Joseph Mallozzi's Weblog

August 17, 2011: Laisse les bon temps rouler!

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There's excitement in the air!

Busy, busy, busy prepping the next shooting block (episodes #103, Sharks, and #106, Payback) for The Transporter’s first season.  Have been hopping between meetings and my laptop, trying to get everything in order in advance of our August 31st start of production date.  “But wait!”none of you are no doubt thinking.  “Weren’t you supposed to start production on your block September 1st?”.  Well, yes.  Thanks for not noticing.  We were originally scheduled to start shooting on the Friday but are pulling up three days to help rejig and juggle some scheduling issues on the block presently shooting (episodes #104, Harvest, and #105, The Switch, directed by Andy Mikita).

We’ve got locations searching for French motorways, casting seeking out Devon’s, Sergei’s, and creepy tailors, and transport trying to track down the perfect douchebag car (any suggestions?).  Just finished up my most recent (I dare not say “last”) pass on Sharks and included a couple of scenes with “the mystery man”.  Next up, my next (certainly not “last”) pass on Payback and then it’ll be smooooooooooooth sailing.

Alexander – the calm before the storm.
Card-maker extraordinaire Trevor Finn and M6's Julien DeWolf offer constructive feedback on my latest idea.

This week, we’ve been graced by the presence of the ever-affable Julie DeWolf from our French broadcasting partner M6.  Always a pleasure to have him swing by and chat.  Smart, friendly, and a Stargate fan to boot!  His notes are always interesting because, in addition to outlining any issues he may have with the script, he also takes the time to make mention of the things he actually liked!  Wild!

Julien DeWolf!

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41 responses

  1. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    Hot date tonight, Joe?

    das

    Reply
  2. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    PS …Maybe with ‘Julie’ DeWolf? 😉

    das

    Reply
  3. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    PSS: I got George Mann’s new book today, Ghosts of War – will let you know what I think once I read it. I am SOOOO backed up with my reading right now, AND I just got the new Pendergast book (Cold Vengeance) in the mail today, too. I think I’ll torture myself a bit, and hold off on the new Pendergast (mostly because I had the book signed by both authors, and I don’t want to be too rough with it), but that still leaves me with books, comics, and a couple graphic novels to catch up on. Gotta find the time! Maybe if I didn’t play on the ‘puter so much. 😛

    das

    Reply
  4. PBMom Avatar
    PBMom

    Douchebag car: A Gremlin. Or a Pinto.

    Reply
  5. Gilder Avatar
    Gilder

    CORRECTED POST–please don’t approve the first one.

    Need to know more about the douchebag before giving an opinion on a car. Rich? High-end Ferrari or Jaguar. Middle-class, wannabe gangsta? 2011 Ford Mustang with all the bells and whistles. Conservative redneck? Tricked-out pickup on high suspension.

    If the douchebag is a wannabe player, then any car that includes a fold-down rear seat.

    Reply
  6. Rob Avatar
    Rob

    I’m guessing you want a European douchebag car, so how about one of the many Peugot 206-type cars, any late 1990s BMW, (an M3 if you need it to be fast too)?

    Does Carl look that way on purpose for your pictures, or is he on tranquilizers?

    Reply
  7. Shiny Avatar
    Shiny

    Years (and years) ago my ex-bro in law wasted his (and my older sister’s) hard earned cash on a Nissan Maxima “because it talks like Kitt from Knight Rider.” The Maxima billed itself as a “four door sports car!” Doesn’t get much douchier. Just seeing one is enough to make me wanna key it to death as it screams “Key is in ignition!”

    Reply
  8. Lewis Avatar
    Lewis

    douchebag car:
    I agree w/ PBMom… Pinto

    …however a really funny joke would be to use the same car (color/model) that Carl drives.

    *doggie hugs to Maximus!*

    Reply
  9. Sparrow_hawk Avatar
    Sparrow_hawk

    Douchebag car: black Range Rover or Cadillac Escalade. It must be a high-end black SUV. All the douchebags in my area drive them.

    Reply
  10. Dave Clark Avatar
    Dave Clark

    Douchebag car? Try the Corvette.

    Reply
  11. Airelle Avatar
    Airelle

    Maybe not a good idea to put Carl up there when you are talking about excitement in the air, his expression is giving it all away before any big unveil..
    (gotta love Carl!!)

    Reply
  12. Mike A. Avatar
    Mike A.

    If you want great opinions on what kinds of people own what kinds of cars, just watch BBC’s Top Gear. Steer very clear of the American version, you’ll want to slit your wrists just so you can be entertained.

