disintegrated by power of de magik skulls. BUT turn out Phantom have a fourth magik skull on his ring!  Powers of de magik skulls battle and Phantom’s is stronger.  Drax disintegrated.  Den, Phantom catch a ride on a passing submarine to safety.

Movie end wit Phantom revealing his sekret identity to Diana.  He really…Kit Walker!  But she already knew dat.


Rating: 4 out of 10 chocolate chippee cookies.

Next week, fourth time’s de charm for de Bat franchise?

21 thoughts on “June 25, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Phantom!

  1. Ugh. I can’t believe I was able to site through another viewing of The Phantom Menace. I mean, that movie was a total piece of s… wait, what? It’s just “The Phantom”? NOOOooooooo!!!

    Seriously though, my apologies Cookie, I was not able to find a copy of The Phantom to review. I feel kinda bad – I think I’ve only missed a couple so far. Good review as usual, though. I’m pretty sure, if it’s like most of the movies we’ve watched so far, that your review covered all the major points.

    I commit to being more diligent for next’s weeks movie! It shouldn’t be hard to find a copy of B&R. I hope.

  2. Hello Joe,
    I run the Official Louis Ferreira Fan Club, and I would love to re-post some of your photos and videos of Louis that you’ve posted on your blog over the past few years on my website. Please let me know if that’s ok, or whether you’d prefer I just link to the relevant blog entries. Of course you will always receive full credit for everything. Feeel free to visit us at http://ferreira_fest.livejournal.com
    Hope to hear from you soon!

  3. Sorry, no movie for me. This weeks excuse(s):
    1. I was on call for work,
    2. my mom broke her computer and I had to drive down to her house to get things up and running again (only needed a new keyboard and a new mouse), AND
    3. I’m getting ready to leave tomorrow for Seattle. I plan to visit some friends, liberally sample the local restaurants and bakeries, check out the macaron selections, visit the aquarium and some art galleries, maybe bring back some salmon jerky.

    I’ll report back later.

  4. Sorry Cookie, I couldn’t find a copy of “The Phantom” to rent, so once again you took a bullet for me.

    I’m not sure I would have had time anyway. It’s tournament week in my daughter’s softball and games are scheduled every day or so. I should be able to catch the next one though.

    On yesterday’s post on “aloof” Vancouverites; I didn’t find that to be the case during my visit to Vancouver (everyone was very nice and easily approachable), but I have a theory about that. I think it’s human nature to want to be nicer to visitors than to people you consider part of your own local town. Part of it may be the satisfaction in helping people “out of their element” and part of it may be a desire to represent your home town well to outsiders. I’ve seen this tendency in a number locales I’ve visited…of course, there are always the exceptions.

    As for the bad service, that is the plague of service industries everywhere. At least you were being ignored by someone young and clueless. I take much more offense if the person is a professional (such as the wait staff at a high end restaurant), who should at least know better.

  5. 4 cookies is quite generous. I guess I can’t talk. I didn’t try that hard to pay attention. It’s just every time I did try, there was something not cool on the screen.

    3 separate times, though, I looked up from my HTML tutorial and the girl had just been threatened with rape – not rape right now, just soon when the bad guy that captured her that time gets around to it. I’m not complaining on my usual prudish grounds, I understand it raises the stakes and puts in a ticking clock to boot, but I found it an odd way to apply the rule of threes.

  6. Not a fan of Zane’s looks, though I may have been able to endure this movie for the purple unitard alone! But, alas, I’ve been so busy lately it’s hard to find time to really ‘watch’ anything. Mostly I just have the tv on while I’m doing a bazillion other things. Once Mr. Monster gets to some of the movies I own or at least have seen, I will be able to add something to the discussion.

    @ Patricia Stewart-Bertrand – RE: Todd and gonads. I’ve given this some thought based on the way Wraith feed seemingly through an external digestive process similar to spiders, in which the human essence is slowly dissolved and then sucked through the Wraith’s hungry handgina.

