Hey, what the heck happened to Halloween?  Even though we had less than a dozen visits from trick-or-treaters LAST year, I nevertheless stocked up in the hopes that things would turn around THIS year.  I didn’t want to be stuck in one of those situations where I run out of candy early in the evening and have to start dispensing baker’s chocolate and dried figs from the pantry.  So, the first thing I did yesterday morning was pick up one of those economy boxes, this one containing snack size Reese’s peanut butter cups, Reese’s pieces, and Oh Henry bars.  I know, I know.  Why would I get these peanut-packed treats given the staggering number of children out there suffering from peanut allergies?  Well, simply put – because I wanted to buy treats that I could enjoy if I ended up being saddled with leftovers.  Is that wrong?  Okay, only a little.  Next, I went by a specialty candy shop and picked up a slew of fun stuff: Nerds, Razzles, Shockers, Warheads, Gumpowder, Pop Rocks, Pixy Sticks, Millions Cola, Jumbo Jawbreakers, Bottle Caps, Juicy Drop Pops, Sour Candy Sprays, and Slithering Snake Suckers.  My house was going to be THE fun stop this Halloween.

I set everything up and waited.  A little after 6:00 p.m., the doorbell rang.  My first customer!  I answered to find two kids – accompanied by mom – standing on the porch.  “Trick or treat!”they chimed.

“Oh, you’re in luck,”I told them, reaching over and presenting my bowl of treats pictured here:

Nature's candy!

“You can have broccoli or brussel sprouts or garlic to help ward away vampires…”

They were clearly unenthused.

“OR, you can take your chances with…THE MYSTERY BOX!”

So mysterious!

Not surprisingly, they went with the mystery box (which was a good thing since I was planning to have the brussel sprouts for dinner tonight).  The bigger kid was absolutely thrilled with his Slithering Snake Sucker.

Off they went and I retired to the living room where I watched football and awaited the rest of the neighborhood kids.  Yep, once word got out that I was dispensing Slithering Snake Suckers and Gumpowder, they’d be beating down my door.  Just in case, I made sure I had enough back-up baker’s chocolate and dried figs.  THIS was going to be great!

Brie and Jelly can barely contain their excitement.

I anxiously awaited the next batch of tricker-treaters.  An hour passed.  I went outside and checked to make sure the doorbell was working.  It was.  An hour later, I stepped out into the front yard and peeked over the gate, looking first one way, then the other.  The streets were deserted.  Well, looked like the young ones were being kept in this year (on account of H1N1 no doubt) but I assumed I could count on the usual teenagers in goth make-up somberly making the rounds.  Surely some Jumbo Jawbreakers and Juicy Drop Pops would crack those stony facades.

Wait! Was that the door?!

An hour after that, I thought I heard something and rushed outs.  The sidewalks were empty.  Somewhere, in the far distance, some hooligans were setting off firecrackers.  I lingered, half-hoping they’d make their way down toward me so I could offer them some Razzles and Shockers but, alas, either because they’d grown weary of the pyrotechnics or simply blown their fingers off, their evening had apparently come to an end.  How disappointing for all.

An hour later, I turned off the lights, locked up, and headed up to bed.

Two kids?!  Two measly kids?!  What has this most hallowed of annual holiday come to?  Back in my time, when I journeyed out as the likes o Captain James. T. Kirk (Yes, it WAS my pyjama top.), Han Solo (toilet paper rolls make for great blaster barrels.), and Wolverine (Yes, Das, for true.), the streets were always packed running from house to house or away from bigger kids intent on shaking them down.  We’d return home, exhausted but buoyed by the task ahead: carefully sorting our loot into two distinct piles, edible treats and probably doctored fruit and poisoned raisin boxes.  Those were the days!

Oh, well,  Guess I’ll bring the mystery box into work with me tomorrow.  Since we’re spinning stories all this week, I’ll reward every good idea with a shot at unknown treasure.  Who knows?  Coming up with that elusive third act could win some enterprising young writer a pack of Pop Rocks, Bottlecaps, or, if they’re really lucky, a Slithering Snake Sucker.

A good Act II twist gets you a shot at some Pixy Sticks!