    I could share a few of their opinions here, but you may not like them. Like the fact that anyone who drives an Audi is a c*ck(although they love the R8 Roadster). Normally, I’d say a great douchebag car would be a Corvette or a Camaro, but seeing this show is more “international” in flavor… if the douchebag has cronies that he takes with him where ever he goes: Maserati Quattroporte. If he travels alone: Porsche 911 GT3. The GT3 even comes in a dark grey with red graphics paint scheme that feels darkside-ish and looks arrogant. Perfect for a worldly douchebag!

    Watching a few reviews of these kinds of cars from the BBC’s Top Gear will give you a proper heirarchy of vehicles for baddies.

    -Mike

    @Gilder- I drive a ’69 Ford Mustang Mach 1 with a fold-down rear seat. What does that make me? (Let me preface your opinion by stating that I’m not covered in tattoos, I don’t frequent the gym, I’ve owned the car for 20 years, I have a degree in engineering and I’m a huge Stargate fan.) 😉

    Reply
  13. Kori Barnes Avatar
    Kori Barnes

    Carl looks very puzzled.

    Side Note: 200th episode of Stargate SG-1 is the features Article for Wikipedia for the 18th. Thought that was cool.

    Reply
  14. Major D. Davis Avatar
    Major D. Davis

    Douchebag car…. found this list after googling “Cars driven by douchebags”

    10 Maserati: This car is in the number 10 spot only because of their lack of prescence on the road. Typical of a mid-30s douchebag, these cars can be found with their either wealthy or stupidly indebted owners driving like complete morons in thick midday traffic. When they aren’t trying to impress high school sophomores with their rad fake ferraris they can be found laying black marks into onramps and nearly taking out soccer moms when they fail to signal while playing NASCAR on the highway.

    ..9 Civic Si: While most civics are owned by sensible motorists just wanting cheap transport, a small group of teenage douchebags, empowered by the fantastic scenes of speed in The Fast and the Fictious have decided that one car stands above all else as a powerhouse road rocket. They have chosen the anemic Civic Si to show the rest of the commuting world just who’s boss.

    ..8 BMW 3-Series: Everyone’s encountered these douchebags on the road. Yuppie with a cell phone up to his ear, crappy eurotrash technomusic blaring, chinese knock-off designer sunglasses on and a pink polo shirt with the collar popped like a pro.

    ..7 Dodge Ram: This list wouldn’t be complete without the country douchebag cousin. Out of all the trucks, none has spurned a douchebag craze like the Hemi toting ram. With it’s big grille, sunburnt, dirty, tattoo’d arm hanging out the window, and a confederate flag adorning the rear window, this truckload of douchebaggery will bear down on any little car that happens to be in front of them.

    ..6 Trans-Am: A hardy choice for a midlevel douchebag, Trans-ams are notorious for their owners complete lack of self control when it comes to showing off their badass plastic muscle car.

    ..5 Camaro SS: The companion douchebag to the trans-am, these ****y bastards have taken a notch above the trans-am because of the ego boost their SS badge gives them.

    ..4 Mustang Cobra: The crowning douchebag of the V8, the Mustang Cobra reigns supreme in their godlike douchebaggery.

    ..3 Subaru STi: The douchebag mobile for the 21st century is here. Complete with a simulated ***** enlarging function that gives the owners of these fugly shopping carts with engines the feeling they are more masculine than they truely are.

    ..2 Mitsubishi EVO: Thanks to a mass marketed hype, Mitsubishi was able to jump into the douchebag market with the Mitsubishi EVO, an ugly piece of junk that can best be described as a turbocharged chinese takeout box.

    and now…

    The Number 1 Douchebag Vehicle of All

    Dodge Neon SRT4: The ultimate in douchebaggery vehicles. A worthless turd of a vehicle, slapped together by the company that brought you the Ram, comes a douchemobile of unimaginable proportions.

    Reply
  15. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    1. Muscle cars are NEVER douchebag cars.

    2. Classic, vintage, and antique cars – of any type – are NEVER douchebag cars (esp. 1959 Rolls Royce Silver Wraiths…).

    3. Hot rods are never douchebag cars because – under the paint – they are some sort of classic car.

    *Note: If a douchebag happens to be driving one of the above, the car cannot be faulted because it is, afterall, way cooler than cool. So, what do you do when you need a car to match the douchieness of the driver? Well…you go with…

    4. SUVs – no matter what – are ALWAYS douchebag cars**. Also certain vans, and pickup trucks, unless said pickup has been transformed into a hot rod. 😉

    **Note: There are some unfortunate cases where a non-douchie person gets paired up with an SUV. This is sometimes unavoidable and the person should not be held accountable…IF their next car is a Mini Cooper. 🙂

    das

    Reply
  16. Sparrow_hawk Avatar
    Sparrow_hawk

    das and I agree! We must be right.

