If you could be any superhero, who would you be? And, honestly, would it be all that thrilling? I mean think about it. On the one hand, you have all sorts of cool superpowers. On the other hand, you can’t put them to any worthwhile use. As a superhero, your powers are pretty much reserved for tedious tasks like helping people. Seriously. What’s the use of having super strength if you can’t wreck stuff? Or what would be the point of having powers of invisibility if you couldn’t sneak into top secret government facilities or sold-out sporting events? And why even bother with x-ray vision if you couldn’t use it to cheat at cards or pick out the winning scratch cards at your local convenience store.
Sure, being a superhero looks great on (comic book) paper but, realistically, the life of a supervillain is where it’s at. No responsibilities, no inhibitions, and not a care in the world outside of going to prison or getting the tar beaten out of you by your arch-nemesis. Also, the smallest successes can yield a host of perks, from your own goon squad to a force-shielded castle in the clouds. Given the choice, why wouldn’t you be a supervillain?
So, if you could be any supervillain, who would you be?
I’d be one of the following:
Powers: The ability to control electricity.
Why? – Granted, Electro was, at best, a B level villain, but that was only because he couldn’t imagine greater. So much wasted potential! I enjoy the occasional opportunity to be flashy and, really, you can’t get much flashier than 1 billion volts.
#9: Weather Wizard
Powers: Ability to control weather.
Why? – Most of the time my superpowers would probably go toward planning my weekends. On weekdays, who knows. Dust devils, hailstones, and a rain of frogs maybe. I love the fact that old school Weather Wizard used a magic wand to control the weather. And you thought wearing an opera cape was ostentatious.
Powers: Master hypnotist, magician, special effects master and illusionist armed with a holographic projector and hallucinogenic gas.
Why? – Sure, he doesn’t have any superpowers per se and, yes, his helmet does look like a fishbowl but, damnit, I thought he was just the ultimate badass when I was seven years old watching the old Spiderman cartoon. Consider this an old school pick.
Powers: The ability to generate and control magnetism.
Why? – Two words: Flying car.
#6: Vandal Savage
Powers: Immortality; enhanced healing.
Why? Supervillainy aside, the fact that he’s been around since the dawn of humanity makes him the ultimate know-it-all and that alone is reason enough for me. Think how much fun I could have annoying others at dinner parties and on radio phone-in shows.
Powers: Heightened strength, speed, agility, stamina, and healing ability. Skilled in the use of multiple weapons.
Why? – I enjoy the freedom that comes with freelancing so, if I couldn’t be a freelance writer, I suppose the next best thing would be a freelance mercenary. Good money, great travel opportunities, and a variety in assignments ensures never a dull moment.
#4: Dr. Doom
Powers: Genius inventor and occasional dabbler in sorcery.
Why? – He runs his own country, owns his own castle, and makes free use of the words “fool”, “dolt”, and “cretin”. We also share an affinity for referring to ourselves in the third person.
Powers: Marksman, expert swordsman, and highly skilled fighter. Regenerative abilities that make him almost impossible to kill.
Why? – I admire a lunatic with a sense of humor and, honestly, you’re not going to find a funnyman any crazier (or a crazyman any funier) than Deadpool. He seems like a guy who really enjoys his work and enjoying what you do is very important.
#2: Black Adam
Powers: Super endurance, speed, strength, knowledge, and the ability to fly.
Why? – I like the outfit.
#1: Lex Luthor
Powers: Genius level intelligence.
Why? – I think I’d enjoy a life that would allow me the best of both worlds: the ability to conquer Earth and its spandexed champions, and the luxury of being able to get into all the hot restaurants and parties when I’m not plotting global domination.
A reminder to get your questions in for writer James Moran (Dr. Who, Torchwood, Primeval) [May 6, 2011: James Moran! Fandom Fury! And Reflecting Back On SG-1′s Fifth Season!]. You have until Monday!