I’d like to thank everyone who took the time to post a response to yesterday’s entry – those who expressed support for the show and its cast, and those who expressed their intent to continue critiquing in a respectful manner.  I’ve often said that this franchise has the best and smartest fans out there and I think yesterday’s comment section proves it.  Still, there are those who missed the point of my rant either due to spite, willful ignorance, or an inability to grasp the fairly straightforward points made.  So, for those who fall into the latter group, here is the Cliff Notes version of yesterday’s entry so simple even one of your more intelligent gorilla could follow:

1. Criticizing the show = OKAY.

2. Criticizing the characters using extreme labels like “whore” = OKAY TOO but you risk not being taken seriously.

3. Personal attacks against the actors = NOT OKAY.

4. If you expect SGU to be SG-1 or Atlantis, you’ll be disappointed.

5. If you want people to respect your opinion, make the effort to respect contrary opinions as well.

Finally – my bad.  As poster J. pointed out, I did my argument a disservice by using the term “idiot” (when “idiotic” would have been more appropriate).  J., you’re absolutely right.  That was idiotic of me (or, if you prefer, I was an idiot).

To everyone who was inquiring about Maximus’s condition (my pug pictured in the banner), he is recovering nicely from minor surgery and should have his stitches out sometime next week.  Check out the makings of a nasty scar that the will drive the bitches wild back at doggy daycare.

My battle-scarred buddy.

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hi, joe,

since you guys are so interested in showing ship couples actually being *together* (kissing, sex, other good stuff), can you pass that mindset to the 3rd sg1 movie and Sam/Jack? pleeeeeeease!?! razz


Hey Joe, you give out the FULL size candy, wow, unheard of these days, could ya send me the razzles please?? I’m trick or treating at your house next year!! Sheryl


We actually tripled our number of trick or treater this year! Last year we got 6, this year 18! I remember when I was younger our streets were always full and our neighbourhood got around 50 kids. My little brother, our neighbours and I would go out and collect a pillowcase full of candy. Most of our kids this years were under 7 and we only had 3 girls that appeared to be over 12. So now I get to eat all the leftovers!

Narelle from Aus

Heya Joe,

Is it just me or is Lulu looking a little like the Doctor from Cannonball Run with her eyes like that?

Maximus always has a look that you half expect him to start speaking with a well-to-do British accent and his first words would be something profound such as, “Life.. you’ll find the true meaning is…” as he waves a paw around.

Wanna see Ralph’s battle scar/patch?


Oh, poor Maximus! Hope he heals up well and fast.

And poor you for the lack of trick or treaters. I feel like the holiday has waned, too. At least on the candy giving (the slutty costumes, those are in abundance). Of course, even when I was in high school it wasn’t cool to go out anymore. Whatever, I went out a year or two with a few friends to the rich people’s homes. *nods* Gotta love regular sized candy bars (or dollar bills!) over the fun size.

Sadly, this year I did nothing but study for tomorrow’s test. Meh, grad school. Takes the fun out of everything.


Ha! I’ve got you beat on the amount of leftover candy, if only because I went insane this year. Approximately 30 pounds of candy, PLUS three dozen larger items like giant gummy creatures, movie sized candies, and other treats. Plus I threw up some decorations to intimidate the youngsters. They got two handfuls of candy if they made it the 15 feet from the sidewalk to the step and bowls of candy. They also had to pass me, as I sat with mask, cape, and unsheathed sword. I scared more adults than kids, but still had the gratifying experience of having kids turn and run back to parental arms. Like you, I do mourn the decline of this wonderfully ignoble holiday. Most of the kids don’t even know to say trick or treat, and the concept of TPing a house or some other inane form of trickiness is lost to this generation. All in all I handed out less than 20% of my loot, even allowing that the last kid to come along had an entire bowl of candy dumped into his bag. I’ve actually resisted the temptation of eating the candy myself, and am letting my coworkers put in the effort to put on the pounds.
Any bets on who else brings leftovers to work, and who will have the best stuff of those who do? My money is on you Mr. M. for the latter. Thanks for sharing time and pictures with us tonight.


At my parents house back home in Winnipeg, when I was kid, we’d get at least 150 kids every year – my mom kept a tally on a note pad. Most years there was around 180. Nowadays, they’re lucky to get 50. We think there’s just less kids around. I’m 25, so all the other kids from back them are certainly grown up as well.

I do miss it though, watching the kids run around. The weather is usually awful, our costumes had to fit over full snowsuits. Slip on the ice and someone had to help you get up because you couldn’t move through all the layers.

susan the tartan turtle

Is Maximus posing like that to ensure that we appreciate the extent of his wound – the one that will drive the bitches (is that an ‘okay’ word?) wild.

Water is not shown in UK until Tuesday but I am looking forward to watching it. Not enjoying SGU as much as SGA but it is still good quality entertainment.

However my two kitties used to love SGA with space battles and fights to watch, they are not really ‘into’ SGU. Perhaps they are not part of your target audience.


Major D. Davis
Major D. Davis

Awe. Poor maximus. sad

Hope he gets well soon.

I just wanted to say something about last post quickly if you don’t mind.