    Reply
  17. Deni Avatar
    Deni

    @Das: Excuse me? Are you calling me a douchebag? Wow!

    Reply
  18. Bailey Avatar
    Bailey

    I’m a SUV Douche!

    Reply
  19. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    @ Deni – Did you see my footnote? You may fall under the exception…

    If not…then yell at Sparrowhawk, too! 😀

    das

    Reply
  20. Ponytail Avatar
    Ponytail

    Carl’s condition is worsening! Alex looks great in his shirt, jeans, and boots. Real Texan-like! Joe look on the bright side. Aren’t you glad you are not producing 20 episodes!

    @ Mike A. – wrote, “I drive a ’69 Ford Mustang Mach 1 with a fold-down rear seat. What does that make me?” Rich!! Those cars increase in value. My dad use to restore ’63-’64 Mustangs. Never had any trouble reselling them. Once a guy came from California (to Texas) and took one back on a flat bed trailer. It had a “hatchback” style back end. (??Something like that) Very rare.

    I like Major D. Davis’ list! I vote for the “worthless turd” Dodge Neon SRT4.

    And yep. Someone here went and mentioned what I drive. How rude! 🙂

    Reply
  21. Ponytail Avatar
    Ponytail

    A Yugo – it has a foreign look to it. The reviews…

    “You couldn’t get scrap-metal money even if it was running.”

    “The Yugo was a car that fell apart while you drove.”

    “I used to work for a dealer and the last one on the lot was an ’88 model that never got sold. It was there until 1991, when it was given away as a promotional gift on a radio show.”

    😆 😆

    The car I don’t understand is the Pontiac Aztek. It’s like a reality show on wheels. Come on! I don’t want to be driving behind one and look into the car through the humongous back window, at all the crap you are hauling around and watching what you are doing in there. What are you, an exhibitionist? Put up some curtains!

    Reply
  22. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    Hey, Joey…you like scary gothic horror-type flicks?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nH4wgfv-6c

    😯

    das

    Reply
  23. sorrykb Avatar
    sorrykb

    I suggest a Hummer. Definitely a Hummer. Although if you can’t find one… I suppose any ridiculously large SUV will suffice.

    Reply
  24. sylvia Avatar
    sylvia

    @Das: Excuse me? Are you calling me a douchebag too? Wow!
    And, no my next car is not going to be a MiniCooper.
    ROFLOL….

    Wave to Akemi
    was going to wave to Carl but he sure looks grumpy!
    Are Trevor and Juien ok? they look worried about something/
    Alexander does look relaxed.
    Where is the pix of you Joe?

    Reply
  25. for the love of Beckett Avatar
    for the love of Beckett

    Carl! It’s good to see you again. You need one of Akemi’s beautiful bento breakfasts to pep you up. Then Joe could take you to that German restaurant for lunch or dinner.

    Hmm, lame cars… Any car could be lame by adding unnecessary “pimp my ride” detailing, like:

    * A snake-skin paint job
    * Gull-wing doors
    * Oversized tires
    * Rotating rims
    * Neon pulsing lights that run around the skirt of the car. Awesomely bad if lit at night.
    * Hydraulics that bounce the car
    * Audio speakers built into the back end of the car, on the outside
    * License plate that reads “Love Dawg”
    * Pulsing lights around the license plate
    * Outrageous upholstery colors, if doing interior shot

    Is tomorrow another radiation treatment day? Good luck, Maximus. Hugs, prayers, and safe travel for all three of you. 🙂

    Reply
  26. for the love of Beckett Avatar
    for the love of Beckett

    D’oh! Deni, forgot to ask how Elway is doing since he got home. Have been thinking about you guys. 🙂

    Reply
  27. Echelon Avatar
    Echelon

    Douche bag car.. Personally, I would say the Chevy Volt is the biggest douche car out there.. Only a few hundred own one…

    Long day, had two interviews. Get a third interview tomorrow morning and most likely a job offer. Not the best job in the world, also it’s supposedly a temp position, but after being unemployed for so long I am just thankful to have the opportunity.
    Hopefully I can get the ball rolling for other things down the road too.

    I can’t help but think of the saying, “Life’s a bitch, then you die”.