    At first I concluded that Todd would draw from the nethers relatively early in the feeding process since humans can survive just fine without those bits (and from the brain, heart, lungs and other vitals last, since those organs are necessary to sustain life). However, in Common Ground one could argue that Sheppard seemed to have cojones intactos throughout the entire episode, except possibly there at the end after Todd’s last feeding when John went all shrinky-dink and shriveled up into a prune. I then took into consideration that some of these lovely pallid fellas, such as Shawn the Foodie Wraith in Condemned, enjoy a formal style of dining. After watching that episode 3942 times, I came to the conclusion that – whether eating human food or humans as food – Wraith would do so in the most pretentious way possible.

    And there’s nothing more pretentious than a nine course dinner. So I did some research into formal dining and discovered the following order of courses…








    Fresh Fruit Crackers and Cheese
    with after dinner coffee (demi-tasse)

    Nuts and Raisins

    After pondering over all of the facts, I came to the conclusion that Todd would certainly save the male* gonads for last, only in Wraithy terms that ninth course would be nuts TO raisins…if ya know what I mean. 😉

    *I have no idea when Todd would feast on female gonads, since he seemed to prefer the male of the species when it came to din-din time.

    And YES, I did have far too much time on my hands this evening. 😀



  7. Hi Joe,
    I was thinking, since Cookie seems hard impressed, could you not allow him to review one of the SG-1 movies, like Continuum? Ir don’t you dare? 😉

    By the way, talking about Continuum, do you watch the new seriers with so many off your old SG-1 actors?

  8. Maybe I’ve mellowed in my old age but I enjoyed this movie more than I did when I first saw it in the cinema. For some reason in my memory I’ve merged The Phantom with The Island of Dr. Moreau so the movie made a lot more sense than what my memory could dredge up about The Phantom.

    It’s hard to get past the purple unitard, though. Apparently they were going to use a Batmanesque muscle suit but Billy Zane bulked up enough that they didn’t need it. Personally, I don’t think a purple unitard is suitable clothing for the jungle. Maybe if he was participating in Le Tour De France but not riding horses in the jungle.

    Where did he get a wolf from? You don’t find many wolves in tropical jungles last time I looked.

    I never really understood why Drax wanted the skulls. Why do all these rich and successful businessmen focus all their efforts on acquiring magical artefacts that eventually result in their doom? If they spent the same amount of effort on growing their business then they would probably end up ruling the world anyway. Bill Gates, I’ve got my eye on you!

    Why were the baddies not suspicious upon arriving at the Pirate Cave? There were lit torches and electric lights all over the place. It was clearly occupied!

    Ahhhhh, Kristy Swanson. The original (and best, IMHO) Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I’d happily sit through any movie she was in, no matter how awful it was!

    Australian movie connection of the week:

    The director of The Phantom, Simon Wincer, is Australian. He is most famous as the director of Free Willy. The Pirate Cave and Drax’s office were filmed at Warner Bros Movie World on the Gold Coast. At the time, the Pirate Cave was the largest indoor set ever built in Australia. The actor that played the colonial captain and The Phantom’s friend, while born in England, has lived and worked in Australia since the ’70s. You can probably spot him in:


    Not looking forward to Batman and Robin next week. I have bad memories of that.

  9. @das… I find formal Wraith dinner menus … disturbing. Yeah, “overthinking” came to mind. My, my, my.

    @Deb, talking to a stump … LOL, I think I’ve met that stump too.
    I’ve yet to be in a country where the people were flat unfriendly, except Germany when the fruit seller slapped my mother’s hand. Apparently you weren’t to choose your own fruit from the display bins, but to take the rejects from the box under the counter. I’m willing to judge an entire country and culture by one bad interaction.

  10. Have been away for a while with back pain, deadlines, and other commitments, but have tried to keep up!

    Debra, PBMom and Patrick, and Deni, have been sending out prayers for you, for good health, healing, strength, and safety.