I was really glad to see you somewhat empathize, though not agree with, the air part 1 sex scene haters. And I was also glad to see you hold your ground for the light sex scene. Even me, the prude major D. That I am, had no problem with the scene and thought it was very tastefully done. As bambam said, it was one of tge most tame love scenes ever on tv. The lighting, the music, the angles, all tasteful. Even I can barely sympathyze with the light sex scene haters.

Also, I agree with not calling the actors names. I mean it’s like this. The boss tells the employe to take out the trash. So the employe takes out the trash. Then, the guy who picks up the trash gets all pissed at the employe for unnesecarly dumping trash and making his life harder. But it’s the without the boss telling the employe to take out the trash, the employe probably wouldn’t have taken out the trash, therefore it’s unfair for tge trash collecter to blame the employe.

Same(I think) goes for SGU. The writers write a scene. The actors act the scene, and then the people get pissed at the actors calling them whores???!! I mean cone on, if your gonna tear up someone for all it would be tptb, but of corse you won’t. Just like if you were at Elyse’s twitter, you wouldn’t call her a whore, you would blame tptb for writing the “atrocious” scene. In the end the writers make the descisions, just like everyday bosses do. Amyways sorry for my rant. Hope I’ve accomplished something here in all my wasted ink, or should I say pixels? Lol

Thanks so much,
Major D. Davis


Like you, we only got candy that we liked so that we would enjoy the leftovers. So that means we have lots of chocolate (we don’t enjoy fruity candies). Yum!

The best costume we saw was a girl with a knife stuck in a Cinnamon Toast Crunch box that was tied around her neck. Upon asking her what she was, she replied in a blank voice, “I’m a ‘cereal’ killer.” For someone who showed some creative, she certainly wasn’t enthusiastic about it.


well joe, at my parents house, we got alot of trick or treaters and ended up running out of candy….however at my brothers house there were very few and at my girlfriends house there were just 6….i dont know what it is but when i was a kid it was fun putting on a costume and getting free candy!


Hey Joe,

Aww, poor Maximus! I hope he’s feeling better soon! It always sucks when one of your pets is sick…

We didn’t get ANY trick-or-treaters yesterday. Not *one*… But where we live we don’t usually get many, so that wasn’t *entirely* unexpected.
I must say, I’m extremely impressed by the amount of candy you got there – when I was little, your house *definitely* would’ve been on the “must visit” list!

Enjoy getting all the folks in the office totally buzzed on sugar tomorrow! Hmm, wonder if this will lead to some curious moments in next season…

(or, for anyone on twitter: naddycat)


I only get a handful of trick-or-treaters at my place, so I always buy stuff I like– tons of Reese’s peanut butter cups.
It wasn’t until I was about 12 or so that I found out not all kids were out of school the day after Halloween. Having gone to Catholic school, I was rather spoiled by that gig. Of course, I had to go to stupid church at some point.


I never liked getting yelled out, even if the teacher was yelling everyone else in the class, and not me. It makes me feel guilty. (I have a huge guilt complex, which is kinda weird, ’cause I’m neither Catholic, or Jewish…) razz

We were out for the day, but I did see Captain America walk past our place last night when we were returning home from a day of shopping, and a lovely luncheon here: http://www.renaultwinery.com/tuscany.asp

Hmmm. Maybe Cap was looking for you, Wolverlozzi. I REALLY NEED to see pictures of THAT! grin

I hope Maximus heals up quickly! Scars are sexy, I’ll give you that! Um…sexy on a human, that is. Maybe on an elf, too. (Isn’t that right, Sparrowhawk? Poor Prince Nuada, with all those nasty battle scars on his body… YUMMY! grin )

Yeah, I’m a sicko.

Have a good night, Joe. Glad I’m not in trouble.




Annie from Fremantle
Annie from Fremantle

I had one pair of trick or treaters at my door on Sat night .. one wore a dark green plastic rubbish bag and the other drew a nose and pussycat whiskers on her face.

I had nothing. It’s Australia – I wonder why we do Halloween.

Hugs to Maxi – you’re right. Tha biyotches at the doggy daycare will definitely dig the scar.



PS: Will I be taken seriously if I say ‘rumpy pumpies’…WITH a British accent??



I’ve got a short question for you this time, Mr. Mallozzi–you can either answer yes or no, I guess! Basically, I love looking at the snapshots you share with us, and I was wondering: can I use them to make icons, banners and such to share on GateWorld? (I don’t want to steal your files, after all.)


Well I had no trick or treaters which was lucky ‘cos I didn’t think I’d be home so I hadn’t prepared. We don’t do Halloween much in Australia.