    Reply
  28. maggiemayday Avatar
    maggiemayday

    Uh, Das, we have a Trailblazer which we use to tow our utility trailer to Burning Man. It even actually goes off road. It does not have silly rims or stupidly large wheels, although I did spring for the really expensive seat covers to keep the playa dust out of the upholstery while we’re in the desert. Crap is like talcum powder and gets everywhere.

    But then, our Toyota Scion XA has been off road down in Valley of the Gods. That’s hubby’s commuter when he can’t ride the Harley. He drives a heavy haul semi, and the other drivers are confused by his little car with the rainbow steering wheel cover. He likes to remind them it gets 38 MPG.

    Surely you can forgive us our SUV because we really use it like one and not for commuting?

    Douchebag car, it all depends on the douche. My neighbor drives something with dual back wheels and he parks on his what-used-to-be grass. So yeah, any dual-ie pickup truck with big wheels and those stupid truck balls hanging off the back.

    (duelly? Duel-ly? duly? dualie? Doo-ly???)

    Reply
  29. PekkaSteele Avatar
    PekkaSteele

    Joe: When will you do the rest of the SG-1 episodes that you started to write about before? I think I been reading every day so I don’t think I missed them?

    Reply
  30. JoanieC Avatar
    JoanieC

    Okay all of the above suggestions are good if you have a douchebag who has money. But if he’s a slimy geezer on hard times what about a Robin Reliant, or maybe an old beat up beetle.(It has three wheels, and featured in Fools & Horses)

    If you wanted to add a bit of warped humour, the Reliant would definitely fit the bill, especially if you added some additions as if the owner was trying to smarten it up.

    Reply
  31. Richard Avatar
    Richard

    Douchebag Car – gotta be a Porsche. Any model would do but to save on money go with the Boxster. Plus James May from Top Gear really liked the new Boxster so that screams douché to me.

    Reply
  32. Tam Dixon Avatar
    Tam Dixon

    Why is Mr. Carl so sad? Great pictures of your co-workers!

    I don’t know much about cars. I’ve got an itsy bitsy Honda. The Honda is going with my son to college in a couple of years. I’m saving for a Mini Cooper.

    Das: I’m beginning to hate those big SUVs’. Whenever I pull up at an intersection to turn left, it never fails that some huge SUV pulls up and blocks my view so they can turn right. It seems to be mostly other women who do this. Probably because they are carting kids several places. The men seem to know and hang back so the view is not cut off.

    Maggiemayday: I’ve always wanted to take a knife and castrate those “stupid truck balls”. 😉

    Echelon: good luck with interviews!

    Reply
  33. Deni Avatar
    Deni

    @for the love of Beckett (and Joe): He’s better, thanks for asking! His liver values were way up, so his doctors tested him for Cushing’s, that was negative, so now we’re doing a bile acids test and we’ll see where we go from there. His neurologist isn’t too concerned with the liver values because he’s on high doses of Phenobarbital, anyway, so that’s a bit comforting. All in all, much better! Big sloppy kiss from Elway 🙂

    Reply
  34. Deni Avatar
    Deni

    @das (and NOT Sparrow, because she specifically said “a high-end black SUV): Footnote, my foot. My SUV is named Daniel Jackson (yes, it has a name plate on the front), is way cool, and is Elway’s “pimpmobile”. He has wall-to-wall memory foam dog beds and giraffe print body pillows in the back. 🙂 My son says all he needs are some privacy curtains and some Barry White playing and he can get ALL the girls (he forgets he’s neutered). Batman blanket and Hello, Kitty! toys included. Jealous much? 🙂

    Reply
  35. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    @ sylvia – I really put my foot in it this time, didn’t I? 😛 I’m so very sorry…

    …

    ..

    .

    thatyouownansuv! 😀

    @ sorrykb – Yeah, a hummer…that’s the King of douchie vehicles. I mean…just the name alone… 🙄

    Dang, I sure hope sylvia doesn’t own a hummer, or I am dead meat. 😛

    @ Deni – Not jealous one bit. Know why, know why? ‘Cause you didn’t name it Todd. 🙂

    @ Tammy Dixon – Exactly. Also, when you’re parked between to big SUVs, and you can’t see past them to back out of your space. I hate that.

    @ maggiemayday – Okay, you are forgiven. Not because you take your SUV off-road, but because you also hate truck testicles.

    @ Joe – I think we’ve found your douchebag car: A dually pick-up truck with dangly nuts hanging from the ball hitch. Can’t get much douchier than that. Unless it’s a hummer.

