With the NFL Wildcard Weekend upon us and the BCS National Championship Game on deck, I know that many of you are just dying for some expert insight into the upcoming match-ups. Whether you’re in an office pool, wagering with friends, or just putting it all on the Chargers in a desperate last-ditch bid to win back your home and get that loan shark off your back, it never hurts to hear one more half-assed opinion. And so, with that in mind, I’ve elected to turn today’s entry over to this blog’s resident pigskin prognosticators, Baron Destructo and Cookie Monster, for their informed takes on the big games.
MATCH-UP: WASHINGTON REDKINS AT SEATTLE SEAHAWKS
(Seattle favored by 3 ½)
Cookie Monster: “Seattle got game like Count at Hooters clozing time. Sure, can score, but most seriously ugly wins. Washington, meanwhile, like feisty blond waitress dat tell off Count last Saturday night – reeeal hot and veeery angry. And this weekend, it turn for Seahawks to get unexpected kick in de peanuts. Final score: Redskins 24 Seahawks 21.”
Baron Destructo: “Bah, Washington’s final game victory over a disinterested Cowboys team should not be lent much credence. The visitor’s offense shall be crushed under the onslaught of the host defense, like not so much as an ill-advised attack on our moonbase headquarters. That’s home cookin‘, churl! Final score: Seahawks 42 Redskins 14.”
MATCH-UP: JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS AT PITTSBURGH STEELERS
(Jacksonville favored by 2 ½)
Baron Destructo: “A Pittsburgh team with far more post-season experience shall savor sweet vengeance on their own home field. Final score: Steelers 33 Jaguars 30.”
Cookie Monster: “Stealing not nice. Finale score: Jaguars 27, Stealers 21.”
MATCH-UP: NEW YORK GIANTS AT TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
(Tampa Bay favored by 3)
Cookie Monster: “New York have heart like turd Snuffleupagus leave behind when visit Sesame Street: big, impressive, but easy to overlook on way to beer store or, in dis case, Superbowl. Close one, but Buckanears hit da skids like poor Grover on bysickle. Final score: Giants 33 Buckanears 31.”
Baron Destructo: “With nary a post-season win under the direction of team leader Manning, these so-called Giants shall be exposed for the overmatched mortals they are, ultimately succumbing to the might of an exquisitely merciless Buccaneers defensive unit. Tampa has been competitive all season and is far superior than their 9-7 regular season record would indicate. Dallas, take note. Final score: Buccaneers: 34 Giants: 3.”
MATCH-UP: TENNESSEE TITANS AT SAN DIEGO CHARGERS
(San Diego favored by 10)
Baron Destructo: “Like Count Sinister denied the fruition of his masterfully evil plan to sink Australia, the Chargers are still smarting from their unexpected defeat in last year’s play-offs. The Titans shall learn the same lesson imparted on the upstart Meerkatman and his sidekick Beetle Boy: never underestimate the power of bitter humiliation. Or that of an anti-matter chipmunk let loose in one’s apartment. Final score: San Diego 37 Titans 17.”
Cookie Monster: “Vince Young scramble better den Grover, but San Diego defense fierce and determined like Grover’s ex-girlfriends catch him and make him pay. Hopefully, Vince Young get to keep most of his fur and not have to get replacement testickle. Final score: San Diego 32 Tennessee 24.”
MATCH-UP: OHIO STATE BUCKEYES VS. LSU TIGERS
(LSU favored by 4)
Cookie Monster: “Both very tasty teams. LSU Oreo-good. But Ohio State choclatey-chip better. Final score: Ohio State 35 LSU 31.”
Baron Destructo: “Ohio State appears to be the superior team, yet appearances can be deceiving. Simply ask Captain Spectacular after that incident with his cloned Sherpa accountant – or Ohio State following last year’s BCS title game. The Buckeyes shall surely guard against overconfidence on this outing. But still lose. Final score: LSU 28 Ohio State: 21.”
Voting for next month’s book club selections continue until midnight Tuesday. The contenders –
In the SciFi category, it’s Fast Forward 1: Future Fiction from the Cutting Edge (edited by Lou Aners) vs. Bright of the Sky: Book One of the Entire and the Rose (by Kay Kenyon).
Sample story from Fast Forward 1 available here: http://www.pyrsf.com/chapters/Wikiworld/WikiWorld.htm
Sample chapter of Bright of the Sky available here: http://www.pyrsf.com/chapters/BrightofSky/BrightofSky.htm
In the Fantasy category, it’s The Darkness That Comes Before: Prince of Nothing Book One (by R. Scott Bakker) vs. Smoke and Mirrors: Short Fictions and Illusions (by Neil Gaiman).
In the Horror category, it’s Fevre Dream (by George R. R. Martin) vs. Children of the Night (by Dan Simmons).
Well, the response to BAMSR has been overwhelmingly positive. Marty G. will be pleased to read your responses – and get around to your questions, hopefully for tomorrow’s blog entry.
Oh, and for those of you keeping track:
“The key to success is compress not diffuse.” = Be All My Sins Remember’d
Today’s blog is dedicated to birthday celebrant Shiningwit.