    Last week I did get to have fish tacos, Swai (newer fish–yum), and tasted some of a huge slab of wild salmon, grilled with diced bacon, onion, and sweet red pepper.

    Cookie Monster, hang in there! Your long-suffering makes entertaining reading for the rest of us! 🙂

    I became a new auntie again! Joshua is healthy, happy, and safely here! It was a close call.


    Today is my birthday, and it got off to a good start. I dreamed that Joe & Akemi, and all of us blog regulars went out to dinner together. We ate well and laughed a lot, and Joe didn’t mind lingering at the table. 😀 Can’t remember what we ate, but remembered all the people there. Great dream!

    Am going out to lunch with my mom and will get together with the girls this evening. The group fun is Saturday. Family and friends, real or blog, are the very best gifts of all. {{{Hugs}}}

    Joe, you wouldn’t happen to have an extra picture of Paul McGillion, would you? That would make my day.

    Have a great day, everyone! 🙂

  11. Sorry, Joe! That was only supposed to be a link, not a full blown pic. Apologies! Please edit however you see fit.

  12. Lise/ftlob – Adorable!!! 😀

    @ JeffW & Maggiemayday – I know, I know. You’re just impressed by my knowledge of formal dining. It is quite amazing, innit? 😉


  13. Batman, 1939. The Phantom, 1936. Say no more about who is ripping who off. As far as superheroes go, I rather enjoy Phantom’s origins. An inherited legacy, an apparantly immortal hero, and a cool hideaway. Sure, no cool bat devices, but on the other hand a hero who functions well in both the jungle and urban environments. And he has purple unitards! However campy that seems, at least he doesn’t go through codpiece phases.
    Overall, I enjoyed this movie. It was a reasonable effort to capture the feel of the pulp era heroes. It didn’t always succeed, but at least it felt to me like the producers actually gave a damn about the material, and not on putting fx over story. Zane did a good job in the title role
    Yes, the villains are sterotypical, and the ending a touch contrived. Unlike the Superman movies, this one left me feeling comfortable with the idea of a sequel. But I guess most viewers want the fx over story… At any rate I would have given this a 5.5-6 cookie raing . Lots of room for improvement but at least offering something to build on. Tell Cookie Monster to quit hanging out with grouches before doing his reviews… Anyways, gritting my teeth and preparing to watch yet another flying rodent movie for. The sake of the club. Hope all the projects are moving forward well.

  14. Hi Joe,
    I assume BaronDestructo is you… at least I hope so! LOL! Is there any way you can shoot me an email so I have explicit permission? I don’t want to get myself in trouble here… On the Ferreira Fest website there’s my email addy in the left sidebar under “contacts”. I hate to take up your time but I’m also a stickler for giving credit where credit is due… Plus we’re moving to our own domain louisferreira.org next month, and I want to make sure it’s ok to use your stuff. I usually photoshop the owner’s name and the source directly onto all photos.

    Anyway, I’ve been enjoying your blog for years now – I just never got around to actually write. So – thank you so much (belatedly!!) for all your news and insights over the past several years!

    (who is actually quite proficient at eating mangoes… I hope you’re doing better with them by now!) 😉

  15. Wow, the new batman was so much different than the 1997 one.. In the business class we were actually discussing the batman franchise and how everyone was blown away by the reboot and how Nolan took Batman in a totally different direction.

    Hope you guys are doing well. I’ll try my best to be around… things are busy here though 😛

    Major D

  16. “Stop Monster if you heard dis one before. A boy’s parents are

    Phantom is template for all superheroes. Every inch of Batman is inspired from the phantom. Staring from the pupil-less eye-piece to the bat-cave, to the dominant theme of fear to having a faithful aide… everything. To be even Wayne and Walker seems too much of a coincidence. Yet The Phantom is a family man, legacy carried on by generations. The only superhero to have a stable family life. No other superhero would dare not show the main character’s face and get away. Not just get away but remain a cult favourite for almost a century now.

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