    @ Carl – You do not look sad…you look…catatonic. Are you reading one of Joe’s scripts? 😉

    @ Akemi – I love your bento boxes! Hey…here’s an idea for Joe’s next breakfast surprise:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybu47evTHt0

    😉

    das

    Reply
  36. DP Avatar
    DP

    Holy flourescent lighting, Batman!

    —————

    If it’s a creepy tailor in Paris, it has to display lingerie for the tourists to buy in the window. All that dusty lingerie in the windows amidst unrelated merchandise gave me the creeps in Paris.

    —————

    Which kind of douchebag are we talking about?

    -Trust fund baby parking it blocks away from the youth hostel so he can unhook his bike and pedal the rest of the trip
    -20-something racing it backward through the ‘burbs, having learnt welding just enough to reposition the license plate off-center and off-angle, a vinyl decal saying “Swamp Bastard” in one window and the other window chalked with “I fingered So and So”
    -That Nazi descendant rich kid from the Simpson’s who chucked Grampa’s war loot painting into the rumble seat
    -Sports car tail fin and junk yard sun roof on a [insert minimally road-worthy putt-putt model here]
    -Leaving the keys in the ignition to “entertain” everyone else at the gas station with their pride and joy sound system featuring F-you lyrics
    -Dollar Store neon running board lights left on while their “girlfriend” sits on furniture in the truck bed, wearing a fur coat in the summer heat
    -The blond guy from 80’s movies
    -Frankfurt boy who crams Papa into the barely useable back seat to take his parents to the airport b/c he doesn’t feel like making two trips like normal Germans do
    -Drives w/ a smashed bumper rather than pitch the Ron Paul 2008 bumper sticker
    -Guy who parks it half on the street in a no parking zone (not outside a maternity hospital)
    -Using a full-body car cover in the fairgrounds parking field
    -Truckbed-centered flagpole for your confederate flag
    -One of a dozen over-sized panel signs and bumper stickers: “Wake up, Sheeple!”. I can site research that backs up the correlation between bumper stickers and douchebaggery.

    Guess which are based on my real life neighbors. Which one’s me?

    —————

    I feel for the douchebag coming up against Frank. Douchebag comeuppin’s Frank-style…. There’s some coldly mismatched poetic justice acomin’.

    There sure are a lot of car-related visuals for “douche” and I barely touched on traffic faux pas.

    How do you work out the advertising rights for a douche-mobile?

    Reply
  37. crayonbaby Avatar
    crayonbaby

    There are always exceptions to the rule of d-bag cars/SUVs. It seems like BMWs and Escalades have drivers that are d-bags. Does that count? Not saying that everyone who drives one is though. And Prius drivers. No, you are not God’s gift to driving on the freeway. If you’re not going to go the speed limit in the carpool lane, get out.

    It’s always nice to have positive feedback! Carl looks sad. You must feed him.

    Reply
  38. Sparrow_hawk Avatar
    Sparrow_hawk

    Carl does look sad. He needs an Akemi bento pronto!

    From reading the entries, I think we need more specifics on douchebag before we can make really accurate recommendations. But I think maggiemayday’s entry is the big winner: pick up truck with testicles. Yep.

    @Deni: I loved your description of Elway’s pimpmobile. I drive a minivan and my lab thinks the rear seat is her personal rolling couch.

    Reply
  39. archersangel Avatar
    archersangel

    transport trying to track down the perfect douchebag car (any suggestions?).

    just about any expensive car painted outrageously; neon green or orange. or is a reasonable color like black or white, but has bright purple accents like the trim, racing stripes, mud-flaps, little flag on the radio antenna & doorhandles. (yes, i’ve seen this)

    Reply
  40. Sparrow_hawk Avatar
    Sparrow_hawk

    Oops. I forgot to close a bold.

    Um, Joe, you don’t happen to drive a high-end black SUV do you? I mean, I wouldn’t want to imply that you are anything other than a good-natured, considerate driver.

    Reply
  41. Anais Bellieres Avatar
    Anais Bellieres

    Bonjour!!

    Vous allez bien?

    Stargate a tellement apporté à M6. Je me souviens encore quand sg1 passer, c’était un rituel avec mes parent de regarder stargate sg1 chaque soir avant d’aller manger, j’ai été vraiment déçu de l’arrêt brutal de diffucion de la franchise…..en tout cas cette chaine m’a vraiment permis de découvrir de nombreuses series géniales : Stargate, X files,Buffy,Charmed,Smallville,sydney fox,mutant x. ♥

    Reply

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