Hey I have an idea….don’t know if it’s good. Why don’t you do a horror ep. for Halloween next year (bit of a homage to The Simpsons)? Which character would you like to scare the most? Have you heard the actors scream yet?

(((Maximus))) Hope you get better soon. How did I miss the surgery?

Cheers, Chev


Did you have a jack-o-lantern on your porch and your porch light on? I think most kids have learned not to knock on doors of houses without those advertisements, because the majority of those homeowners don’t respond to the door knock at all.

Also, do you live in a neighborhood where the houses are relatively far apart? I know a lot of people trick-or-treat in neighborhoods that aren’t their own, simply because there are more houses per hectare. More bang for the shoe leather, so to speak. A materialistic trend of which I don’t approve, but still… a lot of people do it.

What candy shop did you go to? I’d like to check it out! (Especially if they might be having a post-Halloween sale.)

An SGU question: any more geologists left in the Destiny group, or did you guys kill off the only one? I can’t tell you how excited, and then disappointed, I was when there was finally a geologist character on a Stargate show, and then she got offed almost immediately.


There’s totally nothing wrong with only buying the candy that you enjoy. What else are you planning on doing with it once not enough kids come, throw it out to the masses as you drive to work??

Mega props on the rant there. Unfortunately that’s just something that will pop it’s head up dealing with a public forum like this. No offense to anybody in particular, as I don’t normally read any of the comments, but frankly it sounds like there are a lot of people out there really need to open their eyes more. First off these guys aren’t highly disciplined airmen/soldiers. I’m not sure if the Icarus base was one where they sent the trouble makers, but Young should really be smacking them into shape. But that’s off point. The fact is that they aren’t disciplined, and they aren’t as old/mature as Carter, O’Neill and Jackson. Alot of these people are young kids. You can be an Lt straight out of University, 21. One guy having relations with 2 different girls in what, 4 days, is a slow week for him. This happens every day, all over the place. It’s real life. Geez, what are people going to say when one of the main married characters has an affair?

Patricia Lee
Patricia Lee

Glad to hear Max is on the mend! Go Maximus! The ladies dig scars!

Not one kid in my whole neighborhood, so I opted for the Brussels sprouts sautéed with butter and bacon and pan seared lamb chops! Yum!

On the rant topic; I for one agree with you, the actors are awesome and having met a few of them on the day I visited the SGU set during the filming of Incursion, I have to say that Brian J. Smith is the most gracious, humble, sweetest man I have ever met and I’d fight to the death anyone who say differently.

BTW one quick Q: Will Peter Deluise be doing commentaries on the episodes he directed?

I am looking forward to season 1 DVD’s and all the extras from the fantastic Ivon Bartok. Will you please let us know when they will making the DVD’s available? I hope it is soon after the first 10 episode’s air on TV!


Mackenzie's Momma

Seriously with stuff like that I think I’ll cart the kid to your house next year. I was *appalled* at the haul she brought back from her trick-or-treating. She got an Orange from one house(but we live in a small town so I know them) and weird candy from the rest. *shakes head*

My sister and her friend went out as well and when they came home I admonished them to have their parents check the candy for razor blades and such and they looked at me like I was insane.

I miss the good old days though when Halloween was just that Halloween.


I gotta say, I think your number 2 is a NOT OKAY. Hit the delete button. Number 3, hit the delete button. Please.

I am more beloved. I had 42 tricker treaters. I handed out pre-prepared halloween bags with about 5 items in it, rangeing from snack size popcorn to actual magic tricks. They loved it.

Poor sweet Maximus!


“Trick or treating” is seen as a vile American import over here in the UK. It’s just extortion with menaces. Here, the kids have to work if they want their sweets – they tell a joke or do some sort of party piece. In Scotland we call it guising. When I was a kid, everyone visited our house because my mum refused to hand out apples, oranges or monkey nuts. She only gave out the good stuff! Everyone went away with a mixture bag and several different mini bars/bags of chocolate. If my dad was home he’d try and slip some fruit and nuts in their bag as well though.

Messers Fry & Laurie teach the nation how to deal with trick or treaters – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-u0RQkj3Tic If the link doesn’t work, a quick YouTube search for Fry Laurie Halloween will sort it. Hugh Laurie isn’t dour all the time. wink


Hi Joe,

We had a TON of trick or treaters this year!! Way more than in years past. Probably close to one hundred kids. Sorry you got all worked up for nothing but at least you stayed inside and got to enjoy TV or a good book, most of my neighborhood sits outside to welcome the kids as they approach (and to save on wear and tear of the door bells) though it was about 70 degrees last night so its wasn’t too much of an inconvenience smile